Helping non-swingers understand swinging.

[JustAskJulie]

It's interesting to try to see the view of others who aren't involved (or desiring to be) in the lifestyle.

Those few friends I have that know about my involvement have had varying reactions, add to that the reactions you see from some who come to this site and you are left wondering how do you explain the lifestyle to those outside of it so that they can "get it"?

Take the situation of someone who comes here trying to understand the lifestyle so that they can understand why their partner might wish to be involved in it. It becomes clear that the lifestyle isn't really meant for this couple and that one partner is pushing the other to make it part of their relationship. How do you explain to this person that swinging will not help their relationship?

Is it possible to understand what swinging is about and how it can work for others and still see why it won't work for you? Or is it an all or nothing thing? Where if you understand why it works then it has to work for you..... or if you can't understand why it won't work for you then you will never understand why it works for others?

Others may look at swingers and think of them as an exclusive club who believe that those who don't swing are less than them. Do you think this is true?

Do you feel that non-swingers have a place on this board? What about non-swingers who don't believe that swinging is right? What about ex-swingers who don't swing now but still understand what the lifestyle is about and support it? What's the difference?

[Amy and Mike]

This is interesting to us, since we're not swingers. I hope you don't feel that non-swingers have no place being involved here. This site is the best source of information I've seen yet on swinging. As we're both "curious", its great to be able to ask questions to people experienced with this.

[sportync]

I've heard it said that, "It is an educated mind that can consider an opposing view without necessiarily accepting it." This, I think, holds true in this context. Some people swing every weekend, while others might make it an occasional experience. They both swing, but for different reasons. I feel that a forum such as this one is here so that information may be shared. That said, I don't really see how someone might feel "superior" to someone else just because of the level of their sexual activity. Different strokes, right? This is a place for sharing ideas, experiences and questions. I don't see why anyone should feel less welcome on this board just because they don't go to orgies every weekend.
Chances are if someone decides not to swing, you are not going to change their mind on this board, but that's not the reason why it's here. You can help them to understand why you choose to swing. They can accept your views or not, but it's unlikely that you will change their own. You may help them to look at their own particular circumstances in a different light, or see things from a different angle. And that can be a good thing. Sportync

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally posted by JustAskJulie

Do you feel that non-swingers have a place on this board? What about non-swingers who don't believe that swinging is right? What about ex-swingers who don't swing now but still understand what the lifestyle is about and support it? What's the difference?

You raised some good points, but first I want to address the above quote.

Yes, I do believe non-swingers have a place on this board if for no other reason than because they have shown an interest. This is a place they can come to and read about swinging, have their questions answered, banter the pros and cons of the lifestyle. For some, swinging may always remain a fantasy, and that is OK, too.

However, I get a bit defensive when those that believe swinging is wrong continue to inject their negativity, their personal moral bias, and sometimes downright hostility, into the board. I have nary a problem with their choice to forego or reject the lifestyle...to each his own. You know...I like dogs. I don't particularly care for reptiles...or even cats, for that matter. But why on earth would I choose to go to a site for cat-lovers and try to convince each and everyone that their choice of pet is wrong. My lifestyle and choices are my responsibility and I don't need "saving" from those that choose otherwise. Just like I don't try to "save" them from what I believe they may be missing out on. Their lifestyle choice is their responsibility and it isn't up to me to dictate to them.

Ex-swingers? More than welcome, IMO. There are a variety of reasons people become "ex" in the lifestyle...age, health, inability to find compatible partners, other life focuses. I really believe swinging is "as much an attitude as a lifestyle choice." Another thing...we really can't say we are "ex" until we are dead and buried. Who knows when the perfect parnter(s), circumstances, etc., are right around the corner...someone that may have been an "ex" for a period of time might suddenly find themselves being active participants again.

I enjoy the new people that come here...I enjoy the lively conversations and debates. But constantly having to defend wears real thin after a while. Take those battles elsewhere.

- EBF

[RMRx2]

I think that this board speaks extremely well, in general, of the swinging community and the lifestyle. (There is a compliment for everyone buried here) For this reason, if no other, I think anyone who finds the site, and chooses to spend time here ,should continue to be welcome.

I do agree with EBF, if someone finds the site, and after viewing it's content, finds the subject matter offensive in some way,,,,,,,,,they should not stick around.

we love the site! we have found the people we have met so far to be wonderful! and we're glad newbies such as ourselves can be welcome,,,,,,,we also feel that paying close attention to the topics and advice here, we will stand a better chance of enjoying the lifestyle and not having to struggle with as many difficulties as those who maybe didn't have this resource.

wish we could meet everyone on the board!

rmrx2

[Amy and Mike]

Hi, this Mike (Amy posted on this last night)
I dont know if you realize what a great resource you've created here. We had only the most vauge understanding of what swinging was before we started reading this website. Doing a search for "swinging" brings up a list of mostly porn sites along with a few that give information, but this site has the daily input of many real swingers. Its informative and fun too (and sexy...we love the swinger stories) We've been reading the "new swingers" section since we're debating pros and cons about trying this, and have gotten so much out of it.

Obviously, there are going to be plenty of people who wont understand why people would want to do this...but at least the information is here for them.

[biblonde]

I believe everyone has a right to this board for the most part. We have been hanging around for quite awhile now and get lots of useful information and have learned alot being here. Some stuff i agree with and some that i dont. For the most part everyone on this board is friendly and helpful to those who ask REAL questions or just wanna joke around. I am really glad i found the board and will continue to visit. I feel swingers, non-swingers, and those just curious have every right to participate here .......

BUT....there are some that come here looking for trouble! I agree with EBF....I am getting tired of defending my choice to some of these. I have fallen more than once for some sob story to find out later they have posted before....wanting to degrade those of us that are in the lifestyle. They want ammo twards a spouse as to why they shouldnt be in this lifestyle which is getting old. I am learning before answering these posts to go back and see if they have been posting the same thing over and over again. These people have no business here!!!! These people need to understand this is a choice we that swing have made!! They have the choice not to. being a swinger or not being a swinger doesnt make you good or bad ....IT IS A CHOICE not a must do or dont do. Some look at sex as a sport and others look at sex as an expression of love....swinging is for some and not for others. I would never pressure someone into the lifestyle, and i get tired of those who try to make those of us that swing feel like we are in the wrong ( and sorry guys that aint working!!)

I think Julie and the other moderators do a great job here and there is so much information to learn or disagree with on this board. You guys keep up the good work !!!!! And to those small few that are totally against this lifestyle...GO AWAY!!

that is my 2 cents for today!

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally posted by Amy and Mike
This is interesting to us, since we're not swingers. I hope you don't feel that non-swingers have no place being involved here. This site is the best source of information I've seen yet on swinging. As we're both "curious", its great to be able to ask questions to people experienced with this.

Amy and Mike...yes...I think I can speak for everyone when I say that we have no problem at all with non-swingers being here., and you are most welcome. That is part of the purpose of the board...a place to give those that are curious a place to investigate, learn...make rationale decisions based upon real information. And sometimes we even learn a great deal from those that have not chosen to swing. My only issues are with those that are vehemently opposed to the idea of swinging, yet want to come here to berate me for my lifestyle choice.

- EBF

[windsor4fun2]

Originally posted by Elusive BiFem

However, I get a bit defensive when those that believe swinging is wrong continue to inject their negativity, their personal moral bias, and sometimes downright hostility, into the board. I have nary a problem with their choice to forego or reject the lifestyle...to each his own

I could not agree more with this. This board and others on the internet, whether they discuss swinging, religion, sports or any other subject are there for peoples enjoyment.
People that post to a board simple to annoy and cause trouble should be taken behind the wood shed and have a flamethrow placed up their posterior.

Jesse

[yawanna]

Others may look at swingers and think of them as an exclusive club who believe that those who don't swing are less than them. Do you think this is true?

One thing I've noticed on this board, compared to other boards that are sponsored by local swingers clubs, there is an almost complete lack of what I'll call politics, which is part of what Julie posted.

Around here, there is great competitiveness amongst swingers and the clubs. Who has more sex? With how many? One upmanship. I was talking in one of those chat rooms about an onpremise we attended, and I was asked point blank 'yes but...did you get laid??' Young swingers is a big trend as being perceived as an untapped market. So we hear a lot of duragatory comments about age and body size.

I think most swingers know this isn't for everyone. And how do they know that? Because they have an understanding of the mindset and relationship you must have to participate and not have it blow up on you But we see many many people getting into swinging when they have unstable relationships or they trade up taking a boytoy over a husband. Very sad.

A mindset isn't something easily changed or influenced. I think sometimes the people coming here to find out more are looking for, as wrnakedru posted, ammo to use against swinging as a whole, or toward their partner to stop the 'let's swing!' requests.

I think the majority here are people in it or considering it, and whether they have done this yet or not, I see no reason that people with a legitimate interest or concern not be allowed to post here. Trolls on the other hand... flamethrow

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by sportync
Chances are if someone decides not to swing, you are not going to change their mind on this board, but that's not the reason why it's here. You can help them to understand why you choose to swing. They can accept your views or not, but it's unlikely that you will change their own. You may help them to look at their own particular circumstances in a different light, or see things from a different angle. And that can be a good thing. Sportync

Do you feel like anyone on this board has ever tried to use this board to convince others to swing?

[JustAskJulie]

Ok, I don't think I ever got my real question out in my original post.

How do we help non-swingers who come to this board to understand what swinging is all about? How do we help them understand that it might not be a lifestyle choice for them? Or how do we help them understand enough about swinging to for them to make the choice? Is it a matter of expecting them to read and understand on their own?

[yawanna]

Is it a matter of expecting them to read and understand on their own?

Yes! After reading what swingers 'do' and what they think,people can decide if they want to explore further, or not.

After that it's a matter of logistics and rules and agreements for the couple to decide upon.

I quite frankly get uncomfortable with postings such as Tarnished Halo and rcanddi (?). I have never seen any posting that I perceived as being trying to 'convince' someone to get into swinging. Posting back and forth with someone who is in a bad situation such as theirs, the angst about swinging, could be taken by them as 'us' participating in that bad situation? They then seem to make judgments about our morality and all that.

[RMRx2]

Originally posted by JustAskJulie
Ok, I don't think I ever got my real question out in my original post.

How do we help non-swingers who come to this board to understand what swinging is all about? How do we help them understand that it might not be a lifestyle choice for them? Or how do we help them understand enough about swinging to for them to make the choice? Is it a matter of expecting them to read and understand on their own?

We are new, this board has been wonderful, is there a question in your mind that it isn't? or could be better?

yes the questions are worth asking, and I think all those who actively participate need to think about them from time to time. if we did so more, flaming threads might not get started

How do we help non swingers understand the lifestyle?

Be here, Be responsible with our posts. Answer questions with sincerity and respect.

What about the lifestyle possibly not being for them?

We tell them what's involved and we say it may not be for everyone. I am ALWAYS IMPRESSED how quickly a unhealthy situation will be recognized, identified, and someone(many) will post just that

Do we expect them to read and understand on thier own?

they are welcomed with 3-4 pages of howdy's and open invitation to join in the threads, thier questions are answered,,,,,and answered again if misunderstood,,,,,,,,but ya,,,,,,,,they have to participate and be able to read.

this board works very well, but we should think about this to always be mindful that not everyone is on the same page, has the same expierence,,,,,,,,or even the same bodies,,,,,,,,,I hate anatomy or body threads (very counter productive),,,,,we're all here with what we we're given

rmrx2

[good times]

This is a great thread as I just responded to another thread where the person doesn't seem to get it and was wodering these same things. I think I tend to agree with what everyone has said so far but I would have to say I frequent a few boards on other topics and the people here are much more considerate and uderstanding of alternate views than any other board that I have been involved with. The members here even seem to go out of their way to make people feel welcome no matter what their views on a subject. I find this very refreshing and much appreciated.

R