My girlfriend's body doesn't turn me on and she won't swing

[Amanda69]

This has me stunned. A 21 year old male that loves a woman he isn't turned on by? This is one for Ripley's.

Gotta agree with this one.

When you love someone in an adult/sexual manner it doesn't matter their physical looks (after all they change) but the whole person. In that type of relationship you are sexually attracted to them. We all see things in our partners that could change but it doesn't matter when you love them. You accept them for who they are...

If you aren't there are bigger issues here better left to professionals. Though as a lay person I would say you love this girl as a good friend, sister etc but are not there for an adult man/women relationship...

And good god man at 21 you can't claim to have any time of real experience at anything...come back at 40 then I will listen to that sort of statement. Though yes at 21 I too thought I knew it all...........didn't we all

[PrairieFire]

1. Start out with,"I love you as a friend...."
2. Really, you need to dump her, the people that think you are being shallow aren't being realistic.
3. You are only 21, it may hurt but 6 months from now you and her will be thanking your lucky stars.

I know this may seem brash, but it's the simplest, most honest way to deal with it. Find your best friend that you are attracted to sexually and you should have a wonderful marriage!

[Estaque]

Originally Posted by PrairieFire

Find your best friend that you are attracted to sexually and you should have a wonderful marriage!

I really don't get all this talk about marriage in this thread. You're like the third or fourth poster to breach this subject. This guy didn't ask about how to get married to this girl, he asked how to get her to swing. What is it with all these pro-marriage Holy rollers on this board?

[EvilMJ]

Originally Posted by Estaque

I really don't get all this talk about marriage in this thread. You're like the third or fourth poster to breach this subject. This guy didn't ask about how to get married to this girl, he asked how to get her to swing. What is it with all these pro-marriage Holy rollers on this board?

I think this all stems from the comment made by the ogrional poster: it is tough for me to not be turned on by a girl that I could be with for a very long time. To most that implies a long term relationship or marriage. I agree that doesn't mean he is going to marry her. I think most people are going to hone in on the non attraction to her being the more serious of the problems than trying to get her to swing.

As far as manipulation goes I agree with your point that we all in one way or another subtly manipulate people for what we want, but in terms of something like swinging, your concern and love for your partner should be priority over anything that you may want. If you have approached them and they say they are not interested than (and this is just my own opinon) you are now in that area where you are more interested in yourself and what you want.

[Estaque]

Originally Posted by EvilMJ

I think this all stems from the comment made by the ogrional poster: it is tough for me to not be turned on by a girl that I could be with for a very long time. To most that implies a long term relationship or marriage. I agree that doesn't mean he is going to marry her. I think most people are going to hone in on the non attraction to her being the more serious of the problems than trying to get her to swing.

I started another thread on the marriage thing:

http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...ad.php?t=27200

because I'm interested in the idea of why marriage is so important to swingers. Most people who get married have religious weddings where they swear vowes before God, etc. and it amazes me that swingers would be so quick to broach the topic of marriage considering there's probably no religion that advocates swinging as a lifestyle.

A swinger touting marriage is like a chain smoker heralding the philosophies of the Surgeon General!

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by Estaque

because I'm interested in the idea of why marriage is so important to swingers. Most people who get married have religious weddings where they swear vowes before God, etc. and it amazes me that swingers would be so quick to broach the topic of marriage considering there's probably no religion that advocates swinging as a lifestyle.

A swinger touting marriage is like a chain smoker heralding the philosophies of the Surgeon General!

I'm an athesist. I was married in a church to keep the family happy, but it didn't mean anything to me. I have no invisible friend in the sky. Marriage to me has nothing to do with religion. Marriage to me is a union of two people, not a threesome with God. That being said we only play with married swingers as it shows a level of commitment we are comfortable with.

[EvilMJ]

Originally Posted by Estaque

A swinger touting marriage is like a chain smoker heralding the philosophies of the Surgeon General!

I think you will find this to be very offensive to most swingers as the majority of us are loving couples with very strong relationships. Most of us support marriage and the bond between husband and wife. We see swinging as a recreational activity that we share as a couple and for a lot of us it makes our relationships wtih our spouce that much stronger because we are able to commincate openly with each other, we are sensitive to each others needs.

[Estaque]

Originally Posted by EvilMJ

I think you will find this to be very offensive to most swingers as the majority of us are loving couples with very strong relationships. Most of us support marriage and the bond between husband and wife. We see swinging as a recreational activity that we share as a couple and for a lot of us it makes our relationships wtih our spouce that much stronger because we are able to commincate openly with each other, we are sensitive to each others needs.

There is something very wrong if people who sleep with the spouses of others get so easily offended when someone asks them how important their religious vowes are to them.

[Estaque]

Originally Posted by Chicup

I'm an athesist. I was married in a church to keep the family happy, but it didn't mean anything to me. I have no invisible friend in the sky. Marriage to me has nothing to do with religion. Marriage to me is a union of two people, not a threesome with God. That being said we only play with married swingers as it shows a level of commitment we are comfortable with.

Wow, that's an interesting perspective! An atheist who had a religious wedding ceremony that didn't mean anything, and who only swings with other couples who have had apparently equally inconsequential wedding ceremonies! You desecrate the concept of marriage in every way!

Seriously, that's just funny to me ...

[EvilMJ]

Originally Posted by Estaque

There is something very wrong if people who sleep with the spouses of others get so easily offended when someone asks them how important their religious vowes are to them.

I would never be offended if you has asked me how important my marriage vows were. I get offended when you make smart ass comments such as A swinger touting marriage is like a chain smoker heralding the philosophies of the Surgeon General!

Comments like that tell me are implying that my marriage to my husband means nothing to me. You are trying to tell me that because we chose to particpate in this lifestyle that our committment to each other is a joke or doesn't have the same level of depth or emotion and meaning as someone who is not in the lifestyle. That's total crap.

I probably feel more love and devotion to my husband than a lot of non lifestyle couples do.

[Estaque]

Originally Posted by EvilMJ

I would never be offended if you has asked me how important my marriage vows were. I get offended when you make smart ass comments such as A swinger touting marriage is like a chain smoker heralding the philosophies of the Surgeon General!

Comments like that tell me are implying that my marriage to my husband means nothing to me. You are trying to tell me that because we chose to particpate in this lifestyle that our committment to each other is a joke or doesn't have the same level of depth or emotion and meaning as someone who is not in the lifestyle. That's total crap.

I probably feel more love and devotion to my husband than a lot of non lifestyle couples do.

No, I think you misunderstand.

Your level of committment to one another has nothing to do with the discussion of why you chose to express that committment in the form of a religious ceremony and then to engage in anti-religious behaviour.

No one outside of your relationship can posit anything on your level of committment to one-another.

If you get upset at me for asking why you chose to engage in a religious matrimony -- and tout it to be such a wonderful way to celebrate a communion of your level of committment -- and then why you choose to behave in decidedly anti-religious behaviour (swinging) ... that leads me to wonder how sure you are about your relationship, really.

[good times]

Originally Posted by Estaque

because I'm interested in the idea of why marriage is so important to swingers. Most people who get married have religious weddings where they swear vowes before God, etc. and it amazes me that swingers would be so quick to broach the topic of marriage considering there's probably no religion that advocates swinging as a lifestyle.

Actually thier are a few religions that either advocate or at least see no problem with the lifestyle.

Originally Posted by Estaque

A swinger touting marriage is like a chain smoker heralding the philosophies of the Surgeon General!

Apparently, you have a totally different interpretation of what God thinks about it than most religous swingers do.

[Estaque]

Originally Posted by good times

Actually thier are a few religions that either advocate or at least see no problem with the lifestyle.

LOL!

Really? Well, don't bother naming any!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

[EvilMJ]

Funny but I don't remember saying anything about being relgious!

My committment to my husband to me has little or nothing to do with religion.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by EvilMJ

Funny but I don't remember saying anything about being relgious!

My committment to my husband to me has little or nothing to do with religion.

He's just being an asshole, I'm willing to let annoying trolls lie.