Right After - What's the protocol? - when do you switch back to your own partner?

[jjpeople]

We're new to the lifestyle and just had our first swinging experience. It was with this couple we have gotten to know and respect a lot. They basically mentored us - gave us a lot of advice are pretty easy going, not easily offended, etc.

Anyway, the plan was to meet at a hotel, play, get some dinner and then head to this local club where several other couples would also be (we've been there before, it's a swingers hang out, but not a swingers club).

So the play went great. Dinner went great....except that we were still swapped and the Mrs. on their side was still very into the Mr. on our side. So she suggested going back to the hotel again for a quickie before the club. The quickie wasn't so quick and it wasn't as fun and exciting the second time around. We then all got ourselves together and headed to the club, but we were still pretty much paried up with the other couple.

At what point do the couples "switch back?" I was having fun, no jealousy or any of that, but it was our first experience and I wanted to compare notes with my husband and really just have some time with him after everything had happened. But the way things went, I felt I had an obligation to entertain their Mr. He is a great guy, but I really needed to regroup with my husband and it put a bit of a damper on the night because I couldn't.

They are a great couple and I suppose I could have said something and I doubt they would have been offended, but I'm not really sure how I should have handled this.

Any ideas/thoughts?

Thanks!

[TNT]

Very simple....

"I would like some alone time with my husband"...that's all that you need to say.

As far as a certain point of "switching back"...whenever you want to.


Teresa

[Chip_n_Muffy]

"We want some time to ourselves." Experienced swingers will not only understand, but will approve.

Chip

[Mr. Truelove]

I don't think this ever came up. If I wanted to kiss my wife, I walked over and did it. If I wanted to talk to her, I'd make an opportunity. I know I dance with her plenty. It's usually pretty fluid and flexible.

Mr. Truelove

[jjpeople]

What about afterwards at the club? If I say we want some time, should I be explicit about that? It was like we had swapped for the whole night and that wasn't what I was expecting - is that the norm?

[JustAskJulie]

There are no norms, everything varies. While some people like going to clubs with another couple to have a buffer or a comfort zone, others find that doing so creates the atmosphere you experienced where you end up feeling like you are with that couple so you have to stay with THAT couple. It may well be that they didn't expect you to but they didn't say otherwise either so it just happened that way. Remember your primary relationship is what's most important and it doesn't matter what other people think. If you need time alone TAKE IT. If you are feeling a little crowded by the couple you are with just say "hey, we need a little time to ourselves for a bit". No need to be explicit beyond that, you don't have to tell them what you are doing or why.

[The Fuse]

These are all really good comments. The only thing I'd add is that when you say you'd like a little reconnect time with your husband, you do it with a smile that lets them know nothing is wrong. I think reasonable people will see that you just want a little time to feel close to him and experience the comfort and security that enables you to swing in the first place. Nothing wrong with that at all, and I think most people would not even blink at it.

Oh, and please continue to have fun!

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by jjpeople

It was like we had swapped for the whole night and that wasn't what I was expecting - is that the norm?

It's never happened that way for us, swapping for the whole night, while in a club, etc. After we've just had sex with another couple (we're a same-room couple), we just gravitate back to each other afterward. We don't announce it or request it ("we need to spend time together now"), we just do it in a natural way. If you and your husband just plan from here on out to switch back to each other right after, it will just happen that way. It's very typical for couples to come back together this way, and nobody will be offended if you do this.

When you're new, you tend to follow the lead of the other couple. You don't have to, though. With each new experience, you and your husband can discuss afterward what you'd do a little differently next time, expressing what felt right to you, and what you'd rather change - and then start doing things that way. It's how you hone and refine your style and your preferences. Best wishes to you!

[BCinIN]

I would say do what you want when you want. After all, you're talking about you and your husband here. Nothing should ever come between that. Whether it's stopping an encounter dead in its tracks, slowing things down, changing direction, or just taking a break to be with each other, you should be doing what you want to do. Swinging should never involve duty or sacrifice.

[jjpeople]

Thanks for all of the posts so far. We definetely were following the lead of the other couple. She was making me feel very included - she was kissing me throughout the night and I was still spending time with my husband, etc. But she wasn't paying much attention to HER husband - so I sort of felt like I should. Again, very very nice people, but I guess after swapping, I didn't want to feel like I was WITH him anymore, and he had his arm around me, kept kissing me, had me on his lap, etc.

My husband I definetely talked about it and decided on some things we would do differently next time. I realize you learn as you go. I personally felt the second time (quickie) was too much because honestly she was the only one who benefited from it (the rest of of us didn't get off) and as much as the encounter was exciting, I do think it is possible to have too much of a good thing.

We enjoyed this couple and their friendship - so I am sure we will play with them again. Maybe we will just have our own plans for afterwards next time.

[SouthBond]

We, as a husband and wife, stay connected through any swing session. It sounds like you were on a date, where affection for the other individuals, gained an unbalanced degree of importance. When a spouse feels neglected, either physically or emotionally, jealousy can quickly mess up a fun filled situation.