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graygo98

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graygo98 last won the day on January 22 2008

graygo98 had the most liked content!

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About graygo98

  • Rank
    Swingers Board Addict
  • Birthday 11/19/1955

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Toronto
  • Interests
    Sailing, a good red wine, our deck in Muskoka, life in mid-town Toronto.
  • Occupation
    G runs a smal company, J develops technology for a major FI.
  • Swinging Experience
    two (ish) years

Swinger Info

  • Favorite Club(s)
    Abstract, Eros

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  1. Really enjoyed your journey to date. Thanks for sharing your experiences with such candor.
  2. Very well put, Ariana. I understand totally where you are coming from and what you are saying. This is exactly how we view it, also. And you have come a long way. Without hearing him speak in his own defence, your boyfriend seems like a bit of a jerk. Or, at least pretty obsessed with swinging. This isn't totally uncommon, though, judging by all the married guys with "wives who don't understand" who write us every week. It is something that the two of you will have to wrestle down and come to some understanding on or you are going to have a lot of trouble. And please don't get me wrong. In spite of all my preaching to you, if I was in your position I would feel exactly the same way, but with less patience and grace.
  3. No need to apologize for the highjack. Your posts, and Attitudes, are really getting to the heart of the issue. For the OP, and anyone else in her position, it seems to me that there are four possible outcomes if his desires and hers continue to clash in this way: (a) she gives in to him, (b) he gives in to her, © they learn to tolerate and respect their differences, and (d) they split up. Better still if they come to desire the same things, but that's not looking likely, at least anytime soon, from what I read in the OP. Maybe I am crazy, but I think that c is the best outcome. By the way the situation looks to be going, though, d is probably the best bet. These folks seem well past "Houston, we have a problem."
  4. Who knows whether its “fair” or not? Don’t you really mean, is it right for your boyfriend to break your rules? Short answer, if you aren’t comfortable with you having sex with another man it isn’t right for him to pressure you. Him having sex with another woman seems a bit different. As long as the other couple knows there will be no reciprocity and are ok with that, should it matter to you? If it does, why shouldn’t he be able to? If it isn’t right for him to pressure you to behave in a way you don’t want to, should it be ok for you to pressure him to behave the way you want him to? Intuition897 once wrote on this board that the greatest gift her husband ever gave her was the freedom to fully express her sexuality. That really impressed me then, and it has stayed with me since. That is the gift I have given Ms G. Recently we were seeing another couple similar to you. He had had experience in the LS, she had not. In conversation with him before our second meet, he had said that he would only go as far as his wife and I did. I told him that if he and Ms G were getting into each other and wanted to go all the way I was totally fine with that. More than fine, actually, if it meant her having a great time. If his wife was content to just caress and watch that was fine with me to. The thought of Ms G getting turned right on only to get a douse of cold water because his wife and I had failed to launch seemed unfair to Ms G. As it turned out, the experience sort of confirmed our general rule to avoid newbies and people with lots of rules.
  5. We've got that one a couple of times. I am always too taken aback to come up with something witty. On the other hand, some are too sweet to resist.... Hi Tony, Which one of us are you talking about? J&G --------------------------------------------------- > Sender: > To: lv2hvefn > Date: Jan 13, 2009 7:46 am PST > > Every time I see your profile and pics (pardon my forwardness) I get hard instantly. There is something about you that is very 'real' sexy and erotic looking. I would consider it a true priviledge and honour to help pleasure your wonderful body. Take care. Tony
  6. Thanks, Good Times and Slevin, for some really useful information and reasoned presentation. I have often wondered about the question knb raises in the snip above. Can someone who has antibodies for HSV1 contract HSV2? (Not that there is a huge difference in that either can present orally or genitally, but since most people already have been exposed to HSV1 and don't even know it, it would make the lower incidence of HSV2 easier to understand if it conferred some form of immunity.)
  7. The age issue is an interesting one. As a more or less wild-ass generalization, it seems to be part of an ever-increasing (and often illusory) obsession with total safety. (I live in Ontario. We ban something about every couple of weeks.) People that were born back when you could actually open a bottle of aspirin don't always buy into this, or at least can be a bit more skeptical. They can also remember those glorious years between the invention of the pill and the wear-a-helmet-to-ride-a-tricycle era. Lots of "no glove" love and everyone walked away. What's changed? Obviously AIDS, but.... is this a real risk if you don't do unprotected anal sex or share needles? In North America the data would seem to say, "No, not really", IMHO. All to say, I'm with Good Times on this.
  8. You did the right thing, but your timing was a bit off. When you felt it had started to go sideways you should have called a halt. Its gotta work for both of you. And, I wouldn't have left her alone with a strange, aggressive guy, particularly one who seemed so bent on closing the door. It sounds like your wife was going right along with this guy. If she knew that this was not the sort of encounter (almost a cuckold scenario) that you were likely to enjoy, then she was over the line. If she didn't know, then you really do need to talk more about what you are each looking for... and to avoid. I am not talking about a totally scripted event. No encounter is going to run to a script... and that's a big part of the excitement.... but there can be some very basic expectations that you can set. The hard part is when those hormones kick in and we are back one step removed from the caves. So keep it simple, and keep it fun. If you're not having fun, just what are you doing?
  9. It may sound a bit harsh to you, but this is the best advice you are ever likely to get.
  10. As you say, I don't know the people or much at all about the situation. So, this is pretty much speculation. But I wonder if it had much at all to do with sex or his hard-to-understand sexual wrongdoing. Everything about his behaviour says "death by cop" to me. You know, some guy (and it usually is a guy) who wants to kill himself but doesn't have the guts. So, he puts the police in a position where they are forced to do it for him. Not meaning to be a sexist or anything, but several times I have seen guys (full disclosure: I am one) who wanted out of their marriages but who didn't have the guts to deal with it directly. Their solution was to provoke their wives into making the move for them. (Women, on the other hand, seem to be much more above board when they are unhappy or want out.) Do you think that this could explain the situation? And remember, the fact that they looked happy to you doesn't rule out this answer. There was obvioulsly something strange going on in that guy's head.
  11. Really out of shape Bad hygiene One spouse treats the other badly A lot of piercings
  12. Exactly! Or, "Oh, are you finished?? What would I love to hear: "Mmmmm.... do you have breakfast plans?" Or any kind of contented purring, I suppose.
  13. I think you hit the nail on the head here... he knows you very well and probably saw that you would behave exactly the way you are behaving now. I don't mean to be rude, but really! Why is your nose so far out of joint because he never told you something that is frankly none of your business? Could this dear friend expect understanding from you? Apparently not. Your take on it: "The other thing that really hurt my feelings is that we have felt like they were blowing us off for months. Now we know why. They just wanted to get laid instead of nurturing a friendship. They blew us off so they could get off!" A real friend doesn't put down what another friend choses to do in such a contemptuos and demeaning way. Sure, he and his wife weren't seeing you because they were swinging. But if you read more than a couple of threads on the this board you would know that for many couples its about way more than just screwing other people. Hell, that's just meat and friction. And its not the "kids in the candy store" entranced by all the new "strange" that's come into their lives, either. If they are like my wife and I its about the sheer excitement and growth it has brought into their relationship as a couple. Regardless of how close you may be to him, if his marriage is worth a damn you are not even close to being as important to him as his relationship with his wife is.
  14. This link to the Wikipedia article on Kinsey's scale makes a lot of sense to me. It also sheds some light on the "she's not really bi 'cause she doesn't go down on me" debate that surfaces from time to time with regards to bi-fems. Kinsey scale - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia As to prevalence of bi tendencies among men, my guess is that there are a lot that might be a 1 or 2 on Kinsey's scale but who don't put it on their profiles or talk about it. They either suppress any urge or they might try the stealth bi approach: the accidental touch hoping for a positive response or the "it would turn on the girls but not me" suggestion.
  15. Well, the reason I did not initially participate in the poll is because none of the answers worked for me and "other" seems so unilluminating. I agree with what several others have said. The real question is not what physical acts you might do but rather whether, and to what degree, you are attracted to members of the same sex. Although I bet they are not common, I have read of full-blown male prostitutes who do all the things you list but remain totally heterosexual. Its just a way to make some money for them. Just like with a lesbian prostitute who has sex with men, which is apparently a bit more common. Speaking of common, you mentioned a "wave of male male play" and that "it would seem to me that MM play being so welcomed". Are you really seeing these trends? Its sure not that way in the lifestyle up here, where MM still remains "the love that dare not say its name."
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