I tried- I tried- I can't do this anymore

[BodyScape02]

Originally Posted by pacpl4funn

[i]intuition897----
His fascination with swinging needs to stop, or as I told him, "If you don't care about us, If you need it that bad? Then go get it without me!" Of course he says he doesn't want this without me.

.

Of course not hon... You are the bait.. without you he wouldn't get any play at all....and he knows it!

Quit being a doormat for love. You gave away your self-respect and got nothing for it in return.

Been there done that... my question is... with everything you have told us about him (To me the most telling statement you made was that he didn't like it when you had fun.); Why in gods green earth do you want to stay with him anyway? Do you have a martyr complex?

~Cat

[MissPrissy]

Well im am 1000% qualifiied to say this


I was in the same boat last night. I came to conclus im tired of swing i want a normal life. If im not perfect then i moving on. If i can not be your 1001% in the bedroom if im not eniogh women than you need to tell me and i will move on. NO HARD FEELINGS. he though about it a hour and figure that his love is more important than 3 some chics. SO now we are living normal. We still party hard dance with women but no women are allowed in the bedroom.

i think you did the right thing

[pacpl4funn]

Originally Posted by BodyScape02

Of course not hon... You are the bait.. without you he wouldn't get any play at all....and he knows it!

Quit being a doormat for love. You gave away your self-respect and got nothing for it in return.

Been there done that... my question is... with everything you have told us about him (To me the most telling statement you made was that he didn't like it when you had fun.); Why in gods green earth do you want to stay with him anyway? Do you have a martyr complex?

~Cat

Hi Cat and thanks for the note, my answer is pretty simple, I love him. And how do you walk away from the one you love?

It's funny, the other night we were in bed watching tv, and one of those online dating commercials came on, (we met on yahoo 4 years ago) so we got to talking and he said in the beginning he was affraid to tell me that he was hairy all over, that I might find it a 'turn-off" and not agree to meet him in person. All I could do was laugh, and then I said,
"You being hairy would have never been the reason for us not meeting, but.... you're so lucky, had I known you were serious about your interest in swinging and screwing other people for fun, had I known, I would have never got involved with you at all."

3 years ago when he first started the serious swinger talk, we were at a resteurant, after dinner, we decided on Apple Dumplings, we were full so I suggested that we share one dumpling, he said, "no, I don't want to share one, I want one to myself"...... Well that statement hurt me, He made me feel that the apple dumpling was more special then me, his wife.

So if someone, anyone can explain why that apple dumpling was more important then me, I'd sure like to know.

[VegasLee]

I don't think the apple dumpling was more important then you. He wanted an apple dumpling for himself.

Why read more into something that I am willing to bet was not there at all.

Don't pick at small things that don't really matter and you will find there is not as many big things really happening.

[r0x0rNb0x0r]

Nobody likes a quiter Nah im just joking If your not getting what you need its time to move on.

[pacpl4funn]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

I don't think the apple dumpling was more important then you. He wanted an apple dumpling for himself.

your correct Lee, he wanted that dumpling all to himself, but he doesn't want me the same way!

I find it strange that a man can share the most important, special person in his life, but not his dessert. LOL

[good times]

Originally Posted by pacpl4funn

your correct Lee, he wanted that dumpling all to himself, but he doesn't want me the same way!

I find it strange that a man can share the most important, special person in his life, but not his dessert. LOL

I don't think this is really uncommon at all, I will happily share my wife with others but she would risk losing a hand if she tried to take some of my desert.

[r0x0rNb0x0r]

very true

[BodyScape02]

Originally Posted by pacpl4funn

Hi Cat and thanks for the note, my answer is pretty simple, I love him. And how do you walk away from the one you love?

....

"...you're so lucky, had I known you were serious about your interest in swinging and screwing other people for fun, had I known, I would have never got involved with you at all."

And I would say :

You never should have gotten involved with him in the first place... and that hiding that (swinging), is a rather serious breach of trust. A let me bait you and get you...then ... I will bring you into my fetish, that I know you would run from otherwise" breach of trust... the word premeditated comes to mind. I think in retail they call it "bait and switch"!


So why isn't “I love him" enough?

Well for one... Love ...is not an excuse for abuse (giving or taking it) or being treated with disrespect. Trust me, you can still love someone and not be with them... you can love them as your best friend. I am doing that right now...and it is just fine. I don’t love Mr. Body any less now that we are not a couple.

It is an adult perspective and a real mature thing to admit that love is not enough. You can love someone to death and it not be right to be together in the long run… for lots of reasons.

All in all , “I love him” is actually a real "cop out" of a "me culpa" type of argument. Do you know how many times I have held people who are bruised and crying "Why?" and when I ask if they would let anyone treat their daughter that way...the answer is an emphatic – “NO” .

Then I ask them, why they allow themselves to be such a rotten role model by letting someone treat them that way... and they inevitably say ...." BUT ...I LOVE HIM.”

I guess realizing the difference between being “needy of love” and having a true giving and sharing type of love that nourishes both people ...comes with time... but not if you stay needy.

Yeah, you love him and you NEED him to love you (more than the dumpling ....) but what the heck does that have to do with anything...when by every action and word... he shows he doesn't love you.

Being needy is pathetic (been there) and ends up ultimately not being attractive and driving people away. After you did things you would never have done, just to keep him happy.

Love yourself first... so you don't feel threatened by apple dumplings ... and find yourself a man who can give you back respect and love. I don't think you have that... and everyone should.

BTW... don't tell me it is not possible...because I have done it.

[DBL D]

You should never do something because someone, even your hubby, wants you to. You have to want to do it and you also have to want to make things work. If not, then you should say bye-bye to the lifestyle and (possibly) to him.

If things don't just flow naturally, then that's a sign of a mismatch with the lifestyle.

Male D

[mitzi54]

That was beautiful Bodyscape02..... Well said.