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Tantra

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About Tantra

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  • Relationship Status
    Couple - Male half primarily
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    Texas

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  1. Actually I just read the other thread where more details were expressed - my conclusion, these guys do not need to be swinging .. there's way too much emotional drama going on. Most swingers I know including us would stay far far away from this kind of drama.
  2. Communication is key and it strikes me that you guys are simply not communicating enough - not just you, the female, but also your boyfriend. He is not letting you know what he wants clearly, without ambiguity. He is perfectly within his rights to desire an FMF - but it is up to both of you as a couple to determine whether it's appropriate. If you don't really care if he has sex with another female and your biggest worry is that you might have to participate with her and that would bore you - then you have little to worry about - just state that as a condition of play - that girl/girl play is not welcome, that you are not interested in that. It will be more difficult to find a straight girl who will swing with him - but it's not impossible. That said, are you sure there are no other problems with regards to his new request? Are you sure that you don't mind him having sex with another girl? He should have communicated from before that he was interested in more than just MFM - but like you said this was just a recent thing for him. Also, how do you feel about a straight couple - where you would play with another man, and he would play with the other woman? Doesn't this solve the issue?
  3. This is why we definitely do not "introduce" anyone to the lifestyle - it is fraught with potential drama. Everyone is at fault here - the husband for being pushy, the wife for being manipulative, and the other couple for being so eager to swing that they chose a disfunctional newbie couple. The situation just plain sucks and is something we avoid like the plague.
  4. Male half here. I have similar concerns to the original poster. I know without a doubt that my wife chose me for more than my penis and we are very happy together and are very grateful that we are able to have such a wonderful open relationship. However, I sometimes still feel a little insecure - and it's not necessarily looks or size that triggers it. I don't fear being left or replaced, but I fear not being good enough in private if she's had much much better. I feel that our own love making will be less special because of experimentation with others who may be far superior (skill, stamina, etc.) that my efforts will always seem second rate. It's subtle but it's real for me, and I have to remind myself that these are my feelings alone and don't have much of a basis in reality. This is a work in progress - sometimes the feelings are strong and other times it's as if I cannot conceive why I would even think such silly things. I guess that's the way it goes - I have a feeling that in my case these feelings will recede with time and experience. For the record, my wife has not been with another man except soft swap - she's told me that I give great head. Only one guy has been better - but he's one of my best buds and I know he's an eager beaver who loves to please! I've had extensive conversations with my wife about this and she compares it like this - what if another woman is tighter or has more vaginal muscular control or moves better, rocks my world, etc. etc. Will that make me like sex with my wife any less? I can honestly say no. Sex is wonderful with my wife and when making love we go far beyond just the physical act. I'm sure that there's another woman who's "better" at the act of sex than my wife, and it would be fun to fuck her, but I honestly it would not change how I love to have sex with my wife. It would not make me want her less. Thus, if I can say this from my perspective, I must give my wife the same respect regarding her feelings.
  5. I guess answers that seem, to the rest of us, to be cut and dry are much more complicated to those who are actually involved - especially emotionally. To me the evidence is clear: there is sexual blackmail going on, and on at least one occasion the wife was violated against her will by the other man (oh, and having an orgasm, squirting or not, is entirely irrelevant). The answer is clear - cease all activity with this domineering, thoughtless couple. Listen to your wife's needs. Communicate. Do not let your selfish needs for "sexual fun" get in the way of doing the right thing.
  6. I'm sorry, but you guys seem to pretty much fit to a T the very definition of a couple with DRAMA. My suggestion is to work out your issues and not burden other couples with drama.
  7. The obsession that this planet has with "virginity" and "purity" is just another sickness that needs curing. By this I'm not pointing fingers at anyone in particular - just society in general for engendering this unhealthy expectation. I am a man who has never had a penis "penetrate" my mouth - does that mean I'm an "oral virgin" of desirable "purity"? I guess I'm also an anal virgin, and a handjob virgin, and a footjob virgin. I've never had a woman hump my shin - I'm a shin virgin. Heck, I'm oozing purity out of my pores. This is ridiculous. Now I'm all for people learning about sex and getting emotionally prepared for sex, etc, etc. But this whole virgin thing is silly - "I want to learn how to shift gears, and use the accelerator, and turn signals, but don't actually want to sit in the driver's seat or touch the steering wheel." Yikes! I know it's not the virgin's fault (and by virgin, I'm not implying specifically the starter of this thread). It is the fault of society and the religions that people cling to. Genital mutilations happen all over the world because of people's hangups about sex and purity - cut off the clitoris so that girls won't desire sex as much and remain "pure" - I'm sorry, but this disgusts me. Actually I'm not sorry at all. Anyway, enough ranting. I need to go masturbate to someone I've never masturbate to before .. hmm.. let's see. Ashlee Simpson (post nosejob). Yeah, there goes my Ashlee Simpson fantasy virginity. I feel so impure!
  8. I think that you need to seek professional help from a marriage counselor/therapist. You will be able to get direct help from someone face to face. If you want to save your marriage, this is your only course. I think that posting on a swingers message board is probably a waste of time, unfortunately. No-one here is equipped to help your marriage the way you need to be helped. Just keep in mind that millions of couples have gone through similar things and have been able to work it out and find true love and true happiness. I speak from experience. There is hope. Good luck.
  9. Hmm .. I've never had problems with SDC's speed. I have a DSL connection and I use IE 6.0 as my browser. Also, SDC has the features that you mentioned that you were unable to find - like blocking single males, etc. Regarding numbers .. I think that each company is focusing on different regions. However, I highly doubt that SLS has more members in Texas and Florida because pretty much all the local swinger clubs feature SDC parties and functions - I've never heard of an SLS party. Now this could just be a more concerted marketing effort on SDC's part, but I suspect it is simply that they are much larger in Texas. Heck probably larger overall! Right now it is approximately 2:10am and I have clicked on both sites. Members online: SDC - 4134. SLS - 1506. Chatting online: SDC - 108. SLS - 49 It's possible that SLS accounts might "time out" more quickly, but again, I don't think that's the issue. As far as speed goes, they both seem equally fast. Not sure why SDC caps its search to 500 hits, but honestly I'd never noticed till you mentioned it. I too would like the search to be unlimited in scale. Personally I find the features on SDC, especially on profiles, to be more useful and descriptive. They let you post up to 100 pictures (too many I think) if you want. They let you add to favorites or just send a hint via the "remember profile" link. When both parties have added each other to the favorites list, they send a message to each party indicating mutual interest. There's a travel section so people can announce where they will be. There's a speed dating section to announce when people are available for sexy fun. There are forums which are highly active. One can even blog on their own profiles now. There are online community groups that people can form. There are multiple chatrooms for communities from all over the world. You can put audio and video on your profile. You can use a webcam. I'm just listing off the top of my head. To be honest I don't know if SLS also has these types of features or not - I'm sure some features are similar. Lest anyone think that I work for SDC, let me state that I'm simply a member, nothing more. I've been quite happy with it and am simply surprised that SLS gets so much mention on this site compared with SDC. I have a feeling it's most likely because the membership on this site matches more closely with SLS in terms of the areas people are from. That's not a problem, of course, but it always struck me as sort of odd that SLS would be mentioned with far more frequency than an arguably larger and nicer SDC. To each his own, I suppose.
  10. I think my wife and her girlfriends have told me that they would find it totally hot to see guy on guy action. I know that I'm straight (heterosexual activity turns me on the most - more than girl on girl and definitely more than guy on guy). Yet, I'm very interested to try it out sometime. I suppose then that I'm bi-curious. I think that it would be fun and probably very pleasurable. I'm not really responding to the original question, because I would consider any sexual activity without the consent of my wife as cheating.
  11. I agree that this is awful. I despise the idea "this is all about/for the ladies" and the ladies don't seem to mind this at all. When was the last time you heard about a group of ladies approach the lifestyle with "it's all about the men".
  12. I can't believe that so many people on here think SLS is the best lifestyle site - I just don't get it. The site is poorly designed, poor layout, lacking functionality, and awful to look at. SDC on the other hand is so much better in all those respects and has tons of members. Is it just because there are more SLS members on here than SDC? I just can't understand it. I know that most of the members on SDC are in Florida and Texas but plenty in the other surrounding states as well. Can someone tell me where the members on SLS are primarily from? FYI - we have only a profile on SLS, but a full membership at SDC.
  13. Hate to be a pessimist, but those guys are probably going down in flames and if they ever get into the lifestyle before that, they'll probably leave some of their debris for a bunch of other people to clean up. I'm crossing my fingers that your friends stay far far away from the lifestyle.
  14. Apples and oranges. Sex may be mind blowing with any number of people but living with and loving someone and being loved is another league altogether. My wife and I are a family - our partners in the lifestyle are playmates for fun - we do things like watch movies, talk, have dinner, play sports, and sometimes have sex. These are simply activities, fun activities. Now regarding why people sometimes can't just admit that some play partner they were just with is "better" - well that's just human nature. People have emotions and insecurities all tied up with things that are sexual. This is obviously a result of growing up in a society where these negativities are absorbed by us at an early age. People don't want to cause undue worry in their mate when the encounter really doesn't matter all that much in the long run. Sure it was fun. Sure we'll do it again. But living a life together is what matters. Sure we'll screw up once or twice, but so what ... it's the totality of a life lived that makes the difference. This is what's real. This is what has real meaning.
  15. We've had somewhat limited full swap experience. I've always had the fantasy of cumming in a gorgeous woman's mouth and her swallowing every last drop. It's so primal and sexy for me. Unfortunately my wife, who is ever so beautiful and sexy is intimidated (maybe disgusted - not sure because she's never done it) by this and cannot, at this point, do this for me. My question is this .. do most women feel the way my wife does or are there women who prefer a man to cum in her mouth? Also, what about the taste - I have tasted my own cum and I can see the aversion that some have.
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