Marriage and the magic of swinging...

[Spoomonkey]

After the Meet Up in Indy, Mrs Spoo couldn't stop talking about how affectionate all of the couples were with each other. I started looking around and actually discovered a study that determined that swinging couples were generally happier in their marriage and with life in general than non-swinging couples...

Not surprising, really, to us - but no doubt that concept would surprise, shock and disgust the people who "hacked" the SpelChek.

What is it that swinger relationships have that vanilla relationships could benefit from? Obviously, healthy swinger couples have mastered communication (ie. "talk, talk, talk...") - but - what else? I just think this would make for a great thread and I'd love to hear you guys input. Especially since it would appear that swingers are marital experts (and intermarital experts ).

Maybe we can put together an article, hack into a religious website's SpelChek and enlighten a few folks...

(just kidding - I do not endorse hacking - unless, of course, it is necessary to get up a hair ball...)

Spoomonkey

[TNT]

Our communication. We know each others hearts and the other is the most important thing in our life. All in the world is good as long as I have my darlings hand in mine. We have built a world where we are the center and everything else revolves around our love. We don't allow the mundane aspects of life to ever cause havoc within our relationship. When things that revolve around our world are in chaos we are able to shield our world from them by breathing deeply, kissing, grabbing each other's hand and facing whatever crisis there is never allowing it to touch the heart of our love. We view the universe through rose-colored glasses by walking through it hand in hand.

We could go on forever trying to explain but as is most things, unless you also have this, it's truly hard to understand.

TNT

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

What is it that swinger relationships have that vanilla relationships could benefit from?
Spoomonkey

Being in the developmental stage of the swinging lifestyle, I would venture to say that swinging successfully--where both husband and wife are involved and happy with swinging--must certainly require a committed, healthy marriage to begin with in order for swinging to survive, enrich the couples lives, and support the love they have for each other.

The top reasons marriages break up are money and sex.

Humans are sexual beings. Could it be that swingers embrace this fact and therefore are so much happier?

LM

[frenzb4sex]

Spoo--great thread.

I think one thing that swinger couples have as contrasted to many vanilla couples is the priority being themselves as a couple, and always putting their relationship before anything else. It's been said several times that if any member of the couple said "we're out", that there would be no questions asked. That, to me, is symbolic of the strength that such relationships hold. The irony of it all is that in order to have a lifestyle where you can share intimacy with others, the couple that you are a part of is always at the forefront--in other words, although you may be engaging in sexual gratification, no matter what, it's for the benefit of the couple you belong to.

I think that's some of the major points that vanillas don't understand about swinging, or have a perception about. It can be said that our lifestyle is seen as debauchery, pure decadence, and no feeling or emotion is involved. However, many swinger couples here can share evidence that it's quite the contrary. Friendships and relationships bond much more tighter and the sexual portion is just a wonderful benefit of such.

I would also add that, for the most part, swinging couples are much more open-minded, and therefore more tolerant of more things. For example, things that would normally be seen as pet peeves that drive a wedge through a relationship, are not as prevalent with swinging couples. Sure, I believe that we still have a lot of the same shared problems, as in finances, day to day stress, family issues, job concerns, etc., but I believe that successful swinging couples, because of their ability to be open-minded in the first place to even do something like this, doubles back on affecting everything else in their lives. We put so much trust into each other by doing this, it's a constant undertone that no matter what comes about, we will make it through whatever, and what's more--it will make us stronger as a couple.

Plus, the sex part of it has got to be a no-brainer when considering happiness. I mean, have you SEEN some of the guys and gals that walk out of a club afterwards?? You'd be hard pressed to have the Joker wearing a bigger smile!!!!! LOL

Tim

[Alura]

In our opinion, Ted and Teresa pretty much got it right with the love and communication inherent in their marriage.

We would only add that our agreement, made during the first few days of knowing each other, to never get angry regardless of the question asked, has made our communication at the level we enjoy possible.

Whenever Mr. Alura thinks of this aspect of our marriage, he is reminded of so many "girlfriends" who preceeded the luckiest day of his life when he first met Mrs. Alura. Never before did he have such communication. Never before was he able to ask a question without first wondering if the lady would become angry and berate him for asking the question in the first place.

In Mrs. Alura's first marriage, she communicated her needs, but it was as if her first husband never heard her. Mr. Alura would like to thank him for having such an attitude.

Alura

[nimbis43]

Excellent thread. Frenzb4sex you pegged it on the button; well put. I think one of the other big reasons swingers seem to have happier lives; is we don't get all wierded-out by stupid stuff like jealousy. We have and have had many vanilla friends whose relationships are on the rocks or over because of jealousy, cheating or thinking of cheating and that seems to be one of the major factors in a lot of the breakups we see.

Mr. Nimbis

[J & K]

Any marriage that has swinging in it has to be strong to start off with. Could you imagine a non-swinging marriage and one person comes out and says they would like to have sex with another person, but stay married? Somebody would get a slap in the face real fast. Of course, it takes one person in the relationship to start the process going because both people hardly come out and say that at the same time. With us little hints were given, but nothing came out into discussion until we both asked ourself the same question. Can we really do this and stay in love? The answer was yes!! It has been 2 years now with several playtimes and we love eachother even more. Swinging didn't make our marriage stronger, but it made our trust stronger. Trust is a strong glue for swinging cpls no matter what. A swinging cpl or non-swinging cpl cannot last long without it. We think more non-swinging cpls out there would love to swing, but have the fear of losing the other person so it is never brought up. They don't have the knowledge of swinging and what doors it can open for them. It is the fear of the unknown. Ask us 5 years ago about swinging and we would look at eachother and say, "NO WAY"!!! In the back of our minds we would say, "I wish we could". Swinging will enhance a cpl's sex life, but only if the marriage is strong to begin with!! This also goes for non-married swingers also. Those in long term relationships, but haven't tied the knot we mean. Try this someday with a group of non-swinging cpls who are your friends. Ask them what they think of swingers, but seperately. Then ask them when they are together at a different time. Will the answers ever change---lol. Most of them when asked seperately will have no problem about it, but when together they will shun it. Better stop now because this part could be a different thread---lol. Anyways--good marriage makes good swinging!!!

[Greg & Sheryl]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

What is it that swinger relationships have that vanilla relationships could benefit from?

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

The top reasons marriages break up are money and sex. Humans are sexual beings. Could it be that swingers embrace this fact and therefore are so much happier?

We think there is something to LikeMinds321's suggestion. Although some vanilla types are reluctant to admit this, sexual compatibilty is a huge part of a successful marriage. While swinging is not for every couple, couples who swing are more sexually compatible than most in that both partners are open to experimenting in order to keep their sex lives fresh.

[xsurfgrlx]

You all have it right!

" A house cannot be built with two sets of blueprints"...

Surf

[Spoomonkey]

I think that the strong marriage has to preceed the "wild marriage." I think we all know at least one couple who is in it despite having a really crappy marriage and seeing them at the club is like watching a weekly train wreck... Drama, drama, drama...

But - what is it that we are doing - whether before or during swinging - that makes swinger marriages so happy that it would cause a college department to do a study about it? What are we doing so "correctly" to ensure that we are working off of "one set of blueprints"? (Thanks, Surf!)

Spoomonkey

[SluttyWife]

I'd say HONESTY and communication above all. A far healthier interest in exploring their sexual selves together as opposed to apart...(read affairs...yuck!)...and lest we forget open minds about near everything. Good ones! Swinging is ...(and I hate to label it this way).."recreational sex" so the pursuit of pleasure is a shared hobby! I don't know any golf widows in this lifestyle. Hmmm...wonder why?! ;-*

Slutty Wife

[TNT]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

But - what is it that we are doing - whether before or during swinging - that makes swinger marriages so happy that it would cause a college department to do a study about it? What are we doing so "correctly" to ensure that we are working off of "one set of blueprints"? (Thanks, Surf!) Spoomonkey

OK, going to try this again We play...not meaning just swinging, but we have not lost our zest for life. I look at our vanilla friends and they always seem so serious about everything. Everything to them is about their job, the kids, the house...they rarely take time out to just do fun things and they rarely take time out for just the two of them.

Even before Ted and I were involved with swinging we always made time for just each other...we were and still are really good about saying, aw the hell with it, lets go fishing/shoot some pool/to the movies/head to the races/whatever... something fun. Most couples that we know outside of the lifestyle just don't seem like they enjoy spending time with each other, and they rarely seem like they have any fun in their marriage or with life in general.

Maybe that's it...we enjoy just being with each other more than we enjoy being with anyone else in the world...we know that as long as we are with each other we are going to have fun, no matter what the activity is.

Teresa

[BradAndJanet]

Originally Posted by TNT

...Everything to them is about their job, the kids, the house...they rarely take time out to just do fun things and they rarely take time out for just the two of them. ...

We know just what you mean Teresa. Now that the kids are older, we've really 'throttled back' on everything. J's only working part-time, I've given up my old position at the salt mines for a less stressful one, the house is messy...and we don't care!

We decided that having new cars, weed-free gardens or a spotless kitchen floor isn't going matter in a hundred years anyway, and what is important is the amount of time we spend with each other, our family and our friends.

We're a lot closer for it and have fallen in love all over again. Pretty cool, huh?

-B

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by BradAndJanet

. . . We decided that having new cars, weed-free gardens or a spotless kitchen floor isn't going to matter in a hundred years anyway. . .
-B

So this Lifestyle is the reason my house is a mess and my garden has weeds for the first time ever?

And I thought I was just getting lazy.

LM

[JustAskJulie]

Hey Spoo, can you post the link to the study that you were reading. I'm sure that others would enjoy reading it at as well.