How will we feel after we swing?

[trinigemini]

I am new to this whole thing. Never really swung before. FH is definitely into it and has done it before. I'm not sure how I will handle certain things and was hoping to get some incite. One of the things I've been thinking about recently is what happens after the swing. I mean how can I kiss my husband knowing he was just kissing another woman or even worse eating her out? (I must tell you that in the past I have refuse to even consider rekindling relationships with someone because they kissed another woman after we broke up....just because I didn't think I would be able to deal with it.) And how am I suppossed to feel knowing my husband was just intimate with someone else? Also how can I feel attractive knowing that I'm not enough for him and that he finds other women attractive enough to fuck? (I always thought that once you find that special someone you don't need anyone else.....I have no problems with him looking at other women but I thought he should only want to sleep with me.) How can he stand to see me fucking other men? Do I mean nothing to him? I want to know how other couples have handled these issues because to me they seem like major issues that could destroy our new marriage. And should I even go through with the wedding knowing that even if we never swing it's what he wants to do? He said we never have to swing If I dont want to ...but should I prevent him from being happy?

[aubbiet]

If you are this uncomfortable with it now... You probably never will be comfortable with it. I'd say talk to him and let him know that you don't want to do this. Swinging should be for both partners not just the enjoyment of one. How long before you actually get married?

[michelle101]

Originally Posted by aubbiet

If you are this uncomfortable with it now... You probably never will be comfortable with it. I'd say talk to him and let him know that you don't want to do this. Swinging should be for both partners not just the enjoyment of one. How long before you actually get married?

I agree.. Most of the things you just mentioned being uncomfortable with, are things that turned me on right from the start. Seeing him kiss another woman, or kissing me after ( no matter where he's been) is a big turn on for me. I think you should tell him you don't want anything to do with it, until a time comes, if ever, that you are interested.

[Gladiola4u]

I have to agree that if you feel this way now than swinging is not for you. Talk to him and let him know all the things you have in mind and how you feel about them. To me, it's a big turn on to see my husband go down on another woman, to fuck her and do all the thingg to her that he does to me and I enjoy so much that I can't wait to see it again.
If you are not sure about it, you have LOTS of talking to do and LOTS of thinking to make sure it is what is good for the both of you.
Good luck!

[trinigemini]

I think I have to agree with you all....I always thought swinging would be something I would be into...I even used to joke with my fuck buddies that if I ever got married the guy would have to be into swinging. I can't believe I no longer think I can handle it. I also believe it all stems from my own insecurities. Do you think it could be that in general I dont get along well with other women so the thought of allowing one into the most intimate of my moments is unnerving? Allmy closest friends have always been men and even though I have close girlfriends...they tend to act more like guys. My FH has alot of women friends and they all seem so needy and winey to me...always calling him up crying and complaining....puts me off women even more. I have no problem introducing another guy into the picture though....I know its selfish and I would never expect FH to allow me that pleasure while denying him his. Oh we are getting married MArch 3rd, 2007. I know its soon. The only reason I have not let this totally freak me out is because he says we never have to do it....and I am the one who brings it up and brought it up recently as we were looking for honeymoon spots. (I suggested hedonism.....then started freaking when he was actually considering it.) At the same time I got totally turned on that night when we were having sex and he was talking about doing a threesome. I think I am just moving too fast...its my nature...I tend to overthink and overanalyze things way too much way too fast. As soon as a thought pops into my head I automatically take it to the final point and usually the worst possible scenario.

[intuition897]

Welcome to the board trini. I get the feeling you probably won't be staying long, though, from the tone of your post. Not that we don't want you here! I just get the feeling that this whole swinging thing might not be your bag...baby.

Originally Posted by trinigemini

I am new to this whole thing. Never really swung before. FH is definitely into it and has done it before.

I'd be interested to know how much experience he's had with it, and in what capacity. As a single guy? Did he have a swing partner? It makes some difference.

Originally Posted by trinigemini

I mean how can I kiss my husband knowing he was just kissing another woman or even worse eating her out? (I must tell you that in the past I have refuse to even consider rekindling relationships with someone because they kissed another woman after we broke up....just because I didn't think I would be able to deal with it.) And how am I suppossed to feel knowing my husband was just intimate with someone else?

Whoah. Holy crap. This is a serious obstacle, and it's one that you need to resolve in your own mind. I can tell you why I don't think it's a big deal, but it doesn't do you a damn bit of good if you don't believe it in your heart of hearts. It sounds to me like you're confusing love and sex, which has about a 99% rate of ocurrence in newbies. Every swinger needs to deal with this very real issue. What are your beliefs about love and sex? Is sex the ultimate expression of love? Can sex be good without love? Can love exist without sex? What does it mean when you are attracted to others? Does it mean anything at all? Should it matter?

My husband and I have done full swap both in the same room and also in separate rooms with our swing partners. After our friends went home, I couldn't keep my hands off him and vice versa. I would kiss him with the scent of this other woman on his lips, and with her perfume on his clothes and her lipstick on his cheek, and maybe a fresh bite mark on his shoulder...and I couldn't get enough of it. He was just so...alive! Alive and real. He was sexy. What more proof did I need? It was all over him! Other women were turned on by him, obviously, which turned me on to him all the more.

The secret is that I just have no question about what he thinks or feels about me. He has made me understand that these other women, while very sexy, just don't have anything that he would ever want to leave me for. They can't offer him anything more than some good sex. I can offer him that, too, and a lot more.

Originally Posted by trinigemini

Also how can I feel attractive knowing that I'm not enough for him and that he finds other women attractive enough to fuck? (I always thought that once you find that special someone you don't need anyone else.....I have no problems with him looking at other women but I thought he should only want to sleep with me.)

You thought wrong. Welcome to reality. He IS attracted to other women, and he probably DOES fantasize about screwing them. Like, ankles-over-the-ears-screaming-like-a-banshee screwing them. And he wouuld to enjoy it. If you can't put that image in your head without your heart breaking, DO NOT get into swinging. Swinging is recreational sex. If you hold sex as a sacred bond between you, swinging is NOT for you.

It sounds like you got fed that fairy tale about some handsome prince sweeping you off your feet and how you would love one another so much that the attraction to others would just disappear. Well guess what? A wedding band on your finger and some pretty words don't erase your nature, and it's your nature to be a sexual person. And his, too. Some people do choose to express their love by remaining monogamous because it's less complicated and it a conscious choice they have made in the best interest of their marriage. We choose responsible non-monogamy as an expression of our love, and it has been wonderful for our marriage. It's just a matter of what is right for you both as a couple.

Originally Posted by trinigemini

How can he stand to see me fucking other men? Do I mean nothing to him?

You sound just like me several years ago. I had these same ideas about love, sex and marriage (and now look at me ). I had a tough time getting over the thought that he valued me so little that he could pass me around like a chunk of meat to other men he barely knew. I felt that this was a great deal to ask of me, to ask me to degrade and defile myself just so he could fulfil some selfish fantasy. I mean, really!? What the hell was I anyway? Some blow-up dolly?? I was hurt and angry. I am NOT some fucking TOY!

After a long time of thinking this and never really telling him how I felt about it (more about communication skills in a second...) we finally cleared the air. He was surprised to know that I felt that way. He finally explained it to me. He wasn't asking something of me; he was giving me a gift! He was trying to find a polite and inoffensive way to return my wedding gift to me: my sexuality. This was him telling me that he didn't want me to cut off a piece of myself like a grisly sacrifice. He loved me too much to ask that of me. He fell in love with all of me, and that included my sexual vitality. He loved my flirtiness and adventurousness. My gift to him was to kill that for him so no other man would ever have it. The trouble was that he would never see it again either. Not really. Just like you don't appreciate the sun without a little rain, when you take away the means for me to prove that no other man can have that one part of me that is reserved just for him - my heart - my marriage vows lose their meaning. So this is our marriage vows in action. When I have sex with another man, that's me saying, "This other man can borrow my body, and he can do nice things to it, and I can enjoy his company...but he is not you, and I love you. This other man will never have this part of me that you have so completely in the palm of your hand. And I love you and thank you so much for giving me the chance to prove this to you."

Originally Posted by trinigemini

I want to know how other couples have handled these issues because to me they seem like major issues that could destroy our new marriage.

I'll tell you a secret. These "issues" are not outside of yourselves. They are only as big as you want to make them. If you believe that his wanting other women is a big deal, then it is, and it will end your relationship...because you allowed it to. The other option is to be realistic about it and accept that he will still be attracted to other women...but it's up to you to decide whether that means anything to your relationship or not. Don't listen to others outside of your relationship telling you that it "should" matter. Does it matter to you? The truth may surprise you. Then again, it might not.

Originally Posted by trinigemini

And should I even go through with the wedding knowing that even if we never swing it's what he wants to do? He said we never have to swing If I dont want to ...but should I prevent him from being happy?

Again, this is up to you. It's just my opinion, but it seems to me that you're standing in your own way. You've decided that it is unacceptable that any man of yours would ever want someone else (because that would mean you're "not enough", right?). So...rethink that line of thinking. How willing are you to change your mind? I think I get it. By marrying him but never swinging, you feel he is essentially "settling for less" with you. This would make you feel degraded, and that's never good. If that's what you're thinking, then I applaud your not getting married until that's sorted out. That shows some serious integrity. Never let go of that because if you ever DO decide to swing, you'll need that kind of integrity.

I would suggest that you let your fiance read what you've written. Have you discussed any of this with him? Does he realize you feel this way? Degraded? Second best? Unloved? If he loves you, knowing you feel this way will just make him come undone. He'll want to set you straight, and tell you, show you, just how much he loves and respects you. Give him that opportunity. Tell him how you feel.

I hope this helps some.

[trinigemini]

Thank You so Much....Intuition you have given me alot to think about. And you can be sure I will. I have tried speaking to FH about this stuff but he seems to get annoyed by the questions and defensive. Its kind of why I turned here. I think one of my problems is that i don't truly believe that he loves me. I have other men In my life that truly do love me and I know they do because I have been with them for many many years. I think with FH things moved so fast that i no longer know what to believe. We've known each other for a little more than a year. We actually met after hurricane wilma. We had been talking online for about 5 months and I finally had time to meet him. He was the most romantic man I've ever met......but now I find myself asking how much of what he did for me he did for other women, I fell in love with the romance and I'm just afraid that seeing himbe like that with other women will just take that away from me. For instance he says I love you to so many people that when he says it to me it just does not mean much. It means more when he does sweet things....but does the meaning diminish knowing hes done them for others and its just his way....I know these are only questions that I can answer...but to be honest posting here has helped me to access some things i dont think I would have otherwise. I guess i should also say that I have grown up in a very dysfunctional family and have always had a problem with "LOVE". I've treated men like toys using them when i see fit and then disregarding them without a thought. Maybe this whole thing is payback ....bad Karma....my insecurities I mean ...not swinging is bad. i do think we will get into it one day. I just think I need to truly feel he loves me first. So I dont think I will disappear from this board as has been suggested. Most of my sexual fantasies involve more than one person.....so I dont think I can say for sure that swinging will neve be my thing. I just think I personally have issues that have to be dealt with.

[intuition897]

We all have our demons, trini. Sounds like you've found out the names of yours. And it sounds like maybe swinging could be something in your future. Your distant future perhaps, but the potential is there. It's just a matter of sorting out some stuff first. It sounds like you understand the importance of having your head in the right place when it comes to swinging.

I don't know about bad karma when it comes to insecurities, because I just feel that insecurities are a matter of - quite simply - not knowing any different. Now if you were being a real asshole about something and you knew it and you did it anyway...well then I guess you can expect karma to bite you in the ass for that. But if it's because of fear, well then it's just a matter of educating yourself and getting things straight in your head.

Are you a love junkie? My mother-in-law is. She loves the whirlwind romance and the dopamine high you get when love is fresh and new. Then she gets bored with her men and starts looking for excuses to dump them...because the high has worn off. I've lost track of the number of times she's been married. This is a real problem for some folks because they are unable to get beyond that "settling in" phase to where they develop the really good stuff: genuine love and attachment. Real love is seeing someone with the stomach flu, puking into a toilet at 3 AM...and holding her hair back for her. It's getting pissed off because he left the lid off the damn toothpaste again. It's bills and kids and messy houses and meddling in-laws and jobs that suck...and the real love is where you stand together in the middle of this mess "resting" in each other. You know. Putting your head against that spot on his chest (your spot), and him with his lips kissing your hair. And you stand there like that for even just a few moments. And you're rested and ready to take the bullshit of life on again. It's knowing every dirty rotten thing about your partner and not just loving them in spite of it...but loving them FOR it. You don't care what they can do for you; you just want to do everything for them. You stop caring about what happens to your own life, and you only want what is best for him. Infatuation gives you a buzz like a drinking a couple of pots of coffee. Amps you up, gives you a euphoric energy, and yes, increases your stress level...but you like it. Love makes you feel like a still, quiet lake. At peace finally. Finally things are clear to you, and you get a happiness - a contentment - that you just can't explain to those who have never felt it themselves.

I sure hope you stick around. It would be nice if FH would come and read some of this thread, too. I'm a little concerned that he doesn't want to communicate about this. That's a big red flag for me. Be sure to let him know that you can't build a marriage on uncertainty...and he's not exactly helping matters out in that respect.

[The_Phoenyxes]

Originally Posted by intuition897

He fell in love with all of me, and that included my sexual vitality. He loved my flirtiness and adventurousness. My gift to him was to kill that for him so no other man would ever have it. The trouble was that he would never see it again either. Not really. Just like you don't appreciate the sun without a little rain, when you take away the means for me to prove that no other man can have that one part of me that is reserved just for him - my heart - my marriage vows lose their meaning. So this is our marriage vows in action. When I have sex with another man, that's me saying, "This other man can borrow my body, and he can do nice things to it, and I can enjoy his company...but he is not you, and I love you. This other man will never have this part of me that you have so completely in the palm of your hand. And I love you and thank you so much for giving me the chance to prove this to you."

Mr. Bird and myslef read that and both agreed that it is a) true and b) one of the most beautiful things we have read in reguards to swining. Very well put Intuition.

[daisy girl]

Swinging is not for everyone and that's ok. It sounds like you have lots of concerns that are very valid for you. Please do not feel compelled to do something just because your SO is into it. You don't have to swing.

[Imalookin]

Awesome posts Intuition. I need to share this thread with my husband when we get home tonight. I think the response will be "Wow! This is so true and cuts to the core of the whole experience."

[wyandly]

How can he stand to see me fucking other men?

There are a lot of posts on this board where guys answer this question, often with lively discriptions

I've treated men like toys using them when i see fit and then disregarding them without a thought.

True or not, you are being hard on yourself for what you are feeling.
These past experiences are just that: past experiences. Did they work for you? If given the same situation, would you do it again? Use them to help you decide what you are going to do now.

I also believe it all stems from my own insecurities.

I think you have hit the nail on the head... believe me, I'm generally insucure my self, thats how I how know, like the saying goes; "it takes one to know one".
I dont think I could say it better than Intuit did, you just need to decide if you are totally on board with this relationship, even with the specter of swinging in the background. And yes, I remember you saying that is part of why you started this thread, so I will do my best to answer...

All my closest friends have always been men....My FH has alot of women friends

Look, by the sound of it, both of you could have any person you really want for a life partner, right? So I will ask you what I asked myself many years ago: Of all the people you could have, do you still choose your FH? Like Intuit has been saying, only you can answer that question. Just because you have misused, or walked away from, relationships in the past, dosn't mean you have to do the same with this one. You question your value to your husband-to-be, and you say girls come to him all the time, but the fact is he still chooses you for his life partner. Whats that say about your value to him?

As for the swinging, if you read this forum for a while, you will realize that its like Intuit said, the issues are what you make of it. Maybe this will help, and maybe not, but here's an analogy I once came up with to help me navigate the feelings of love and intimacy as they are connected to sexual expresion/experience. Suppose that 'flowers' = 'sexual ectasy'. There are two types of people, those that like gettting flowers, and those that like having flowers. Thats to say, even though both enjoy flowers very much, some believe getting flowers is a prerequisit to having them and enjoying them, and place value on the receiving, or use the act of recieving to judge the people involved in giving them flowers. But the others dont care, as long as they accept those giving them the flowers, it dosn't matter who is doing the giving. For them its all about the 'having': either they like what they have, or they dont. Its not that they dont love those giving them flower; its that they love the givers all the more for making sure they have flowers to enjoy. I hope you have followed this. My wife used to be the type that liked "getting flowers", but then she got older, her drive perked up, and now she likes "having flowers". And even though we aren't swingers, sex has since improved quite a bit, with alot of the old jealousy fading away. Im bringing all this up becuase it may turn out that way for you.

I also get the feeling from you posts that things are going kind of fast for you. I dont know what to say about this. Maybe some one else will have some useful advice. But I'm glad to hear that you are at trying to think carefully about it.
... My 2 cents....

I wish you the best!

[iapr]

I have not read any of the other posts so that I can keep my thoughts original but I am sure they have given you lots of good insight.

My thoughts are do not do this and do not let him talk you into it. You are no where near a point in your relationship where swinging is even an option. Swinging is not for everyone and even of the couples who are active swingers many if not darn near all were in traditional monogamous marriages for many years and built up a very high degree of trust and intimacy before they even came up with the idea of swinging.

You are not there and your statement of that you are not even sure if he loves you gives me reason to question if this is even the right guy for you to be dating let alone swinging with. I really think you need to do some serious self evaluation and as well as some hard indepth evaluation of your relationship and not give another moments thought as to swinging.

I can be wrong of course but I think if you two try to bring another person in to the mix it will blow up in your faces very fast and very badly. Show him the posts you made as well as the responses you have gotten and if he tells you that you and everyone else are full of crap then he is just looking out for himself and wanting to fuck other chicks with your permission and is not looking out for your feelings and your best interest and that is the most sure-fire recipe for disaster in swinging that there is.

[trinigemini]

I guess I may have given some of you the wrong idea of my FH. He is not pushing swinging. I mean it is something that he has done in the past and would do again....but in no way is he forcing me to do it. I guess this all just came up recently when we were looking at honeymoon places....I suggested hedonism....I was my idea.....at the time it seemed likea great one...I've always loved the idea of swinging and just assumed thaT i would be Alright with it. However it was after he started thinking about it too that I got squemish....to me swinging was all good in my head when he was all mine with people added who were also just into me.....but the thought of him with anyone else drives me crazy....Now i know its not fair...but it the way I am feeling now.....FH has consistently said that swinging is not something that we need to do.......so this whole thing is really just about me...I guess I am tryingto understand myself.....how can I be OK with swinging or the idea of it for such a long time,.....and now that I have found a guy who is willing to do so let it drive me crazy with jelaousy...its true i have never loved anyone the way I love FH and I think I'm scared of losing him...whereas with other men I didnt really care If i lost them in the process. FH is a great man and he does love me.....most days I know this.....however I seem to be very Insecure and need reassurance all the time.....now to show how ridiculous I am being ...because I am......FH is the kind of guy who makes me dinner every night, and before he sits pulls out my chair, places my napkin on my lap and kisses me.......EVERY TIME. He also tries his best to fullfill my every need....I'm in school and last summer he paid for my tuition (wasnt covered by my scholarship or financial aid), he takes me on vacations (our fourth date was to the bahamas) He loves my dog as much as I do and treats her so wonderfully(very big deal to me), he entertains my friends and all in all is just a fabulous man,very sweet and thoughtful) NO the problem in our relationship is ALL me. I dontwant him treating anyone else the way he treats me....it would make it not special anymore. I am not used to this....or the feelings I am having....FH tries his best to make me happy. I am on this board to try and figure outmy own malfunctions so that hopefully oneday I will get over my insecurities and be able to fulfill FH fantasy without breaking my heart. I've been reading forums and have received from very good advice myself.....I just dont know that it will ever turn me on to see the man of my dreams fuck another woman.....I may get to the point where it does not kill me....but enjoy it I doubt very much.

[iapr]

Originally Posted by intuition897

Welcome to the board trini. I get the feeling you probably won't be staying long, though, from the tone of your post. Not that we don't want you here! I just get the feeling that this whole swinging thing might not be your bag...baby.


I'd be interested to know how much experience he's had with it, and in what capacity. As a single guy? Did he have a swing partner? It makes some difference.


Whoah. Holy crap. This is a serious obstacle, and it's one that you need to resolve in your own mind. I can tell you why I don't think it's a big deal, but it doesn't do you a damn bit of good if you don't believe it in your heart of hearts. It sounds to me like you're confusing love and sex, which has about a 99% rate of ocurrence in newbies. Every swinger needs to deal with this very real issue. What are your beliefs about love and sex? Is sex the ultimate expression of love? Can sex be good without love? Can love exist without sex? What does it mean when you are attracted to others? Does it mean anything at all? Should it matter?

My husband and I have done full swap both in the same room and also in separate rooms with our swing partners. After our friends went home, I couldn't keep my hands off him and vice versa. I would kiss him with the scent of this other woman on his lips, and with her perfume on his clothes and her lipstick on his cheek, and maybe a fresh bite mark on his shoulder...and I couldn't get enough of it. He was just so...alive! Alive and real. He was sexy. What more proof did I need? It was all over him! Other women were turned on by him, obviously, which turned me on to him all the more.

The secret is that I just have no question about what he thinks or feels about me. He has made me understand that these other women, while very sexy, just don't have anything that he would ever want to leave me for. They can't offer him anything more than some good sex. I can offer him that, too, and a lot more.


You thought wrong. Welcome to reality. He IS attracted to other women, and he probably DOES fantasize about screwing them. Like, ankles-over-the-ears-screaming-like-a-banshee screwing them. And he wouuld to enjoy it. If you can't put that image in your head without your heart breaking, DO NOT get into swinging. Swinging is recreational sex. If you hold sex as a sacred bond between you, swinging is NOT for you.

It sounds like you got fed that fairy tale about some handsome prince sweeping you off your feet and how you would love one another so much that the attraction to others would just disappear. Well guess what? A wedding band on your finger and some pretty words don't erase your nature, and it's your nature to be a sexual person. And his, too. Some people do choose to express their love by remaining monogamous because it's less complicated and it a conscious choice they have made in the best interest of their marriage. We choose responsible non-monogamy as an expression of our love, and it has been wonderful for our marriage. It's just a matter of what is right for you both as a couple.


You sound just like me several years ago. I had these same ideas about love, sex and marriage (and now look at me ). I had a tough time getting over the thought that he valued me so little that he could pass me around like a chunk of meat to other men he barely knew. I felt that this was a great deal to ask of me, to ask me to degrade and defile myself just so he could fulfil some selfish fantasy. I mean, really!? What the hell was I anyway? Some blow-up dolly?? I was hurt and angry. I am NOT some fucking TOY!

After a long time of thinking this and never really telling him how I felt about it (more about communication skills in a second...) we finally cleared the air. He was surprised to know that I felt that way. He finally explained it to me. He wasn't asking something of me; he was giving me a gift! He was trying to find a polite and inoffensive way to return my wedding gift to me: my sexuality. This was him telling me that he didn't want me to cut off a piece of myself like a grisly sacrifice. He loved me too much to ask that of me. He fell in love with all of me, and that included my sexual vitality. He loved my flirtiness and adventurousness. My gift to him was to kill that for him so no other man would ever have it. The trouble was that he would never see it again either. Not really. Just like you don't appreciate the sun without a little rain, when you take away the means for me to prove that no other man can have that one part of me that is reserved just for him - my heart - my marriage vows lose their meaning. So this is our marriage vows in action. When I have sex with another man, that's me saying, "This other man can borrow my body, and he can do nice things to it, and I can enjoy his company...but he is not you, and I love you. This other man will never have this part of me that you have so completely in the palm of your hand. And I love you and thank you so much for giving me the chance to prove this to you."


I'll tell you a secret. These "issues" are not outside of yourselves. They are only as big as you want to make them. If you believe that his wanting other women is a big deal, then it is, and it will end your relationship...because you allowed it to. The other option is to be realistic about it and accept that he will still be attracted to other women...but it's up to you to decide whether that means anything to your relationship or not. Don't listen to others outside of your relationship telling you that it "should" matter. Does it matter to you? The truth may surprise you. Then again, it might not.


Again, this is up to you. It's just my opinion, but it seems to me that you're standing in your own way. You've decided that it is unacceptable that any man of yours would ever want someone else (because that would mean you're "not enough", right?). So...rethink that line of thinking. How willing are you to change your mind? I think I get it. By marrying him but never swinging, you feel he is essentially "settling for less" with you. This would make you feel degraded, and that's never good. If that's what you're thinking, then I applaud your not getting married until that's sorted out. That shows some serious integrity. Never let go of that because if you ever DO decide to swing, you'll need that kind of integrity.

I would suggest that you let your fiance read what you've written. Have you discussed any of this with him? Does he realize you feel this way? Degraded? Second best? Unloved? If he loves you, knowing you feel this way will just make him come undone. He'll want to set you straight, and tell you, show you, just how much he loves and respects you. Give him that opportunity. Tell him how you feel.

I hope this helps some.

Wow, I am just blown away by the thoughtfullness and depth of this post. The wisdom and clarity of this response is right on the money in many regards except for one thing....the intended recipient of it. I think this would be wonderfull advice for someone who is interested in swinging and has a fundamentally healthy and nurturing relationship but who just has some jitters about it because they have been raised to believe that traditional monogamous marriage is the end-all be-all of sexual expression.

While I think every word of intuitions advice is accurate and wonderfull I believe that the original poster is not in a position to digest and assimilate it for what it's inherent value is worth.

I think Trinigemini's core beliefs and values are such that she needs to pursue a healthy and supportive one-on-one traditonal relationship rather than get into swinging relationship with a man whose intent from the very beginning is to have a swinging marriage. Trinigemini herself has explained that she has a lot of baggage and old issues from the past that have left her with many challenges with healthy relationships

I think this wonderfull post from intuition to trinigemini is like a areospace engineer trying to explain jet propulsion and areodynamics to someone with a learners permit who is starting to learn how to drive a car.