Wives, why did you say no to swinging?

[MikeNJen]

I am actually the one who brought up the subject about 5 years ago, and we talked about it and then it got shoved on the back burner (our youngest was still a baby) because of life and jobs and such.

Then awhile back he got caught with his dick where it shouldnt have been, seeing him with another woman was infuriating (sp?) and erotic at the same time. We worked through everything that happened and if anything it made our marriage stronger.

Then he brought up swinging again, I think at the time he thought it was his pennance (sp?) and my reservation was that he basicly wanted a licence to cheat, but if we did swing, then at least I would know who he was screwing and would be having some fun myself.

And now, after reading everything i could get my hands on via the internet and finding out that I'm not the only swinger in my family. and about three months of heart to heart talks with hubbie, we did have our first, second and third experience and all of them were amazing in their own right.

It has helped me admit to my husband and myself that I am Bi and I finaly gave up being a chicken and got my boobs and hood pierced (though I have to fingure out something else to pierce cus i have 13 now) and it has given me the sexual freedom that i was raised to be embarrased of my whole life.

For us, it isnt a "lifestyle" but an addition to our sex life.

I no longer feel like the frumpy soccer mom of two. I am a beautiful, sexual, sensual woman, and am loving every minute of it.

[swing52001]

I'm sure that question has been universal in the bedrooms and kitchens of would-be swingers. It has been in mine! And now I have a greater understanding of my wife's reluctance. The matter is yet unresolved in my situation, however, the answers and suggestions given above have been enlightening and encouraging. Thanks to MikeNJen for asking. I sure got answers. Thanks everybody.
p.s. I know this was addressed to the female members but it deserves appreciative thanks from those of us still struggling with emotional and semantic aspects of the discussion.

[Casinofun]

you people are all so cool!
we are still discussing it and wife sways between NO ans Hell no! actually she hasnt said no, but she hasnt said yes either.
at least she is looking at board and ads!

[couple4FinOtt]

Mrs. SwingLord - were you excited when he very first asked? hopefull that it was not just about him? How did he "show you the way"?

CasinoFun - did she say what reasons she has for saying no? hell no?

[jennandjamesinm]

It mostly takes patience and lots of discussion. Don't push, and let her explore. A seasoned swinger once told me "Men lead the way into swinging, and women keep them there." Just be patient and loving, but also be prepared for a no also. Ultimately, if you truly love your wife, you will accept that answer. Who knows, you might get a different answer down the road.

Jenn

[HotMoCpl]

I'm not sure what here reasons are, but I think she's afraid of liking it too much, not to mention the power a woman feels when SHE is control of more than one man.

For the past few months its been a yes / no battle. I told her if she says no, that's it. Done. She keeps coming back and saying yes.

I feel like a yoyo.

[jennandjamesinm]

Originally Posted by HotMoCpl

I'm not sure what here reasons are, but I think she's afraid of liking it too much, not to mention the power a woman feels when SHE is control of more than one man.

For the past few months its been a yes / no battle. I told her if she says no, that's it. Done. She keeps coming back and saying yes.

I feel like a yoyo.

It can be confusing - but if you are patient, then she just might say yes. Maybe try a local club to to see what its all about? That's what broke the ice for me. That and a Meet-Up in Memphis with some of the SB members.....Just have patience, she has to rationalize the moral/societial/religious things that are warring in her mind.

Jenn

[swing52001]

oops, sorry should have turned the page. couple4finott...thanks to you for asking the question. My wife is still between "not in your lifetime" and "hell no" like casinofun. She told me she feels that all I want is her permission for extramarital sex. She said I was behaving most disrespectfully to even ask her if she ever thought about having sex with anyone other than me. She stated flatly that she never had fantasies about sex and that I am some sort of pervert for telling her that I do (have fantasies). And finally she had several things to say about the sanctity of "her" bed and "our" sex-life and that I shouldn't be talking about it with anyone else because that constitutes betrayal of her trust, and furthermore..."I don't want to talk about it" ......pretty heavy stuff.
Well.... I do want her permission for extramarital sex, I do want to hear about her fantasies and I fervently hope that some day she will appreciate the differences between sex and love. What I don't want is for her to wake up some morning and say oh gosh, oh gee, I missed an opportunity because I didn't want to talk about it. And sometimes it doesn't havta snow twice for me to get the drift....that means lots more patience, lots more talk, and lots more optimism Like everybody knows the lifestyle isn't for everybody.