Wife wants to stop swinging but I don't.

[JustFun]

You guys are right. I think I'm dwelling it on it so much though in an effort to spice things up, make things fun again. If I take swinging out of the picture there are still problems that bother me. We never get time to ourselves anymore. Her parents want to do stuff every weekend, we work for them too, both of us, even now. Her and her mom talk a lot every day. We are either at work, or we have kids, we never have time away from them. I guess I just wish we could be more independant and have more time for us. It never changes no matter how much we talk and agree it needs to. I just feel stuck surviving. She is very easily excited about thinking about what we can do or get for the kids all the time. They have way too many toys and the house is is very cluttered. I wish we could stop getting them so much crap. I wish she could put some of that time into us. She has a very much attitude that we just gotta do what we gotta do for work and kids all the time. Her parents put her through hell at work all the time and she gets very cranky. That'll never change. She has an attitude about that, just says nothing she can do about it. We've been to counseling before, and the counselour quickly just asked us why we were even there, seemed like we got along great. We're very private people and sharing our personal matters with strangers is tough for us. We recognize problems all the time and agree on how to handle them, but never does it actually change. Swinging has just been the problem this last year or so, but this same type of thing has happened to us repeatedly throughout the entire time we've known each other. Often over different things. I think the only problem that has always been there is that she can't seem to break away from her family enough to be independant. They are very opinionated and judgemental people and I get really tired of hearing about it all the time. She flip-flops on that all the time. Sometime she sees them for who they are and it bothers her, sometimes she defends them like they're angels. When we first met she used to see the problems more, now she defends them more.

[jack smith]

we have had that to but it because i'm to big don't to be

[bill&sabrina]

I hope things work out for the best. Don't stress to much over the accusations of you being selfish. This lifestyle wouldn't exist if not for some selfishness.

[sexcupid]

Ok, you have a problem with your wife focusing on your children? If you wanted more "couple time", then maybe you should have put off having children and focused on each other more.

How long have you been together? What type of relationship do/did you have with your parents? It seems like you are having a temper tantrum (and I've been known to have them on occasion...*lol*) that you are not getting enough attention when it seems she is focused else where (the family the two of you created, her family that provides you with income, ect).

Not to be too blunt about it, but duh? When you have kids, the focus tends to shift towards them.

All I can say is good luck. Find another job where you are not so dependent on her family for your income/well being, and for God-sake...have a date night a couple times a month where it's just the two of you to reconnect. Don't drag her to a strip club or swingers bar...take her to a nice dinner, talk about any thing but the kids, get to know each other again. Yes, you both know there are problems, but make that commitment to each other to go out 2 nights a month.

Again,

Good luck....

Maria