Wife say's no way to swinging. What do I do?

[thehun]

What do you do when the wife say's no way? I'm very open minded, but I'm worried about her? I would like to get her involved but what do I do? How do I get her to open up?

Thanx in advance

[likeitalot04]

Not being an expert on the subject, I would think that 90% of the women have the same initial reaction; however, what I read on this site, it simmers in their mind until their curiousity gets the best of them and they open up and sometimes even take the lead.

[VegasLee]

This lifestyle is NOT for everyone. It is not for MOST really.

There is many women that will say NO and they mean it. Just like in the Lifestyle. No means NO....

First and best thing to do is to talk to her about it. Yes, she is saying No. Listen to her. Why is she saying no? It may not be for her and you will just have to respect that.

After all, she is more important to you then you getting some strange once in a while.

I do find it interesting that you are listed as a single male but asking questions about your wife.

[thehun]

my mistake I will change that!

[Cafe10s]

Mr. Hun, the best thing to do is let her get aquainted with the lifestyle without any presure. Let her watch, talk to people, and make friends. If she has a pulse she will eventually react to all the stimulation.

[MrkLin]

Tread softly here. You certainly don't want to lose what is otherwise a good marriage, and forcing the issue will certainly do that. This is NOT for everyone, and as VegasLee said, it's not for most. He's 100% correct. Most people never get into this lifestyle, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Our attitude is this lifestyle takes nothing away from either of us, it only adds to the sexual side of our relationship. This lifestyle is based on love, trust, and mutual respect. It must be looked at as sex with another "in addition to" your spouse, not "instead of" your spouse - even if your spouse isn't in the room at the time.

If you are a couple that can talk about fantasies and such, please do this first. You need to find out what she fantasizes about and work to that end - even if it doesn't include this lifestyle. She may never want to do anything with another person. She may dig in her heels and flatly refuse to even discuss it. If so, you have to respect that. Getting involved in something you don't want to get involved in is not an option.

There's no sure-fire way to get her to "open up." About all you can do is present it to her in an open and honest way and let her make up her own mind about things. Ask her to read some of the posts in this forum. There are erotic story sites that feature stories within this topic - heck, I've written a few myself. Don't push though. If you bombard her with this topic, it could only make her refusal to consider it even stronger, and that will only hurt your marriage as well.

As I said, tread softly.

[thehun]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

After all, she is more important to you then you getting some strange once in a while.

I do find it interesting that you are listed as a single male but asking questions about your wife.

It bothers me that you would think I'm here looking for some STRANGE as you so politly put it , there are many other avenues I could use before coming here. I'm looking for insite as to how to expose my wife to this lifestyle without upsetting her?!

As for the single male thing I made a mistake.

Thanx for the responce.

[Spoomonkey]

T. Hun

Actually, I don't think VegasLee was insinuating that you were here to cheat, just pointing out the obvious - many men get into it for the variety of sexual experience.

I took his point to mean that your marriage is far more important than an unfamiliar vagina - and in that, he is 100% right. Having an open-minded wife, I've had the pleasure to experience swinging - and to get the ocassional "strange". What I have learned is that the reality isn't quite the fantasy and if I had to choose my marriage over swinging - the choice would be an easy one. Should you ever get the chance to play around in the lifestyle, you'll see the same thing.

That said - the lifestyle IS a lot of fun, and some of the folks you meet can be - frankly - mind blowing.

As far as getting your wife involved, Lee is giving you great advice: find out why she is saying "no". What are her issues with it? Morality? Jealousy? Insecurity? Knowing where she is gives you a place to start.

I don't agree with Cafe, really... Putting a person in the middle of the lifestyle doesn't guarantee (assuming they have a pulse) that they will get into it. Swinging is an intensely personal decision that demands a lot of discussion, understanding and time. This is about you guys - not the "atmosphere" of swinging.

Spoomonkey

[thehun]

Thanx Spoomonkey!

I guess I'm a bit frustrated at this point. head bang Sorry! Point taken and received load and clear! :slam"
I will proceed slowly and with my eye's wide open!

[Alura]

Welcome from Oklahoma, Mr. Hun! We're glad you've joined us and hope the folks here can help. Please stop by our Introductions Forum and tell us more about yourselves. We hope you and your wife will join the discussions.

The one thing that strikes me about your question is that you seem to fear asking your wife. The first thing you need to eliminate is that fear. Communication is the most important ingredient in swinging. If you can't talk to your wife about ANY subject, it's unlikely you'll be successful in swinging.

Tell her that you'd like to have discussions with her about sex but are afraid she'll get angry if you bring it up. When Mrs. Alura and I first met, we made the agreement that we would never get angry at any question and would always answer it honestly and completely. Walking away in a huff would not be acceptable.

Once that's done, you might proceed by asking her if she'd like to "spice up your sex life" by role playing, toys, a weekend in a hotel, etc., etc. Don't phrase your questions so they can be answered with "Yes" or "No." Your goal is more to get her talking than to get simple answers. An example: "Sweetheart, how do you feel about spicing up our sex life?" (or any other subject.) If she's open to it, consider bringing her here to research some ideas.

If you can get the communication flowing the juices will soon follow and you'll thank your lucky stars for the day you surfed in here.

Good Luck!

Alura

[thehun]

Thanks Alura,

I have asked in the past and didn't know how to get past the one word answer. I like what has been said here by you and the others and asked a very open question this very morning.

Q; "Why don't you every tell me about your fantacies?"
A; "I'm to busy to think about them."

So I hope this get's things rolling and I will invite her here sometime, where should we start on the site?

Hun

[TNT]

Originally Posted by thehun

So I hope this get's things rolling and I will invite her here sometime, where should we start on the site?

Hun

This link here should bring up a lot of good topics for you both to read over.

Like Mr. Alura said, you have got to be able to talk to each other about EVERYTHING before swinging will be successful.

Teresa