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KMCouple

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KMCouple last won the day on December 11 2013

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About KMCouple

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  • Birthday 12/26/1981

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    Plano
  • Anniversary
    06/08/13

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  1. So, in my past, I have been all over the board with this one. My ex wife and I had discussed swinging a little when we were engaged, and tried once to contact another couple. Wasn't really going well so it was dropped. About two years into our marriage, she kind of got a crush (purely physical) on an open minded co-worker. We did a light threesome one night, but the guy went kind of crazy after it happened (found out had personal drug issues) and so it never progressed. Left kind of a bad taste in our mouths. Never really discussed swinging again (though a failed open marriage at the end, wasn't the only reason, but did help push along our divorce) But even that was 5 years later. Two of my last relationships after that involved others, and they went okay, but both of them were situations where it was discussed early on in relationship, but not acted on until 6-9 months later. Current relationships is kind of same.....were able to do a MFM early on but took a long time to get another girl involved. On another thread, someone told me "Its about the journey". That's completely true. Get on the same page, take time, and this can be wonderful. Rush or do anything you think you will have an issue with, and it's not going to be worth it.
  2. I can agree with this way of thinking. To be honest, I was HOPING we could get another female involved eventually, but I was never doing it for that reason. I enjoy watching her with someone else; I had good times with the other MFM situations. That was why I was upset when she said she 'owed' me. Yes, she knew I wanted it, but I rarely (like once every 3 months or so) even brought up the subject for discussion. We got really lucky with this couple. We had all hung out a few times, some very candid discussions were had, but no one had suggested anything. By pure chance, after a good vanilla night with them, my gf and I had been discussing the option of group play. I am friends with the wife from years back (strange non-romantic history that has led us to complete honesty), so I knew if I shot a feeler question and the answer was no it would be cool. I texted her, but what I didn't know was that her husband had sent ME an email that I hadn't checked asking similar feeler questions, on the same day. The fact that all four of us were trying to broach the subject without each others knowledge made us all instantly comfortable. As you said, it's the journey.
  3. Small Update: We haven't seen the other couple again, but that has been complete scheduling. Since we saw them, no issues have come up between either couple (the other couple has some other recreational activities that are not vanilla, and while they had both individually had group play before in their pasts, this was their first as a couple). However, the girls are going off for a girls day together in a couple days. I mean this in a vanilla way (no one is comfortable with play without all present, at least at this point). My gf seems good with it, was my suggestion but she asked the other wife. She shows no apprehension to it. So we will see, but I would be surprised if there were problems at this point.
  4. Update: So a couple of days ago we went to see the couple again. As before, we all made dinner, chatted, played some games. My GF knew that play might be on the table, so we packed stuff in case that happened. After a few hours in, one conversation led to another, and the four of us ended up in the bedroom again. This time we did do a same room full swap. Vibe was good, everyone seemed comfortable all around. Much fun was had by all. I was trying to keep a good read on her, because while she is very vocal about things bothering her, I've heard too many stories of people 'going with the flow' and then being upset later. Afterwards nothing seemed awkward, we all hung around and chatted. Next day I asked her how everything was and she said she was fine. I did tell her I was a little surprised she had no hiccups, and she said she was honestly surprised she had no issues at all either. We talked a bit, and kind of both ended up at the conclusion that it was because this other couple is very obviously devoted to their marriage, that my gf didn't have any jealously/fears of any inappropriate emotional connection between me and the other wife. So again, proud of her for facing fears and being able to enjoy this journey together.
  5. Hey all, So, my gf and I have been together almost a year, and during that time we have had 3 MFM encounters (one before we were 'official', one that lasted a few months with same guy, and one random vacation hookup). No issues/hang ups/problems with any of them, at least as far as she and I are concerned. However, she has always been very hesitant on the subject of another girl involved. It's not that she doesn't like the idea. It's her past. A few years ago, she was engaged to someone else. Her fiance was cheating on her with her best friend. It even was so bad as that her friend would ask my gf to babysit her child, and while she was, she would be hanging out/dating/sleeping with the fiance. Since she found out, she has had a lot of distrust for females in general. She has sometimes felt a little bad that things couldn't be 'equal' with us. However the one time she said she "owed me" time with a girl, I shut that down hard. No one "owes" in the swinging world. By pure chance, a couple we know through vanilla means, though they are not vanilla at all themselves, started to show interesting in maybe adding playtime to our usual vanilla activities. All four of us knew that my gf was the most reserved, so through a few conversations/text messages, we all knew it would be up to her if anything happened. So the other day, we had all gone to the new Xmen movie (go see it btw it's good) and were sitting around playing board games (yes we are geeks), when my gf reminded the wife of the couple that she had made a boast about how good her blowjob skills were a few weeks prior. A few minutes of conversation later, my gf had challenged the other girl to a blowjob contest. Us guys, not being idiots, did not disagree. So we did a light swap, bj's only, some touching, and it worked out. All had fun, we all actually made dinner and played another board game after. Next day, lots of texts sent checking to make sure everyone was good all around. It seems so, and we have plans to see them next week. Plan is just to hang, if play happens it happens. So it may sound weird, but I am proud of my gf for being willing to fight her fears, and not project her (justifiable) anger and hurt onto other people. It may come across that she was 'pushed' into this, but the whole point of the tread was she wasn't. She was fighting her own past demons. Swinging situations or not, it can be hard to trust again after one has been hurt/lied to/used. That's what I am proud of.
  6. I hope what I said helps. I really do. I've been thinking about this post since I first read it and trying to think what I would have needed to hear in order to get me to come around. For me, I wanted something special, something unique, something no one else had. I wanted to be in a situation where I had two different girls who wanted to be with me, and for that to be okay. Maybe he feels the same way. Maybe remind him of what he has with you. Not the sex, or the play, or the fun, but the constant support of a dedicated spouse. Through good times and bad. Most partners wouldn't even CONSIDER swinging/poly/etc. Maybe mention to him (in a compassionate way) that he has someone willing to TRY to test the boundaries of conventional relationships. I got caught up in the.....tunnel vision...of what I wanted. I lost the big picture. I have had 4 relationships since the one I was talking about. 2 involved others, 2 didn't. While I wasn't....bothered....by the ones that were not willing to expand to include others, it did make me appreicate the ones that did. Yes, if it hurts someone, it should stop. Period. This is supposed to be about fun and connection between the couple. But maybe explaining that, CALMLY, not during a fight, will help. Please let me know if I can help in any way. I would not want anyone to go through the pain I did (and my gf did) if I can help it
  7. Also, I kept that list, just to remind myself to never do that crap again.
  8. Okay, I would like to weigh in on this from the other side. Please bear with me, because this story makes me look like a jerk (which I was) but it also has a point. A few years ago, I was with a girl who was bi. A friend of mine that I had just gotten to know after a few dinners randomly offered a threesome if I was interested. I ran it by my girlfriend and she was iffy on the whole thing. The two of them got to know each other a little better, and one night, a soft above the waist threesome happened. Over the next couple of weeks, we got together several times, and things got heavier. It was all fun and games for about a month, but then my girlfriend started having serious reservations. I kind of brushed them off, and me and the other girl tried to reassure her. Now, I never cheated, or played with the other girl alone, though we did talk, text, and work out together quite a bit. The second girl eventually wanted to try a poly relationship, and I was okay with that. One day, my girlfriend came to me with a list of about 25 reasons the threesome made her uncomfortable. I, being a logical male, walked her down the list one by one and explained why she was either wrong to feel that way, she misunderstood something, or a couple that I thought were valid, we could work on. I missed the whole flippin' point: if she came to me with that list, I shouldn't have had to even talk to her, I should have just called it off. A few weeks later, my gf did finally call the whole thing off, and our stress levels skyrocketed. We became colder to each other. I kept talking to the other girl because she was my friend and we went to the same gym, but I never cheated, and likewise, I didn't see a problem with still associating. It was only a few weeks later my gf and I broke up, and this wasn't the only reason (two other major ones were at play, but they might not have been enough on their own) Since then, I have had two other relationships that have involved other partners. My current gf and I have done the MFM threesome thing, and I would love her to try the MFF, but she is not ready and I learned (the hard way) to NEVER PUSH EVEN AN INCH. She knows I want to, and she is willing to try when she is comfortable, but I have learned not to hold my breath, because everything else about her and us is so good, I'm not willing to risk it for that. My point is your (ex) husband might still be in that mindset of what I had. He might feel that you are taking something away from him and it makes him frustrated and angry, when he thinks he can just 'logic' you into his way of thinking. Sometimes guys do that. You said you were with him for years, so I ASSUME he hasn't been a complete ass the whole time. Also, some people get so wrapped up in what I think of as the "new toy syndrome" that everything else feels less important. (Ever get a new car for example and that be all you think of for weeks?) But that feeling almost always fades with time. I was wrong, flat out plain and simple. But it took realizing that I lost someone dear to me to try to get something that couldn't ever work out in the long run to learn that lesson. Am I a bad guy? No. Was I an insensitive jerk? Absolutely. I can't really give great advice on how to approach him about it, because I wasn't able to handle it that way when I was in the situation. I can just say that it changed my whole outlook on swinging. Swinging itself was never the problem, it was the way it was handled. I guess all I can say, if you have any desire to try to work it out, is to try to figure out WHY he wants this so bad he is willing to toss a marriage over it. I'm not saying you are wrong to feel the way you do, but I don't think this situation can be resolved without you being able to understand why he feels the way he does.
  9. I say disaster. Having had the open marriage we tried be the straw that broke the camel's back and led to me leaving her. Was it the only problem? Not by a long shot. But (short version) it was something I agreed to willingly but grudgingly, she played, I hated it, I tried to, she flipped out and stopped me before I could. She insisted I cut the girl out of my life completely and she refused to stop seeing the guy. It wasn't a "together" thing. Swinging is an 'us' thing, open relationships are not. I would never do an open relationship again. My gf and I have discussed separate 'date nights' if we find a couple we have clicked with repeatedly as a foursome, but that's as far as we would go.
  10. (Male half) My humble two cents... The more I personally get into, and the more people I see around me, get into relationships with open sexual boundaries, a few things have struck me as common threads. Compromise is HARD, if not IMPOSSIBLE, in sexual situations. While I think the ability to compromise is vital to a healthy relationship, I think it can be detrimental when it comes to sexual boundaries. This is supposed to be about fun, openness, and communication. When you compromise "Well, I don't really like women, but I will let one touch me..." you are not having fun. You are not feeling safe and secure. This is not helping you improve your relationship with your husband. Without getting into all the nitty gritty details, my last girlfriend was bi, and was OPEN to the idea of a threesome. When the opportunity arose with a single female friend of mine, I charged in. We played, and it was fun. At first. Eventually, the nature of the situation pushed my gf way beyond her comfort zone. The specifics aren't really important. The point is, as the guy, I kept pushing and pleading and reasoning why we should do "X" or keep doing "Y" or not worry about "Z". And you are right, when she gave an inch, I took it as permission to take the next one. Lesson learned? You can't 'reason' your way through these things. Clear up misunderstandings? Sure. We had a few of those, and things improved when we got on same page. Change emotions when all the facts are on the table? Not a chance. Bottom line: My gf felt a certain way about the situation, and her continuing to feel badly hurt the relationship. Didn't matter what I thought or felt, our relationship suffered. This stuff HAS to be mutual! HAS TO! Here's my thing. My last three relationships have had other partners involved. Ex wife and I had HUGE problems, which lead significantly towards our divorce, when she wanted an open relationship and didn't respect my feelings and did things I had problems with. Ex gf and I had HUGE problems, which lead significantly towards our breakup, when I pushed her to continue in a threesome/semi-poly situation she was uncomfortable with. Current gf and I are currently having NO problems with openness in our relationship, because we communicate, and have both flat out agreed "If this isn't fun, we stop. We don't NEED this. It is just to make our relationship better, not worse" And it's true, at lease I can say that 100% on my end. After my prior experience, if she says she's not happy, I AM DONE. PERIOD. But this is a hard lesson. Especially for guys, that may want something so badly. I might suggest showing this to your hubby. My point is I only learned this lesson AFTER it severely hurt my relationships. I'm hopefully saving you both some trouble. One thing I will defend him on: I was pushed into counseling as well. I hated it. I did it, but without an open mind, it went badly. And it went even worse when the therapist liked and recommended to my wife some of my suggestions I put forth in counseling, and then she rejected them. Also, I am like him in that sometimes I have severe emotional reactions, recognize them, and recognize that it is better if I take some time to cool down. I HATE HATE HATE it when I am pressed during this time, especially when I have asked for time to cool off. So I would say give space when needed. But if he is still 'processing' I would not move forward with swinging while he is in an emotional place.
  11. Okay! Short version, it was a blast! Longer version: Got to club okay. When we walked in the front desk girl look up and asked if it was our first time. She said the "deer in the headlights" look gave it away We got a tour, and everyone that helped us was insanely nice and professional. They were VERY clear about no meaning no, what the house rules were, what you could do where, etc. Cost was very reasonable for everything provided. A really nice touch was a staff member catching up to me a few hours later and asking if I was still okay. Place was pretty busy, would guess maybe 70-80 people at max. After the tour and all, I wanted to just sit outside where it was quieter for a couple minutes to take it all in. Their main area was a dance floor/bar, and that's usually not my scene even in a vanilla environment. Now, I will admit we got lucky here. About 10 minutes after we were sitting, a truly awesome couple sat down next to us. We had gone in prepared to mingle, make ourselves available, etc (advice gotten here!) But we didn't even have to! This couple was extremely friendly, and great at putting us at ease. We talked for a couple hours, and had a blast just doing that. Occasionally looking up at the random people playing in the hot tub areas. Still getting used to the whole "So tell me more about your job.....and that guy is getting head ten feet from us....." Anyway, after a couple hours, we brought up playing (still nervous about THAT at this point). They were into us, so we all got a room (on site club with rooms with multiple beds and curtains) Since this was our first time, we had a "no below the waist" rule for others. We had said we were open to the idea of same room sex, but would just see how it went. We told them our rules, they told us they really didn't have any but had no issues with ours and they would stop us if anything felt wrong or off. And the play was fantastic! I won't go play by play, but we did everything with them that was within our rules, and plenty of stuff to each other! Afterwards, we were all still doing good, no weirdness. We got dressed, we all talked for an hour or so, and left at the same time. Got their number and hopefully we will see them again! Oh, and then got home and had great sex just the two of us! Today, she and I are still doing great. We "debriefed" and are still are fine with everything. We want to continue this, probably with more open boundaries next time with any couple, and definitely more with this one if we see them again. Key Points: --The atmosphere of the club and staff did a LOT to help us feel at ease. --Despite the fact that in the heat of the moment I really did want to go farther, we kept our cool and didn't break our own rules. While they were so awesome I'm a LITTLE sad we didn't do more, we know that beats going too far to fast --COMMUNICATION!!! Both between her and I and the other couple and us. This may sound stupid, but I gained a LOT of respect for the guy when he and I stepped in to refill drinks and he asked me if it was okay to even ask her to dance. And thanks to everyone for all the wisdom posted here. It really helped us prepare for the night.
  12. All right! Lets give this a shot. After a long time talking about it and thinking about it, we are minutes from heading out for our first club experience. Let's see how it goes!
  13. Despite at the time of this writing, my girlfriend and I have not actually "swung" yet..... Both of us have a very profound belief in the Christian God. And we have engaged in a threesome before together, and each of us individually has had a few activities involving multiple partners before our current relationship. I do not believe that they are against any true Christian beliefs. Though I do have a little bit of Buddhism sprinkled in my beliefs: as it pertains to this conversation "Do not indulge in sexual misconduct". Many take this to mean that your should refrain from sexual conduct that is harmful to yourself on another. In the case of swinging, if all are willing, able, and happy, there is no violation. Of course, there is the commandment about adultery. But, and admittedly this is my own opinion, if a husband was allowed to have more than one wife, then obviously the definition of adultery does not include having relations with someone besides a singular wife. So I have always taken this to mean "Do not engage in sexual behavior that is against your spouses wishes."
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