swinging before/after cancer

[tnohcpl]

it's a lousy subject, but we live in a lousy time where it seems that almost all of us has, or know of someone who has, or has had this terrible threating disease. we were just about to start our adventure in the lifestyle last yr when my beautiful wife had her cancer return. we had e-mailed a lot of couples we met on Swing Lifestyle, and had even met a couple of couples that may have been prospective partners. we pulled our ad from the site out of coutesty for others that may have contacted us. we are praying she will soon be better, and maybe think about our pursuit of the lifestyle again. we were just wondering if anyone else had gone thru this. i appoligize if this question has offended anyone, as i know this is a touchy subject. thanks d&j

[yawanna]

Not touchey at all and we hope she gets better soon, too!!!!

Many couples we've known have had health issues at one time or another. It's not unheard of.

Take care for her and we wish you all the best and that all works out well

[RedRobin]

d&j,
I haven't been through this type of experience and can't respond to your question specifically. I did want to take a moment to assure you that I don't think anyone would be offended by your question. You said it in your opening sentences.

"Seems that almost all of us has, or know of someone who has, or has had this terrible threating disease."

This board seems to represent a huge population of people from all over the world and I'm certain others will be quick to share some of their personal experiences and wisdom with you. If you have specific questions, please do not hesitate to ask. I've only been a member for a short time, but I've been reading for a long time and have found most to be extremely helpful and empathetic.

Best wishes to you and your wife.
RedRobin

[mrs good times]

Hi d&j,

First off I hope your wife is feeling better.

I do not have cancer but I do have a chronic illness that goes into remission for periods of time, I never no how long it will last.

When I entered my first real remission was when I decided to jump into the lifestyle. I new that I had to make the most of the good times and I didn't want to waste a minute. I enjoy the lifestyle very much so if I am up to going out to the club I don't pass up the chance. We all make excuses for not doing the things we enjoy, work, obligations, etc. I no longer carry that burden because I know how short life can be.

[tnohcpl]

many thanks to all for the BEAUTIFUL CARING WORDS OF INSPIRATION. we do APPRECIATE it, and NEED it. mrs good times my wife cerainly did agree with your philosophy. GOOD LUCK to you too. d&j

[tazzie_n_truck]

Hey d & j we send our wishes that she gets well soon, us ourselves we don't have cancer to deal with, but like some of the others have said, we have our share of illnessses that come up. A year and a half ago, Truck was in an accident that almost left him paralyzed from the waist down, and we for quite a while after the accident had decided against swinging till his body was physically strong enough even to handle sex. Just sex between the 2 of us was difficult for the 1st couple months. Tazzie likes it hard and fast, and with his back the way it was there was no way we could do it that way. And even after sex his back was very sore and extremely stiff.

We have found in our expirience in the lifestyle that if we have to take a break from swinging, most couples we have talked with have been very understanding.

When she is feeling better, we would say grab life by the horns and go for it, and enjoy it.

[meowkittyhascla]

Our best wishes and prayers to you and your wife. It is a difficult time in a family when someone you love is stricken with cancer. My Father, was a victim of cancer and it seems the whole family is stricken with it in some ways. Take the time off and heal. Your real friends in and out of the lifestyle will understand. I don't think little breaks will hurt anything. Hubby and myself have just gone through a little break, because I had to go into the hospital for some surgery, and our friends were very supportive. I just wanted to take time to heal and get back to being my sweet normal self, (not humble here). Hee hee. Just take your time, love her, support her, and take care of yourself also.
Hugs and Kisses to you and the Mrs.

[mokytag02]

We did go through the same thing you did. We played through her radiation but stopped when her chemo started. We had to watch it due to her immune system being down due to the chemo. We kept our Swing Lifestyle add posted and continued to talk to friends in there. We added a part that we were down and why. We actually got a ton of support from the people in there. There were a few jerks but most everyone was very supportive. Our hearts are with you and you will prevail. We are firm believers that attitude has a lot to do with the healing process in this situation

[JustAskJulie]

Just wanted to welcome you here and say that I was sorry to hear of what you are going through. I have dealt with cancer in my own family and I know how trying of a time it can be as everyone puts their lives on hold. I haven't dealt with it in the swinging world but I can't see that it would really affect you greatly.

Chances are you have probably lost touch with those you had met previous to the cancer returning but you will be able to start over and meet new folks and perhaps be able to reestablish the connections you had with others.

[shadylazyinmesa]

on a slightly similar note here I have a question - I survived an illness and a breat removal - the results of my reconstruction are way less than terrific. I have horrible scarring and it is obvious that this is a fake one. This issue has pretty much kept me from going to any clubs and trying to get involved. I am otherwise attractive and I have great tits when I am dressed - - but I just dont know if this needs to be brought up before I would get busy with anyone or just stay partially dressed? Thanks

[tribbles]

shadylazyinmesa, if AZ clubs want Barbie and Ken, check out the Calif clubs cuz we have quite a few that are for real people, surgeries, scars and all. I'd tell people ahead of time to weed out the ones too squemish to cope with what happens to most of us as we live.

it's about enjoying life while you can! Find others who share that and you can have fun with.

To the OP, I hope she gets well asap and you both find ways to live life to the fullest.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQfbpGLsC4I

[Alura]

from Oklahoma, Shadylazyinmesa! We're glad you've joined us and hope to read a lot more of your posts.

Breast cancer is not a new subject on this board. My wife, Laura Alura, has had it twice (a mastectomy the second time) and congestive heart failure resulting from the second round of chemotherapy. You two should get to know each other. Her recovery has been virtually miraculous. I'm sure y'all would have a lot to share.

I'll go searching around the board for other threads on the subject.

Edit: Here's a link to Laura's thread in which she asked a question very similar to yours: If you saw a woman with a single breast in a Swingers Club would you...?

Recently Laura and I attended the Swingers Board Southeast Meet Up in Nashville. During that weekend we went with the group to Menages, a swing club. There is a thread about that somewhere. I'll try to find some links and add them in here.

I'm sure you'll find nothing but support here and look forward to learning a lot more about you!

Mr. Alura

[Laura Alura]

Originally Posted by tnohcpl

we were just wondering if anyone else had gone thru this. thanks d&j

I am not certain what "this" you are asking about. I have had breast cancer twice; a mastectomy with the second diagnosis. Mr. Alura refers to a thread that I started recently that may answer some of your questions.

I believe that whether or not you are "active" in the lifestyle is a decision that is entirely yours as a couple but especially your wife's. There are many factors to consider but the ones most important to me were energy level and self-image. My energy was not impacted by the chemo, but it was by the radiation, to say nothing of the burns and the sensitivity there for many months (in the first treatment.)

From my experience, I think that you can find those here to be a knowledgeable and understanding group; very caring. It is the person that they find the most important. The body is just the vessel.

I believe that my self-image issue was based on the comfort level of others around me. (I had a mastectomy and no reconstructive surgery. So I am "unbalanced" as a girlfriend so nicely puts it.) So I asked the question (the thread started several weeks ago) and learned there that the comfort level of others is not my responsibility. If I am comfortable with myself then the majority of those in this lifestyle will be comfortable with me. If someone is uncomfortable with my battlescarred body then we probably wouldn't have been comfortable together anyway. And that happens and that's okay.

I've tried to share some feelings and answer some issues that were not specifically addressed. If there is something more, please do not hesitate to ask. I'll try again.
Smiles!

[shadylazyinmesa]

Thanks for the replies - the men I dated one on one were wonderful and they always said that I might not have had two breasts but I did still have a brain - so ... but then the one guy - a real loser actually - that I had started a no strings thing with I told him before we met and he said he didnt know so I told him ok forget it - well he decided to go ahead and meet and I was shocked and disgusted that Mr Perfect who didnt know if he could handle being with a lopsided woman showed up at my home wearing a frickin RUG on top of his head - I laughed and shut the door. He wasnt sure about being able to handle MY imperfections - oh please, at least I admitted them and didnt try to hide them

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by shadylazyinmesa

Thanks for the replies - the men I dated one on one were wonderful and they always said that I might not have had two breasts but I did still have a brain - so ...

I agree with them wholeheartedly. For instance, I have a thing for women in glasses... Mrs. WS says it's because I'm attracted to smart women. Sex is soooo much more than just physical attributes.

Mr. WS