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LaStrata

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16 Good

About LaStrata

  • Rank
    Contributor

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    single committed Female
  • Location
    michigan

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    LaStrata

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  1. There is always the possibility of addiction - addiction is not defined by how often or how much, but by the meaning the drug of choice has to the addict - and if the addict is willing to risk everything of value to indulge in the drug of choice. There is really no way you, or some uninvolved counselor, or anyone else can truly know if your wife's behavior is a compulsion or recreational unless there are some regular extreme examples that wave red flags. Once a month is not a red flag. Nor does it mean she is not an addict. Either way, whether she is or is not, addicts rarely stop because someone else wants them to - they need to come to a point of recognizing they are doing something that is destroying who they are. Is your wife destroying who she is? That would be a big red flag. I would be careful of counselors/therapists. There are many who would say swinging is not healthy no matter what. I commend your openness and willingness to have your wife fulfilled. That said, after reading both of your posts, it seems to me that your wife's' desires go against some of your value systems, and you have a hard time seeing her as a slut or wanting to be one. Many women enjoy being a slut for a nite, and be treated as such. I've had many a time myself that I felt like saying - stop worshiping me and treat me like the dirty slut I am!! This is sometimes confused with being treated poorly and being disrespected. Our society has taught us that if women are viewed as sexual objects, that this is somehow disrespectful. It is only disrespectful if she doesn't want to be treated that way, or if she is treated that way exclusively. These men can and do treat her that way, because that is what they are there for. That is what she is there for. It doesn't mean that anyone is being bad or disrespectful - it only means that everyone is free to be turned on by what turns them on. I think you have a hard time accepting that your wife likes to get down and dirty and there is somehow something wrong with this - and perhaps you need to ask yourself how and why you feel the way you do.
  2. I think just as there are some men better at it then others, there are also some women who are better at it than others as well. The best oral I recieved from a woman was from a lesbian - she was confident, experienced and knew what she wanted. Some bi females I've been with seem like they are just 'performing a show' for thier spouses rather then being really into it.
  3. I am glad you chipped in your side of things. I do not believe that it makes dragon heart the bad guy but I also know there are always two sides to every story. I can relate to your view because I also have a partner that refuses to communicate no matter how hard I try to talk things out - and I repeatedly get slammed after the fact - when I had no idea before. Some of the problems that I have run into in swinging is that many are open minded enough and have the desire for the experience but really don't have the emotional and communication skills it takes to be stable and happy in the lifestyle. Swinging requires both partners' skills to be exceptional - both in knowing who you are, what you want , what you don't want and how to communicate that effectively - and kindly. Good luck, it is sad that it was such a painful experience for the both of you.
  4. I am new to this board - I have been a couple and a single - and it isn't easy for anyone. I am considered attractive and well built, so attracting potential partners hasn't been a problem but - I have found its hard for anybody male and female both. I have encountered the 'buffet feeling' . To clarify my position now I am single and not single - I am committed to a partner - but my partner is older, has some serious health issues and does not have a high sex drive - I am free to roll alone - but I have almost given up in finding the right partner - I was trying to look for a male partner for friendship, compatability but with no commitments since I am committed. I can't present myself as available cause I am not. I can't present myself as available for an affair cause thats not it either. I must be discreet becasue I live in a small minded small town. What I am trying to say is there is no easy way. I think you need to be willing to date alot and find the person you think you are really compatable with and go from there. I have found that laying it all out and up front at first doesn't work so well for me - cause the guys just see me as a ticket and don't want to bother with the friendship part - which is important to me if I am gonna swing with someone - even if it on a part time basis. I think I am gonna try some some onsite clubs - my partner will go with me now and again - but if the clubs turn out ok I will most likely go alone as well. There are two of them I am gonna check into that allow singles - and yes they are quite a drive away.
  5. You definately are entitled to better treatment than your bf gave you - his behavior had no sense of partnership - and swinging is partnership - even when you are single you still need to be aware of boundaries and appropriate condsideration of others, and of oneself. Its sounds to me - wrong person, wrong place and wrong situation. You cannot go into a bodage theme without the complete trust of your partner - and with a partner that has earned it. It sounds like it was an onsite premises - this is not a place for people new in the lifestyle - its just way too much to deal with all at once. Here is also another issue - do not drink if you are going to get drunk. Swinging and drunkness will not mix - you always need your wits about you so you won't find yourself in situations you can't deal with. This can be tricky when one is sober and expereinced. To protect yourself from bad experiences in the future remember swinging is to please yourself and to share that pleasure - it takes alot of trust and communication. Trust comes from yourself first - learn to trust your own judgement and learn to stick to it - you have a right to say no. Do not get drunk - this is putting yourself in a positions in which you will not be able to trust yourself - so don't do it. if you follow some basic guidlines to keep yourself safe, you can be quite safe and confident even if you end up making a mistake and swing with a partner thats not right for you.
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