a selfish husband contemplating divorce

[texmo]

Great thoughts by all. Now that I consider my motivations for starting this thread, I can't say that I was seeking advice, but I really wasn't seeking validation either. What I really wanted was perspective, and I think I have gotten that. I appreciate the responses.

There are some practical matters that will prevent my wife and I from getting a divorce within the next year. So I have plenty of time to think about this. I understand both sides of this issue. Whether or not getting my needs fulfilled is worth sacrificing my marriage is still an open question for me. I agree very much with what DBL D said about people who dwell on their own sacrifices being unhappy... I am living proof. I personally am not convinced that divorce is not the best option for me, but you've all given me plenty to think about.

[fireman_andrew]

Sounds to me like you are trying to come up with excuses convince yourself it is alright to engage in whatever behavior you "feel" like doing. Step up and be a Real Man...

The grass is always greener on the other side BUT you still gotta Mow it.........

[ownerspet]

I don't know if you married for the wron reason or the right reason as prior posters have pointed out we don't have enough information. Keep in mind though swinging is something that becomes a focus in many peoples lives at times, it is not the priority of most peoples lives. They have families, freinds, and other areas of life that each of us value. Put some deep thought into the following question and do not make a knee jerk reaction: If you have to choose between your loved ones and swinging, what would you choose?

Originally Posted by texmo

It helps to know that I'm not the only one.

However, If you did marry for the wrong reason, You are definitly not the only one that has married for the wrong reason, I married my first wife with red flags going off left and right. So dont feel bad.

Originally Posted by texmo

As for myself, I am not interested in completely abandoning my children. I would probably share the child-rearing responsibility with her, as she does not ever wish to be a single mother. I am more concerned about my love life (and sex life) than the situation with my kids.

I realize you said you would probably help with the kids and you are contemplating divorce.

To which my response is, you need to be there for your kids regardless or you will regret it. However, more importantly you indicated you are more concerned with your love/sex life.

If this is what you are concerned with, figure out if you married for the right reason first. Then at that point figure out your priorities. If you married for the right reason, straighten out your marriage.

Yeah swinging looks exciting and you know its fun, But.

Above all else you need to put some deep thought in these decisions, as if you choose something over you're wife, you risk life as you know it. If you love your wife, talk to her and try to figure out why she wants to quit, before you react. After all you didn't marry her because she said "Honey, I'll let you have sex with other people.

[texmo]

Originally Posted by fireman_andrew

Sounds to me like you are trying to come up with excuses convince yourself it is alright to engage in whatever behavior you "feel" like doing. Step up and be a Real Man...

The grass is always greener on the other side BUT you still gotta Mow it.........

I am not concerned with appeasing people who are only capable of finding fault, so I don't think this deserves a response.

Originally Posted by ownerspet

I don't know if you married for the wron reason or the right reason as prior posters have pointed out we don't have enough information.

Just take my word for it. I know without a doubt that I married for the wrong reasons. That is not a question in my mind. The question in my mind is whether it matters. Let's be clear that I am not choosing between my wife and swinging. I am choosing between the life that I have, and the chance that I could have a better life. Since the future is unpredictable, leaving my wife is a big risk. I am debating whether that risk is worth the possible reward of a more fulfilled life.

[ShellyM]

Texmo, this is a decision only you can make. If you and your wife have children (I'm too tired to read back to all of the previous posts so please forgive me if you have said whether or not you have children) than definately THEY should be the top priority of both you and your wife. I cannot tell you either way because I do not know you and I'm not a counselor. I think you need marital counseling NOW. They are trained in taking you through everything to help you in deciding what you want to do. Just remember, and everyone has said this: I know that the grass looks green. And it very well may be; but there is always some crabgrass mixed in. I would seek counseling, allow them to help you get everything in perspective and go from there. Best of luck to you.

[MRnMSbhaven]

Originally Posted by texmo

I am choosing between the life that I have, and the chance that I could have a better life. Since the future is unpredictable, leaving my wife is a big risk. I am debating whether that risk is worth the possible reward of a more fulfilled life.

So what you're saying is, you'd be willing to give up what is sure (the life you do have) on the off chance that there's something out there that will make you happier? And if there isn't? Do you have a backup plan? What if you all you discover is that you were happier where you were? I'm not sure there's a do-over option in something like this.

The only person that can make you happy and fulfilled is yourself. Not your wife, not your kids, and not some hypothetical better more fulfilled life. I'm not advocating either choice. What you do is up to you.

However, do you really think you have done everything you possibly can to create a more fulfilled and happy life with the one you already have or are you just considering the quick fix?

MS. B