Undecided about swinging, he is ready but wanting different things

[Maybe_Someday]

I am a Married Male in a relationship where my wife is not interested in swinging at this time, so I can kinda relate to your situation. My suggestion (in addition to what everyone else has said) is to really have you and your husband explore this website. I had a lot of misconceptions about swinging, what it is, what it is not, what's required to make it work, what the dangers are, what the benefits are... before I spent time on this site. I have learned there is a lot more to swinging than I thought, and I am now taking time to really make sure I am strengthening my relationship with my wife before I bring up the topic of swinging again.

Maybe_Someday
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Swinging would be nice, but vanilla is better than rocky road.

[oncewere]

Get him to sit down with you (emphasis with you) and read lots of threads on this site then talk about them a lot. It sounds like he needs to be exposed to the wisdom of the people on this board as much as you do. take advantage of all the wonderful people here. as "TheMonster" said, don't expect perfect comfort with anything new.

[WoodyInSoCal]

Have you thought about the prospect of you becoming the advocate and he not being interested? It may very well happen that he realizes he doesn't want to share you. And you realize just how much pleasure and excitement you are getting. I would guess it might take a couple of play dates before he realizes just how much fun you are having and I bet you will realize it after the first time. <EG>

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by WoodyInSoCal

Have you thought about the prospect of you becoming the advocate and he not being interested? It may very well happen that he realizes he doesn't want to share you. And you realize just how much pleasure and excitement you are getting. I would guess it might take a couple of play dates before he realizes just how much fun you are having and I bet you will realize it after the first time. <EG>

As much as I must stress that a couple shouldn't go ahead until all parties feel ready, I admit that what WoodyInSoCal says has often proved true! Men will often get the ball rolling, but once it's rolling - and she finds out how liberating and enjoyable it can be - he gets to feeling a little insecure and inadequate and then wants to slam on the brakes. The tables are turned. When it's all about him, and he feels he has control over the situation, he has no problem with it. But one of the most misunderstood things about it is that in order to do it successfully, you really need to relinquish control to your partner. You need to be able to trust them enough to let them decide what is and is not appropriate behaviour. This is something like driving blindfolded and relying on your partner to keep you on the road. Or doing one of those Fear Factor stunts where you're locked in a box underwater, and you're relying on your partner for air. You've pretty much got your beating heart on a platter for them and you're begging them not to pull the plug on the life support system...Ok, that's maybe a little drastic and gross, but you get the idea. It sure as hell isn't easy. We know, because we've been there once. But once you're able to successfully leap that hurdle, the feeling of that success is worth it.

[Undecided]

Thanks all for your replys, its much appreciated. And we are still talking it to death. I still don't feel comfortable with the open marraige thing quite yet. I am not that eager to share him. but I am still willing to give "swinging" a chance in due time. It is very new and its hard to break old views but with some time it should be easier and a bit more fun to start. Thanks all

Sincerely,

Undecided