Identifying ourselves to couples in the vanilla world

[daisy girl]

It's too bad we don't have a secret code or symbol so that swingers can identify themselves to other swingers when they are in the vanilla world.

My husband and I were having dinner at a local restaurant. We noticed that an attractive couple kept staring at us. I looked up and smiled and instead of turning away, they smiled harder and whispered to each other. We started wondering whether they could be swingers. As they were leaving, she turned, smiled, and paused as if she wanted to approach us. But...they left. They seemed fun and we couldn't help but wonder. By the way, we didn't approach them because, we really didn't want to "out" ourselves without more proof.

So...has anyone else had this experience? and how do you know that those little signs may, in fact be due to a couple "checking you out?"

n.

porttasters on Swing Lifestyle

[pumpkins1970]

Well it's too bad we all aren't equiped with swinger's radar, it may come in handy sometime! But seriously, I think the greatest pick-up line in the world may have helped you two out here, "Hi, we're________&__________ , can we buy you two a drink?" Nothing ventured, nothing gained, and even if they weren't swingers, just being friendly and flirtatious is a nice way to spend an evening!

[Thrax]

Do a search on the Board on the terms "playdar" and "swingdar" to find similar stories on this topic. But if anyone (especially you new folks) has a story on this issue that hasn't been shared with the Board yet, or has a comment on this situation, please feel free to post it in this thread.

Thrax

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by daisy girl

It's too bad we don't have a secret code or symbol so that swingers can identify themselves to other swingers when they are in the vanilla world.

My husband and I were having dinner at a local restaurant. We noticed that an attractive couple kept staring at us. I looked up and smiled and instead of turning away, they smiled harder and whispered to each other. We started wondering whether they could be swingers. As they were leaving, she turned, smiled, and paused as if she wanted to approach us. But...they left. They seemed fun and we couldn't help but wonder. By the way, we didn't approach them because, we really didn't want to "out" ourselves without more proof.

So...has anyone else had this experience? and how do you know that those little signs may, in fact be due to a couple "checking you out?"

n.

porttasters on Swing Lifestyle

How about walking up to them, smiling and saying "Hello, do we know you? We saw you earlier, and thought maybe you knew us."

Hey... do I know you?

[starryeyes]

We have noticed the same thing. Could you imagine the market for a "swingdar" or maybe even having X-men type powers to find others.

All kidding aside, we tend to agree with the "Hi our name is ____ & ____" and see where it goes from there. OR You could send them drink OR even just wave and mouth "hello".

Flirting is fun! But you won't know unless you say "Hi", they could know you from your kids school. Nothing says you have to out yourselves... good fun conversation. You might consider them to take the lead after you break the ice by saying HI!

[sinsinbad]

It seems like it would be easy to design something people could wear that would be tasteful and beautiful so that "others" would be able to tell that they were into the Lifestyle. This could be earrings, necklace, bracelet, or whatever. This way, when you saw someone wearing this, you would at least know that they were approachable; so that you could go up and start talking to them.

[Boudicca]

Dunno if this helps, but in other alternative sexual communities, the colored handkerchief code has been in use for a number of years. A gold-colored bandana (not yellow, pale yellow, or mustard) worn in the left rear pocket means 2 people looking for 1. Worn in the right rear pocket, it means 1 person looking for 2. Doesn't fit the needs of the swinger community exactly, and not so convenient to be walking around everywhere with a bandana hanging out of your pocket But interesting, I think.
You can check it out here if you like (these sites were intended primarily for gay men):

http://www.adventurersfl.com/hanky.html http://members.aol.com/OfficerJim/hankycodes.html

[Boudicca]

Oh, I just discovered (reading my own links) that a red lace hankie means group sex...maybe that's more useful

[She_n_Jaybee]

Originally Posted by sinsinbad

It seems like it would be easy to design something people could wear that would be tasteful and beautiful so that "others" would be able to tell that they were into the Lifestyle. This could be earrings, necklace, bracelet, or whatever. This way, when you saw someone wearing this, you would at least know that they were approachable; so that you could go up and start talking to them.

I was just discussing this with She last week. The subject came up because of an old memory surfacing. About 12 years ago I bought an old VW camper that had an interesting bumper sticker which I left in place. My first day at a new job, someone obviously followed me into the parking lot and then came up and introduced himself. He followed this with "I'm a friend of Bill". Which left me completely baffled. After a bit of confusion, it came out that the bumper sticker and the "I'm a friend of Bill" were both recognition symbols for Alcoholics Anonymous.

Maybe we could use the number 138? That would be a 4 person 69 daisy chain. Hmmm. Or just a chain of daisies?

[daisy girl]

Humm...some interesting thoughts. A swingdar would be very cool. Although...anytime I see someone with a 4 person hot tub, I have to wonder

[R&R]

All good suggestions, thanks on behalf of us Newbie's. The same thing happened to us in San Fran last spring, and we wondered how to respond. Even if they refuse the drink, "no harm, no foul!"

Renee

[captainbob]

Something similar happened to us after I finally convinced my sweetie to meet another couple who advertised on a swinger website. They were from another city and we agreed to meet at a restaurant in a little town about halfway between the cities.
We met them at the table and chatted and ordered drinks and then food. Then more drinks. The owner of the restaurant had been by our table a few times to make sure we were happy with the food, service, etc.
My sweetie went outside for a cigarette and chatted with the owner. He asked her if we were swingers! Apparently, he is too and could tell be our excitement and conversation that we weren't a regular foursome having dinner. He said swingers regularly meet there.
This is probably a good reason why it's a good idea to only meet couple from another city.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by captainbob

The owner of the restaurant had been by our table a few times to make sure we were happy with the food, service, etc.
My sweetie went outside for a cigarette and chatted with the owner. He asked her if we were swingers! Apparently, he is too and could tell be our excitement and conversation that we weren't a regular foursome having dinner. He said swingers regularly meet there.
This is probably a good reason why it's a good idea to only meet couple from another city.

Well that was rather forward of him.. lol There's actually a restaurant here in Kingston that we noticed set off our playdar big time. It's actually a hotel lounge and we occasionally go there on our own to just hang out over a glass of wine. Mr. intuition recognized a woman that he worked with there with her husband and another couple. Like the restaurant owner, we realized they were speaking Swingerese. It was just so obvious. The coworker hadn't seen Mr. intuition, but when we got up to leave she recognized him. The next day, he ran into her in the hall and, unprompted, she blurted out some excuse about who the other couple was that they were with. Which is kind of weird, since they could've been her sister and brother-in-law for all we knew. Why the frantic excuse?? Hmmm...

[LetsParty]

I've often thought about this.

Just last Friday, I was waiting in line at the returns counter at Costco. I ended up striking up a great conversation with the woman behind me, and then her husband arrived. Super nice guy.

Very good looking couple... Almost too good looking for the vanilla world (LOL! Ever notice how Lifestylers are often thinner, more tanned, take better care of themselves, dress more sexy and pay better attention to their appearance than vanilla people???)

I wanted so badly to say something like, "Have I see you guys at Club _____?" or what-have-you, but I didn't have the balls to do that!

I also wish there was some kinda symbol/bumper sticker I could stick onto my car that other swingers would know about (but something that my parents wouldn't!!)

Who woulda thunk that being in the subculture of the Lifestyle is more stigmatized than being gay nowadays. Go figure!

[intuition897]

At an amusement park, I was waiting in line with my daughter to go on a ride and struck up a conversation with the couple in line ahead of us. I never know if it's just my imagination and wanting to see other couples who were in the lifestyle, or if it's a legitimate playdar 'ping'. But there was something about this couple that just struck me as more "together" and "awake" than others. I could have been completely wrong, though...