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snapps

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snapps last won the day on June 24 2011

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About snapps

  • Rank
    Active Contributor
  • Birthday 12/25/1980

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  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    ny
  • Interests
    Having Fun, Living life
  • Occupation
    Proffessional
  • Swinging Experience
    0

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  1. Hello ma'am, Once again, nothing was meant as a direct insult to either you or your husband, I do not know you guys enough to do such a thing. I am simply going off the posts, and this thread that you guys have made. Nothing I said was meant to be offensive to either of you guys, and was all meant to let/help you guys think and to force conversations on both your parts because I felt you both jumped blindly into what ya'll were doing without putting much thought into it. It’s never a good idea to bring a situation like this into the work place, and as a social worker, and a psychologist, I would think this would go without saying on both of yall’s parts. Again, if it’s working for ya’ll, who am I to say differently? However if I don’t agree with it (and I don’t!), I'm going to share my thoughts and give you my feedback and concerns, and reasons for feeling the way that I do about it. After all, isn’t this why you guys decided to post on this forum, to get agreeable/disagreeable feedback? It’s no reason for any of ya’ll to feel like I am directly attacking you, or insulting you, even though I can see why you would take it like that. Whatever the case, I've already expressed my concerns on this situation. I still don't agree with it, and still think ya'll are playing with fire. But again who am I to say whether or not this will work for ya’ll? After all, I’m just speaking from my own experience with such a similar situation. Again, I meant no disrespect to any of ya’ll, I just don’t agree with what you guys are doing. I don’t think it’s possible for you to honestly sit here and claim that you have absolutely no feelings for this person after so long…. We are all humans, and as humans we can’t control the heart and emotions, especially when things become blurred. That’s all I’m going to say. So please carry on, and good luck to both of you guys. I think I’ve said enough to help get my point across and to show exactly where I stand on your situation.
  2. I agree with you, especially if you are both on the same page and are both open to a 'fling' every now and then, that's what swinging is all about. However, I am solely talking about his situation, and in my opinion this becomes a valid concern and issue when it's with a co-worker and whereas it has continued and gone on as long as this situation has.
  3. Let me respond to your points... But first of all, let me say this... If you took anything I said as an insult, I want to apologize, after all my main reason for posting in your thread to begin with was out of concern for you being played for a fool and taken advantage of as I once was, and of course trying to help/prevent you from making the same mistakes I made. Nowhere did I mean for anything I said to come off as an insult. So okay, moving on... You may not see what is taking place as low self-esteem, but from your description, that's what I got from it, and if you are truly a psychologist, I would hope that you would at least be aware of this in some way. That's great that your sex life has picked up, but at what cost exactly? You had to give your wife away to another man, and continue to do so, for her sex drive to pick up for you? So, if she stops having sex with him, y'all's sex life is gonna turn back to shit? So you’re having sex 2-3 times a week now. Great! How does that compare to the amount of times she has sex with her lover? How do you know that what she is now giving you isn’t ‘pity’ sex to simply keep you satisfied and content so she can continue to do what she is doing with him? Is she even satisfied with you in the bed? If so why does she continue to go to him for sex? One would argue if you were doing your job and keeping your wife 100% satisfied, at least sexually, she would be incapable of even wanting anything else-where. From what I got from you, what your wife is getting from this man is a “NEED”, not a “WANT”, and that’s why it continues to happen and has gone on this long. This is far more than just sex. Have you even stopped to think about all these questions before trying to come make me look like a fool for questioning what it is you are doing, sir? Look, I'm happy for you that you wife is giving you more sex, but I just implore you to seriously take a step back and look at the bigger picture. My wife did not leave me, sir; we are still together and she is trying to fix all the wrongs and MISTAKES she has made. Thanks for your obvious and glaring concerns. Again, my main point, first and foremost, in posting in your thread to begin with, was to help you realize that even your best intentions can be taken advantage of and go down the wrong road. Seeing as you have mentioned that you guys have experienced speed bumps already along the way only helps further my beliefs that you are indeed playing with fire. Therapists & Psychologist have issues just like everyone else. Case in point! Once again, my wife and I are still together. I do not consider what I'm doing on these boards as trolling, and just for the record, I've been on these boards longer than you have, and also quite more active, thanks. I am still very much interested in this lifestyle, and find it interesting, especially for those people that are posting experiences and are actually "swinging"... What you and your wife are doing is NOT swinging sir, and reminds me a lot of the mistakes I made... Once again, I can see how/why you would get so defensive like you did and take my comments as some kind of insult on your manhood, but trust me, that was far from my intentions. You are playing with fire, whether you want to admit it or not, and I'm not the only one in this thread that had posted or voiced his/her concerns for what it is you are doing. EVERYONE knows when you play with fire; sooner or later you WILL be getting burnt. You are FREE to ignore all my warnings and concerns and keep going head-on with what you and your wife is doing. Just keep in mind that there was someone on these boards always playing devil’s advocate for the stuff that you continue to do and go along with. (Which AGAIN is NOT Swinging) That way, when the day comes, that this all blows up in your face, you will know that there was someone warning you about this all along…. Peace, and best wishes bro... Have a good one.
  4. this is wild, cant say i agree with it at all.... but then again, I allow my wife to tease my cousin alot every time he comes over..... but i dont think I would ever be ok with her messing with my brother, thats a bit too close.................. ya.... but good luck
  5. And this is exactly my point. He obviously harbors some serious low self-esteem issues that he is choosing to ignore, and instead is choosing to move forward with this ridiculous thing that he thinks is a 'turn-on', blindly; and is even here trying to convince himself that what they are doing is swinging. It is not! He is thinking with his hormones, instead of his brain, and this is very dangerous territory he is quickly approaching. I feel he is being blatantly tricked and played for a fool. And as you stated, he is at risk of losing a whole lot more than he's already lost, including his self-respect if this news ever gets out to anyone he knows or even his family. He has no idea of the 'real' relationship that is going on behind his back, because as of now she has refused to even let him into the same room when they are together, and he is only recently meeting the guy face to face. It's really quite ridiculous, especially seeing as she is the only one having fun on the side. Yet he remains content. Why would it not upset you, but instead turn you on, that your wife chooses to have sex at a work party (as risky as that is, as you put it), with her lover rather than with you? I don’t get it, it’s like he wants to be a cuckold, but without actually being able to enjoy the benefits, so instead just chooses to be her fool. I don’t get it. Surely people at her job have got to know what’s going on, and you are the sole person looking bad in this whole situation my friend. If he is under the impression that they are having or doing is just sex, then he is going to be in for a rude awakening, and I know I won’t be surprised one bit, and I’m speaking from experience. No one carries on a relationship this long and it remains just sex my friend, NO ONE! I hope those 20 pounds he's lost prepares him for what I’m sure is soon to come. I still wish him the best for this situation, but i truly feel it's a tragedy waiting to happen, it's just a matter of time. And he continues to walk straight into it.
  6. Hi again. It’s been awhile since I visited this thread, and I see a lot has been going on. So just wanted to give my two cents. This has now been going on for well over a year, and you are only recently meeting this guy? Furthermore, your wife and him, still isn’t comfortable enough to have you at least watch? I really don’t see how this can be classified as swinging. I would say cuckolding, but even that's not the case in this situation as she’s not even allowing you to even enjoy the show. This can’t be hot-wife either, cause truthfully, it doesn’t seem like you have much say in it, all you get is the satisfaction of maybe "knowing" what’s going on. Truthfully speaking, how can this be enough for you, especially when it’s been going on this long? I'll take your word for it when you say the guy remains respectful about yall’s rules, but i still don’t like this situation, and I don’t see how you can be ok with it going on for so long, or even going on at all. Furthermore, this guy is supposedly a single male… are you sure he doesn’t see your wife as his possession? I mean why is a single guy wasting time with a married woman when he should be looking for his own possession? Unless of course he already feels he has a possession… I’m just saying you can be really cutting it close with this one, and all the while be secretly getting played for a fool and laughed at behind your back. Seeing as you aren’t even getting any side-action of your own (and you for some reason think that’s ok) it comes off to me as you have some severe low self-esteem issues; the fact you stated you even lost weight in this process speaks volumes to me, and raises a lot of red flags. Now I don’t mean to play devil's advocate here, but this is not making any sense... It's almost like you are simply giving your wife away to another man, for whatever your real reasons are, and you are ok with not getting anything back anything in return other than the stuff she’s telling you when she’s done getting pleased by her lover, someone she’s clearly ‘chosen over you’ and pleases her, because she keeps going back to him. It's like she's two-timing you or like you are giving her permission to cheat on you, this isn't even an open-marriage cause you aren't even getting any on the side... This makes you happy to know shes getting pleased by someone else other than you? This is far beyond, and deeper, than anything swinging in my view. Swinging is the least of your concerns. This is you giving in to the fact you feel you are incapable of pleasing you wife, and now getting off on the fact another man is pleasing her, and she can't even give you the pleasure of at least watching. It’s been going on for over a year now bro, how can you honestly be ok with this? I have a strong feeling if you dare to tell her to stop seeing this man, you will be in for a rude awakening, but something tells me you don’t even have the drive to even go there with her in fear of losing her... I sincerely hope you guys don’t have children involved in all this. For it to have been going on for over a year now, and you are only now meeting this guy, and he gets you a drink shortly before going to once again please your wife, and you still have yet to even experience it, or even see it ... I don’t know man, I don’t get it... It doesn’t make sense to me... Just a quick hypothetical question... is your wife happy with you in the bed, is she even happy with you as a person? I see a lot more red flags I can touch on, but I’ll leave it at this for now… Good luck…
  7. Well that's good. Thanks for the update. Continue to keep the communication going, and i hope everything continues to work for you guys... Good luck.
  8. I agree with everything Likeminds stated here. Meeting with this guy now is more or less worthless and can only make things take a drastic turn or bring things/thoughts to the forefront very quickly. If you are ok with the way things are now without ever meeting with him, well then I suppose all you can/should do now is ride the wave. In reality you meeting with him now is going to be like you being a third wheel, and all its going to do is make you look small or might even irritate the guy. You really have no say in their relationship. It's kind of like you have a "cuckold" type thing going on to be honest. Are you seeking a MFM or something? Or maybe MMF? Whatever the case, I don’t think this guy is going to go for it or be ok with it, seeing as his relationship is with your wife, not with you. You really should have met him before all of this started; this is why I still feel like you are/were playing with fire when I first read this thread. I understand you said you trusted your wife, and I'm sure that's fine and I am not doubting you on this... But again... you REALLY DO NOT Know what's going on! I'm just saying. And furthermore, and to get back to this thread's topic.... NO! This is NOT swinging... This is you simply giving your wife permission to, well to put it bluntly, to fuck someone at her job, or better yet, to cheat on you, but with permission. My only hope is that it remains just a "fuck" and doesn’t turn into something else seeing as you admitted to her having an emotional connection with this guy, this is very serious bro... Trust me. Again, you don’t even know the guy. Seriously, this is just bad in my opinion. But again, I wish ya’ll the best of luck.... Seeing as you claimed she now has an emotional attachment with this guy... How do you think he is feeling about her?... Be careful bro... And again, good luck!...
  9. Well, I'm glad you appreciated my post, and yes, reading your post did bring back those memories and raised my eyebrows, and made me respond to your post... Again, I wish you the best of luck... Communication and Trust is definitely important, and it seems you and your wife have that, so I definitely envy you!... Good Luck!
  10. Personally speaking, and also speaking from experience.... It was NOT a good idea to allow your wife to do this with her co-worker!... She is with him 8+ hours a day; which is obviously more time than she even spends with you on any given work day.... Think about it! And try to think with your brains rather than your hormones! If you honestly think she won't be getting strong feelings for this guy, & vice versa, after awhile (if she hasn't already)... then you are sadly mistaken... It may start off as just sex and fun, but trust me when i say that things can change quite easily and very quickly without you realizing. Especially in that kind of environment!... You can't control the heart, and you honestly do not know what's really going on other than what she is telling you, especially because you don't even have any kind of relationship with the guy... Just like the poster before me stated, how do you know this man isn't thinking you are some kinda chump that is unable to satisfy his wife, thus she is coming to him for sex and possibly a whole lot more! Also, seeing as your wife is seeking an "emotional" connection with this person, you really, really, REALLY, should rethink this because you are seriously playing with fire! Those "emotional feelings & connections" she is seeking should be reserved for you... her husband! Not some co-worker! What do you think would honestly happen right now if you were to ask her to cut things off with him? It's gonna be kinda hard won't it? seeing as "THEY WORK TOGETHER!" Again, I'm speaking from experience, and I feel for you bro cause I recently went through almost the exact same thing and it nearly ruined my marriage. As a matter of fact, IT DID! but I am still doing my best to hold it all together and learn from that mistake and trying my best to move on. If you guys plan to move on with this lifestyle, and somehow move past this incident.... I seriously hope that you never, ever, mess with or allow your spouse to talk to another co-worker again!... Furthermore, if this was something you absolutely had to allow or do... Then I just think it would've been a good idea to actually have met him before it all transpired... In person that is, if just to at least shake his hand and to let him indeed know that you are on board with the situation, and for him to know without a doubt that there is a line that cannot be crossed!... You should have at least done that before anything transpired between him and your wife at her job... This should go without saying man.... Good luck though... and I do hope it all works out for ya... But if it doesn't... you are gonna be the one kicking yourself, and be left with the short end of the stick bro... especially since you are here solely fantasizing about your wife, and not yourself; while allowing for this to happen and go as far as it did; nor are you even looking for any action of your own with another female... just like I once was... again, good luck man.
  11. You have a problem with it now.... but you didnt have a problem with it when you were the one getting all the action when your hubby stayed home.... lol... funny how the tables have turned huh?... You keep saying you are prepared to stop swinging for good... what yall were doing was not swinging in the least bit... you both were playing with fire... and it seems you are the one now getting burnt... Good luck though... Cant say I feel for you too much though, as I myself have gone through something similar... But, as I said, its always funny when the tables get turned around and the other person cant deal with it or handle it...
  12. Wayy too long man, but the main problem i see here is jealousy. You were way too controlling early on. And as you said what goes around comes around... Good luck though...
  13. i sincerely hope that 99% of this story is fake.... cause if not you are the worst husband in the world and you deffinitly have no self-respect or respect for your wife... wow...
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