Confused about strange feeling....

[Gladiola4u]

Sex Slave and I have been in the lifestyle for about a year now and have had a few 3-somes and a couple of soft swaps (circumstances didn't let us go all the way).

Yes, we did enjoy them very much but on the last ocassion, hubby had some strange feelings the next morning. He could not put his finger on what the feeling was, I know it's not jealousy or shame, maybe it's because we are fairly new to the lifestyle.

We have a very open comunication in our relationship and I could tell something was bothering him and when I asked, he said he felt strange about the night before. He thinks it might have been his conscience and after discussing his feelings I offered to put the swinging on hold until he was sure of the way he felt and to make sure this would not hurt our marriage.

He does not want to stop (and neither do I), in fact we really enjoy it and want more sometime very soon. He has now got over that feeling but I wanted to make sure that it wasn't anything I did that upset him or that we would be okay if we went back. He assured me it had nothing to do with me, it was just the way he was feeling. This feeling he got was just the last time we played with a couple we met, the times before that he was fine and we both enjoyed the playtime.

Has anybody else had strange feelings or felt this way at first? Is this something that happens to someone and goes away after a while?
Again, he has no idea what that strange feeling was because we were having fun and wants to go back for more.
Any insights?

[cubnamy1995]

Well, I'll throw in our .02 worth, because we both felt something similar.

I was very sexually repressed for a lot of my life (raised devout Southern Baptist). Even though my brain has worked past all of that now, your brain is trained to a great degree to react to certain thoughts or actions in certain ways. To use a bad analogy, I had the same problem with celery. My mother always told me that celery would tear up my stomach, because it did for my dad. 25 years later, I ate some vegetable soup that had celery in it and didn't know it. No problem. My wife told me it had celery in it. I have since ate celery without any trouble whatsoever, but still catch myself thinking at times "oh, I can't eat celery."

Though I now realize that swinging is a fun, wonderful, and satisfying thing we do together that helps us grow as a couple, I still get the gut reaction on occasion that it is wrong.

I know it isn't, but my brain has not retrained my body to react completely naturally yet. It will come in time, but just don't over-think things.

I don't know if this applies to you, but it has been something that I have confronted on occasion and it is completely natural. Hope it helps.

[Gladiola4u]

Thanks cubnamy, I agree with you on this.
My husband was raised in a very religious and strict family and did not have a lot of experiences with other partners before me. Although I was pretty much raised with the same religious beliefs, I don't feel the same way he does. I told him that maybe I enjoy it too much and don't feel that guilt. The funny thing about all this is that he is the one that brought the swinging suggestion up and is the one that got this way.

[clutch]

Originally Posted by Gladiola4u

The funny thing about all this is that he is the one that brought the swinging suggestion up and is the one that got this way.

For some reason this bit about we men bringing it up and not liking it happens kind of often.

I agree with the slow and easy part... if the religious part is an issue, there's a great book entitled Divine Sex. It presents a pretty good Biblical case that God doesn't really have a problem with swinging. But He's definitely interested in us and very interested that we agree, as a couple, in whatever sexual preferences we determine. (If you get it new, it does take a couple of weeks to arrive, but very well worth the wait.)

I'd say talk through the situations, and, if you read the book, you'll find out that many of the biblical greats prayed before, during, and after their periods of extra marital sex. So pray about it, and enjoy it; be thankful for the variety.

[dayhiker]

Hi,
I'd agree with cluth about the Book Divine Sex. He reads the Bible from the same prespective that Baptists and anyone who believings that the Bible is God's word. Its pretty amazing how church people have taken the Bible and ignored the sex lives of some of the great leaders and created a completely differant way of looking at sex. It basically only takes redefining two words in the Bible.

Praise God, the internet is making this infomation known.
dayhiker

[iapr]

Religious indoctrination aside, another is he may just be feeling a "disturbance in The Force" as I call it. It is that little voice inside all of us that says something is not quite right and it should always be heeded.

Our little voice is our survival instinct telling us to beware and when we make our intelect say that this is silly and override our instincts we can get into trouble.

Always heed the little voice and pay attention to your uncomfortable feelings. If he doesn't know what the problem is then I certainly do not know what it is and maybe you will never know but the important thing is to realize that something was wrong and to pay attention to what your inner voice is telling you.

[Gladiola4u]

Thanks for your time to replay to this and let me tell you that both Sex_Slave and I are ready to go back for some more play time.
We are definately going to get that book that cluth recommended and see if that will help him, I am sure it will.
He is well over that feeling by now but I don't want him to feel like that again after a play because I get to feel kind of guilty for enjoying somehting too much and he feels that way.
I hope we don't stop the sifestyle at this particular time but if we have to we definately will, I don't want this in any way to put a toll on our relationship.
In a way, I wish our "religious instict" would not make us feel that way but it happens. And as for that little voice that iapr has pointed out, VERY TRUE!!! I felt like that at first but have learned to quiet this voice and let me live my life as I like to live it now.
He told me that he is ready to go back in a couple of weeks and we will get that book and see if that helps him after, if not we will have to talk about it more.