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Dave_kat

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Dave_kat last won the day on July 2 2009

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About Dave_kat

  • Rank
    Swingers Board Addict
  • Birthday 03/30/1971

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    couple
  • Location
    Savannah, Ga
  • Interests
    games, reading
  • Occupation
    Military
  • Swinging Experience
    15 years

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    Dave_kat
  • Favorite Club(s)
    Moan Manor (Savannah)., looking for new ones here

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  1. Gosh, you're making me feel like I'm in the Army with all these acronyms. Oh wait, I am in the Army. Go figure. The funny thing about acronyms is half the time they don't mean anything to people who don't have a clue what the acronym is supposed to be. Kinda pointless if you ask me. But hey, give it a shot, it might get some questions thrown at you.
  2. Dave here, and I have to throw in on this one... We've (Kat and I) have been in both NSA and polyamory situations. Each type of relationship has a lot of drawbacks, but also has some benefits. I'm not exactly clear on the total relationship thing here. I have to guess a bit, but I am truly assuming that the issue isn't polyamory itself, but a couple of misunderstandings, thst the 240 mile distance isn't helping with a truly polyamorous situation. First off, the husband wants to enjoy the group sex aspect, where everyone is in bed together. This can and does happen in a polyamorous relationships. The problem here is that we're also experiencing somewhat of a reunion celebration each time everyone gets together. We're this not part of it, it's entirely possible that it can end up being a foursome when they get together. Second, if this were a true polyamorous setting, the husband would have some strength of feelings for the other spouse. I'm not meaning to imply that there aren't any, but I wonder if there are some that are not mentioned because noone will admit to them, or they don't exist. Without some kind of mutual "love" there isn't really a polyamorous relationship, just a marriage with a sideline boyfriend and the wife who comes along for the ride. We don't see that aspect here, and while it may not have gone to "I love yous" behind closed doors, I truly lean towards there being something there that the husband and the other wife are getting out of this as well.. Or else they are both going along to try to keep their own relationships going at home. If so, then we're back to swinging and taking one for the team and see above about stopping things. So I pose a couple of questions here.. 1) Can and will the OP couple make the effort to return to their original partner while the other couple is around without the rules/timelimits? Or is there simply an overwhelming desire to be together at all times on the limited time they can get together? In other words, over a 2 week period, would the couples be split into two seperate couples the whole time given the chance, or could they come together and the M-F combination be irrelevant? (I use 2 weeks as that would hopefully be enough time to get over the reunion aspect) 2) How does the OP husband feel about the other wife? Does he feel anything more than a simple sexual attraction? If not, we're again away from a poly situation and more into a one-sided preferred couple situation. I can understand the husband being upset about getting into this and not getting his desires out of it, but they have talked and there were warning flags put out there. From the OP wife, they truly discussed everything openly, but we have some denied fantasies due to the preferences of everyone involved, which leads to resentment. To the OP... stop before ya'll piss each other off here, and sit down and conduct an honest assessment. What are each of your feelings towards the other partners? If you are honestly in a one-sided relationship, take your actions from there. But if you both feel a good amount of love towards the others (sexual orientation accordingly of course), then open up and realize that. Realize that you might not be able under your situatiuons to realize every fantasy.
  3. We're in the reverse boat. Kat's mother now lives with us. So we tried to keep everything on the DL, but after about 3 months we went to a friend's birthday party, and since it was going to be in a vanilla place, we brought mom along to get her out of the house. Well, things were cool and she saw just how friendly we were with friends, and realized we had some really cool friends. When she saw Dave "dirty Dancing" with two of the other ladies, she kinda got an idea of who we were really out with. Next thing you know, mom wanted to know when the next party was, and wanted to make one rule about things... We never sleep with the same people. In other words, if we slept with a couple, she wouldn't, and she wanted the same respect. Noone came out and told her, she figured the darn thing out. So now mom is in the lifestyle as well.. But my thinking is this... Why can't you throw in together to get a cheap hotel room (probably $25 per couple). Grab a cooler and a bottle or two - BYOB, and go have the party? It probably costs about the same as going out to dinner and maybe some dancing, and heck, you get to play as well? Adult kids probably have more of an idea of what is going on.. But the thought of the parental units having sex is just ewwww for the most part... But you certainly can close a bedroom door and have some fun as well.. They should respect that kind of boundary.
  4. Julie, I'm going to have to drive out there for a weekend to distract you. (Sorry, I know Lee is gonna beat me up for that) Picking on poor desperate people who can't take the time or the energy to meet people online. Seriously though.... A Cell phone is way too traceable to use that. All these movies with people getting tower locations and activating the gps chips in most phones. It's bad enough that we know for a fact that the Army CID peruses SLS to find couples/singles posting photos in uniform, and my haircut gives away that I'm military to begin with.. Don't need them having my cell to call me and have me report to get in trouble either.
  5. Tadahiko, I'm one of our outspoken military members in here, and as such, especially with the way things are going worldwise, as you can imagine, my wife and I have gone through this type of seperation quite often, for periods as long as 15 months. You have to base your situation off of what is right between you and your wife. While Kat and I have an understanding about these things, and are comfortable with whatever happens (as long as the other is told about it), the truth is that is not for everyone. Your rules don't allow you to play seperately, so why change things? Yeah it sucks, 6-9 months gone without something or someone there to spend time with, but that's part of being married. Truth is, the odds are that you would end up hooking up with someone you work with or are going to the class with, and do you really want to go that direction? That's a recipe for disaster to begin with, as those things have a habit of getting around everywhere when they happen. Phone calls, webcams, splash shields are all great ideas, and help you get through those times. Although I'd add some kind of personal lubricant to the mix as well.
  6. While it has happened slowly, you have progressed from a drunk party where everyone was having fun to her actively seeking other women to bring to her bed. (As well as occasional men as well.) You can't push these things along, you do have to keep progression at the comfort of the slowest member, which seems to be your wife. A couple of questions for you though. These other women your wife seeks out, where is she doing that and how successful is she? My wife used to go to a gay bar and hang out, and would sometimes find a woman to bring home. I would usually try to get to know the woman as well, because I made it a rule that I needed to feel comfortable with the person as well before they did anything. This led to her discovery that the lesbian who she thought she brought home was actually cool with a MFF threesome and I was sometimes invited along. So perhaps if you made that a rule for yourselves you might see some progression. Just once and your wife might understand that sharing should be fair all around. Also, have you thought of just saying no? It sounds to me like you both are expanding your horizons, but you both should be giving permission for something to happen. If it is not doing anything for you, exciting you anymore with the limits she has placed, then it may be time to step back away from things. Your rules should be equal between both of you. What is good for one should be good for the other. You should both sit down and talk about all of this and explain that to her.
  7. When Slevin and LikeMinds are already in on these I usually stay out of them (if you can't add something, why jump in), but I saw this and I had to disagree quite a bit. Whammy, slow down a little bit and take a look at the whole situation. Her original 3some was planned years ago, she didn't have a say in who or when, and she said no. This is her right as a woman and a human being. Yet as time progresses, and she becomes more experienced sexually, she opens up to the prospect, and while they are in an open relationship she tries one on for size. As people we all grow and learn, and we do this constantly. She has grown from then to where she is now. Her question now is since they are in a "don't ask, don't tell" relationship, does she tell him that she did it and liked it or disliked it? While I personally vote yes, she should, because it seems they still see each other when she goes home, that is the issue. Where has she lied? Her boyfriend told her he doesn't want to know what she does, but she has regrets not because she did it, but because it was something they wanted to do together that she had backed out on years before, and now is something that becomes a possibility with them together. As far as the condoms go, she made a mistake. We do this. We learn from our mistakes and that is another way we grow as individuals. I'll put money on it that it will NEVER happen again, especially with the way she handled it and got herself checked out. This too I would reccomend she tell her boyfriend, as it does affect his life as well. Yet with the fact that she has tested clear of anything, it becomes almost a mute point. Still, she should continue to get checked, it's the healthy thing to do anyway. You have to look at these things as people grow. My wife had several girlfriends when she was in highschool, yet by the time we got married she had thought she had outgrown those things. So it wasn't until we'd been married for 5 years before she got back into being with women. People have interests over time, they grow out of them, they come back to them. This is life, and you can't fault someone for not being ready 2 years ago for something they are ready for a year later.
  8. Dave here... I firmly believe in being a gentleman, regardless if it's just me and Kat or we have company. That being said, it would be more so appropriate for me (although it is mine and Kat's joint account) to pay. Now if she offered to split the cost, after a lot of no's on my part, I've seen them slip Kat their half before, and not said anything (discretion being the better part of valor perhaps there)
  9. A lot have already thrown in some really good advice, but a few weeks ago we had two similar threads that went different directions, both originally posted about the same time. Girlfriend messed up...did full swap She broke rules. I felt betrayed. Am I Wrong? There are several ways to handle your situation. The most important thing is that you both talk truthfully about what happened, and work together to find out how to deal with the situation and maintain your relationship. During times like these, we usually tell the couple to take at least a break for a while. You wanted to test your wife. Did your rules state that you had to be present for anything that happens, so no one can go to the bathroom or get a glass of water? What happens if you finish first and need to go to the bathroom (which you did). Had you discussed these things with her beforehand, so you both knew the appropriate response? Now while it would be understandable to continue on until he finishes that round with you missing, the problem is neither of them went looking for you to see what you were up to. They continued to play for several more hours. This seems very inconsiderate to begin with, and leads to a whole different line of thought. But let's pay attention to her response, which had her trying to get away and him not letting her. Let's assume that was true. You've opened her up into a situation out of her control and that's the main reason for playing together. But you also left her in that situation by not going back in for her. At the least you should have done was gone back in after a short period and sat down to watch, especially if you were done. Regardless of that, you let her down by not backing her up if she needed help. You both need to sit down and ask each other - not why would you do this - but gameplay the whole scenario and come up with a way you would both prefer to handle things like this in the future, if you continue to play with others. That way you are on the same sheet of music to begin with. You will find that going back over the whole series of events will give you guidance on different but similar situations, so you will know how to handle them together. And one last note. Don't test your significant other. You are ALWAYS going to set yourself up for heartbreak if you do so. Work together to determine a course of action if something happens ahead of time, and stick by it.
  10. There is a couple that has quite clearly definied what they are looking for in a single male in the area where Dave is now. They go on to list all of these qualities - truly single, between such and such an age, must have face pic and other pic, and then they have subty put in there to tell the single male to put "I'm applying for your search for a decent single male" (or something like that, I'm not looking at the profile right now) in the subject line. Single males are forced to actually read the profile at least to even get them to open an email. I can't say how well it works, but heck, thought it was interesting
  11. Dang, we're supposed to make everyone happy and lie about what we think when asked? Is that how this works? Heck, if you'd have agreed she was a MILF, would he have sat there and wondered if you were going to try to steal her away? Dave's friends know he's a smartass and will give them stupid answers to stupid questions... but that takes some getting used to. If he's known you a long time, shame on him for asking you for his own validation. In other words, it's his fault for asking a question and not liking the answer and getting upset.
  12. CXXC, it's a shame we never met while Dave was still in Savannah. The only thing we could possibly add to this is that we all have our tastes, and if someone puts himself out there like that, either one of us would have felt obliged to tell him the same thing ourselves. As far as a MILF goes, it's just like bisexuality or soft swing or any of the other terms people use. The definition is in the eye of the beholder. She may not be to your taste, but if she's in your bud's taste, then heck, it's all good for him.
  13. Something hits me about this, and pardon me while I ramble on to figure something out. 1) You've known this couple for a couple of years, and played with them before. So you yourself knew about the glove requirement, right? 2) She grabs you, pulls you in and you go at it like rabbits until you cum inside her. Even had you not fought the "pull-in", you couldn't pull out when you came? What was the scenario like the first time you played with them? Did you use gloves then? In our opinion, it takes two to tango, and while I can understand getting carried away with a situation, when you do it is generally both of your faults. There are too many red flags here for me to even think about continuing with this couple, and recommend avoiding them at all costs, but I'd also think about my own actions and how I could have remained within the rules to begin with. Now if the rules had changed in between playdates, that's a somewhat different matter - as you weren't informed of a change. And if they did change, I'd tell the hubby only if asked, and remind him that the rules had changed and no one updated you, because the last time it was ok.
  14. Most attourneys are trained to handle all kinds of situations, and if you have a respectable one, he/she should be able to handle most things you run into. Granted it would help if they understood the lifestyle, but with some explanation they can probably figure it out.
  15. Probably, although the Lake Charles casual encounters probably gets about 75 w4m postings a day... I've thought about emailing each one and seeing what responses I get, but I think the amateur sites have taken over in this area.
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