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BodyScape02

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About BodyScape02

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    Super Contributor
  • Birthday January 1

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    off the board
  • Swinging Experience
    retired perminatley

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  1. It is good to hear... I am glad you made it through one of the most difficult passages in life. And there is someone out there who will feel blessed to have you and thank god every day that she was such a moron. Just give it time. ~Cat
  2. Actually it is more like prostitution... your way... you are pimping him out. And lookie there... all of us gave you very very similar advice. Exsperience speaks...lol... now we can only hope you will listen! And then go out and have fun...with... your hubby. This really is a great board for help... we have all been there and lived through something similar if not identical. ~Cat
  3. Honey.... Calm down and take a breath... this is an easy hurdle to get over. First... let me point a few things out that are not obvious to you do to your emotions: 1. He is doing this on YOUR profile... not a private one as a single male. He is being up front and running things past you. 2. He is looking for you both... not solely for himself. 3. He has to be interested in her also... not just you interested in her for him. 4. He is assisting in the search, not hijacking it 6. How would you like to be in his shoes… having him choose exclusively for you… I suspect you would not be amused. 7. He is justifiably irritated at your behavior. 8. This problem has an easy solution So you're asking "What" correct? As I said breath... your snipping is about your concern you are not "good enough" for him or in some way connected to your own insecurity in you place in his life ( ie Alpha female)( choosing a wolf moniker appears appropriate for you, so I will run with the analogy...lol). He is not doing this behind you back... he is asking to hunt with you...like a wolf... in the pack. If you lighten up and let him, you will guarantee greater success in the hunt and more for you both to eat. You can't expect him to want to sleep with only the gamma female you feel comfortable with... you are hunting prey ( wolf analogy in effect here) That means you are playing with prey species ... not looking for a replacement mate to you. Compromise... surf together (not necessarily, exclusively together) and decide together. Open your mind a little and see it is you who he adores... he is not looking for a replacement. He is shopping for you. Just like you were shopping for him. The gift is with you in mind. BREATH... kiss him and hug him and work with him... you love him, which is why you are protecting your territory... just let go of the choke hold you have on him and let him breath... Shopping is part of the fun…let him have fun shopping with you. Work together. ~Cat
  4. I agree with all above... don't confuse familiarity with love... or what you wish a person was... or remember them being ( or believed them to be... the idea of "her") with the reality of WHO THEY ARE> Allow yourself to hate her for what she did... she deserves it... you have to go through all the same emotions that you do with any death... and hating what she did and her for doing it ... ( Instead of yourself) is part of that. You have to acknowledge that appropriate hate... before you can forgive it, or not...but before you can move past it to a working relationship with her for the sake of your kids. In so far as meds and therapists go... yep...take what you need when you need it, so you can work hard to get by it with your therapist... AND LAWYERS ( you need a good one... she is up the creek on this one... were I live, she would loose the kids just do to the fact he is bi and in the lifestyle) help. Best Wishes... been there... sorta... done that... survived and thrived. You will too.
  5. It would help if we knew exactly "WHAT" it is you are talking about... all in all ... it makes little sence when you are so vague... no one can help you. This board is a great source of "been there, done that" wisdom... give us a chance. All I can say from what you wrote is: ultimatums do not a dialogue make... and you need to have a dialogue to have effective communication. My heart goes out to you... ~Cat
  6. to put in my two cents darling... I would say... ( and I hate using my mothers axiom's, but it applies) You can't have your cake and eat it too... then exspect him to be happy with the leftover crumbs. Stop, break and enjoy getting back in sync with your man. Say your sorry, because you did hurt him... not intentionally...but you starved him while you ate like a glutton all the same. I know how it feels I have felt that way on the other side of the coin. Knowing he noticed I was feeling used and left out and showed me he cared by apologizing for it...would have meant the world. Hell, it would have meant the world if he had noticed I left the room. We all make inadvertant mistakes... it is how you handle them that defines you. ~Cat
  7. Thanks Mrs Spoo... I appreciate your comments. Yes I guess I would be the golden unicorn or egg... cool...I have a higher value than a true "single"..lol I think I might... as I really don't want to get back into a relationship and ...well... I have a really high libido. The problem is in my area, so far...my Darter is the only man who I really felt the heat for. And that begs the question... should you swing with your recent ex? I somehow think it would end up ruining a good friendship... but damn it is hard ( pun intended) not to think about caressing his body and making whoopie all night long. It is not going to be an easy transition for me in that area... I have lost my favorite food... so to speak...I can see it on the shelf... but I am forbidden from eating it. That begs the question ( and perhaps I should start a new thread) Should you ever continue to "play" with an ex? Under any circumstance ? the ever questioning ~Cat
  8. And I would say : You never should have gotten involved with him in the first place... and that hiding that (swinging), is a rather serious breach of trust. A let me bait you and get you...then ... I will bring you into my fetish, that I know you would run from otherwise" breach of trust... the word premeditated comes to mind. I think in retail they call it "bait and switch"! So why isn't “I love him" enough? Well for one... Love ...is not an excuse for abuse (giving or taking it) or being treated with disrespect. Trust me, you can still love someone and not be with them... you can love them as your best friend. I am doing that right now...and it is just fine. I don’t love Mr. Body any less now that we are not a couple. It is an adult perspective and a real mature thing to admit that love is not enough. You can love someone to death and it not be right to be together in the long run… for lots of reasons. All in all , “I love him” is actually a real "cop out" of a "me culpa" type of argument. Do you know how many times I have held people who are bruised and crying "Why?" and when I ask if they would let anyone treat their daughter that way...the answer is an emphatic – “NO” . Then I ask them, why they allow themselves to be such a rotten role model by letting someone treat them that way... and they inevitably say ...." BUT ...I LOVE HIM.” I guess realizing the difference between being “needy of love” and having a true giving and sharing type of love that nourishes both people ...comes with time... but not if you stay needy. Yeah, you love him and you NEED him to love you (more than the dumpling ....) but what the heck does that have to do with anything...when by every action and word... he shows he doesn't love you. Being needy is pathetic (been there) and ends up ultimately not being attractive and driving people away. After you did things you would never have done, just to keep him happy. Love yourself first... so you don't feel threatened by apple dumplings ... and find yourself a man who can give you back respect and love. I don't think you have that... and everyone should. BTW... don't tell me it is not possible...because I have done it.
  9. Thanks Mrs Spoo... I appreciate it. I will try...although I am single... I really do still think in couples mode. It is kind of weird. I at least have the advantage of knowing what both sides are looking for and how to define boundaries. I mean lets face it... if anyone's husband comes on to me without the wife knowing or asks me to meet on the side. We know one thing for sure... I will out him. No if's, and's, or but's. lol Now if I can just find a really well hung male playmate in my area... I am getting a little... ah peckish... ~Cat (on a hot tin roof) .
  10. Yes, I did need a laugh and thank you very much, I loved the joke. And thank you Spoo... It is nice to be wanted... not in a sexual way...but then again...I like that too!
  11. Yes Vespertine... we did... just yesterday, we still remain close friends and there is no animosity between us... just a realization that while we love each other dearly... we were ultimately not compatible for the long run. For both of us there is no other man or other woman. No drama, just quiet and sad acceptance. I will miss him dearly (in bed) but I am so glad I did not loose him forever in a dramatic "shoot out" of emotions. We both felt it was better to be in a "Jerry and Elaine on Seinfeld" type of arrangement than a "dead to me forever" deal. When you come down to it... it is about being an adult about the whole thing and respecting the love you shared for so long. So there is the long and short of it for you all. I hope you will welcome me on the boards as the new single female with a couples perspective... as I bide my time and try to decide if this is the lifestyle for me. For now... I am not interested in "getting " another man or relationship. I wish to politely morn this one.
  12. KUDOS to your wife... She ROCKS.!!! The"Classless Bitch" started it... your wife just had the self esteem and the balls to set her straight... evidently something everyone else in the room was lacking. She made a play to be the Alpha female... and she ran into the one female that didn't cower. You know who she is now and can always decline invitations based on her participation. ~Cat
  13. Actually I thought I was rather succinct and implicit. I even gave a case study example! You still seem confused, so I will put on my business like demeanor and answer (apology up front ... I am very CEO boardroom). I think what you are looking for is the rules for a single woman... and you are asking couples about "their" rules. They are animals of the same species but not the same genus. A. Rules are the set of agreed upon boundaries defined differently by each couple (and or single). They are in some cases rigid and in others malleable. They are a living document (like the U.S. Constitution or the law) and change with experience and need. But, like the constitution, change is not frivolous or immediate… it is negotiated and debated and voted upon before it is adopted. B. Rules are based on the inherent likes and dislikes of the individual couples. For example, preferences for, or against bi contact; full swing (which is everyone changes partners and dances); soft swing (which is foreplay and/or oral contact only) etc…etc… C. I would suggest you sit down and write out what your personal rules are. You need to know the parameters of your behavior going in also… so you can decide if you are a good match for each other. Why? Well, if all you are concerned about is a big phallus and you never bother to tell them anal is not ok with you… you could find out it is the “thing” for him and be very, very hurt the next day in more than one way. Or if you are bi, but do not want to be with this particular couple ( she may not be your type)... How are they to know, if you never COMMUNICATED YOUR PREFERENCE? Questions to ask yourself: 1. Do you want to be with only the woman? 2. Do you want contact with only the man? 3. Are you bi or bi-picky? 4. Do you do anal? 5. Do you have a size preference? (phallus or height) 6. Are you interested in single men? 7. Where are you willing to meet people? 9. Do you “Play” on the first date? 10. Are you interested in just play or do you want to form a pair bond with one specific couple? (ie. be exclusive with them…like a third person in the marriage) 11. Do you ask for proof someone has no STD’s ? ( yes, there are people out there playing with Herpes). 12. Do your require a picture of both of them "together" before you will correspond or play? Other than that …look at my first post… basically BE HONEST do not lie about your weight, or contact one member of the couple behind the back of the other, COURT THEM AS A COUPLE… never try to break them up and take one for yourself… and flirt like hell. Know one thing... you are flirting like hell for the privilege of one night or however many encounters with this couple ( and they with you)... not for the purpose of obtaining a mate... SEE IT CLEARLY. DO NOT MAKE THE MISTAKE OF ASSUMING IT IS ANYTHING MORE THAN THAT..IT IS ABOUT... PLAY...NOT LOVE. Is that what you wanted to know?
  14. I just wanted to say...my opinion comes from experience. If you check far back in my postings you will see we had a woman interested in play with us (and particularly interested in my mate) who played with a married man and gave him a cert (on sls) that she would gladly enjoy his company again. In checking on her profile I followed the links and discovered he glowing certification. She helped him commit adultery! She wanted to meet my man for "lunch" and was contacting him on her own... needless to say I was a bit upset. I mentioned it to my ex and she erased it. Luckily, I copied it prior to her removal of it so I could prove I was not nuts. My ex was thrilled to have a single woman interested in him/us and felt I was overreacting. I told her no and called her on it... and my ex was a tad upset at me... so I contacted the board for help and perspective, as I was very new to this. It is in a thread entitled “Would you trust this woman???”
  15. To me it meant that the woman did not contact my man directly, without my knowledge. As in, meet him for lunch without me, or, send e-mail to an alternate address (other than our joint account created for the purpose of swinging). Or try and set up play with just him, when our profile stated we were a couple and that we swing only as a couple.) That worked in the inverse also (In so far as single men and I were concerned). I would never give a single my cell number... I gave them my mates. Why? Because that all smacks of secrecy and subterfuge and it is all about being sneaky and working to attain something that belongs to someone else... ie ... it reeks of "cheating" So even if it is "on the up and up" it still plants the seeds of doubt that will eventually destroy even the best relationship. It kills trust... and without that...valid or not...a relationship will eventually perish. ~Cat
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