Wife wants to stop swinging but I don't.

[ANGEDKY(mr)]

Thanks for answering!

Some ideas I would probally share (if I were in your shoes)

1) You understand and value her feelings and opinions on swinging

2) At least she gave it a whirl, not everyone out there will do that--Thankyou very much appreciated

3) You won't bring up the subject again, if she has a change of heart it is up to her to make it known

4) you would like her to pick something new for both of you to explore TOGETHER and that you are willing to give anything a try, just as she did for you.

Maybe that will help relieve some of the tension, allow her to have the reins and show her that you value her,as your wife, more than a puppy pile of nekkid bodies. I understand your quest as a fantasty, yet there are so many other things you can focus that energy into, that may (in the end) come full circle.

[LetsParty]

It's too bad so many couples don't discuss this type of stuff BEFORE they got married... Monogamy is just 'assumed' for 99% of couples under the altar.

It's too bad.

If everyone was just honest from the moment they met... I think there would be a lot more harmonious marriages out there....

[prettylady]

Originally Posted by LetsParty

It's too bad so many couples don't discuss this type of stuff BEFORE they got married... Monogamy is just 'assumed' for 99% of couples under the altar.

It's too bad.

If everyone was just honest from the moment they met... I think there would be a lot more harmonious marriages out there....

With you on that one my friend.
I had a bad marriage of infidelity, then meet a guy who was so controling that there were no toys, no dirty talk, and get this no masterbating. Ah hell no. Then I met Dog and I was blown away by his blunt honesty. I knew where he stood and what he would like to see in our relationship. He wasn't pushy or demanding. Just open and honest.
Now we are persuing a lifestyle that at times I find scary, but for the most part being here all the swingers I have met have been the cream of the crop so I have no reservations or real fears. Just nervous gitters.

I wonder, would your wife be interested in hanging out here with us. This is were all my inhabitions went out of the window. I had all my questions answered, I met a whole heck of alot of great people who want my first experience to be fantastic so advice and support are not in short supply around here.

Your friend,
Prettylady

[telly2]

I'm sorry things didn't go as hoped, just be patient, and focus on your marriage for now. I hope things change in the future.
Chantal

[aahours1]

So whats the big deal. If you love your wife and she wants to stop; STOP for her. It will come up later and in the future she may want to go all out and surprise you. But for the sake of your happiness and hers, stop for her and let it rest. ( FOR NOW)

[bimickie26]

you're screwed, well actually thats the problem you're not....

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by ANGEDKY(mr)

Some ideas I would probally share (if I were in your shoes)

1) You understand and value her feelings and opinions on swinging

2) At least she gave it a whirl, not everyone out there will do that--Thankyou very much appreciated

3) You won't bring up the subject again, if she has a change of heart it is up to her to make it known

4) you would like her to pick something new for both of you to explore TOGETHER and that you are willing to give anything a try, just as she did for you.

Maybe that will help relieve some of the tension, allow her to have the reins and show her that you value her,as your wife, more than a puppy pile of nekkid bodies. I understand your quest as a fantasy, yet there are so many other things you can focus that energy into, that may (in the end) come full circle.

I totally agree....great ideas!!!

[JustFun]

Well we've been split up for a week now, I've been staying at my mothers for the past week. I just really wish she'd accept a tamer comprimise, such as webcamming or same room sex. I've told her that we dont HAVE to touch other people, but she is unwilling to consider this either.

[havefuninsun]

Originally Posted by JustFun

Well we've been split up for a week now, I've been staying at my mothers for the past week. I just really wish she'd accept a tamer comprimise, such as webcamming or same room sex. I've told her that we dont HAVE to touch other people, but she is unwilling to consider this either.

You have split up because you could not accept the fact she doesn't want to swing -- or minimally, swing right now?

Dude, you have many more issues in your relationship than your wife not wanting to swing.

I hope you figure it out.

[JustFun]

Well that's why we split up - we had a fight about swinging and I went to my mothers. But yea we've realized there's other problems and have talked about them and I feel better about them but I still feel uneasy about not being able to make a comprimise sexually. This has always been a very strong interest of mine. Yes it would have been better if I had made this more clear before we got married but it's too late for that. I wasnt confident enough about expressing these feelings then and I am now.

[ANGEDKY(mr)]

Originally Posted by havefuninsun

You have split up because you could not accept the fact she doesn't want to swing -- or minimally, swing right now?

Originally Posted by JustFun

Well that's why we split up - we had a fight about swinging and I went to my mothers.

No, I think you split up becuase there are to many "I"'s and "You"'s in your line of thinking !

Originally Posted by JustFun

I just really wish she'd accept a tamer comprimise, such as webcamming or same room sex. I've told her that we dont HAVE to touch other people, but she is unwilling to consider this either.

She did compromise. Going from "It's not proper" to couples "Strip fish" is most certainly a compromise on her part. It appears she had all the intent in the world, then the guy was an ass, turned her off and she re-evaluated her priorities and decided it wasn't worth it. Point being if you hate Brussel Sprouts and it was her one dream to serve you Brussel sprouts twice a day, everyday she was with you, at somepoint you would do EXACTLY the same thing she did.......rebeling at the mere notion!

Swinging is nothing more than an extravagant toy on the wall in your local adult store. The same toy that appeals to some is litterally disgusting to others. (Envision a football size buttplug ) See what I'm gettin at here?

Sorry 'bout what happened and the timing certainly blows ass. Yet, if you change your perception of things, it might all just work out. It's either that or having the Judge educate you on compromise!

[JustFun]

I totally see your point. And I've tried it. For several months after this I was queit about it and left it alone. But occasionally out of the blue she would make comments about how she thought swingers were creepy and pushy people/etc. And it got to me, I dont beleive they are all this way. This board is proof of that.

But I cant agree with your analogy. I cant see this as a sex toy on the wall or a bressel sprout. I know you're speaking figuratively and get your point but just disagree. As it is often called, I see it more of a "lifestyle".

A totally different problem that some couples face (luckily not us) is one of the members of the couple wanting a career that requires them to travel and be gone a lot. This too is a lifestyle preference. I wholeheartedly agree with the thinking that the relationship is worth more then this. At least we dont have this problem. But I can at least understand how the person would be unhappy in their life if that's something that was really important to them. To me, that's just a difference in people and it's OK that others wish to do this. This is also no different then being gay. That too is a lifestyle preference.

What I'm wanting in comprimise is something we know we already enjoyed together. We did the webcam thing and it was very exciting. We had great sex during and after. I know she had fun. This was with this same couple early on and we actually enjoyed giving the show more then watching it. Same room sex just boils down to live porn, with one important difference. You're part of the show. And it's that which excites me so much.

The biggest problem I think she has with this is she is afraid that this will just make me want more then this all the more. But truth is when we were talking to that other couple she was actually going farther with it faster then me and it made me have uncomfortable feelings too. I guess what I'm trying to say is I know I can promise her a no touch rule and truly be happy with it.

[Mr. Truelove]

If you love swinging more than you love her, then I think your decision is pretty easy. Your wife is probably going to be better off without you. It's good to get this selfishness out in the open before this went on any longer. It's better than her being with someone that doesn't put her before anyone and anything else. Maybe someday, she'll find a decent guy to be with.

Mr. Truelove

[aahours1]

I think that you are to imature to realize what you have in your wife. SOMEONE who DOES NOT want to screw anyone else or just play the game of casual sex. You have a champion there and DO NOT realize it. Now YOU being the MAN of the house, live up to your responsiblity, casual sex with other women with her there or not, or KEEPING your wife in tact and the marrage the same way. FORGET the swinging and forget about WHAT "YOU" want. Go to her and say "YES" WE will do it your way. Get out of your MOMMIES house. Then go get counseling and help from a PROFESSIONAL THERIPIST and stop whinning about it. DO WHAT THE HELL IS RIGHT in this situation.

[MoonLightKiss]

aahours, he probably would, but its not what he WANTS....WAAAAAAA

Grow up JustFun. I have been about as nice as I am gonna be where this situation is concerned. (And you can thank my lack of nicotine for that). You sit here at this board whining about how your wife doesn't want to swing anymore and you still do, and how you want a compromise. Tell me, what have you done to deserve a compromise? You are at your mothers split from your wife because you didn't get your way. My 8 year old acts like that on occasion. He doesn't get the toy he wants from Wal-Mart and when we get home he goes off to his room to pout. I just let him do it, and he still doesn't get the toy. Now he knows that pouting doesn't get him his way. And one day his wife might actually thank me for teaching him that lesson.

So, here is what you should do. Find a phone book and open it up to the yellow pages to ATTORNEYS. Call whichever one you want. Tell him you are a shallow spoiled brat who wants to fuck various women and your wife prefers not to. Then tell him to file the papers for divorce. Give your wife her fair share, take yours, and go your merry ways. Let her find someone that is going to be kind and loving enough to give her what she needs. Then, several years from now while you are at a club, watch her walk in with her new husband and have the time of her life. Why will she walk in with him and not you? Because he won't be selfish and pushy. He will be understanding and patient, waiting for her to approach him and he will be grateful enough that she even tried that she will be able to discover the fun to be had at a pace that is comfortable for her. Meanwhile, as a single guy in the swinging world, you have about a 2% chance of actually making it, because the very very few that do seek out single men, don't seek out selfish ones with no cares for anyone but themselves.