How will we feel after we swing?

[Second of 2]

Originally Posted by trinigemini

Now I just need to work on me and my insecurities and jealousy.

From all that I've read, I would have to say you are perfectly human. In other words, there's nothing wrong with you. (which is why you shouldn't hate yourself) You are exchanging one lifestyle for another, single to married. You have expectations, questions, fears, joy, hope, anticipation and a 1000 other emotions. The best advice I heard anyone give is, focus on one thing at time. Get the married part down first.

Best of luck to you,

[blueguitar]

WOW!! Thank you trinigemini for being so open to everyone about the issues you are dealing with right now. You are being so open and talkative with everyone on here, it sounds like you are well down the road of learning how to communicate your problems to people. Its scary to confront and talk about serious issues with your SO at first, when you are still learning to love and trust them (especially with the issues you have had in the past with relationships). However, you are practicing here, and all these posts moved me quite a bit, and I just wanted to give you a thumbs up and good luck wishes.

To everyone else, especially intuition... WOW. My SO and I haven't started swinging yet, in fact, we have just started talking about it, and reading what you have said felt so right. (my first post is at:
Getting close to friends )

I read all of it outlloud to my fiance, and he got all smiley and thought it was all very insightful. You have helped us too, in ways you may never know!!

THank you!

[cubnamy1995]

I wanted to chime in and back up what was said previously about having that alone time. We had the opportunity to have an experience only two years into our marriage. Had we taken it, I now believe it would have been DISASTEROUS!!! But time does indeed help love grow and mature. Once the infatuation wears off, the companionship really gets strong. IMHO, you can't really swing without companionship. If you don't have that, then it becomes a competition where nobody wins.

My wife and I have had our ups and downs. We have stood in the middle of the house, kids sick, behind on all the bills and getting ready to lose it all. She cried on my shoulder while I ran my hand down her hair. That is the precise moment when you know.

Swinging can't destroy that for us. I've had sex with many beautiful women. So has my wife. She's fucked some guys that could pass for GQ models. But at the end of the day, she and I were the ones that stood in that living room until the sun came up, and the only strength we had to go on was what we got from each other. ANd I don't care if the whole world is against us. We stand together, and we have survived everything life has thrown at us. I am her soft place to fall, and she knows it. She is the one who picks me up when I'm down and nurses me back to life, and I know it. Nothing and no one can get between us on that. That is what love truly is all about to me.

Sex is what we do for fun, that and golf.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by cubnamy1995

My wife and I have had our ups and downs. We have stood in the middle of the house, kids sick, behind on all the bills and getting ready to lose it all. She cried on my shoulder while I ran my hand down her hair. That is the precise moment when you know.

Swinging can't destroy that for us. I've had sex with many beautiful women. So has my wife. She's fucked some guys that could pass for GQ models. But at the end of the day, she and I were the ones that stood in that living room until the sun came up, and the only strength we had to go on was what we got from each other. ANd I don't care if the whole world is against us. We stand together, and we have survived everything life has thrown at us. I am her soft place to fall, and she knows it. She is the one who picks me up when I'm down and nurses me back to life, and I know it. Nothing and no one can get between us on that. That is what love truly is all about to me.

Sex is what we do for fun, that and golf.

OMG, that was just beautiful. That got me a little misty reading it. Seriously, that's what it's all about. That, folks, is the 'good stuff'.

[flkeyscouple]

Originally Posted by intuition897

OMG, that was just beautiful. That got me a little misty reading it. Seriously, that's what it's all about. That, folks, is the 'good stuff'.

Me too! I'm home for lunch and have tears from your post cubnamy1995! That is a great explanation of 'the good stuff'!!

Sarah

[lovemonkey#1]

trinigemini, have you considered going to couples counseling to discuss some of these issues that you're having? i'm not suggesting that you need to talk to a therapist about "swinging" per se, but it seems to me that you have some pretty major insecurities involving your SO which is leading to a lot of mistrust. i think that needs to be addressed first and foremost.

[cubnamy1995]

Thanks intuition and flkeyscouple, but I know I'm not the only one out there who feels that way. This lifestyle puts your relationship on steroids. For those who have the kind of relationship we do, it is an amazing experience. When my wife leads another woman by the hand into our bedroom where I am waiting, she is expressing her great love for me that she wants me to have the moon and the stars. While I have sex with the other woman, I make love to my wife, knowing that she does this for me. I bring home a man or woman (or both ) to her for her enjoyment, and relish every moment watching her because there is nothing more beautiful in my eyes than to see her in the throes of passion, knowing how happy she is. I like to make her happy.

If you have not reached that level in your relationship, with such complete trust and selflessness, you won't make it in this lifestyle. Even soft swap can cause problems if you're not on solid ground. I really admire trinigemini for being honest that she is not there yet. Good for you! True love is much to valuable to gamble on a recreational activity. Never say never, because you may get there some day. But take care of what is precious first. If you nurture your relationship now, then in the years to come, you can offer each other that ultimate gift with total love and without reservation.

What can I say? I love my wife. She is the greatest thing that ever happened to me, and as much as I love this lifestyle, I would quit in a heartbeat if she asked me to.

Sorry to ramble on so long. This just touched a very wonderful nerve that really gets my passion up. Thank you again for the nice compliments.

[Tybee Swing]

cubnamy, I ditto what the other ladies said....I loved your posts!

I feel exactly as you do about my marriage, what my husband means to me, and why we swing. Our relationship is the priority. Swinging is just something we share because we love pleasing each other and seeing each other experiencing pleasure. If swinging were even slightly detrimental to our relationship, or hurt either one of us in any way, we would both give it up in a heartbeat.

A deeply trusting relationship is built over time. I agree with all the sound advice given to the OP.

[deanncat]

these are alot of question and i should say that we have not actually swung yet, but have talked about it alot, and that is the key talk about it alot, don't be afraid to say what on you mind, after all its just talking. I don't know quite how I will act when he kisses another women, but I do know that all the talking we have done and giggling about it will be helpful when the time comes, if we go all the way and decide to swing, and after the first time there is too much unconftable feeling with, we can say we did that and got a t-shirt. I guess my finally advice is you can't wear out talking it is actually better for you sex life and make it a fantize out loud, a bunch of verbal talk during sex about swinging, helps you figure out how you might feel and fun. and in are 10years of marriage if and when we decide to swing I don't see it hurting are relationship at all, I see it as fun experience

[gatorvol64]

Cubnamy, that was great. We've been there. All hell has been going on around us and I've just leaned into him with my head on his chest and for that time it was all quiet. Afterwards, it had recharged me enough to make it through the next round. But, even though they were hard times, they are also some of my favorites. Thank you for the visual of a good memory.

Vol

[cubnamy1995]

Thanks again everyone. That's what I like about this lifestyle. Not that any of us are perfect, but I have found that most people in this thing have mature, stable, and loving relationships. I would love to see some data on what divorce rates among swingers are, and I'd be willing to bet it is lower than our vanilla counterparts. It's just nice to talk to a group of people who are where you are and love isn't a battlefield (to quote Pat Benetar).

Besides, how else and where else can I get my wife to wear all of those slutty clothes I buy her? facelick

Ladies, each and every one of you are beautiful, magnificent creatures that make this world more beautiful and smell better. Thank you to all that give us goofy bastards a reason to want to be better men. I treasure every moment I get to spend with you (and we hope to play with you all someday! )
And thanks for letting me temporarily hijack the thread. I'm going to shut up now.

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by cubnamy1995

Thanks again everyone. That's what I like about this lifestyle. Not that any of us are perfect, but I have found that most people in this thing have mature, stable, and loving relationships. I would love to see some data on what divorce rates among swingers are, and I'd be willing to bet it is lower than our vanilla counterparts. It's just nice to talk to a group of people who are where you are and love isn't a battlefield (to quote Pat Benetar).

That is a figure I think we'd all love to have, but there just isn't anything I've found out there. The only thing close is in the Bellarmine University study on swingers done seven years ago only 2% reported their marriage as being worse after swinging. Something like 62% said it got better and 36% said it stayed the same. So from that I'd have to imagine the divorce rate amongst swingers is much less than the average. Of the divorces we've seen in the Lifestyle they have both been from issues stemming from things other than swinging. They were using swinging to "fix" those problems, and it didn't. Regardless of swinging they would be divorced anyway.

Mr. WS