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HoneyLove226

Hubby's fantasies don't match mine, but married with a LONG life ahead of us

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Dear everyone,

 

I stumbled across this board through researching the lifestyle. We've barely dabbled. We have a club nearby and I was on their website and found this board. To get our feet wet, I thought going to a club would be better than meeting some random person from a craigslist ad (seems dangerous). Thoughts?

 

Also, do men *say* they want to see their woman being pleased by another man to segue their desires to be with other woman? Maybe to soften the blow so to speak? Would LOVE a very honest answer.

 

I'm kind of glad and kind of not glad that I found this site. Glad because it's helping open my eyes to understand my husband's fantasies. I want him to be fulfilled. Not glad because now I can't stop thinking about how hurt I would be if he were with another woman. Just the fact that he wants to hurts me, although the "higher self" in me knows this is how most men are. I have a huge problem separating sex & love. Like most women I would imagine.

 

Here's my question with background: I had someone coming on to me very strong at work and I told hubby about it. Hubby brought up his fantasy of seeing me with another man. He got all excited and asked me to fool around with this guy. I really couldn't believe it at first. Thought it was some sort of test because it's not your usual relationship request. But I did - gave him a bj in my office. It wasn't bad - I'd known the guy for years and he was attractive. And very persistant.

 

The encounter was just ok. Didn't make my hair stand on end or anything. I'm just really in love with my hubby and don't find other guys attractive enough to sleep with (unless he prompts me). I did get off, though, on seeing my hubby insanely turned on. BUT, he wants me to want it (says that's the turn on for him), but I honestly don't. I don't go around thinking "boy, I could fuck him" when I look at the produce guy, etc. I like the idea of him watching, but I wasn't the sleeping-around type before and I'm not now. I would do it for him, though.

 

Fast forward, we found out we were pregnant (and not married). We wanted to get married and he brought up sleeping wiht another woman before we got hitched. That really surprised and hurt me. Still hurts me. He even suggested an ex girlfriend he could sleep with (and I'm friends with her). Well I got upset - it didn't happen. We got married and now have an 8 week old daughter.

 

He recently brought up again the subject of fooling around with another guy. We were looking at the Casual Encounters ads on craigslist. I was having fun with it - just showing him "get a load of this..." He all of the sudden wants me to answer the ads and go sleep with some stranger... I told him not a good idea - baby & also breastfeeding plus I am still carrying around baby weight and don't feel 100% sexy... But he is almost obsessed with the idea and can't understand my hesitation.

 

Now he is back to talking about being with another woman. He says I "don't trust him" enough to let him do it. I have no idea what the "trust" is about - I don't care if he is "coming home to me." I just imagine him with someone else and it makes me sick. Now those thoughts are following me into the bedroom and I am not enjoying sex with him as much anymore. It's following me to everyday life, too. Every "cute" girl I see in a store, etc, I think "I bet he would love to fuck her." This SUCKS! I can't seem to shut it off. And he makes no bones about undressing other women with his eyes in front of me and has a"get over it" attitude, which I find disrespectful. Am I crazy???????????

 

All of the sudden, I feel self-concious when I'm with him. I hold back on my passion because I feel like he doesn't deserve it anymore. This is my husband. NOT GOOD! I torment myself with the thoughts of him with someone else and feel like I'm not good enough for him anymore because of his desires for other women. Plus having hormone issues because of just having a baby.

 

SO, back to my question(s): I am open and willing to check things out because I am curious and want hubby to be happy. Do you suggest a club or an ad on craigslist (when the time is more appropriate - no more breastfeeding). Hubby said it's ok to have someone come to our house, but I don't want some strange guy knowing where we live - hubby works 12-14 hours a day and I'm here alone with my baby.

 

Also, how do I get rid of the resentment that has cropped up from his desires? I know it has to be hard to share them with me because they are unconventional, but I can't shake my feelings. Part of me says to go for it and see how I actually feel instead of imagining...

 

PLEASE HELP!

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:Welcome: from Oklahoma, HoneyLove! We're glad you've joined us. I'm sure that the fabulous folks on this board will be chiming in with suggestions.

 

One thing most folks don't realize about swinging, is that full communication without fear is vital to successfully enjoying our lifestyle. It seems y'all have not yet developed that. My suggestion is that y'all start on that issue.

 

You might start by telling your husband, "I'm afraid to tell you exactly how I feel when we talk about issues because I fear reprisal."

 

The late Mrs. Alura and I agreed on our second date that we would never become angry at any question that one of us might ask and that we would always talk it out until it was settled. Saying, "I don't want to talk about it!" was never acceptable. It worked for us for almost thirty years.

 

You must level with him on all issues, including that you have visited us here. Bring him here and let him read this thread. It's a good way for the two of you to get on the same communication plane.

 

Never agree to do something you don't want to do because it seems to be the easy way out. It will severely bite your marriage in the ass!

 

I'm so sorry y'all are having this difficulty. I hope we can help.

 

Alura

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I will admit I did not read your entire message. The first two paragraphs were much more intriguing than the typical introduction seen here. So I will comment on them the read the remainder of your intro.

 

Going to a club is. A much better introduction to swing lifestyle than any Web- based facility.

 

Men say they want to see their woman pleased. I firmly believe that being inside of another woman has much more appeal to the typical man.

 

:welcome1: to The Swingersboard.

 

~Michael

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OK, I have read the remainder of your message. My question is, what would you like? I believe that is what is important.

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This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen! Never do something just to make someone else happy!

 

I know my husband likes being with other women... and I like women and men too, but we do it together, same room to enjoy it together.

 

Men do like having sex... PERIOD! The excitement of someone else is a turn on to them, but he shouldnt be hurting you with it. It isnt like you were his first and he wanted to sow his oats so to speak. I married a virgin the first time around, I was his first and he was always curious about other women and how they felt.

 

I think you two seriously need to talk more about this.

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Hello and welcome.

 

I read your post...twice.

 

Some simple answers is that I'm sure that there are men out there that try to get their wives involved for their own personal gratification but the vast majority of swingers I have met (including me) absolutely love watching their wives being pleasured by another man and it's NEVER tit for tat with us. Just because we have a single male one week doesn't mean there is an expectation for a single female, etc.

 

You were honest about the advances of a coworker and that is highly commendable and he expressed a fantasy and you obliged. You have done nothing wrong and hopefully you are not experiencing any regret here and this should NEVER be held over your head (such as "why can I because you did") because this again was his fantasy and not yours and you did it for him and not yourself.

 

His timing about asking you again when you were pregnant was most likely a guy being a typical guy. We are stupid sometimes. You would think we would know better than to ask things at a time when you are emotionally overwhelmed with hormone fluctuations. :eek: Well, sometimes we don't.

 

Going to skip a bunch of the individual points about some of the things you have said and put them into a consolidated response...

 

He is being selfish at this point. He has been blinded by something and he can't seem to get it out of his mind. You used the word obsessed and he is. The outlook doesn't look very good if you can't get him to think straight long enough to consider your care and concerns. You are not ready for this and chances are he may not be either but he is not weighing the risk vs. the reward. Swinging is something that can't be entered into if it's one sided. It's highly emotional and takes a lot of understanding and communication. It would surely rip the two of you apart and sounds like it's headed that way. You are already resentful and it won't get better so put your foot down, tie him to a chair, whatever it takes and slow down.

 

If the two of you can work through it, get off Craigslist...bad, bad, bad. Get on SLS or some other respectable site. Seriously though, your not ready.

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Welcome to the board!

 

Do you suggest a club or an ad on craigslist (when the time is more appropriate - no more breastfeeding).

 

At this point in your relationship, I wouldn't suggest either one, or any other venue geared towards swinging. You aren't ready for it, and that's OK. You may never be ready for it, and that's OK too.

 

I would suggest you both read this board, and see what you can learn to improve your communication with each other, and how to understand each others needs. There is a lot of good advice contained in the forums, and much of it has nothing to do with swinging.

 

Best of luck to both of you. :)

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I have a very serious question. You say that you have you sexual interest in men. You also said that you told your husband about the guy coming on to you and you went ahead with giving the guy a blowjob at your husbands prompting.

 

Do you actually find other men sexually attractive and are just protecting your own image of yourself (one man woman who would never fuck around)? I know many women who seem to be truly monogamous and wouldnt fuck some guy who is coming on to them, even at their husbands prompting.

 

If you really didnt want to fuck that guy, I would question why you did it. Doing this purely to make your husband happy is a very bad idea. Doing this to make yourself happy while also protecting your self image by saying it's for your husband is equally bad. If you are going to do this, do it for yourself.

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Hi HoneyLove226 and welcome to the forums!

 

Replying to several things in your post...

 

Many men find it very erotic to watch their wives having sex with other men. There will of course be men that don't. I personally find it very erotic, and have enjoyed this pleasure many times. I think I'm a bit concerned about your question though; do you perceive your husband as trying to manipulate you into getting into the lifestyle by saying he wants to see that, but really wants to be with other women more? There seems a trust issue at play here?

 

I think, and many will tell you here, that it is a very bad idea to play with coworkers. There are plenty of potential play partners in the lifestyle. Playing with coworkers invites serious trouble.

 

"I would do it for him" is NOT a reason to get into swinging. In fact, it's a very BAD reason. Your husband is right in this respect; you wanting it is important. If you don't, you shouldn't be doing it...PERIOD.

 

Congratulations on your eight week old daughter! With a daughter comes immense responsibilities of course.

 

Letting your husband be with another woman is something that you don't do because you trust him. The trust is a given; without it, it's a complete non-starter. But, trust is just the BEGINNING of being comfortable with your partner playing with someone else.

 

No, you are NOT crazy. Swinging isn't about 'letting' your spouse do something. It's a mutual journey, based very strongly in love and respect in each other. Your husband is seriously pressuring you. Of course, we don't have his side of the story here, but from what I am reading here, there is no way in hell either of you should be swinging.

 

It is a VERY, VERY bad idea to have some strange guy off any board come to your house. My wife and I have been swingers for 3 1/2 years, and never has any of our play partners known where we live, or anything more about us than our first names and one of our cell numbers.

 

My best piece of advice for both of you is DROP it. Get back to base communication, work on your marriage, work on your family, and get back to a normal keel in your relationship. Forget about swinging. You're not cut out for it at this point in time, if at all. You have a daughter now. The two of you owe an immense responsibility to her. She didn't ask for this situation, but she is here and she needs BOTH of you. She needs her family.

 

Now, go get back to basics, forget about swinging, and work on being the best you (you, you and your husband, and you as in your family) you can be. Maybe a few years down the road you can consider swinging. But, right now ISN'T it.

 

If you persist in following this fantasy, it will kill your relationship.

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I'm with SW_PA_Couple on this one. What would you like?

 

You seem to be all over the place. First, you want info on how to get things going. Next, you say you don't want to do this. Finally, you ask again for advice on getting things going.

 

Spend a lot more time working on the question, "What would you like?" before you worry about anything else.

 

You mention that you believe he's trying to hurt you. Is it possible that he's just not clear that what he's asking *is* hurting you? Perhaps the fact that you went down on a coworker and looked at ads on craigslist with him has led him to believe that part of you is turned on by all of this.

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This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen! Never do something just to make someone else happy!

 

I've done some things I did not want to do because it made my wife happy. Love can involve doing things for someone else when you would rather do something else. I will never get those 3 hours from the Country music concert back but the wife really wanted to go.

 

The rub is where your limits really are.

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Welcome.

 

Much good advise so far , particularly Alura and Digginit. The underpinning of a succuesful relationship be it eventually "swinging" or not , is communication, trust , and each partner putting the other's concerns equal and more to their own. You need to get to there first before considering to add other people.

 

Should it ever get to that point Clubs vs Meeting people directly is matter of personal preference. But skip the Craigslist.

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That has got to be one of the funniest posts by Chicup I've read and I indentify with it completely. Yes we do things for our mates out of love, and that is the way it should be. We even do sexual things for our mates that might not really turn us on, and that's good also, IF communication and understanding is involved.

 

What you two need to do is listen with open ears and understanding. We are all different in our likes, and just because you can't understand how it would be exciting for him, doesn't mean it won't be. Yes, men can find their wife's pleasure as exciting as any form of sex. Arousal is so much in the mind. Nothing arouses me more than watching my wife have sex and orgasms. Even having sex with another woman is not always in the same ballpark as having sex with my wife while she's having sex with another man. To me my wife is the hottest woman around, like your husband is for you. To have sex with her while she's having extra pleasures is extra for me too.

 

It takes time, spirit, and trust to develop that level of sexual pleasures, so few women will ever approach that quality of pleasure with me, and the same will likely be true for you as to sex with other men.

 

Your husband isn't doing his best to understand your feelings and is pushing too hard. It's your job to tell him that. To tell him that if anything is to happen, it will be slow and will be an if.

 

Sex with others rarely makes your hair stand on end. But it often makes the sex after with your mate stand hair on end.

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Like many others have said, this is so conflicted.

 

On one hand you say you dislike the whole idea, and on the other you have gone ahead and done stuff and consider doing more.

 

So, first, I would sit down and truly think what it is you want and why. Do you really want to play with other people, or is that only because your hubby wants to?

 

The comments you have made about how he acts and that you should "get over it" dont sound very good either. Im on the fence with those too. Yes, we are only hearing them from your side, so they are slanted towards your feelings. And yes, you married him probably knowing he was like that.

 

In any case, I dont think playing with others is right at this time. You guys need to spend a lot of time talking yet, and you have some marital issues to come to terms with first before you can even entertain swinging.

 

All swinging would do for you at this point would be to expose you to a whole slew of new feelings, some of which will very likely not be pleasant and might overwhelm you. And then emotions would get raw, you would start saying things you might not want to say, and the stress would grow.

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Thank you all for your replies. Some very good advice here (and funny too - Chicup). I hear you all when you are saying slow down with all of this.

 

I do believe the problems really arose when I fooled around with the guy in the office and then all of the sudden it was "my hubby's turn" because I was with someone else now he needed to be with someone else.

 

That was not the deal.

 

Somehow me acting on his fantasy gave him carte blanche to try and sleep with another woman. That really makes me feel like he's a complete PIG. Like I said before, NOT GOOD. How is it that I did something generally against my nature to please him and he turns it around that since I got to "have fun" now it's his turn. The fun part for me was turning him on (and yes the sex with hubby after was so intense - my hair was on end from that for sure). That's why I asked the question about guys just saying they want to see their woman with someone else so they can turn the table and say "now it's my turn." I think that's pretty shitty.

 

The kicker is that I love oral. It makes me cum. It is very hard for me to cum with regular sex. It's still pleasurable but doesn't hold a candle to an orgasm from oral. I've told him this. We have been together for about 3 years and he's given me oral about 10 times total. Five of those he has made it like it's a big problem or inconvenient for him. Plus I have to beg him for it. Takes the fun out of it for sure. My previous partners loved to perform oral, so this is a 180 from what I'm used to. The other downside to that is that I love to give oral and I haven't been because I'm always sucking his dick and he won't do that for me.

 

I am a redhead and live up to the "attitude" stereotype. Not purposely. I can't help it.

 

So here I am doing things not unpleasant, mind you, but against my nature to please him and I'm not getting my needs met. Another reason why I hesitate to really swing. Kind of like he doesn't deserve it. I'm not getting my rocks off - why should he? Another part of me is saying "Swing, HoneyLove, cause there are men out there that will do what you need and actually like it!"

 

Believe me, we have talked about all of this. I showed him this site. Not my post (yet) but I did tell him that I'm willing to meet his needs, but I'm not being satisfied. He gave me oral that night and it was wonderful. So to his credit, it seems like he is willing to try. I hope so cause I'm married to this guy. With a baby.

 

It feels good to put these thoughts out there so I can anylize what's going on in our relationship. Thank you for giving me the opportunity and feedback.

 

The moral of the story is that I know I am not ready to actually have penetration from another man. I am too scared of getting pregnant, STDs, etc. Especially some bozo from craigslist. I think hubby is just really carried away. He never had a woman that he felt comfortable enough to share these feelings with and now that I've opened Pandora's box, he's going from 0-60 as fast as he can. I can't blame him on that one. But I don't like him pushing me - especially about another woman! And yes, I've told him this.

 

The only reason I'm even here is because a big part of me thinks that I could do it/enjoy it if I just let myself go. I know I have barriers up about it and I know that if I just relaxed and let things happen, it would be a good experience. That's why I have conflicting statements in my first post. Also, this is why I'm willing to try out a club. We can go there and just check it out with no expectations for either one of us.

 

If we check out the club and a woman comes on to him and we just see where it goes, I'm sure I will roll with it. Just for the experience... But I don't want to be told it's his turn because I got to "have fun." Bull shit.

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Yes, from your last post here you guys are definitely not ready to go to a club.

 

You really need to work on your own relationship first.

 

You have the idea that if you "just let it go" you would enjoy it. And maybe you would. But you have NO IDEA how you or him would handle him having sex with someone else.

 

Keep in mind that many guys can't really handle it either. Anyone who has been around a while has seen it, guys who are all good to go with talk, and then when push comes to shove and the clothes fall off, the guy goes limp and freaks out. Swinging is not for everyone, it's not even for 1% of society.

 

Heck, even a guy who has fantasies about his wife playing with others, and even in your case when you did something with another person, maybe your hubby would freak out if he actually saw that in person.

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HoneyLove, I will reiterate what I said before. If you swing, you will kill your relationship. Several people here have told you, myself included, that you are not ready for this. You aren't. Period. Based on what you've said, it's quite possible that down the road you and your husband may be able to enjoy swinging. That time is most emphatically NOT now.

 

It's great that you had an intense love making session after you played with your coworker. That's one of the frequently cited benefits of swinging that new swingers experience; the "reclaiming" sex you have with your partner is usually very intense, very satisfying. That's a good sign that it was for you. But, it's a sign to support swinging way down the road...not now.

 

I know it is very easy to openly share deep thoughts and emotions with people to whom you are completely anonymous. We do that all the time here. But, I can virtually guarantee you that any experience swinger here who does openly share such thoughts has absolutely no inhibitions in sharing anything they post here with their spouses. It can seem a huge challenge at first; how on earth can I say that to my husband? But, if the two of you set some ground rules like Alura did early on in his relationship with his wife, it can be immensely liberating to be able to share EVERY deep thought and emotion you have, and very much so for your husband as well. If you can share everything you've said here with your husband, you're making progress. But, that's progress in general; not just for swinging. Marriages are GREATLY enhanced by wide open, non-critical communication.

 

It is VERY poor form for your husband to be trying to hold your play time with a coworker over your head. That needs to stop, and needs to stop now. There is no tit-for-tat. Period.

 

Also, don't despair that your husband is not good and/or unwilling with oral. That can improve, with time, patience, and communication. The first girlfriend with whom I did oral was very patient with me. I was terrible at it, and really didn't like doing it very much either. But, she was patient and spent a lot of time communicating with me what I was doing that felt good, and kept encouraging me. I am ever thankful for that. Since then, I've never had a single complaint and many compliments. Plus, I really enjoy doing it now because it brings so much pleasure. This can happen with your husband too.

 

Now, if somewhere down the road you do get into swinging, it's ok to have things that you get a lot more of in swinging than you do at home. There's been threads about that here before, and for most swinging couples it's fine with them. For example, there's a number of men here who enjoy anal, but their wives do not. They get to have anal with some of the women they play with though, and their wives are very happy for them. You could have a very similar scenario with your situation. But, that said, I'd really work on improving things vis-a-vis his oral sex with you.

 

Whether you swing or not, please feel free to ask us questions. We're happy to help.

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I am so happy to have found you guys/this site. Eye-opening. Thank you for the thoughtful insight in your responses. I have really been tearing myself up every second since the LS subject has come up again in our household two weeks ago. Having extensive time to think and conjure scenes in my head doesn't help (on maternity leave and home alone all day).

 

Before I found this site, I was extremely throttled by all of this. I am coming to realize that this really is my new husband's fantasy/request for his sexual satisfaction and I will be honest; it is very hard to swallow. I mean, I don't mind swallowing, wink wink, but this does take the cake. This site has at least shown me it's not uncommon for mostly men but some women to want this.

 

Admittedly, hubby and I have very poor communication skills. This, according to your responses, is a swng no no. I doubt I can even show him this post.

 

I am very committed to our marriage. Divorce is not an option. You are so right when you say "Not right now." If ever. We need to get our shit straight on many levels before we start rubbing up on some strange.

 

The problem with this whole thing is that I am very committed to our marriage. :) I want/need him to have his needs met. Sexually most of all. I am a very sexual woman and I know how important it is to me. Does this mean I have to take the most bitter pill in letting him desicrate the sanctity of our union by approving him sticking his dick in some other woman's holiest of holies?????

 

I'm afraid I would hate him if he did it. I almost hate him for even wanting to go through with it. I cannot explain why I feel this way. Why do men seem to love the idea of their woman with someone else? He was seriously turned on by it.

 

How do I deal with the feeling that it is wrong, but I still want to go through with it?

 

How do I come to terms with the fact that I would be (have been!) with someone else to please him, but will not allow him to be with someone else? But both would please him and I want him to be pleased. It's very hypocritical of me.

 

Ok, well thanks again for the advice. I'm putting the breaks on all of this until things get right. This is the last thing I need right now. In fact, I've typed this whole thing with one finger while holding my 8-week-old daughter in my other arm.

 

Hubby can just deal with the prudish wife for now. I am incredibly kinky and am willing and able to go to tantric levels, but it will just have to be with one partner for now.

 

And if any of you guys (or ladies!!!) have additional advice on how to get both of us happy, please let me know. I will continue to check back. I really want a good resolution. Like the title says "married with LONG life ahead."

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Do not think you are a prude. Adding other people is not common in a marriage and you sound like your not a missionary only and don't get that thing near my face kind of woman. I hope he is appreciative of that. My husband tells me all the time of hearing stories from men who either rarely have sex or their wives won't perform oral or even allow oral on themselves. Anything that can be done between the two of us he has asked to do I have at least tried it once. His satisfaction is very important to me and you seem the same. Do not beat yourself up.

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You aren't a prude and he should thank his lucky stars that he has you.

 

He needs to respect your boundaries and if you never want to go further in the lifestyle, then that is where it ends. You should not feel bad about your own desires (or non desire for swinging).

 

As mom to mom, you have a newborn, and that alone is life changing. You don't deserve the pressure over swinging.

 

As a relatively new person in the LS, it takes constant open communication, trust in yourself and each other. Everything needs to be on the table and boundaries on both sides must be understood and respected. No hard feelings at all if one does not wish to do something or does not want a partner to do.

 

I've taken baby steps and so has he, but we have done it together. Our bond is so strong now because of honesty and communication. You need to be able to talk about fears, desires and turn offs.

 

Just keep talking for now.

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First off :Welcome:, we're glad you found us and I hope that by being here you'll find some of the answers you seek.

 

It sounds to me that what Alura said it right. You guys still have a ways to go with communication. Trust does not implicitly mean that you open the door to swinging or sex with others. Trust means that you can both communicate openly, listening to the other and that you each know that the other would never do anything (on purpose) to hurt you. You're not there yet. As much as he has fantasies (and yes there are guys who really do just want to see the ladies with another guy with no hidden agenda of being with another female), that doesn't mean that you automatically share them or that you are required to make them come true. Unfortunately, you did take that step forward and you are sending him mixed signals, by...

- going forward with your co-worker

-browsing the CL ads and pointing them out to him (that's a bit of a tease even if you were just looking at them thinking how sad they were).

 

You need to really examine what you want and let him know. You both need to do a lot more communicating with each other about your future together. Your relationship is still so young, now is the time to focus on each other and really learn about each other. There's plenty of time for fulfilling fantasies with others once you've fulfilled each other as a couple.

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I've done some things I did not want to do because it made my wife happy. Love can involve doing things for someone else when you would rather do something else. I will never get those 3 hours from the Country music concert back but the wife really wanted to go.

 

The rub is where your limits really are.

 

You cwack me up, man. lol.. hahahahahahaha. i went to that concert too!

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Hi HoneyLove226 and welcome to the forums!

 

Replying to several things in your post...

 

Many men find it very erotic to watch their wives having sex with other men. There will of course be men that don't. I personally find it very erotic, and have enjoyed this pleasure many times. I think I'm a bit concerned about your question though; do you perceive your husband as trying to manipulate you into getting into the lifestyle by saying he wants to see that, but really wants to be with other women more? There seems a trust issue at play here?

 

I think, and many will tell you here, that it is a very bad idea to play with coworkers. There are plenty of potential play partners in the lifestyle. Playing with coworkers invites serious trouble.

 

"I would do it for him" is NOT a reason to get into swinging. In fact, it's a very BAD reason. Your husband is right in this respect; you wanting it is important. If you don't, you shouldn't be doing it...PERIOD.

 

Congratulations on your eight week old daughter! With a daughter comes immense responsibilities of course.

 

Letting your husband be with another woman is something that you don't do because you trust him. The trust is a given; without it, it's a complete non-starter. But, trust is just the BEGINNING of being comfortable with your partner playing with someone else.

 

No, you are NOT crazy. Swinging isn't about 'letting' your spouse do something. It's a mutual journey, based very strongly in love and respect in each other. Your husband is seriously pressuring you. Of course, we don't have his side of the story here, but from what I am reading here, there is no way in hell either of you should be swinging.

 

It is a VERY, VERY bad idea to have some strange guy off any board come to your house. My wife and I have been swingers for 3 1/2 years, and never has any of our play partners known where we live, or anything more about us than our first names and one of our cell numbers.

 

My best piece of advice for both of you is DROP it. Get back to base communication, work on your marriage, work on your family, and get back to a normal keel in your relationship. Forget about swinging. You're not cut out for it at this point in time, if at all. You have a daughter now. The two of you owe an immense responsibility to her. She didn't ask for this situation, but she is here and she needs BOTH of you. She needs her family.

 

Now, go get back to basics, forget about swinging, and work on being the best you (you, you and your husband, and you as in your family) you can be. Maybe a few years down the road you can consider swinging. But, right now ISN'T it.

 

If you persist in following this fantasy, it will kill your relationship.

Best response I've read, and possibly the best advice.

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