Married to a non-swinger.

[TeamSoBe]

Reading the posts from some of you guys, I have to mention that you honestly sound happier than I do. It sounds to me like you guys have sexual connections with your wives that are strong and healthy and you have good lines of communication. That's what we're all after, right?

There were five very hot naked women (and only two other guys) in my living room this weekend and I'm thrilled silly about that, but the whole reason why I'm involved in the first place is because I have things I'm trying to work through, my wife and I love the energy we get from it, and we enjoy the tight connection between us that it encourages. You guys have all of those things already and apparently no 'issues' that need to be resolved like me. You don't have five hot women fucking three horny guys in your living room but that's not much compared to what you do have.

Pity the guy with no women at all.

[Mike and Jan]

Thanks for the encouragement CB..., as long as there's hope?

[CB_n_Red]

My pleasure!

There's always hope.....

CB

[SexhoundDog]

Rich,
One thing interesting I got out of your post is that when your wife found out you'd visited this site, she got ignited a little. You then exchanged pictures with a couple but when you met, she got cold feet. As I analyze this, something must've happened. I can't imagine if the guy looked like Brad Pitt (or whomever she finds attractive, just an example) that she'd have flipped out. Did the other woman look like Halle Berry (one of my favorites!) and perhaps she had a tinge of jealousy set in? Did you guys discuss why it went south?

I sometimes wonder if we took away the years when we were raising kids and the wives (and us men too) bore a few less pounds and had more freedom and could be irresponsible like we were as kids, would they feel better about swinging? This comment is mainly for us over 45 people, but if I had to hazard a guess, I think the extra pounds and not feeling as attractive as they'd like has a huge amount to do with these feelings. It probably does with some guys as well, but not as much as women.

Or are you gals just that much more modest than us?

[Mike and Jan]

Sexhound,
Yes, I thought about that a lot. The guy wasn't what she'd like in a man at all. I do think that if he'd been, and they'd hit it off better..., who knows? The lady wasn't anything that'd make my wife jealous but the lady was very appealing to me. I'm more into a woman's attitude and personality than aesthetics. Really! She wrote erotica like I was doing at the time (we met through an erotic story site we were both posting on).
The really worst part is that after that failed experience I'm afraid that I won't ever be able to tempt my wife again. If only Mel Gibson was married to a cool 'plain Jane' and he gave up religion for swinging..., then maybe.

[SexhoundDog]

Rich,
That's funny about Mel Gibson, he's probably my wife's favorite too. With Halloween coming up, I'm sure you remember all the political figure masks. Maybe we need to look hard and find good authentic looking Mel masks! Then all we've got to do is find nice guys for them and not have to worry about their looks. The extra benefit is that we can wear the masks as well when we're just one on one with them.

I'm with you on the attitude thing as well. Who doesn't like looking at a pretty woman with a nice tight ass? But I find that the sexiness they could exude is more rare than common as their "ain't I something" attitude prevails frequently. As you said, the right attitude goes a LONG way, and makes a plain Jane or a woman with a few extra pounds really stand out.

And one more thing. An older woman who has kept herself preserved makes me hotter than a young one. It's easy to look good when you're younger, it takes a bit of doing to keep it up when you get beyond 50.

[Mike and Jan]

I agree completely with you HoundDog..., I've always enjoyed older women. But, have you noticed? There are fewer and fewer of them! LOL!

[The Hillbillies]

Except for the job description, I could have written this post myself. Kinda got over the in person, real life desires tho. Scared to death of disease anyhow. Still, we pillow talk about this lifestyle constantly.

[fun_pairTX]

It is funny, some people write in to the board trying to find ways to change the nature of their spouse/SO. It is very unfortunate that people can't accept each other and thier lives together at face value. Mrs Fun and I had a wonderful relationship before swinging came along and we will have the same joy solely with each other when we are no longer in the lifestyle. If Mrs Fun were to walk through the door now and say swinging was over for us I would just say "cool" and we would get on with our lives. It is a hobby to us, not really a lifestyle, and certainly not a deity. For a lot of folks I think it is the allure of the taboo that attracts them. After all if you remember David Bowie's Ziggy Stardust album, "The music comes out better on a stolen guitar"

[Mike and Jan]

Hillbillies,
Now you sound like just the couple my wife might feel comfy with. You're able to talk together but very apprehensive about actually trying anything. And, you're from OK too! She's got two degrees from OU. Are you two Sooners? But, being from the 'Tulsa' side of OKC you might just be Cowboys..., if so congrats on one hell of a game Saturday!
Feel free to message me.
Rich

[DBStPete]

I honestly think you guys who are trying to talk reluctant spouses into swinging go about it the wrong way. Please don't take that as a flame, I'm trying to help.

What is the primary motivation of most new male swingers? To get laid, that is, to put their cock in another woman's pussy. Be honest now.

Don't you think your wife knows that? Why should this make her so enthusiastic? Oh, yeah, she gets to get some too. But it almost seems like a lot of guys are throwing their wife a bone (if you'll pardon the term): "Here honey, you fuck this other guy while I fuck his wife". It doesn't surprise me a bit that this doesn't work. While many women enjoy MFMs or whatever, it doesn't seem to "drive" them nearly as much as it does men, especially newbies.

Guys, especially you long-married guys, think about this: how do you get her to happily go along with something you want do? I'm not talking about sex, I'm talking life in general.

You know the answer: you think of her first. You look at things from her perspective. You do what it takes to make her happy and comfortable. A purring woman is a generous woman. A secure woman is an open-minded woman.

So, instead of worrying about your fantasies, and your desires, throw all that out the window. Try and draw out, carefully and slowly if need be, her desires. Work on doing nothing else but finding and fulfilling her sexual fantasies for a good long time. As she gets happier and more fulfilled, there will be more purring and more security. It's very important that this be about her. Don't let her think that's it's just something that you're doing because you "have to" in order to eventually talk her into full swinging.

As she starts bringing forth and maybe actualizing her fantasies, she's likely to become more sexually open-minded in general. Eventually, she will very likely want you to start fulfilling your fantasies. But she has to come first, in more ways than one.

Just IMO.

D/DBStPete

[Dr Jekyll]

WOW... Great post DBStPete...

[Compersor]

Originally Posted by fun_pairTX

If Mrs Fun were to walk through the door now and say swinging was over for us I would just say "cool" and we would get on with our lives.

I find this quite amazing. I would be able to give it up if my wife really didn't want to go thru with it. But I would always yearn for it. I just love the fact that my (much younger wife) enjoys men (including me ) and I would hate her to be strictly monogamous. I know now she doesn't want to give it up either. I have told her on more than one occasion that I wanted to throw the towel in the ring, because I thought she might not be enjoying it and I hate making her do anything against her will. But she wouldn't hear of it. She likes her extramarital excursions now.

[Compersor]

Originally Posted by DBStPete

What is the primary motivation of most new male swingers? To get laid, that is, to put their cock in another woman's pussy. Be honest now.
D/DBStPete

That is not my primary motivation. My wife enjoys mfm, just like me. Of course there is a selfish aspect to my motivation: the rush that I get when I see my honey enjoying herself. Nothing to do with my getting laid. I don't, coz we don't do couples.

[850couple]

Hi, I am a 34 y/o male happily married to a 46 y/o woman. I am also very interested in swinging. My wife however is not. I have had 4 sexual relationships in my life, including my wife.(no, never had an affair) She has had countless sexual encounters. MMF, video, sex with strangers, mutual masterbation, and affairs with 1st hubby. No none of this makes me jealous, in fact, hearing these stories is exactly how I got the bite for swinging! She used to somewhat brag about said encounters.......until I told her how much I loved to hear her stories, and that I would love to swing with her. She said NO WAY! That she would have before we got married, but not now. I figured....OK, she thinks I just want another woman. So, I tried to get her to OK a MMF. NOPE, said she have a private affair before shed swing. I wouldnt fool around, I am happy to have her as a wife, and to me fooling around on her is out, but with her is great. Are there any tips or hints I am missing?