How did you feel at The moment of truth.

[Konehead]

Thank you very much.

[Houmacpl]

I would add my own thought :P

Invite her to do some reading on her own, in addition to what you talk about. She may come across things you didn't mention, and be able to better judge how she would react to certain situations. Maybe find someone (anyone on this site) that you can discuss certain aspects with, maybe people close to your own age group, to get a closer point of view.

C

[BandC]

I haven't been looking at this board much because I've been letting my feelings sort themselves out and letting C roll the ideas over in her mind without me putting any kind of pressure on her. It was a pleasant suprise to come home from work on Friday night and see that the swingersboard was at the top of the website history on my browser and knowing that I wasn't the one who put it there! I proceed to talk to C about it and find out that she has been thinking about the idea alot since I brought it up with her and she decided to check out this site on her own. If anything she seems even more excited about it than I am and I'm pretty excited about it. We spent a large part of the weekend just talking to each other about what's exciting about the idea and what our fears are and it's just reinforced my belief that we are as close emotionally as two people can possibly be. I don't know when or if we will ever actually attempt to make these fantasies reality, but just knowing that we can talk to each other about ANYTHING and not have to worry that the other is going to get mad makes the whole thing worthwhile. I have a feeling it will happen though. She seems to want it VERY badly. That woman is a firecracker I tell you.

She's also pretty shy at the same time which is probably why she hasn't posted anything herself.

B

[yawanna]

BandC.... you two sound just absolutely lovely and a great couple from your postings

My husband and I met when we were both participating in swinging as singles. He was one of those rare but treasured 'good single guys'. He was pretty much dabbling while I had been involved for a number of years. We had one couple in common, just friends for him. We got to know each other outside of swinging but quickly learned we each were involved in swinging lol.

While we were dating, I got a call one night from swinger friends inviting us to a small private house party. I asked him if he'd like to go, he said sure, so off we went.

It was our first time together in a swinging venue. From that night on we knew we'd be okay together in swinging. You are right BandC....it's one thing to talk about it, it's quite another to have it actually happen and to gauge your own reactions and emotions. Just be there for each other, don't wander off or anything and talk about it after. You'll know if this is something you can do, and how.

[MrYaWanna]

Well I normally just read over YaWanna's shoulder but the first post in this thread called out to me. As my lovely Mrs already said, talking about it and doing it are two completely different things. That first house party we went to was true test for me. It all made sense in my head, and in our conversations, but now we were going to go through with it. I'll never forget that experience. I actually stopped what I was doing so I could watch my Love do it with another man, then another. Tell you what, it was great!! I was so happy that my brain and heart were on the same page. Afterwards we talked it all over, every detail. Communication!! Ever since I have known that this is right for us. I know who she will coming home with, I know where her heart is and I know swinging is a bonus for us. If we never did it again it would be no loss to our relationship. But the fact that we know we can do it and have fun with it gives us another option.

As other posters have said, talk it all over...then talk it all over again. Recognize that it may not work for you and you won't beat each other up over it if it doesn't. You won't really know till you try.

Have fun and be good to each other.

[hfire269]

Welcome!
Heres a thought. Smething that you may want to try is choose something that you and her cant not do to any one else. Like french kissing or something along that line and make it so that you ONLY do that with each other then you will always have a "SPECIAL" thing to do:-) when your in each others arms. That why you will not have lost that something special that you see in her:-) Godd luck and remember move though this only as fast as everyone is comfortable with.
Hfire269(female half)

[MCityCpl]

You sound an awful lot like my wife and I when we first started out. If you, by some miracle of god, didn't figure it out; communication is the biggest must. Not just after trying it out, but before (which is definately more important). To date, we've just been soft, but are definately open to going full swap once we meet a couple that we feel comfortable enough with. The first time you see her with another girl is obviously an instant classic memory etched into the back of your head like a cave drawing. BUT, the first time you see her even fool around with another guy, like you said, it's a different story.I, for one of many here, find it SUCH an immense turn on to watch her getting pleasured, and also pleasuring him. To me, at least, it's kind of like watching her in a porno, only MUCH better. Even though we don't have sex with other couples (yet), we have mind blowing sex when we get home from a club, just thinking about watching each other.

You are definately making the right steps, and great decsisons. Keep us updated on how things go, better or worse. When in doubt, TALK.

[BandC]

Thanks for the encouragement and advice everyone.

Funny you should mentions the kissing hfire, as this is the thing that has blown me away most. I was thinking along the same lines you are, about keeping that between C and I as something special, but C really surprised me in alot of ways over the weekend, and one of them was she really wanted to see me kissing other girls (along with doing everything else imaginable with them). Now, believe me, I am not complaining about this in the slightest, but the intensity of her desire for this has kind of stunned me. Her enthusiasm for the idea has grown several times over what I ever expected it to be, so much so that it's almost scary. I know she's going to be reading this and I hope she doesn't take that in the wrong way. It's just that her having such an intense desire to see me with other women was totally unexpected and it's really amazing because I know she is sincere. Do any of you other gals have feelings like that? Does the idea of watching your man with other girls drive you crazy? I expected that to be the thing she'd be most reluctant about.

It's kind of funny. I'm the one who brought the subject up to begin with and now I feel kind of like the "conservative" one. I guess her intense enthusiam has forced me to look at my fears all that much more closely because the possibility of it actually happening has increased greatly. Having read how so many guys find watching their loved one getting pleasure from another man so arousing, I'm pretty sure I would to, but part of me still finds the idea very "scary". The fact that C seems to want to throw me at any woman I find attractive makes me feel almost like some sort of prude for having those scary feelings. Part of me wants to see her do it with another guy just so I will actually KNOW how I'll feel about it, instead of just wondering and worrying about it. I guess after her being so adamant about be being with other women I kind of feel selfish for having any reservations at all. I really do feel in my heart that I want to let her do it though.

I think I'll stop here before this post gets even more rambly than it already is.

Looking forward to your responses,

B

[troufault]

Your fiancee C sounds a normal girl. It seems reasonable that since she has never experienced another man she is curious and is trying to persuade you to take the plunge so she can find out.
She reminds me very much of a wife I met once, married for three years, who was a virgin on marrying and who had married a virgin. She was the keener to swing.
I suggest you take it in stages. First take it in turns to tell each other a fantasy, both of you trying to outdo the last story. In this way you will both be better able to make a proper assessment of the other's commitment. Next, as already suggested, do some soft swinging two or three times.
And it is so important to set up well-understood (between you) signals so that you know how the other is feeling at any time and to make a solemn promise to take due notice if one of the signals is displayed.
Take it easy. Don't rush. Set yourselves a mutually agreed time horizon before you start properly.

[BandC]

Well, since my last post I think we've definitely been through the first stage you mentioned. We had a couple nights where we missed quite a bit of sleep because we were busy exchanging fantasies and then having VERY hot sex. C has taken this fantasy and really made it her own. It's very sexy. She's also very gracious, saying she'd be willing to let me have another woman before she has another man. I always figured it would be the other way. Who knows what will actually happen?

She keeps finding new ways to surpise me too. She's told me she wants to go out to a public place with lots of people and have me point out to her women that I find attractive. She gets really excited just talking about doing that. She really is amazing.

I think she and I have definitely shown each other that we really are wanting to try swinging. Now we just have to figure out how to take the next step. I think the idea of having same room sex with another couple is a good idea.

B

[good times]

Originally posted by BandC
She's also very gracious, saying she'd be willing to let me have another woman before she has another man. I always figured it would be the other way. Who knows what will actually happen?

B

When my wife and I first started it went similar to the way it seems to be going with you. We went to a couple of non swinger parties where we ended up having a couple of soft swinging experiances spontaneously. This got us talking about it and at the time not knowing anything about swinging we decided it would be ok for each of us to experiance sex with a few single friends we new were willing. At the time we both thought my wife would try it first. But as it turned out I was the one that had the first experiance. It was overall a positive experiance for both of us as kind of an ice breaker, but after we had both had one experiance this way and finding this forum and reading the advice of others we decided that we would only participate together with couples from that point on. Good luck.

R

[troufault]

Yes, the fantasy thing sounds good.

That C really loves you is abundently clear from her wanting to find out what it's like to experience being penetrated by another cock only while you're there.

I'd like to talk to C, if I may:

C, be sure to take it in stages so that the scene becomes familiar and therefore you feel comfortable in it. Before you have sex with anybody else, for example, go to a few parties and play sex games, perhaps including one that involves feeling a number of erections, before soft swinging while watching the people around enjoying each other. And when you do actually start true swinging, notice when you get home afterwards how your lovemaking is so much more passionate and meaningful.

You have lots of heavens ahead.

[ionsawmill]

You're both apprehensive, but exceedingly curious.

You're both slightly jealous, but selflessly generous.

You're both afraid, but definitely aroused.

You love each other deeply, but leave room for others in your relationship.

You admit that you don't have all the answers, but you're willing to learn.

Congratulations! You sound like ideal swinger material.

My wife and I aren't "officially" swingers yet, but dedicated seekers, like you. Good luck and may your love for each other continue to grow.