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Thread: Secret Signals?

  1. #16

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    Ours is relatively simple and effective. When meeting with a couple for the first time for dinner/lunch whatever and it is apparent that there is ZERO attraction for either of us, we do one of two things:

    1. Start lovingly stroking the others back, which means "I have no interest". And we will start the process of ending the dinner/meet, etc.

    2. Ask the other to scratch a sudden itch on our back, that means "Get me out of here NOW!". (We have had to use that one once, it never went past the first round of beverages.)

    Whoever starts the gesture, it is the opposite who begins the closing of the meeting. That gives the one who does not to continue the clue that the other has picked up on the signal and then they follow up with helping to close the meeting.

    Important to note though, we do not play on the first meet and that is understood up front by all.

    Lori
    Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

  2. #17

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    Originally posted by JustAskJulie
    ...
    When things aren't going right, do you let your partner know by stating a secret word/phrase? Or is it some sort of physical gesture/secret sign.
    Given what happened with our first encounter, we think that having some kind of sign is very, very important. We're working on it, but haven't decided what it will be yet. Lori, I like your way of doing it; it's very subtle, and not likely to offend anyone.

    I asked J what her signal would be if she did want to proceed. She just looked at me and said, "You'll know..."

    I can't wait.

    -B
    "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." - Mark Twain
    All about us...

  3. #18

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    We don't use secret signals to deal with this. We keep it simple & direct.

    If either of us feels like its not a match we simply let the other couple know that we don't feel a connection. Even if one of us wants to "fuck their brains out" LOL! It doesn't matter. One NO is all it takes to cancel the deal!

    If the feeling is mutually neutral we just don't flirt or make any advances torwards the other couple and the conversation stays tame and social and we discuss any future action together in private later that evening before leaving for the night to go home about exchanging contact info or setting up another meeting with them.

    If either of us feels highly interested and wants to take things further at that instance, then we simply excuss ourselves for a moment and have a brief discussion in private. If we both agree then we'll come back and start both showing our interest in the other couples parnters and actively flirting and such otherwise we just continue as we were and ask them if they would like to exchange contact info.

    Most people aren't put off by our need for a moment of private discussion. This all assumes that this is a first-contact or similar situation.

    In other situations/non-first-contacts, sometimes all it takes is a quick eye contact and a nod with a smile if we are already at or into the firting stage to "check-in" about if it OK to take it further.

    If for some reason one of us seems to be getting out ahead of where the other feels comfortable we just briefly interrupt each other and/or wisper a quick comment to each other and shift gears.

    People seem to understand and respect this.

    Paul & Kalin

  4. #19

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    I have developed a set of "secret signals" to let my boyfriend know what I'm thinking about a couple. I felt this was necessary because we haven't been together that long that he can read my mind.....I would think after many years of marriage it probably wouldn't be necessary. Also, he moves way faster than I do and this is a good way for me to slow him down. I have a signal that means "no way", another one that means "I'm undecided" and a third one that means "yes, let's go for it". I have to admit we've talked about it at length but haven't had a chance to put it into practice just yet. I'll let the board know how it goes.

  5. #20

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    Well, we have known each other since 1980, and been married almost 20 years. One would think that we could "read each other's minds." And to a large degree we can- because we've encountered mundane situations for the last 20 years and know how each other will react.

    Much to my chagrin, I dsicovered that the swinging world was very different for us. We discovered that we were working off of totally different pages.

    We are much better than at first- but bottom line- open VERBAL communication is very neccessary.

    So signals are still important to us...

  6. #21

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    Originally posted by OhioCouple
    Start lovingly stroking the others back, which means "I have no interest". And we will start the process of ending the dinner/meet, etc.
    except my hubby is in absolute heaven if you start stroking or scratching your nails across his back... his eyes roll back and he gets that dreamy look...looses all interest in conversation...

    but in all seriousness - some people use code words or there is a certain look that quickly indicates interest or disinterest to their spouse or a quick whispered word - I'm sure they knew what were were confiring about but I view it as better to find out now than after the fact.

    Naughty A.

  7. #22

    Default Secret Signals

    If we don't want to have sex with another couple one or both of us will squat, put our thumbs in our armpits, flap our arms and scream like a chicken. This usually brings the evening to a rapid halt.
    fun_pairTX

  8. #23

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    Yeah, that would have me dialing either the ambulance or the police if you were the other couple in our home!!! TEE HEE.

    J (the lady of the couple known as J & M)
    Nothing in this world is accomplished without passion.

  9. #24

    Default Re: Secret Signals

    Originally posted by fun_pairTX
    If we don't want to have sex with another couple one or both of us will squat, put our thumbs in our armpits, flap our arms and scream like a chicken. This usually brings the evening to a rapid halt.
    Oh, sure, that'll work great until you meet that one couple who really digs 'chicken sex'

    -B
    "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." - Mark Twain
    All about us...

  10. #25

    Default Re: Secret Signals

    Originally posted by fun_pairTX
    If we don't want to have sex with another couple one or both of us will squat, put our thumbs in our armpits, flap our arms and scream like a chicken. This usually brings the evening to a rapid halt.
    Making those gassy noises should make it a wrap! ROFLMAO!!! Do you REALLY do this?.....LMAO!

    Lori
    Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

  11. #26

    Default Re: Secret Signals

    Originally posted by fun_pairTX
    If we don't want to have sex with another couple one or both of us will squat, put our thumbs in our armpits, flap our arms and scream like a chicken. This usually brings the evening to a rapid halt.
    Hmmm. FunPair... you're in the wrong thread.

    You want to go here.

  12. #27

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    Too funny!!!
    Unfortunately, if the other couple has a good sense of humor they're likely to take that as a come-hither!
    In fact, my wife says she thinks she's heard good things about you folks. Want to get together??

  13. #28

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    Chris and Amelia,

    We don't need no steenking TEST to know we are crazy. It is our predominant attribute.

    Imsnowman check your messages
    fun_pairTX

  14. #29

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    Back at ya. BTW, we now have 105 posts with this one. Should we get a large or extra large t-shirt? How do we get the t-shirt?

  15. #30

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    Originally posted by imsnowman
    Too funny!!!
    Unfortunately, if the other couple has a good sense of humor they're likely to take that as a come-hither!
    In fact, my wife says she thinks she's heard good things about you folks. Want to get together??
    Geesh you guys...what do you think this is a SEX site? Obviously so, you are both CRAZY!!!....

    Imsnowman, WOO HOO....Order that shirt! Just send your address and size request info to Julie@swingersboard.com and she will ship it out to ya. Welcome to the sanitarium! Private club, no brains required....

    Lori

    Edited by OhioCouple....sorry folks I had the wrong address in there to write Julie for your shirts the first tiime.
    Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

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