The other couple: one is very attractive, her/his partner is not - do you swing?

[Karen12345]

Hello,

for the couples - think about this situation: you get to know another couple and the woman is very attractive and the man is not. Would you make a compromise and swing with them? - or the other way around?

Karen

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

We have both "taken one for the team" so to speak but have since agreed that we won't do that again. Finding a couple is like dating multiplied. It's hard enough to find someone you are attracted to both physically and conversationally but make that two people looking for two people it gets a little more difficult.

We do our best to find couples that (and no they don't have to be Ken and Barbie) are attractive to both of us and that we both enjoy talking to. It does mean that you may not play as often at the club, but it makes each experience much more enjoyable and no regrets when you get home.

Mrs Spoomonkey

[stoutgatte]

Hmmm, taking one for the team? Does that mean swapping with an unattractive person?

We've both done the swapping with an acceptable partner thing, but don't consider it as taking one for the team, if one is really unattractive how are you gonna have any fun, even if their partner is hot as hell? I almost enjoy watching my wife havng her fun as much as the sex itself, it won't be the same if she wasn't into the guy...

[wrnakedru]

Taking one for the team is the active, participating equivalent of going faster than the slowest partner.

We just don't happen to think anyone should have to do that; nor should they expect their partner to do so. And yes, it is difficult to find another couple where the attraction is equal all around. And while it may not always be exactly equal, if somebody is less than enthusiastic - they're not doing anybody a favor by participating. Least of all, themselves. :rollseyes

Think about it - would you want to be on the receiving end of something a person was doing only to appease their partner??

WR

[CB_n_Red]

While we are not into "taking one for the team", we don't insist that everyone we play with is "really attractive". It's all a matter of degree and as long as everyone is happy then no problem. Neither of us see it as doing the other a favour if the potential playmate is "acceptable". To us, acceptable is fine. Unacceptable would be a different matter of course!

There again, this could be one of those "divided by a common language" situations

CB

[couplentulsa]

I agree wrnakedru we definetly wouldn't "take one for the team". It is very difficult to find another couple where the attraction is equal all the way around, plus trying to find other couples that we do enjoy talking and hanging out with also. Thats very hard to do when peoples tastes are always different. We usually try to never play on the first date so that everyone gets a vote and has time to discuss with their partner if they are really and truely interested.... plus it's always exciting to discuss
"the first date" between the two of us after we meet a new couple.

I honestly think it would be a waste of good valuable time to sleep with people that you aren't really interested in (eventhough it always takes some time to really get to know people). But ....Also, "just not right" for the other couple who you will soon have to tell them..."thanks, but after all of that we just aren't interested." makes for a bad reputation and feelings that could possibly be hurt. Plus, It wouldn't be fun for me if my spouse wasn't truely satisfied! That definetly wouldn't make our swinging expierences fun!

[HotCoupleGnS]

Originally Posted by wrnakedru

Think about it - would you want to be on the receiving end of something a person was doing only to appease their partner??

WR

NO WAY! We don't take one for the team. We have talked to couples on the net that one of us hasn't been so attracted to. Then when we meet them in person, we can totally feel it isn't going to work & don't bother playing.

[WesternSwing]

I don't know how to answer here, so I didn't. My wife may find a guy attractive that I wouldn't think she would normally, and we both have the same taste in women, so...

We won't take one for the team. Unless there is mutual attraction (we both think the others are attractive enough to us that we want to see them naked) we won't go there. I wouldn't ask her to do a someone she is not attracted to just so I could get at a hot chick, and she wouldn't ask me to sleep with someone I don't find attractive to get at a hot man.

Mr. WS

[wildwife1010]

We very recently ran into this exact situation. The man of the couple was fine but the woman was not attractive to my husband. He even tried to "take one for the team" but it just would't work(visual stimulation is required) so we did not do anything with them. We have one very solid rule, we both have veto rights and if one of us says no we don't do anything. Alot of this could be avoided if people out there would send current pictures to each other instead of ones that were taken 3 years and 50 lbs ago.

[JnM_Pgh]

We were in this situation a few years back and I (hubby) balked at it. The guy was hot for J and she for him. We'd socialized with them several times at parties. The wife just did nothing for me. Can't pin down any one thing that I didn't like. Now I wish I had given it a try, but that's a hindsight 20/20 thing. If the situation arises again, I will think it over a bit longer before I make my decision.

[HotCoupleGnS]

Originally Posted by JnM_Pgh

We were in this situation a few years back and I (hubby) balked at it. The guy was hot for J and she for him. We'd socialized with them several times at parties. The wife just did nothing for me. Can't pin down any one thing that I didn't like. Now I wish I had given it a try, but that's a hindsight 20/20 thing. If the situation arises again, I will think it over a bit longer before I make my decision.

We were in a situation a while back too. You said soemthing about the situation arises? Well, that was the problem. She did NOTHING for him. lol Hindsight is 20/20!

[taomaster]

Mrs. T here (my first post!). Last time we were with a couple it was in a club here in Belgium. We were already having fun by ourselves in a darkish part of the "relax area" when another couple came and laid down next to us. The woman reached over and made contact within a minute or two and we all started to play. Fairly soon however I noticed that my partner was not getting aroused when the woman started to play with him.

As you can tell there was not any conversation or opportunity to get to know each other first. In fact when I saw them in the light later I saw she was quite (to me) unattractive.

Question: is this not how things happen in clubs in the U.S.? Does everyone socialise first before deciding to play?

[good times]

Originally Posted by taomaster

Question: is this not how things happen in clubs in the U.S.? Does everyone socialise first before deciding to play?

I can't speak for all clubs in the U.S., but at the ones we go to we allways socialize first before we decide to play. In fact at the club we most often go to if you touch someone without first getting permission from that person you have a good chance of getting tossed out of the club by the hosts.

To answer the original question. We no longer consider "taking one for the team". Unless we are both in agreement about the other couple no play takes place. This was not allways so, when we first started we would on occasion "take one for the team", the problem we had was as some others have alluded to here, if the attraction isn't there for me, nothing I do will get me to "rise to the occasion". So after a couple experiances we came to the conclusion that even though it meant playing a lot less often, we both have full veto power no matter what the reason. That doesn't mean that the people have to be super model material, it just means we both have to be into the couple and feel attraction toward them.

[mrs good times]

I think many newbies make this mistake early on as we did. When you are new you don't know what to expect or how often it may happen so tend to lower your standards just to get your feet wet (or other body parts)

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by good times

I can't speak for all clubs in the U.S., but at the ones we go to we allways socialize first before we decide to play. In fact at the club we most often go to if you touch someone without first getting permission from that person you have a good chance of getting tossed out of the club by the hosts.

To answer the original question. We no longer consider "taking one for the team". Unless we are both in agreement about the other couple no play takes place. This was not allways so, when we first started we would on occasion "take one for the team", the problem we had was as some others have alluded to here, if the attraction isn't there for me, nothing I do will get me to "rise to the occasion". So after a couple experiances we came to the conclusion that even though it meant playing a lot less often, we both have full veto power no matter what the reason. That doesn't mean that the people have to be super model material, it just means we both have to be into the couple and feel attraction toward them.

Sounds like we have been in similar situations - starting out we did occasionally 'take one . . . ' but things like that are what build your rule base. You're right, we play less but enjoy it much more and no we don't need super models either just a good feeling of attraction.

Also, to Taomasters inquiry about clubs - goodtimes said it . . . most clubs don't allow touching without permission first, especially with the single men but it does apply to everyone.

Mrs Spoomonkey