Hubby against..what now?

[DBL D]

For the first time...I can add nothing to a thread.

Dito Dito I bow humbly to your cumulative knowledge, board members.

Male D

[mustang3]

I'm sorry, but I would have to say that if hubby is against it it's CHEATING. Perhaps you should look at whats wrong with your relationship and work on fixing it instead of using swinging as a way to get your rocks off.

[WesternSwing]

I have to agree once again, swinging is swinging, and cheating is cheating. However I may have a different take on the situation, or maybe I am digging past your role in it.

If your husband does not want to swing, and even mentioning it makes him question whether-or-not he is enough for you, then he is not at a point in your relationship where he is comfortable that he is enough for you. This could be a self-esteem issue, or it could be that you haven't been together long enough to develop this kind of bond and assuredness in each other. His response is one of jealousy, and for him it comes from someplace he doesn't know yet.

Something else you need to look at is why you want to swing. Were you not ready to settle down? Is it the excitement of someone besides your spouse thinking your attractive? Do you need it for self-esteem? This sounds so one-sided. Ask youself "what's in it for him?" Swinging is something my wife and I do for, and with, each other. Not for ourselves individually. We both get something out of it.

Stay true to your husband. As I've said before, swing partners come and go, but your spouse is the one that will be there with you in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, until death do you part. Do you want to throw that away over a half hour or so of fun with a couple of guys that have no interest in you other than getting off?

It sounds like you have come to that conclusion yourself, already. Good luck.

Mr. WS

[jcbicouple]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

If your husband does not want to swing, and even mentioning it makes him question whether-or-not he is enough for you, then he is not at a point in your relationship where he is comfortable that he is enough for you. This could be a self-esteem issue, or it could be that you haven't been together long enough to develop this kind of bond and assuredness in each other. His response is one of jealousy, and for him it comes from someplace he doesn't know yet.

We have to disagree! Most people, in "vanilla" relationships, would question themselves if their spouse suggested sleeping with others. We know that all of us brought it up at some point, but we would guess that most couples either stumbled on it and started talking, or it was brought up very subtly and dropped if the other partner was against it. We can't speak for everyone: Just guessing. However, We think that if one partner kept bringing it up, even joking after they knew the other didn't want to share: Anyone would feel like they weren't enough. In this case: You add in the fact that the partner that's bringing it up is already cheating on them, and well: Who wouldn't feel insecure!? (and if you think he doesn't have some idea, you're lieing to yourself....most partners know what's going on: They just try to lie to themselves to keep it from hurting so bad....just ask anyone who's ever been cheated on!) Afraid, Even now if one of us "went to lunch" without the other ones knowledge and permission: The other one would be putting an end to this "swinging" stuff! Fast!

[20ishCouple]

Well I'd have to say simply put (IMO), if you have tried discussing the idea of swinging with your husband, and he blows you off everytime or gets angry, that thats pretty much the end of discussion. The title of this Thread should answer itself for the most part...If your Hubby is against something in your relationship, there is no WHAT NOW. It is something that you will both have to work through or do without. I have to agree with what everyone else so far has said. Cheating and Swinging are two different things. It's not swinging when your hubby says no, and you get a lil "play" on the side, that's definately not going to help things....actually to be honest, it would drive your hubby even further away from the idea of the swinger lifestyle. This is something that is built on trust.