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rduelist

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    19
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15 Good

About rduelist

  • Rank
    Contributor
  • Birthday 12/02/1944

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Michigan
  • Interests
    Swordfighting, bellydancing
  • Occupation
    engineer

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    rduelist
  1. Look through all these threads and you will see several mentioned. The Yahoo group Herpes Swingers is fairly large, and we have met several nice couples from there.
  2. We prominently mention in all our adds that we have Herpes. My wife takes medication, so rarely has outbreaks. I essentially never have outbreaks any more. From what I read however transmission is possible even if you dont know you are having a mild outbreak. Essentially you should simply know that no matter how hard they may try to ignore it or if they simply dont know, about 20% of the people in the country have genital herpes. If you think about this the probability of being exposed is fairly high. I often see people claim that swingers are somehow less likely to transmit this and other diseases. That is wishful thinking at best. In some ways you are almost safer knowing that your potential partner is honest than hoping that they are. Somehow we always seem to think that the high class, good looking, hot couples must be safe, and that those with a disease must be somehow dirty and low class. It doesnt work that way. The Yahoo site has been good for us -- we have met several couples there and have been quite lucky in that they were all great people. As others have said I think that absolute honesty is the way to go - we have met many others who have the disease, and even a few who dont, and as long as everyone knows whats up its cool.
  3. We have found that if you are up front about it you will not be shunned. A large number of people will not play with you, but quite a number will. Also the number who have it and don't mention it in profiles is too large. Informed people will sometimes play, because knowledge will let them know that it is better to be careful with someone who you know has it than be surprised by the deceptive and ignorant people who have it. Also we have had good luck with the Herpes_Swingers group on Yahoo, we have met several nice couples there. We actually prefer to play with others who already have it. Given the numbers, it is not hard to find others to play with. Good luck
  4. Note from all of the above that a significant percentage of the people who have HSV-2, which is what we are really worried about, are not lying, they simply don't know. We have it and it is always up front in our profile. But I have not had an outbreak for years, and my wife takes drugs only once or twice a year for her outbreaks. In many ways it is an exceptionally mild disease, although like all incurable diseases there is a stigma. Some people do have bad outbreaks, but that seems to be rare. Will you be exposed? If you have more than 1 or 2 encounters, the odds are incredibly high that you have been. Remember, as the old saying goes, you are not only sleeping with another couple, but with everyone they have ever slept with as well. So take care, use condoms, as questions, and for heaven's sake be honest. The lady who came down with herpes after her first party is probably not an exception. (note that most people at that party were exposed as well. Do you think that the hosts called them up and told them? Riiiight)
  5. The virus is carried (assuming asymptomatic shedding) in the vicinity of the genitals, so a hand is almost certainly safe. Genital herpes is rarely located in the mouth, so even oral sex is comparatively safe. You can get oral herpes in the genitals, it is generally mild in that case. It is likely that a majority of adults have oral herpes, it is at least very common (cold sores). Semen is more problematical. While the virus is actually not carried in the semen (unlike HIV) any secretion around the genitals could pick up the virus. Your reaction is probably absolutely correct however, there is clearly no way to be safe, given the nature of the beast.
  6. That is all very good information. It is also worth noting that many people have no outbreaks at all. From talking to others it appears that in most cases outbreaks seem to decline in frequency over the years. I know that I have had no outbreaks for more than 5 years. What I do not know is whether asymptomatic shedding is likely for those of us who rarely have outbreaks. I have seen no studies on this. The other thing that is interesting is the fear associated with herpes. While I would not wish to expose anyone who did not know the risks, the disease itself is hardly life threatening. Suppressive treatments reduce the frequency of outbreaks to nearly zero (my wife rarely has outbreaks while taking the medicine) and also end outbreaks rather quickly. While some people have painful outbreaks, it is, as earlier posts point out, common for someone to have herpes and not even know it. In general then it is probably less significant in many ways to having the flu. The big drug companies make money by scaring people about the severity. Of course anything incurable is bad, but then we all have a terminal disease (life).
  7. littlebit, if you are interested in the lifestyle the HSV is not an absolute killer. At the very least there are others who are affected, and they are also interested. We met with a very nice couple last weekend and had an awesome time. We have also met with others who were not infected. As several people have noted, you are probably as safe or safer with someone who has it and is up front than you are just taking your chances. We are simply always honest, and don't necessarily expect others to be . Thats just how the world works, probably the biggest problem is those who have it and just don't know it.
  8. I didn't reply because I don't fit into the category of getting an STD while in the lifestyle. I have never been told by a doctor that I have herpes (except for one who simply agreed with me that because my wife has been tested positive it is almost certain that I do). I have no symptoms, my wife rarely has symptoms and when she does she take medication and they go away. From what I have read, few people have been tested. The test is expensive and not necessarily completely accurate unless you are having active symptoms. It seems to be an almost certain conclusion that a huge number of people who claim to be disease free are simply hiding their heads in the sand. Anyone who thinks that there is a lower incidence of herpes in this community is engaging in wishful thinking at best. We are very honest about our condition, but I expect that others are not. In all liklihood you are just as likely to be exposed in the lifestyle as in the general population. With that said, this is a disease that has been deamonized to an incredible extent. As I mentioned, we rarely have outbreaks, and even when she has one, it is mild and goes away quickly with medication. The worst symptom of the disease is the stigma attached to it. Not that I would wish a disease on anyone, but for one with so little impact it causes huge fear. My message I guess it: be honest, if you know you have it, admit it. Also, be honest with yourself, your odds of being exposed are about 1 in 5, and if you have had more than 5 different partners, you have probably been exposed.
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