Only swinging to make him happy

I don't know if anyone else has this problem, but i really don't want to swing. My b/f swang with his wife and wants to do it with me, we have swung with a couple of males, but no penetration(tg) the only reason i do it is for him, i tryed to tell him that it wasn't for me but he didn't talk to me for a week. Maybe if he thought that sex with me was special and not just a f***, i sometimes don't know why he is with me..when he could just go out and have anyone he wants...no strings. recently he started talking to a cpl that is into full swap...that i definatly don't want. i think that he just wants permission to cheat. can someone help me get into the right mind frame for this...if i don't do it he will leave me..he says no...but eventually he will...i just want him to love me.. thanks for any help you can give...

[TL31]

You need him to come here and read what these great people on this board say about what swing is. Cause from all of what I read here its about respecting each other and if one says I don't want to then its no go.

As for anything else no one can tell you whats the right thing to do. You can get some great advice if you read some of the post here.
Do you love him? Or do you just want someone to be with? I know its hard not being apart of a couple but if you are being the other half for the wrong reasons then no matter what you will not find happiness.
If you do love him and he loves you then a good long talk is really what you guys need. You should not have to do something you don't want to just to please him. Sorry if I rambled a bit there I just do not belive anyone should do it just cause someone else wants them to. soapbox

[Edison Carter]

If he's trying to make you do something sexually that is not right for you, where is the love ? A man who does not respect and understand your boundaries is not a Man, he's a jerk and you deserve better.

[JandT_Elkhart]

Get rid of him. He's worthless and it's very obvious even from what you've said so far that he will NEVER love you. Don't mean to be harsh but his actions and unwillingness to listen make it very clear.

[Couple-N-NM]

Cut him loose. Why would anyone want to be in such a one-sided relationship? If you do this to keep him around, you do it at the cost of your own sense of self worth. IMHO, he's gonna be gone sooner or later anyway so you can stand up for yourself and what you want and lose him, or you can be walked on and lose him. Its a fairly simple choice in my eyes.

[Amanda69]

Swinging is something you do as a couple because both of you want to. If not it should be a no go. If you think he may leave you if you don't then he is not worth staying with, sorry. No woman should have sex with others herself simply because she is afraid she might lose her man.

[wetpanties]

It sounds like your b/f needs to learn the meaning of respect and love. It's apparent he doesn't respect your feelings and if he truly LOVED you, he would respect your wishes. He appears to be very self-centered and selfish (like my ex-husband was). The best day of my life was when I dumped him and found someone who truly cares about me and my feelings. You should have more self esteem - you DESERVE to be with someone who will treat you right. You are better off being alone than being with someone that doesn't respect you.

[CandPinSA]

Originally Posted by wetpanties

It sounds like your b/f needs to learn the meaning of respect and love. It's apparent he doesn't respect your feelings and if he truly LOVED you, he would respect your wishes. He appears to be very self-centered and selfish (like my ex-husband was). The best day of my life was when I dumped him and found someone who truly cares about me and my feelings. You should have more self esteem - you DESERVE to be with someone who will treat you right. You are better off being alone than being with someone that doesn't respect you.

Dito to all of the above.... in fact, here's an example (and real, not just an 'example')... Hi all, Mr. C here. Well, Mrs. P doesn't think she's quite ready to do this swinging thing yet. We've talked about it quite a bit, and we both feel that she isn't ready to do it. She says she DOES definitely want to, in a while, not quite right now. So, in respect for her wishes, we're just going to hang out and chat with all the great people on here and other online sites. Whether she ever becomes ready to do it, is up to her. If it never happens. I love her all the same, and wouldn't do it without her EVER. And NEVER if she says she has decided she doesn't want to. So, with that.... well everyone here... we're not going anywhere. just not swinging. At least for now.

As for the unregister guest poster of this thread, have your b/f read that. That should be HIS response to you as well. And believe, my wife and i love each other completely. And respect each other. When she decide's she's ready... then we'll pick this up where we left it off. If she never decides she's ready, then I'll love her with all my heart, and we'll have great sex with each other with our own little fantasies.

Mr. C

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I don't know if anyone else has this problem, but i really don't want to swing. My b/f swang with his wife and wants to do it with me, we have swung with a couple of males, but no penetration(tg) the only reason i do it is for him, i tryed to tell him that it wasn't for me but he didn't talk to me for a week. Maybe if he thought that sex with me was special and not just a f***, i sometimes don't know why he is with me..when he could just go out and have anyone he wants...no strings. recently he started talking to a cpl that is into full swap...that i definatly don't want. i think that he just wants permission to cheat.

The parts in bold are red flags. Notice how much is bolded? Didn't talk to you for a WEEK? For refusing to degrade yourself?? Where is the love in that? I say tell him to put his lip back in before a bird shits on it. Sheesh. Temper tantrums are for two year olds, not adults.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

can someone help me get into the right mind frame for this...

You're already in the frame of mind you should be in: recognizing that you're not ready for this sort of thing, that you're not interested in it. Do NOT continue to do this for his sake, or you'll only feel like you've cheapened yourself, and you'll just resent him for it.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

if i don't do it he will leave me..he says no...but eventually he will...i just want him to love me.. thanks for any help you can give...

So let him leave. He will be the one in the wrong, not you. I guess the question is whether or not you're willing to sell yourself short, degrade yourself, or feel that you are less of a person...just to keep someone who doesn't care that you're doing this to yourself...because it's getting him what he wants: pussy.

You want to be a person worth loving? Stick to your principles and do not let him sway you. Stay true to yourself, and if he's worth loving at all, he'll eventually realize that he's being an ass. And he will come back asking for forgiveness and another chance.

[hard8cocklover]

I want to swing. I can swing with your boyfriend and you can stay home and watch TV.

[TL31]

Originally Posted by hard8cocklover

I want to swing. I can swing with your boyfriend and you can stay home and watch TV.

I think that was rude to say to someone that is haveing issues. How would you feel if someone said that to you?

[DBL D]

Originally Posted by hard8cocklover

I want to swing. I can swing with your boyfriend and you can stay home and watch TV.

Wow! Now...That sounds like a solution.

Male D

[makingtime4fun]

I can relate to you. I was also in a one sided relationship where it did not matter what I wanted or what I did not want. I tried to make him happy for over 5 years and I never accomplished it. I was miserable and he was never satisfied. I finally got the picture and left him but I wasted too many years trying to make a man love me that was not capable of loving anyone. The right man is out there you just need to go find him.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by hard8cocklover

I want to swing. I can swing with your boyfriend and you can stay home and watch TV.

If you want to put on an attitude and start playing games with women in the lifestyle, hon, you're gonna find yourself dumped on your ass so fast it would make your head spin. Do you really suppose you can compete with a man's wife??

You've got a lot to learn.

[blinkey]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

i tryed to tell him that it wasn't for me but he didn't talk to me for a week. Maybe if he thought that sex with me was special and not just a f***, i sometimes don't know why he is with me..

You sound too nice to be with someone like him. Care to experiment? Buy him an inflatable doll and see if he notices the difference.

B.