Your signal for oh-hell-no or yeah-let's-go?

[Tybee Swing]

In another thread, LFM2 just mentioned that they had a signal of clanking their wedding rings on a glass if they wanted to bail out of a swing situation. I'm always interested to hear what people do to signal each other.

We've gone a long time without having developed a signal for this, but finally not too long ago, we thought of one that would work for us. Since we're usually sitting right next to each other when we're meeting a couple, and we tend to always be touching in some way (just natural for us), we decided that one long, firm squeeze of the thigh or knee means "Get me the hell outa here"! Three quick squeezes means "Yeah, I'm digging these people!" Three squeezes back means, "Yeah, me too!"

What works for you?

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

What works for you?

Nothing...

We've tried to develop signals, but I invariably screw it up. "Oh, yeah... I thought 'I want some water' meant, 'go ahead and kiss her.' My bad..."

Well - it hasn't been that bad, but we have had situations where I've been obliviously talking away while Mrs Spoo is tossing signals like a third base coach. I think they are a great idea, but they just don't work for us because I have the attention span of a house fly.

What we have ended up doing is that no matter what, no matter who we are talking to, we step away and talk before we commit to anything. If we decide not to commit, we simply stay away at that point.

We did have one clever thing with a single guy once who we were meeting for lunch and then playing (it was a travel thing - not our typical approach). I had my wallet on the table and if Mrs Spoo never turned it over, we'd get to the end of the meal and I would thank him for his time, but say it wasn't going to work out. If she flipped the wallet (which she did) we discussed the next step (which was an invitation to our hotel room).

That one worked like a charm, but the rest never have.

Spoomonkey

[iapr]

In the early days we tried to come up with signs and signals and such but mrs iapr is so subtle in all of her mannerisms and when you combine that with a lot of background noise, some alcohol and a surge of hormones there was just too much potential for failure. We decided just saying things clearly in plain english was the best way.

One thing we did come up with was if she was getting an offer that she wanted to pass on she would say, "no thank you I am not interested in that" that would be my signal to intervene if it was not dropped. The reason that came to be is she has a way of saying no that sounds more like a "maybe, if you ask in a different manner." In using that phrase she can clearly state her position and it gives me the signal to intervene if it is not taken seriously.

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

We did have one clever thing with a single guy once who we were meeting for lunch and then playing (it was a travel thing - not our typical approach). I had my wallet on the table and if Mrs Spoo never turned it over, we'd get to the end of the meal and I would thank him for his time, but say it wasn't going to work out. If she flipped the wallet (which she did) we discussed the next step (which was an invitation to our hotel room).

That one worked like a charm, but the rest never have.

Spoomonkey

Excellent code. But then, I'm such a goober sometimes that I'd be flippin' that thing just out of nervousness and be sending the wrong signals.

I've also clanked my ring by mistake too. That time was out of anxiety too, but luckily, I was close enough to him I could let him know verbally that I goofed. We're also like Tybee, and we're always touching each other. We might have to try the squeezing thing.

Excellent signals!!

[rpu3]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Nothing...

...

What we have ended up doing is that no matter what, no matter who we are talking to, we step away and talk before we commit to anything. If we decide not to commit, we simply stay away at that point.
Spoomonkey

We have a similar system. At the moment, the spousal unit smokes. We generally excuse ourselves for him to smoke as that method is usually most effective to get some alone time. Otherwise, we get a drink, dance or go for a walk around the club - whatever it takes to talk alone and figure out what's up with each other. If he actually quits after vacation, I guess we'll be taking a lot more walks around the club instead.

The signal method just isn't really effective for us. Too fraught with potential for error for us.

[sereneiders]

At first we tought it was important to have signals, but in practice we never had to use them.

The fact is, we read each other body language and looks pretty accuratelly as to get rid of those signals. With only a look into each other eyes we manage to ask the question and to get the answer.

By now, I don't even remember what was the signal we were supposed to use!

[SuAndBud]

We talk in Chinese.

It's great because we can discuss varying degrees of comfort/discomfort that a single word or sign can't convey.

Obviously, this isn't for everyone.

[socolais]

We really haven't had a need for signals yet, although we've thought about a few:

If I'm having a good time and see her over there in the hot tub or somewhere in the area, I'll touch the tip of my index finger to the tip of my thumb and extend the other three fingers. She'll do the same.

If I notice her picking at her toenail enamel, it means she'd rather be somewhere else. If I'd rather be somewhere else, I'll belch out loud.

[WonderWhat]

We've got so much rapport that we almost always know what the other's thinking. Nevertheless, we always go have a moment alone together just in case we misread each other. It 's simply how we usually approach any kind of mutual decision.

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by SuAndBud

We talk in Chinese.

What if the waiter speaks Chinese? He might think you are talking about the noodles and accidentally-on-purpose spill a bowl of them on you.

[Tybee Swing]

Great thoughts, guys!

I wanted to clarify something about our signaling, vs. getting away from the table to talk about it. We actually do both, depending on the situation. The signaling tends to be what we do initially to communicate if we think this is working out. If it's not going well, we're not connecting or whatever, we're both going to be pretty aware anyway that it's not happening - we can both tell pretty much if the other is interested or not. The long, hard squeeze is just to announce to the other, "I'm not feeling this, it's not happening - drink (or dinner) is almost over, it's time to make our move for the check and start ending this date". The squeeze back is, "I hear you, I agree, we're outa here". We don't need to move away from the table to discuss this.

Now, if it's positive squeezing (the three quick ones), and three back, that means we're telling each other we're interested enough to be open to what's next...if they want to go to the club (dancing), go down to River Street or whatever, we're up for it. At this point, we're just saying that we are digging them, and we're open to see what comes next. Around the time the drink or dinner is over and we're getting in our cars to do something else, we'll have lots of time to talk in our car on the way. We'll usually have another opportunity alone together in the car on the way to a hotel room later, if that's where we're heading (although our minds are made up by then, of course). We don't have swing clubs here, and we don't get out of state very often to visit them - we usually meet partners someplace public, where things go at a slower pace and there is time for conversations at natural intervals.

But, in a swing club setting, we'd have to move away and talk because everything in there tends to be much faster, and people may be suggesting to have sex before we've had time for both of us to get a feel for them, and both of us have time to know that we really want to go further with them. We'd have to move away and have a deliberate conversation in that case.

Now that I think about it, if we feel we have to excuse ourselves and discuss it first, the suggestion probably came up too soon. With couples who take the time to talk, flirt and build up the sexual interest and personality connection, we don't have to hash it out. If they'd give us enough time, we'd have already exchanged signals and smiles between us, and we'd know.

[ShellyM]

OP,
we have "the look". If its absolutely not a go we will look at each other and can tell lol. Then usually we'll go dance and then discuss whats going on.
Shelly

[WesternSwing]

We think there is no sure signal you can give. Like Spoo said, there is too much room for error or misinterpretation. We simply excuse ourselves so we can talk privately for a minute and simply say "hell ya!" or "hell no!"

Although I will say that over the past few years we've been pretty good at being able to read each other's body language to get a good idea of which way it is going before the final verbal discussion.

Mr. WS

[Funovit]

Very simple but subtle signals - rub the nose for "No" (get me out of here) and rub ones eye for "aye or yes" (I see clearly where this is going)

[cubnamy1995]

Amy and I can carry on a full conversation with our eyes. all we have to do is just look at each other, and we know what the other is thinking. weve never been wrong yet, and there are no confusing signals to forget.