The other couple: one is very attractive, her/his partner is not - do you swing?

[lauriern]

I guess I kind of worry about the way this question is phrased. Do you swinge only to meet "attractive" people? Most couples are not "Ken and Barbie." We find most swingers who are motivated only by looks to be very superficial themselves. There is also a certain amount of give and take involved. I would certainly take my husband's wishs into account rather than be a prima donna.

[WesternSwing]

Hmmm. There is not a choice for us. Since swinging to us is about much more then just getting laid, we don't even consider any of the above. To us even if both members of the other couple are perfect 10's, if the spark isn't there between the ears also, it is still "taking one for the team". It may be cliché, but we need to "click" with them in other ways too. If one of us doesn't "click" with someone in the other couple, then it is a show stopper. The other couple needs to be kind of people we would consider as friends if we weren't having sex with them.

Mr. WS

[Dave_kat]

Dave here, (on a shower run from the field, just had to see what was going on around the board)

I must be the strangest male around, as I could never say I've had to take one for the team. To me, all women are beautiful, in some way or another. So luckily I've never had to take one for the team. (or perhaps I'm just a terrible slut?)

For us it truly is whether kat is compatable with them. Me, I do my best to get along with everyone.

[DBL D]

I guess we're (The DBL D Team) in danger of establishing a bad rep because we have been in a soft swap with a couple where later it was decided not to see them again. BTW, the soft swap was going quite well.

We also did a full swap with a couple that My side was into but the other two didn't have much fun. At least Fem D didn't. He may have. We dropped them.

My point is that there is limited time to play. We have had occaisions where we have seen a couple that we've been with before and we also have had one-nighters. We consider it playing the field in order to get a feel for the lifestyle. We feel there is plenty of time to settle down later, even though we are very happy with the couple that we have seen regularly.

Male D

[JnCC]

I'm assuming that by "Taking one for the team" we're talking about having sex with somebody that isn't as "desireable" as oneself?

I think we've ALL done that, most of us more than once, and if it's true that "past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior" we're ALL gonna do it again. So I, for one, will get down off of whatever high horse I was fixin' to get up on, and 'fess up.

I have slept with ugly women. AND some dumb ones. AND some skanky ones, old ones, fat ones, skinny ones, and mean ones.

The only one I've truly regretted was one of the mean ones, and I would have regretted that one a lot less if I hadn't married her.

I've also slept with some beautiful women who, for whatever reason, slept with ugly guys. Thank you, ladies all. Each of you left a memory that I now consider more precious than gold.

The porn star John Holmes was once asked how he managed to perform as consistently as he did, when he clearly could not find every woman he was paired with "attractive" (remember, this was in the days before Viagra, or even poppers). He said that every woman had some feature, some quality, or some facet of character that is attractive to a man. He said that his goal was to find that quality, and focus on it while he was with that woman.

Personally, I think Holmes was too stupid to figure that out on his own. But whoever told him that, taught him well. In fact, it's the only thing I ever learned from a porn star that I hope to pass down to my young son. Why should it apply only to porn stars and XXX movies?

"The ability to find goodness in other people is the true measure of the goodness that lies within you"

I read an essay once in which the writer, a man in his mid-30's, stated that from then on, he was only interested in fucking "up," not "down." It occured to me that if he was successful in that endeavor, his own opportunities for human sexual contact would be noticably limited, especially as he grew older. What was worse, was that everybody he did sleep with would consider themselves to be fucking "down" by being with him.
Now THAT can't be good for the ego, can it?

This "Lifestyle" thing of ours...this isn't a "treasure hunt." We're not doing this for a grade, or a merit badge. I'm not gonna send pictures of what we're doing, or who we're doing it with, to friends and family for their "approval" or applause. This isn't the senior prom. People 30 years from now aren't going to remember, much less care, whether the person we slept with last night is "worthy enough" to merit a second date. Good sex is like good jazz...it lives in the moment, providing us with a short but precious time in which we connect with ALL living things, past, present, and future. We're not "taking anything for the team."

We ARE the team.

[sensuality]

We've actually been contacted by many couples, but either my hunny's not attracted and I am or I'm not and he is. head bang When this happens,as it usually does, we just don't play!...Soooo,I've come up with the concept of meeting a few couples at a time and all of us pairing off or whatever so nobody's left out.I definitely have that ability to see something beautiful in every person, which sometimes gets me in trouble But, if the chemistry isn't there,what do you do? And, I also think the more time you spend w/someone, the more attractive they may become, but...not always!Ahhhh,the saga continues.

[Pepper & Drew]

Originally Posted by JnCC

This "Lifestyle" thing of ours...this isn't a "treasure hunt." We're not doing this for a grade, or a merit badge. I'm not gonna send pictures of what we're doing, or who we're doing it with, to friends and family for their "approval" or applause. This isn't the senior prom. People 30 years from now aren't going to remember, much less care, whether the person we slept with last night is "worthy enough" to merit a second date. Good sex is like good jazz...it lives in the moment, providing us with a short but precious time in which we connect with ALL living things, past, present, and future. We're not "taking anything for the team."

We ARE the team.

JnCC, I love it and you are absolutely right. At first, I was very stuck into my "type" and if the couple didn't fit into that, I didn't want to play. Now, I've realized that there are people that aren't my "type" that I find attractive and have a good time with and it only matters whether we click, not whether they are a super-hottie. So, I don't feel like I've missed out on anything because some of the people we've been with haven't been 10's. My toes were sufficiently curled, so the evening was a 10.

Pepper