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dutch51

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15 Good

About dutch51

  • Rank
    Swingers Board Addict
  • Birthday July 10

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    happily married
  • Location
    Ohio
  • Interests
    computers, crafts, books, music
  1. We totally agree with Alura. I (wifey) have a c-section scar that is noticeable to me, but no one has ever commented on it (you can see it if you're looking). And like Alura said, if someone did, it's not someone we'd want to play with anyway. Most of the couples we swing with have females who have kids and some of them have scars too, but it's just part of the person. It would not deter us from swinging with them.
  2. Very well said biblonde, we must agree with you. There's a lot of potential for trouble with this situation. If your wife has her heart set on doing something like this, then it would be best to find a couple in which you can you can all be involved and there's no danger of workplace drama. Hubby and I have equal veto power at any time and if we were ever in a situation where the other husband said my husband could not be there, then that would be the end of dealing with them, pure and simple. If he's worried about performance issues, there are ways to deal with that but leaving you out of the mix is not the way to do it. I wouldn't want my husband involved with a couple where I was not welcome either. Just because you said yes to a particular scenario doesn't mean when things change that the answer cannot change as well. If you are uncomfortable with any aspect of this for any reason, then please sit down with your wife and tell her why. Have her read this thread if possible. Ask her what it is she has her heart set on so firmly- this kind of scenario, this particular person, just swinging in general or what? It sounds like things really need to be put on hold with this couple, maybe permanently, until the two of you can have some satisfactory conversations about what you're both thinking and feeling. Good luck to you and please come back and let us know how things are going! M.
  3. That's always possible too, if they truly are a couple and not a single posing as a couple. Now we do like to chat a bit online and email, but we like to do it with our webcam too. We don't want to chat endlessly and we would like to set up a face to face meeting as soon as we can all arrange it, but that is our preferred starting point after someone contacts the other through an online ad. There are certain things we like to discuss right away to know if there is even a point in meeting (rules, availability, etc), and as most of the couples we talk to are out of town, chatting online via webcam is much easier (especially when you only have one phone, lol). We will talk to couples on the phone to set up meeting details, but it's not our preferred way of getting to know someone- we don't like long phone conversations and with kids, etc. it's too easy to get distracted. The important thing is a couple's willingness to meet face to face, talk to you and get to know everyone. If someone is unwilling to let you see them, or talk to one of the spouses, then that has to raise some questions. Everyone should be equally involved or given the chance to be, even if they are not as vocal as the rest. And insisting on only speaking to one of the spouses would make us wonder... We agree that you probably didn't miss out on a fantastic opportunity.
  4. I like what LM had to say, too. You have to go at the pace you are comfortable with, and it may involve meeting a few more times. So long as you are upfront with others, and trying to find those who feel the same way, you should do fine. We like to get to know people first, too- makes things way more fun for us. Like EvilMJ, we don't have a lot of free time to go out (arranging babysitting, sometimes overnite, for 3 kids sometimes takes a while),but when we do, we like to make the most of it with whoever we're with. We do a lot of communicating online- emails, chats, using webcam, sometimes phone calls so we still get to know each other even if we're not in the same room at the time. For us, a second date is usually a playdate, if everyone's interested after the first one. Because of the time we've spent chatting previously, it's a pretty easy decision to make and everyone's comfortable with it. You shouldn't feel pushed to play before you are comfortable doing so. Where does the pressure to play that you sometimes feel come from- the other couple, your SO or yourself? Hopefully not from spouse, but sometimes we can push ourselves to move at a different pace. If it's from the other couple, then you may need to look elsewhere for compatible friends. We hope you will register and let post again so we can get to know you better. Welcome to the board and we hope to hear more from you!
  5. My answer was the same, lol. Hubby's hair is long, black and super sexy; I love it. But like someone else said, you've got to take care of it- scraggly and dull isn't sexy no matter what, but clean and shiny is Long hair isn't a requirement though- it's more about the personality.
  6. I would definitely sit down and talk to hubby more about this one before making a final decision. What exactly are you and hubby hoping to get out of swinging (people do look for different things), and how long have you been discussing swinging in general? It sounds like this wasn't the couple for you, but if you still want to pursue swinging with others, I wouldn't give up yet. It can take some time to find a compatible couple, but when you do all four of you will have a great time. Was this other couple new too? That can affect the outcome of the evening too. Welcome to the board, btw, and I hope you'll stick around and share more thoughts with us. This place is a wealth of info and hopefully we can help you feel better about this current situation. Good luck, keep talking, and like mentioned before, give this some more time and conversation before shutting the door on something that really can be pleasurable for all involved. M
  7. What you said is true, but you have to do more than *know* your relationship is strong enough to handle any issues that arise later- you have to prove it- actually follow through and solve any issues in a way that helps both parties. Now you may think that's obvious, but we've met some couples who had a hard time putting that last part into practice. We don't know any couples who have completely split up and blamed it on swinging (that we know of anyway), but we've known several couples who had problems once they started swinging. In their minds, they thought they had good relationships, or at least relationships that worked for them before they started swinging. Trying to involve other couples only made things worse for them, which is why we would leave the picture. We think the Naughty's were right in their assessment that swinging was probably just the straw that broke the camel's back.
  8. Very well said! It's a good reminder to all of us. Let's face it, who hasn't had one of those days where we could really use a little boost from our mate? Must say though, the idea of tripping a few in the parking lot is a tempting thought, lol.
  9. I am so glad to hear someone else say this! When people ask how we got into swinging, that's the answer I usually give. It really was a natural progression- one thing led to another, conversations included new ideas and one day we just said "hey, what if...." Our relationship had progressed to the point where this was something we could do together and enjoy ourselves without fits of insecurity and jealousy and other things that would have kept us from even considering swinging when we first got married. We did not get into swinging to fulfill sexual fantasies. We didn't think of it as spicing our marriage up, because after the previous year we'd had, things were already at the fire sauce level. I guess you could consider it a spicy activity, though, lol. But I think we understand why using that particular phrase would give a person pause. If a tag line read "share spicy new activities" or something like that, I'd take that to mean something fun for everyone involved. Reading how someone else wants to spice *their* relationship makes us feel like we're just there to provide something for them. Considering all the other things we deal with on a day to day basis- work, family, kids, bills, sickness, in-laws, etc. it is understandable how there are times in our lives when sex lives can have a period of routine or predictability- people talk about being in a rut or whatever. But we see profiles where people advertise that they are bored, looking for something (someone) new, wanting to spice things up and we just think- well if you're that bored, why would we want to be part of that? Confidence and excitement read a lot better than boredom. Now that does *not* mean that we think looking for spice means you're bored, but they do read differently on a profile, and may attract different responses.
  10. Northindycpl, that's the key thing, isn't it? Knowing the rules, which these girls don't, and don't care to either. Which leads me to this... That's why we like to swing with couples who are in good, healthy, happy relationships- so we don't have to worry about or deal with people who are still looking for what we already have. The young single girls (and sometimes the older, unhappy women) don't have it, don't get it and drive us nuts because of it. I know you're not talking about potential playmates here, but I can understand and relate. Hubby and I are very proud of and happy with our relationship. We worked very very hard to get it to where it's at, and where it's going, and every day we see examples of others who don't have the basic respect for other people's relationships, feelings, etc. Then when it's directed at us, it's aggravating. We are very discreet about our swinging, but open about our flirting, and so long as it stays at flirting for fun, it's fine. It's when someone crosses the line to suggesting things, or hinting at things, (or emailing naked pictures- oh my GOSH, what nerve she had northindycpl!!!!) that we say "enough!" I've been bothered more than once by girls online and in real-life behaving that way. Respect us as a couple first, or expect nothing in return. Okay, I'm going to climb down off the soapbox now and send some hugs to you northindycpl. This kind of aggravation is no fun to deal with, but we must do it. You guys have a great relationship that I'm sure has been a good inspiration to many people in your lives. There are probably a lot of people who are envious at what you have... now if others could work on improving their behavior.... cheers!
  11. Northindycpl, I am the same way. I'd rather know what's going on then not know- ignorance is *not* bliss. I know hubby chats with other women and there are women at work who like to flirt, and he tells me about it, just like I do the same. We laugh about it at night after work sometimes. But that doesn't mean that the behavior of girls like that doesn't drive you nuts. Like someone mentioned, it is a definite "lack of respect" issue, and that is what makes me the maddest. I hate to see that kind of behavior, and I hate having to deal with it from little tarts who don't have the sense to know it's wrong. One day though, they'll be on the receiving end of things, if it makes you feel any better There was something else I wanted to respond to, but I have to go find the quote....
  12. That sums it up well for us too, EvilMJ. To us, Bi means you seek sexual contact with the same sex and you really enjoy the act, Bi-curious means you're open to it and interested, but perhaps not actively seeking it. And then it depends on the attraction between the females. But it does include giving and receiving or whatever both parties are comfortable with. We play with couples with bi, bi-curious and straight females. If the female is adamantly against any ff contact, then we pass because that's just too much stress. We don't want to risk accidentally touching or looking and making someone uncomfortable or having them freak out. Likewise, if the female seems to expect it too much, then I get leery and we pass, but that doesn't come up often in profiles we've seen.
  13. I have to agree with that completely. People come in all shapes and sizes, so of course penises will too - and you can still have fun. Bad technique, however, can completely kill the fun- and hurt too.
  14. We would definitely pass on this one as well. WAAYYY too many potential dangers ahead and really, do you want to chance all that has already been mentioned? The co-worker is not the only flirty female out there who may take you up on your offer, so we'd definitely look for someone else. We would never swing with someone either of us worked with- we are in this as a couple and daily contact with a play partner when your spouse is nowhere around keeps someone too far out of the loop, then it's no longer a couples activity. Don't worry, you will find someone who is compatible, but comes with a lot less risk. Good luck!!
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