After-Effects of First Time Swinging

[watcherone]

I have gone for years trying to keep myself closed on the way I wanted to be, always thinking that if it ever actually happened I might not be able to handle it or it would turn her off to the whole idea. As it turned out, we missed alot of years that we could have had in this lifestyle and the hiding was such a waste of time. I feel so releived now just knowing that I am not some wierdo freak wanting to have other men have sex with my wife. There have been many times that I would find myself being watched by the other man while I was with her. This was a side to it that I never knew existed inside me.
I think that it is rediculous that we humans have to go thru our lives with all these thoughts bottled up inside, too afraid that we might be labled as a pervert, or worse yet a woman be viewed as cheap or worse. Letting yourself out and enjoying sex the way you want it to be and letting your partner do the same, feels unbeleivable. I only wish we had opened up to each other long ago. We all have too many hangups that keep us in a tight package to fit the public image we are told is right. I now know that what is right for some people doesnt mean you have to be the same as they are.
I guess that the best after effect I have felt is the freedom I now enjoy and the feeling that I am who I am and nobody has made me feel bad about it.

The after-effects for us have varied quite a bit. Not going into just couple swapping but swinging in general. One mistake we made was swinging with some of my male friends. It seemed to freak them out to the point where we never heard from them again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="frown.gif" />

[OhioCouple]

This was another really good thread about how people felt AFTER there first swing experiece.

[Beverly]

Our first swinging experience was probably done the wrong way but it had GREAT consequences. We jumped in to far to fast and had a full swap (same room) with a couple we met online. It wasn't horrible sex or anything but I think we were too naive to know what was really happening.

The way home the next day was very tense. HOWEVER....once in our own house the communication just opened like a floodgate. We learned more about each other in three hours on a Sunday afternoon than in the prior two years of our marriage. We had talked a lot about this choice beforehand but I don't think anything could have prepared us for the reality.

I don't want this to sound like a bad story. As I said, I wouldn't have changed the outcome for anything in the world.

[BradAndJanet]

Beverly, that sounds quite a lot like our story. Like you said, we were too naive to really figure out what was going on while it was happening. It wasn't the worst sex, but it could have been a whole lot better.

As with your experience, it was a catalyst for conversation between us. I think we learned a great deal about ourselves and each other because of it, and we'll be better prepared for the next time. I think it also showed us how much we still have to learn, but hopefully subsequent lessons will be a little more fun.

-B

[Geddy]

For the record... thanks for the idea...

**wanders off to figure out how to get wife's sister in the sack with us..**

[twobears]

Well for us we are right in the middle of our "how we felt after" our first was just this week. I(female) am alittle concerned because my husband is so calm. We had talked and was not sure that I would be able to let go of the "oldways" of what has been put in my head all of these days. I drinked so I would be "lose" and the erotic play was fun.When I turned myself around to let the other man have me I" made myself "do it because I just had to get over my hung-ups and just have the b--ls to do it. One of the factors I have that helped me is I like to see my hubby with another woman and she and I had also ready had our play,we were all "hot". When I think about my feelings and I really did not care one way or the other if I got the man. I knew that if I didn't have intercourse neither would my hubby. I have asked him how he felt and his answer was not what I wanted to hear. He just still has to have last inch of private thoughs for himself. He said that it was exciting seeing us all together but it did not make him feel more ertoic to seeing me having sex. He was wonderful during the experience, touching me, kissing me I had asked him "if" that I was able to let go the only way I felt like I could just let go and enjoy my body was to have him kissing me. He gets defensive in conversation about how he felt and really does not like to talk about it, this makes me unhappy. I have some self image problems it isn't the greated, working on it. My hubby says I should want to have intercourse with the other male I am wondering because I don't "want to" the feelings of erotic pleasure is there but really really wanting the other man is not. He says that the only thing on his mind how good it feels they is no emotions. The excitment and really even as hot as I was to really "want" to have sex with the other man is not there. He isn't very sexual aroused when we get home or even the rest of the week. He wake up with a hard on and we played some but I felt he was only doing it to please me. He never wants to put any emotions (feeling) into this he over and over says well it is somthing to have fun with and really he had not given any thoughs about the other night. It was something we did just for fun,the causal out look I just don't buy. I told him not to be worried about how I would take it, he says just like any other fun thing we might do. It is not right for me to want him to express how wonderful I am to have done this "for him" but I did it for both of us because I wanted him to have the other female play mate. I am not sure if I just cann't admitt to myself that I really have to have an excuse to let myself have sex with male playmate because I can't at this time admitt to myself that I really wanted sex with the other man. Did any of you women help me out here, did any of you have some of these thoughs? I cann't spell I have learning disablity so hope everyones understand what I am saying. I don't feel bad or anything but just alittle uneasy about hubby's so easy going out look at this for us.

[Menage_a_Trois]

Well after Mrs. Menage and I played with another couple for the first time(full swap), a couple of things changed. First, for about the next two weeks or so it seemed like our sex life went into overdrive, like all the sudden we found this new sexual high gear. We had always been very sexual and passionate with eachother,unable to keep our hands off eachother, but this was even beyond that. It was like a new sexual high. The other thing we noticed was how much we both wanted to talk about our experience. It was like for the next few weeks that was all we talked about. We had decieded from the first time we talked about getting involved in the lifestyle, that we were going to jump into it with both feet and see if it was for us or not. We both agreed that we would know if it was right for us and the only way to do that was to just jump right in and try it, no easing into it gradually. I wouldn't advocate that approach for everyone, but it worked for us. We both had no jealousy issues to deal with, so we didn't see any need to take it slow and easy. Just the way we are. We realized that the lifestyle was exciting to us and LOTS of fun, plus we enjoyed meeting others with similar interest. The effects on us after that first swap, let us know this was right for us. And after 9 years in the lifestyle, we still get that "sexual high" after meeting a playing with another couple. We luckily found a girlfriend who also shares theses same qualities pertaining to meeting people and playing in the lifestyle. For all of us the after effects of playing in the lifestyle are an important part of the total experience for us.

Mr. Menage_a_Trois

[MrkLin]

We originally got into this to try to live out a few fantasies for her. Her first husband was the classic "Minuteman" and as a result she was quite often left frustrated. She started fantasizing about another man in the room to take over when hubby was finished, and that helped her to orgasm before he was done. That fantasy morphed into a fantasy of 5-7 men taking her, and has stayed with her for years. To make a long story shorter, we gave the MFM thing a try and we both loved it. I draw my excitement from hers, and I just love to see her enjoy herself.

After about 9 years of this, she started thinking about watching me with another woman. I had always maintained this was not necessary, I was happy with things as they were, but I wasn't going to argue about it - lol. To make an even longer story shorter, we eventually did meet a couple from out of town, and shared a hotel room with them. We talked it over in detail before we made arrangements with the other couple, and let them know this would be a first for us. They understood completely, and had in fact gotten into the lifestyle in much the same way. All four of us were nervous as hell, but as a result of that we were all able to take things slowly and have a very good time. Thanks Gary and Michelle - you know who you are!

The result was a complete success for all four of us. My wife found it funny that she actually felt a sense of pride in my performance with the other woman. I thought it was hilarious. She actually said, "Listening to her respond to what you were doing to her made me proud of you." I don't think we've both laughed that hard together in ages - lol.

Well, enough tooting my own horn. That was about 4 years ago, and we've been meeting couples exclusively ever since. There is no jealousy at all, and she found that she prefers to swing in separate rooms, but only because she's easily distracted by sound during sex, and finds herself paying more attention to what others in the room are doing than what's happening to her. Even when we're alone she wants it quiet - no music, TV, or conversation unless I'm describing a fantasy to her. Our joke is that she's never heard the soundtrack to any of our adult movies.

We both play separately or together, and in fact she had a weekly Wednesday thing with a male friend of hers when I was working swing shift - no pun intended. She was always home when I got home from work, and never failed to be nude and extremely excited waiting for me to get home. I basically took over where her friend had left off, and it fueled more than one prolonged bout of exquisite lovemaking. The three of us got together a couple of times, and needless to say she had a blast - or two, as the case may be. That arrangement came to an end when he found a girlfriend who wasn't interested in the lifestyle at all. She knows about him and my wife, but that was in the past and everyone is happy today.

I have played alone with a few female friends, to include one time at a friend's house when my wife stayed downstairs knitting. She listened to the whole thing, not that she could miss it, and got excited herself. We got home and I was basically attacked as soon as we got in the door. She's out of town until tomorrow evening, and I played with a couple last night with her prior consent (Heck, I was talking to her on the phone while driving to their place - lol.) She has been thinking about what I told her when I got home ever since and can't wait to get home tomorrow and attack me.

It's a tough life, but I can handle it - lol.

I guess my point is the jealousy thing is a non-issue for us. We communicate with each other very well, and we respect each other's wishes. There are a few ladies she isn't comfortable with me playing with, and I respect that even if I don't agree with her reasoning. There are a few men I don't particularly find to be good candidates, and she respects my opinion as well. We only play with the other's knowledge. I don't play unless she knows about it beforehand, and don't allow myself to get into situations where that is a concern. She knows she's free to play as the situation dictates, and that all I ask is that she tells me if something may happen or already has happened. I trust her judgement completely, and she is a big girl who can easily take care of herself. She's also very picky when it comes to men, so a guy has to really be special to even make her think about him becoming a "possible." (Our word for a guy she'd like to get to know better, and most probably in the Biblical sense - lol.) She trusts my judgement and I've never done anything to betray that trust, nor will I ever. This is all about building more excitement for US - not just getting laid by somebody other than our spouses. If we didn't find this activity to be mutually exciting, I can say with authority that we wouldn't have even considered it to begin with. The fact that it IS mutually exciting keeps us doing it. If it ever fails to be such, we will leave the lifestyle and become monogamous once again. I'm truly a lucky man in that I've met the most darling woman of my dreams in all ways, and I'm totally dedicated to her in every sense of the word.

[The Big A]

Since we JUST had our first time full swap last Saturday I can tell you that it has been a non-stop sex fest here at the house.....It was so exciting and the experience couldn't have been better.......