Swinging's Effect on Sex Drive

[Mr. Sparks]

Hi, everyone. I’ve enjoyed perusing the topics the last week or so and this is my first post. I really like the helpful, non-judgmental attitudes shown here.

Ms. Sparky and I have been talking a lot about swinging in order to expand our sexual and psychological boundaries. We’re in our mid-40s and very secure in our marriage. We're curious about the impact of swinging on your married sex life. Ms. Sparky had a total hysterectomy in her late 30s because of complications arising from the birth of our daughter. Being forced suddenly into menopause at a young age sometimes plays hell with her libido. Although she’s on hormone replacement therapy, her libido waxes and wanes. We were wondering if any of you swinging ladies (menopausal or not) experienced any significant change in your sex drive after you started swinging. Actually, we’re just as curious about the guys, too. We know that swinging tends to improve the quality of sex between spouses, but what about quantity? Thanks in advance.

[JustAskJulie]

First off, welcome to the board. When you get a chance be sure to stop by the Introductions forum and tell us about yourselves.

In regards to your question, I will say this about myself (swinging or not). The longer I go without sex the less of an issue it becomes... but the more often I have it the more I want it.... especially if I've gone without for a while. I'll have sex in the morning and want it again that night.

[VegasLee]

Originally posted by Mr. Sparks
Being forced suddenly into menopause at a young age sometimes plays hell with her libido. Although she’s on hormone replacement therapy, her libido waxes and wanes.

OK, I am going to preface this with..... " I have no idea what I am talking about here"

but

Sunday night at the club we host parties at, two Mature Ladies where discussing this vary subject. One pushing 70 and the other in her 50's and both very very active swingers.

They both stated that once their doctor put them on hormone replacement hey lost most all desire to have sex...

They told their doctors NO MORE and are now leading a happy horny playful life.

Since as I stated, I do not know what I am talking about, I thought what they said might be something to bring up to one's own doctor.

[Vjklander]

Welcome Sparky & Sparkette
MrsVjk had a hysterectomy young too and since she was allergic to horse urine couldn't do the hormone thing. Her libido waxes and ... waxes....and waxes......

Julie: " I'll have sex in the morning and want it again that night." ... they have words for people like .....

[hmr]

Yeah Vjklander. It's called horny!!

[biblonde]

NOW Horny is a good thing!! LOL And as for the lifestyle has changed us...My sex drive has finally caught up with hubbies!! Want it all the time! lol The lifestyle has added more excitement to an already great sex life!

my 2 cents for the day

[C&D]

I would say most definitely. The wifes sex drive was pretty high to begin with but since she's discovered (or should I say coming to terms with) her bi-sexuallity and the introduction of swinging it's shot to a higher level. Which in turn has made mine escalate as well. All I can say is WOW!!!!!!


CandD

[Elusive BiFem]

Got to wondering...as an unmarried person...is the increased sex drive the result of actually swinging or more along the lines of the talk of such...seems that swingers place more emphasis on talking about sex...the anticipation...that sort of thing. And then, too...getting ideas from this board...maybe that has something to do with it?

Just wondering...

- EBF

[tazzie_n_truck]

Gotta say that sex for me (Tazzie) has gotten better since we started swinging, it has really brought a spark to our bedroom when we have sex with each other. And with me, it has increased my sex drive. So as far as with swinging, it has improved our sex life away from swinging.

[BradAndJanet]

I'd have to say it's improved the quality of our sex lives, mostly because we've been better at communicating our likes and dislikes to each other. Or, maybe it's just that we've been talking about it more often, I don't know.

I won't say it's increased the frequency (and I think that's what you menat by 'sex drive', right?), but I will say that for a week or so after an encounter, we do get together a bit more often. Then real life intrudes and we are back to our 'usual'...

-B

[pairbond]

There really is an element of truth in the old adage that women don't hit their sexual peak until age 40. We know LOTS of couples (including us) who never started swinging until around or after the age of 40.

There may be a long list of reasons for this, including;

1) By your 40s, you typically have already invested 20or so years in your marriage, so you are far more secure in your relationship than you may have been in your 20s. Also, you have a long shared history, including shared goals that you have strived together to achieve. You have a firm PARTNERSHIP, and are less likely to feel threatened by your spouse having sex with others.

2) By your 40s, your children are now usually teenagers or in college, and you aren't tied down like you were when they were small children. You don't need a baby sitter anymore just to go out. You may have more leisure time since the kids don't require you to do EVERYTHING for them.

3) By your 40s, you begin to realize that life is flying by, and you realize that you get only one trip through life, and you understand that you have missed out on a lot during those years when you were trying to establish careers and raise small children. You begin to feel like "it's now or never."

4) By your 40s, if you are one of the many couples whose sex experiences other than with your spouse are very limited or nonexistant, you find yourself wondering what it would be like with others.

Swinging gave our sex life a tremendous jumpstart! We went from having sex 2 or 3 times a week (fairly typical for a couple in their upper 40s) to an average of 25 times a month! And that didn't count the times we had sex with other people! We found that the constant talking we did about swinging and about our experiences with another couple or at a swing party made us tremendously aroused, so that our libidos went into orbit! And the more sex we had, the more we wanted to swing again with others, and the more swinging we did, the more our libidos increased! I guess my first wife was right when she said "the more you get, the more you WANT!" LOL

Anyway, don't worry about sex after 40, or after menopause. It's great. And swinging might have a similar effect on you and your wife as it did on us, i.e., give your sex life at home a real boost! - - pairbond

[hmr]

Dito to everything pairbond had to say!

I had a hysterectomy when I was 32. My sex drive was almost nonexistent. I did the dutiful wife thing because I had to every once in a while, but I could have cared less. When I hit 40, it was like someone flipped a switch. My attitude changed, everything about me changed. I was a different person...I liked and wanted sex!!! I had a dream about a 3some and told my husband, and that is how we first really became interested.

Since then, our marriage has gotten stronger and our sex life has only improved. The quality of both has improved 10 fold since we started swinging. We communicate better and more often, we talk about our fantasies more and act upon them. After having an encounter with someone, we are still horny and make mad passionate love together. Sometimes this lasts for days! It is a feeling we want to relive over and over.


mrs hmr

[CB_n_Red]

Originally Posted by hmr

The quality of both has improved 10 fold since we started swinging. We communicate better and more often, we talk about our fantasies more and act upon them. After having an encounter with someone, we are still horny and make mad passionate love together. Sometimes this lasts for days! It is a feeling we want to relive over and over.
mrs hmr

Our experience is just the same! The only difference is Red found her way when somewhat older, but I'm certainly not complaining now

(We followed the seemingly classic route of male suggesting the idea of swinging and several years on, female embracing it wholeheartedly).

In some ways it does make me think that life would have been even better if we had got into swinging when we were younger (we are now 47 and 48) but realistically I don't think either of us had the level of maturity or depth of understanding of each other and communication with each other for it 10 years ago, and kids inevitably took up so much of our time and attention then. It would likely have led to problems of the sort we see aired and discussed on the board so often.

These days life is good!