What if wife says no to swinging?

[Sandyb]

Hi all,

I am very much intrested in swinging. I explained this to my wife and expressed desire to try it. After, just asking to my wife she clearly mentioned said no.

Now I dont want to impose my liking. Have you faced the same oppposition in begining,,,, How you handled it?

Please guide.

Sandyb

[Lumina]

Leave it be. She may come around on her own, she may not. But any more attempts to convince her right now will likely be regarded as pressure.

If you haven't already, I would consider one more conversation telling her that while swinging is something you would like, she is so much more important to you and if she's never into it, that's just fine. Probably the last thing you wanted to hear, but I can honestly tell you that the biggest thing that has allowed me to explore swinging positively has been that my husband has said this to me multiple times. If he hadn't I probably wouldn't have gotten this far.

You could ask her what her reasons are against it. Please don't try to talk her out of them. Then tell her about this site (if she reads English) so she can learn more about the lifestyle and ask questions if she likes.

[Spoomonkey]

If she says "no", then that is it.

You can force the issue - and strain your marriage or you can let her be. If you are open with her about your desires - but are not pushy - and if she can trust your motivations, she may come around. She may not - but she may...

The biggest mistake is pushing. She will interpret that as a lack of respect - and it will cause her to question your motivation to swing. If she can not trust you, she will not feel comfortable enough (should she eventually want to) to explore herself.

Spoomonkey

[Pepper & Drew]

Check the archives here or check here for lots of threads on the subject.

As Spoo said, you've got a few choices:

1) "swing" without her, which, by the way, is called cheating. You'll risk your marriage and not have too much fun anyway, since most swingers won't play with someone who doesn't have spouse approval.

2) Leave it alone and never bring it up again.

3) In a non-pressured way, talk about fantasies with her. Bring her to this website. Start a dialog. There are a lot of people who started out with one idea about swinging, but changed their mind over time. I don't know your wife, so I don't know how open she would be to it.

Pepper

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by Sandyb

Hi all,

I am very much intrested in swinging. I explained this to my wife and expressed desire to try it. After, just asking to my wife she clearly mentioned said no.

Now I dont want to impose my liking. Have you faced the same oppposition in begining,,,, How you handled it?

Please guide.

Sandyb

Do you think she would be okay with going to a lifestyle club maybe? I know with Jay, when he first thought of swinging he envisioned some sort of Etruscan orgies I think where everyone was having sex unprotected with everyone without abandon lol....and its not like that (well, for some it is lol). Perhaps if she were to see that swingers are real people, real moms and dads, educated and polite, she will see that its not just reckless hedonism. Remember too, that everything society has taught her as a woman is being challenged when you mention swinging. So, be patient and take it one step at a time. And perhaps she WON'T take to swinging, and that is her priority as well, her right to say no. So, take things slowly. Jay read a book called The Lifestyle, and he understood more after.

[BruceAnn]

I know, not everyone is the same. First time I said to Ann that we should go visit a swinging club she did not respond but later on she came back on this and asked me if I was serious. Well she had been thinking about it, more than I thought, and when she agreed, she was really ready and wanted to try it.

If she had not come up with the 'were you serious'? after me saying we should go visit one of these clubs, I would never have mentioned it again.

And when we decided to go for the first time, I think she was more decided than I was, to my surprise.

I know one thing though, never try to force someone into this.

Originally Posted by Sandyb

Hi all,

I am very much intrested in swinging. I explained this to my wife and expressed desire to try it. After, just asking to my wife she clearly mentioned said no.

Now I dont want to impose my liking. Have you faced the same oppposition in begining,,,, How you handled it?

Please guide.

Sandyb

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by BruceAnn

If she had not come up with the 'were you serious'? after me saying we should go visit one of these clubs, I would never have mentioned it again.

This is an excellent "tesitimony" to how it really works. This says a lot about you as a husband and a lover. Now wonder she had every confidence coming back to you when she was ready!

Spoomonkey

[Amanda69]

There is nothing you can do except accept her decision or move on.
If she comes around one day by her own choice then great for you both, if not there is nothing you can say or do that is a magic solution to change her mind. sorry

[BruceAnn]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

This is an excellent "tesitimony" to how it really works. This says a lot about you as a husband and a lover. Now wonder she had every confidence coming back to you when she was ready!

Spoomonkey

I think that if we ask ourselves : what is the most important thing in our life?

For me it is my relation with Ann, my lover. I hope it is the same with most people.

[swing52001]

Lumina's reply is the bell ringer for me SandyB. Tell her you love her and that she is the most important part of the equation that is your relationship. If you are real, then she will be and you should respect her decision. Hope it favours your fantasies but make it a joint effort (no pun intended).
Keep on keepin on.

[Suncouple]

Originally Posted by ShellyM

Etruscan orgies

Sounds interesting. Do you have any references? I watched a show about Etruscans on the History Channel tonight. They sound like a fun group.

[sereneiders]

The same old question comes up again. But I have to say, it's ill formulated: "How you handled it?"

Well, the question doesn't apply to this forum's members: we're here because our spouses (wife or husband, deppends on the case) didn't said "NO" (os, as in my case, where she said "NO", it was herself, 15 years later, and woithout me mentioning it again, who bring back the subject).

If you look trogh the forum you'll find cases of people whe pushed and talked their spouses into this, and you'll see that in EVERY case that leaded to disaster.

So, to answer the question "How you handled it?", either case, being RESPECTFULL with our respective spouse's choice. You dislike it? I'd like to have a couple millon dollars, however I wouldn't steal the money, just because THAT'D BE WRONG. As wrong and trying to get your way AFTER she CLEARLY said NO.

[Crystal]

Originally Posted by Sandyb

Hi all,

I am very much intrested in swinging. I explained this to my wife and expressed desire to try it. After, just asking to my wife she clearly mentioned said no.

Now I dont want to impose my liking. Have you faced the same oppposition in begining,,,, How you handled it?

Please guide.

Sandyb

My hubby is the same way. He is dead set against it so I'll just have to swing in my fantasies :rollseyes . It's not worth my relationship with him Surrender .