he wants me with others-im not ready for him to be with others

swing0102 · 10-13-2002, 07:14 PM

My hubby is perfectly willing to see me with another man, as a matter of fact he wants this to happen soon. I on the other hand am not ready for him to be with another woman. Maybe im insecure or something, but the thought just tears me up. We have not had any experiences yet, but if he is willing for me to have a threesome with another man, shouldnt i be willing to let him be with other women? (by the way, he says he isnt interested in being with another woman, he just wants to give me the ultimate sex experience.) confused and more confused.... thanks for any suggestions that you may have...

L

SwingerSet · 10-13-2002, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by swing0102:
My hubby is perfectly willing to see me with another man, as a matter of fact he wants this to happen soon. I on the other hand am not ready for him to be with another woman. Maybe im insecure or something, but the thought just tears me up. We have not had any experiences yet, but if he is willing for me to have a threesome with another man, shouldnt i be willing to let him be with other women? (by the way, he says he isnt interested in being with another woman, he just wants to give me the ultimate sex experience.) confused and more confused.... thanks for any suggestions that you may have...

Swing 0102, Many men have the wish to see their wife with another man, in swinging this is very common. we know many couples that do this, threesomes with single males. You have to take him at his word that he isn't intrested in sex with another woman and most likely at this time he isn't. If in the future if you feel comfortable he may want to. I recomend not rushing into it though, take your time and find someone you are comfortable with for your first time, and every time after also. Have fun, don't rush, and above all else enjoy yourselves.

J.J.

ciscosv · 10-14-2002, 09:49 AM

Quote:

My hubby is perfectly willing to see me with another man, as a matter of fact he wants this to happen soon.

I will assume that your husband is being truthful in regards to a MMF threesome.

You don't state whether you are ready for this to happen soon. Are you? My wife and I do fantasize about swinging with another male but this will remain a fantasy until we are ready. We feel that a couple has more to offer.

Take Swinger Set's advice and ease into your decision.

J & K · 10-14-2002, 10:33 AM

My wife do a lot of talking and we yet have to do our first swing. Heck--we have been talking about swinging everyday for 6 months and have met some cpls (which might remain friends only), plus go to the local adult club in town. She says at times if she don't know if she wants to see me have sex with another woman and I really don't want to just stand there and watch while some dude bangs my wife. So we agreed that both of us must do a cpl and no singles. That way she has sex at the same time I am. We still want to be in the same room, but maybe a little out of sight, but then when we both hear the moans I think we both want to see what the other is doing. I will only get turned on seeing my wife with another man as long as I too am enjoying another woman. So both of us are even in physical pleasure at the same time. I don't think either of us can handle a three way yet until we have done this several times, but always with another cpl---we play together and never walk solo. He might want another woman, but knowing your feelings he might not say just to make you feel better---never know. I suggest a cpl to ease into it, but I shouldn't talk---we still waiting to have sex with other people. Good Luck!!! Jon and Kim

**Alura** · 10-14-2002, 11:21 AM

We have never come up with a good reason to play with anyone other than another couple, Jon & Kim. Whether our thinking is sound or flawed is open to interpretation, but we seek couples who've been faithful to each other and communicate very well.

Couples offer everything singles can offer and a lot more. Think of the possibilities. Threesomes in four combinations, plus someone gets to watch! Foursomes with various combinations. Same room/separate room. Soft swing. The list goes on and on. Plus, it is much less likely they would become emotionally attached thus bringing into the mix all the problems that would involve.

In our opinion, singles generally have greater exposure to std's, are more likely to be less than truthful about their present and past exposures, and less inclined to keep their mouths shut. We won't say we would never play with a single, just that we never have and would be hard to convince to do so.

You're going about it in the right way. Take your time, get to know potential playmates and playing will happen in due time.

Alura

DragonsLair · 10-14-2002, 02:55 PM

Swing0102,

I know exactly where you're coming from. He's excited about watching you with another person and you're not too sure about seeing him with someone else. I'm in the same boat. I know my husband will have no problem watching me with someone else, when it happens. But I'm not sure I'll be able to watch him with someone else. Yes, insecurity is a big part of this. Will he enjoy being with her more than he enjoys being with me? Or will it appear so to me? What if he decides that I'm boring in bed after being with others who are more exciting? What about him being with someone with more experience than I have, who pleases him in a way I can't? See, I understand completely. But after reading this board for a long time, I've realized that these feelings are normal and something to be worked out before anything happens, whether it's with a couple or a single. Everyone here stresses that you move at the speed of the slowest person. So maybe encounters with singles are limited to males for a while. Most men wouldn't have a problem with that. lol And maybe you wait to have an encounter with another woman until you find a couple to play with. I don't think I'd feel as insecure about him playing with someone's wife as much as I would if she were single. That brings up other problems, as was stated before.

You need to talk to your husband, even to the point of talking it to death, and let him know how you feel. That you have concerns about seeing him with another woman. If he truly loves you, he'll understand and be willing to move slowly in that area. He may not be too happy about it, but your feelings are important and need to be taken into account.

Another possibility is for you to choose his first female playmate. That way you can be sure she's not someone you feel threatened by. And your husband can choose your playmates too. Of course, you have the final okay on the person. But this could be a way to aleviate some of the feelings of insecurity. At least until you get used to seeing him with someone else and knowing that he's always coming back to you.

Another thing I've read on this board, is to be sure to reconnect with your husband after every encounter. Make love together. And then talk about what happened with your playmates. What you liked, what you didn't and what made you uncomfortable or not. Communication is key. Actually, it's key whether or not you swing.

Just be sure to take it slow and don't do anything that doesn't feel right.

If things go the way we hope, my husband and I might be having our first swing encounters at the end of the year. Timing and distance are keeping them from happening right now. So, until then, I plan on reading this board regularly to learn as much as I can to make our first times as enjoyable as possible for both of us. This board is a wealth of information. And there are many wonderful people who post here. Keep reading and talking with your husband. And when the time is right, enjoy your new experiences. I know we plan to.

DragonsLair

He is T. I am A. <img border="0" alt="[fun]" title="" src="graemlins/fun.gif" />

dave_susie2001 · 10-14-2002, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alura

Couples offer everything singles can offer and a lot more. Think of the possibilities. Threesomes in four combinations, plus someone gets to watch! Foursomes with various combinations.

Well said! That's what makes it all worth it for us. Maximum hedonistic pleasure.

sportync · 10-16-2002, 08:43 AM

There's been some good advice posted on this so far. I was curious about how I would feel seeing my wife with another man(my ex was a real slut, and left me come serious scars), but we were with another couple and I found watching my wife with the other guy incredibly erotic(of course I was with his wife at the time). Later, me and the other guy pleasured Mrs. Sporty after his wife passed out(too much Gin), and that was also a real turn-on. His wife was 5'2", eyes of blue, could deep-throat, liked to swallow, and had all of her children by c-section, so my wife probably wondered if I would find her more fun in bed. Not so! Different, but definately not better. Men marry women because they are in love with them. They fit. They know how best to please their mate. No woman should have to worry that her man will think that another woman is "a better lay than me". If you ate rib-eye every night, an occasional cheeseburger would be sort of a treat. That's about all there is to it....just a little variety to sort of spice things up. One thing you might try is to get into a 69 with your wife while exploring her with a life-like vibrator at the same time. This will give her a similar experience to being pleasured by two men, without all of the emotional aspects that actually bringing in another guy would entail. Once she realizes how much fun this can be, she might like to go ahead and try the real thing. Also, once she realizes that this is done for fun, she might feel more comfortable entertaining the idea of another couple. Sportync

threewaysarein · 10-22-2002, 05:47 PM

I'm the same way. My husband and I have been talking about fooling around with another straight male. He wants to have threeways with him and another man. I like to play and fool around with toys and movies but I'm uncomfortable with it right now, but willing to listen. We love this site. We are new and are looking for stories like ours.

Quote:

Originally Posted by swing0102

<strong>My hubby is perfectly willing to see me with another man, as a matter of fact he wants this to happen soon. I on the other hand am not ready for him to be with another woman. Maybe im insecure or something, but the thought just tears me up. We have not had any experiences yet, but if he is willing for me to have a threesome with another man, shouldnt i be willing to let him be with other women? (by the way, he says he isnt interested in being with another woman, he just wants to give me the ultimate sex experience.) confused and more confused.... thanks for any suggestions that you may have...

L

NotsoNew · 11-05-2002, 09:59 PM

We had our first experience this past weekend. I was also unsure of how I would react seeing my husband with another women. He knew this upfront and we were very open going into the situation with these feelings. But, I must say I was very comfortable with the other couple. And, I am happy to say, did not have any issue seeing my husband with her.

I think that we were lucky having such a positive experience our first time out. This couple was very much into their own feelings/desires as well as ours. I think that the next time will even be better and I really think that I am going to enjoy the lifestyle.

Good luck to you whatever you decide to do.

S&S

OhioCouple · 03-01-2003, 12:18 PM

Swing0102,

I was wondering how you two decided to handle this situation. Were you able to work through the confusion and find an answer as to what was best for you two, whether it was swinging or not?

Lori

b smith · 03-23-2003, 09:57 AM

My recommendation is to talk to him about this and understand what motivates this fantasy. It is my feeling that the idea would turn him on as much as it would you ( at least that is the way he is probably precieving it).

Regarding about him being with another woman. This topic may surface later and that is why communication is very necessary. However I am willing to guess he knows that inviting another woman would make you uncomfortable and is suggesting this because he knows it would bring both of you alot of pleasure.

I would not get to concerned about what is "fair" in this situation. If his suggestion interests you it is my recommendation that you talk to him further about it and any other concerns that you may have about it. I feel he is being genuine with you.

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10-13-2002, 07:14 PM	#1 (permalink)
swing0102 Registered Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 2 Location: maryland	he wants me with others-im not ready for him to be with others My hubby is perfectly willing to see me with another man, as a matter of fact he wants this to happen soon. I on the other hand am not ready for him to be with another woman. Maybe im insecure or something, but the thought just tears me up. We have not had any experiences yet, but if he is willing for me to have a threesome with another man, shouldnt i be willing to let him be with other women? (by the way, he says he isnt interested in being with another woman, he just wants to give me the ultimate sex experience.) confused and more confused.... thanks for any suggestions that you may have... L

10-14-2002, 11:21 AM	#5 (permalink)
Alura T-Town Playmates Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 6,353 Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma Status: Widower	We have never come up with a good reason to play with anyone other than another couple, Jon & Kim. Whether our thinking is sound or flawed is open to interpretation, but we seek couples who've been faithful to each other and communicate very well. Couples offer everything singles can offer and a lot more. Think of the possibilities. Threesomes in four combinations, plus someone gets to watch! Foursomes with various combinations. Same room/separate room. Soft swing. The list goes on and on. Plus, it is much less likely they would become emotionally attached thus bringing into the mix all the problems that would involve. In our opinion, singles generally have greater exposure to std's, are more likely to be less than truthful about their present and past exposures, and less inclined to keep their mouths shut. We won't say we would never play with a single, just that we never have and would be hard to convince to do so. You're going about it in the right way. Take your time, get to know potential playmates and playing will happen in due time. Alura __________________ "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it." —Will Rogers

10-16-2002, 08:43 AM	#8 (permalink)
sportync Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 232 Location: eastern north carolina	There's been some good advice posted on this so far. I was curious about how I would feel seeing my wife with another man(my ex was a real slut, and left me come serious scars), but we were with another couple and I found watching my wife with the other guy incredibly erotic(of course I was with his wife at the time). Later, me and the other guy pleasured Mrs. Sporty after his wife passed out(too much Gin), and that was also a real turn-on. His wife was 5'2", eyes of blue, could deep-throat, liked to swallow, and had all of her children by c-section, so my wife probably wondered if I would find her more fun in bed. Not so! Different, but definately not better. Men marry women because they are in love with them. They fit. They know how best to please their mate. No woman should have to worry that her man will think that another woman is "a better lay than me". If you ate rib-eye every night, an occasional cheeseburger would be sort of a treat. That's about all there is to it....just a little variety to sort of spice things up. One thing you might try is to get into a 69 with your wife while exploring her with a life-like vibrator at the same time. This will give her a similar experience to being pleasured by two men, without all of the emotional aspects that actually bringing in another guy would entail. Once she realizes how much fun this can be, she might like to go ahead and try the real thing. Also, once she realizes that this is done for fun, she might feel more comfortable entertaining the idea of another couple. Sportync __________________ this ain't no dress rehearsal

03-01-2003, 12:18 PM	#11 (permalink)
OhioCouple Retired Mod Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 6,619 Location: Ohio Status: Married Female	Swing0102, I was wondering how you two decided to handle this situation. Were you able to work through the confusion and find an answer as to what was best for you two, whether it was swinging or not? Lori __________________ Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

10-14-2002, 10:33 AM	#4 (permalink)
J & K Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 189 Location: Middle GA Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:OKC_CPL	My wife do a lot of talking and we yet have to do our first swing. Heck--we have been talking about swinging everyday for 6 months and have met some cpls (which might remain friends only), plus go to the local adult club in town. She says at times if she don't know if she wants to see me have sex with another woman and I really don't want to just stand there and watch while some dude bangs my wife. So we agreed that both of us must do a cpl and no singles. That way she has sex at the same time I am. We still want to be in the same room, but maybe a little out of sight, but then when we both hear the moans I think we both want to see what the other is doing. I will only get turned on seeing my wife with another man as long as I too am enjoying another woman. So both of us are even in physical pleasure at the same time. I don't think either of us can handle a three way yet until we have done this several times, but always with another cpl---we play together and never walk solo. He might want another woman, but knowing your feelings he might not say just to make you feel better---never know. I suggest a cpl to ease into it, but I shouldn't talk---we still waiting to have sex with other people. Good Luck!!! Jon and Kim

10-14-2002, 02:55 PM	#6 (permalink)
DragonsLair Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 1,020 Location: Cleveland, OH Status: Married Couple	Swing0102, I know exactly where you're coming from. He's excited about watching you with another person and you're not too sure about seeing him with someone else. I'm in the same boat. I know my husband will have no problem watching me with someone else, when it happens. But I'm not sure I'll be able to watch him with someone else. Yes, insecurity is a big part of this. Will he enjoy being with her more than he enjoys being with me? Or will it appear so to me? What if he decides that I'm boring in bed after being with others who are more exciting? What about him being with someone with more experience than I have, who pleases him in a way I can't? See, I understand completely. But after reading this board for a long time, I've realized that these feelings are normal and something to be worked out before anything happens, whether it's with a couple or a single. Everyone here stresses that you move at the speed of the slowest person. So maybe encounters with singles are limited to males for a while. Most men wouldn't have a problem with that. lol And maybe you wait to have an encounter with another woman until you find a couple to play with. I don't think I'd feel as insecure about him playing with someone's wife as much as I would if she were single. That brings up other problems, as was stated before. You need to talk to your husband, even to the point of talking it to death, and let him know how you feel. That you have concerns about seeing him with another woman. If he truly loves you, he'll understand and be willing to move slowly in that area. He may not be too happy about it, but your feelings are important and need to be taken into account. Another possibility is for you to choose his first female playmate. That way you can be sure she's not someone you feel threatened by. And your husband can choose your playmates too. Of course, you have the final okay on the person. But this could be a way to aleviate some of the feelings of insecurity. At least until you get used to seeing him with someone else and knowing that he's always coming back to you. Another thing I've read on this board, is to be sure to reconnect with your husband after every encounter. Make love together. And then talk about what happened with your playmates. What you liked, what you didn't and what made you uncomfortable or not. Communication is key. Actually, it's key whether or not you swing. Just be sure to take it slow and don't do anything that doesn't feel right. If things go the way we hope, my husband and I might be having our first swing encounters at the end of the year. Timing and distance are keeping them from happening right now. So, until then, I plan on reading this board regularly to learn as much as I can to make our first times as enjoyable as possible for both of us. This board is a wealth of information. And there are many wonderful people who post here. Keep reading and talking with your husband. And when the time is right, enjoy your new experiences. I know we plan to. DragonsLair He is T. I am A. <img border="0" alt="[fun]" title="" src="graemlins/fun.gif" />

11-05-2002, 09:59 PM	#10 (permalink)
NotsoNew Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 392 Location: MD Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:newbies123	We had our first experience this past weekend. I was also unsure of how I would react seeing my husband with another women. He knew this upfront and we were very open going into the situation with these feelings. But, I must say I was very comfortable with the other couple. And, I am happy to say, did not have any issue seeing my husband with her. I think that we were lucky having such a positive experience our first time out. This couple was very much into their own feelings/desires as well as ours. I think that the next time will even be better and I really think that I am going to enjoy the lifestyle. Good luck to you whatever you decide to do. S&S

03-23-2003, 09:57 AM	#12 (permalink)
b smith Here to Stay Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 32 Location: Yorkshire - UK	My recommendation is to talk to him about this and understand what motivates this fantasy. It is my feeling that the idea would turn him on as much as it would you ( at least that is the way he is probably precieving it). Regarding about him being with another woman. This topic may surface later and that is why communication is very necessary. However I am willing to guess he knows that inviting another woman would make you uncomfortable and is suggesting this because he knows it would bring both of you alot of pleasure. I would not get to concerned about what is "fair" in this situation. If his suggestion interests you it is my recommendation that you talk to him further about it and any other concerns that you may have about it. I feel he is being genuine with you.

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