Verbal signals that you are uncomfortable

[philadaze]

I read about advice of using "safe signals for partners". What kind of signals do you use?

I'm thinking the word STOP but my wife likes to say DON'T and STOP as part of her role playing. Her yelling HELP ME is a dead giveaway and quickly nodding my head she'll think I have a kink in my neck.

What are good verbal signals?

Thanks

[kittycat11]

It took us awhile to come up with one and as of yet, we haven't needed it. We realized that yelling "get the fuck away from me" wasn't going to be subtle enough! And you can't just spout out a totally irrelevent phrase or people may mistake that for some kind of disorder too. We decided to use the following "honey, doesnt she/he remind you of ______" (insert predetermined male/female name). We use the same two names that have relevence to us so there is no mistake about its meaning. I dont think anyone would give it a second thought and we can rescue each other very sublty and politely. Of course, there may come a time when screaming "get the fuck away from me" is necessary so keep that one in your pocket too!!

[philadaze]

Thanks for the advice, Kitty.

[mrs good times]

Although we don't have any signals worked out as we can read each other pretty well, we do know a couple that uses the word "blue" in a sentance to let the other know they want out of the situation. I like this because it is very benign and can be used in so many situations.

[Menage_a_Trois]

The three of us don't use verbal signals either, we are very good at reading eachother so it hasn't been a problem for us. A lot of couples use hand signals to silently communicate with thier partner when they meet another couple. I know that this is very effective for them. We have always talked about doing something like that, but to be honest we have never needed to. We have on occasion gotten up right in the middle of playing with another couple and gotten dressed and left, usually because the male from the couple has gotten overly aggressive or the couple refuses to respect our rules. When that has happened, there is no discussion, until after we are alone. We do let the couple know, that this isn't working for us and why. We have never been afraid to stop play when things happen, that upset us. We have never just gone along when we felt uncomfortable. However we do use a "safe" word when roleplaying that works very well. It is "YELLOW". if something happens or a things get uncomfy, all one of us has to do is say "yellow" and things stop right where they are. We talk about things and then deciede if we want to continue.

Mr. Menage_a_Trois

[Pepper & Drew]

I've heard a million of them. Circling a wine glass with your finger, code words, code phrases, it goes on and on. We personally will work floor numbers into the conversation. As in, 'we went to see our friends in NY last month. Bless their hearts, they have a 4th floor walkup.' That means, holy crap, let's run for our lives ! If one of us said, 'we just got back from visiting Drew's mom. She lives right on the ground floor. You just walk out and you're on the water.' That means facelick game on. If the other says, 'honey, she lives on the 3rd floor, her friends live on the first,' then that says something too.

Just choose something that you can remember and something that you're not going to do without thinking about it (in the case of gestures). You don't want it to look like you're the third base coach for the Braves while you're sitting at the table. If you go too obvious, you might as well use Kittycat's "get the fuck away from me!" method.

BTW Kittycat, I keep that one in my back pocket too

Pepper

[janaandjames]

Some good signals there. We thought it was important to, so that we could know what the other one was thinking when we were meeting someone.
usually we know what the other is thinking anyway, but sometimes we can read each other wrong.
"Do you know where my cell phone is"? means, get me the fuck out of this right now !!!
but we have more subtle things just to let each other now how interested we are in people, such as touching one's face.. means one is interested and or considering.
ones hand through ones hair means its not going so well ... so probably not.

thats about all

j

[lovedoctor]

I feel comfortable just saying "I don't feel comfortable with this" - I haven't ever been in a situation yet where I felt really threatened or anything like that, so being Mrs. Blunt, I just say it how it is. No thank you always works. I think if I was in an intimate situation and didn't like how it was going, I'd probably just get a "leg cramp" or something like that and say, "Oh gosh - sorry I ruined everyone's good time. Better go now!" LOL !

[BradAndJanet]

I knew we had a previous thread on this subject and I found it. Enjoy reading...

-B

[joenmichelle]

when we used safe words we used a word that we normally don't use IE red means stop yellow means slow down... so my suggestion in case it is movin to fast and hurts too much use one word instead of a phrase

[oncewere]

I agree, the direct approach usually worked best. One time my wife told a guy who was being a real jerk: "Do you want to fuck or do you want to be Atilla the Hun?" It became a family joke. When a bit more finesse was called for we just called each other "hun", something we never do otherwise. That's the signal to politely douse the fires and move on.

[fun4Ds]

we usally use the good ol wink at each other while we are meeting a couple all the way to playing around. if we dont wink at each other then we know somethings wrong. we would then go anywhere for some private talk. now if we are in the middle of doin the wild thing and one of us is not feeling good about the situation then we just say.. STOP .. no more code. from that point we can either talk or leave depending on the circumstances.

[MrkLin]

My wife uses a smile and a subtle single nod of the head as a "yes, let's proceed," and a discrete double squeeze of my forearm as a "no, I don't think so" signal. We haven't come up with a "get me the hell out of here" or a "you couldn't pay me enough to have sex with him/her" signal yet, but luckily we haven't needed one - knock on wood. We usually don't play on the first meeting, as everyone knows we're there just to meet and discuss things further. We try to arrange first meetings on a day everyone has to work the following day, so we all need to make it an early night.

There have only been two times that we've ever had to physically dodge somebody. One was a single guy that used pictures of himself online that must have been 10 years old, and taken from very flattering angles. We went to meet him in one of the large local Casinos. He told us he'd be waiting at a certain bar, and wearing a white cowboy hat with a red hatband on it. Well, we spotted him a mile away and just kept on walking, blending in with the crowd. It turns out he was about 4 feet tall, and just about as wide. We went outside, and when she finally stopped laughing long enough, we called him on my cell phone and told him something had come up and we couldn't make the meeting.

The other time was with a couple that showed up so drunk they couldn't possibly have driven to the club we were to meet them at. They confirmed they had taken a cab to the club. We made some excuses about having to leave as the following day was a work day, which it was, and went to another club, where we ended up meeting a fantastic couple we're still friends with today.

House parties are another subject entirely. She focuses her attention on the gentleman of interest at that moment and gets the point across to him in no uncertain terms. A bare nipple in the face will generally do that, you know...