If a couple breaks up do you continue playing with one of them as singles?

Chris&Amelia · 06-12-2003, 07:41 AM

Okay, here's a humdinger for you all.

A little background information. We've been playing with a couple by the name of John and Jane. We've only played with them a couple of times, but we all enjoyed ourselves and had fun with each other. John and Jane were not married, but were a long-time "committed couple".

We had a date to go out to the movies one night and hang out at their place when we got a message on the machine that they couldn't make it tonight. No big deal, we thought. They both had children from prior relationships, and things do come up.

But we didn't hear from them afterwards. E-Mails sent to both of their accounts revealed that they had a fight over undisclosed reasons, and we currently not talking to each other. Both swore that neither we nor the Lifestyle had anything to do with it. Both also told us that this had happened before, and after a cool-down period, they get back together.

While we tried to stay in contact with both of them, after a while John stopped answering our e-mails. Jane, on the other hand, kept in touch with us.

Jane finally wrote us one day, about two months after this all started, telling us that it appears that although she still cares for him, it appeared over between each other, and that she thought it was time to move on. But she mentioned that she would still like to play with Amelia and I in a 3-way capacity (both Amelia and her are bi).

I don't want to betray John, but he appears to have gone incommunicado on us. Jane's a fun person to be with, and fun to play with as well. What do you all think we should do?

naughty A · 06-12-2003, 07:46 AM

how long have they been broken up now?

OhioCouple · 06-12-2003, 07:55 AM

In my opinion, I think it depends on how you feel about playing with singles.

I'm not really sure I follow your thinking about "betraying John" as it did not sound as though ya'll had that sort of long term ongoing friendship as you would have with mainstream friends. Being buddies and that sort of thing.

I think as long as you are comfortable playing with singles and as long as you are realitively sure that she isn't using you as 'get back at John' tool, then why not?

Brit_Pair · 06-12-2003, 08:14 AM

So just to recap: he's chosen not to maintain an open line of communication with you, while she's still talking, and still into playing with you and Amelia. She thinks the relationship's over, and that it's time for her to move on.

Fine. I don't see why you have to exclude her from your lives, social or play wise, or why you need feel any guilt over bringing her back into the fold. Nobody has acted with any impropriety, and a respectable span of 'cooling off' time has passed.

If you and Amelia both want to play with her in a 3some, then go for it. Life's short, and the clock is ticking.

naughty A · 06-12-2003, 08:17 AM

Ok...

I was trying to figure out how long they had been broken up...since it seems to me it is longer than the 2mos when she began contact with you again...

If they have a history of breaking up and getting back together ... I would hesitate ... what's their usual "cool down period" been in the past?

I guess that it depends on if there is the possibility that they MIGHT get back together again. Are either of them dating regular outside the lifestyle people? this might give an indication of how serious the break up is.

Rather than give a date or waiting period... why don't you outline your concerns to Jane and tell her you are willing but don't want to create hard feelings between them if she and John decided to give it another go.

Botcpl · 06-12-2003, 08:29 AM

If they've truely broken up, would it be okay for each of them to date? If they can date,can they play?

We've know many couples that have split up, each and every one started dating again after a "certain" amount of time.

Is there a real differance?

P.

Brit_Pair · 06-12-2003, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Botcpl
If they've truely broken up, would it be okay for each of them to date? If they can date,can they play?

We've know many couples that have split up, each and every one started dating again after a "certain" amount of time.

Is there a real differance?

I'd say 'no', there's no real difference. In fact, after the break-up of a strong emotional relationship, perhaps the last thing you'd want is to get into the dating game again right away, whereas 'playing' might provide a person with companionship and pleasure, but without the fear of having to make any sort of commitment.

**Alura** · 06-12-2003, 10:51 AM

In our opinion there is no moral reason not to continue to play with Jane. You only need to assess the situation from the standpoint of whether or not you are willing to deal with the usual problems, if any in Jane's case, of playing with singles.

Alura

Michcouple · 06-12-2003, 11:19 AM

There's a old rule that says...."Never date a friend's former partner"

Now I know that may not totally apply to your problem.

jdf7379 · 06-12-2003, 12:00 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by naughty A
Ok...

why don't you outline your concerns to Jane and tell her you are willing but don't want to create hard feelings between them if she and John decided to give it another go.

Very smart advice...the communication with Jane is key...Let her know your concerns...may be she can help you with the answer.

alabamafuntonig · 06-13-2003, 11:16 AM

I would play with Jane. If john does not want her no more what’s the difference, besides Jane may find another john and you already have a in with a new couple

CLITFRIEND · 06-13-2003, 11:53 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by naughty A
Ok...

I was trying to figure out how long they had been broken up...since it seems to me it is longer than the 2mos when she began contact with you again...

If they have a history of breaking up and getting back together ... I would hesitate ... what's their usual "cool down period" been in the past?

I guess that it depends on if there is the possibility that they MIGHT get back together again. Are either of them dating regular outside the lifestyle people? this might give an indication of how serious the break up is.

Rather than give a date or waiting period... why don't you outline your concerns to Jane and tell her you are willing but don't want to create hard feelings between them if she and John decided to give it another go.

Personally, I think Naughty got the best advice going on this one. The fact is--u only communicate with Jane--and you are doing that by email no less. you have not seen either one of them in two to three months. You don't know there history of break ups and get back together. And you are hearing only one side of the entire equation----I would have some real concerns with all of this. I think I would ask Jane---not specifically the details of what breaks them up time after time--but I would want to consider how many times--and when the incidence have taken place--and what causes the get back togethers.
You never know---there might actually be an issue of jealousy in there somewhere.

Roxysbayou · 06-14-2003, 01:56 AM

You just have to ask yourself what you will do if they would get back together after you have been with Jane without John. And what would John do if he found out? People can get really crazy when it comes to divorce. I personally wouldn't want to get in the middle of anything.

Bob123 · 06-14-2003, 05:05 AM

I would stay friends with Jane and John (if he ever contacts you). I would not swing with Jane or John unless they get back together or for a long time.

Chris&Amelia · 06-14-2003, 06:33 AM

Thanks everybody! You've given us a lot to think about. We're going to discuss it and let you know what we do.

Thanks again!

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View Poll Results: What should we do with Jane?
Continue playing with Jane. Forget about John!	84	79.25%
Dump 'em both!	13	12.26%
Wait and see if they get back together (tell us how long in the comments)	6	5.66%
Other (leave suggestion in comments)	3	2.83%
Voters: 106. You may not vote on this poll

06-12-2003, 07:41 AM	#1 (permalink)
Chris&Amelia Don't poke an eye out! Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 1,450 Location: Pennsylvania - The Poconos Status: The C of C&A Swing Lifestyle Name:PA_Panache	If a couple breaks up do you continue playing with one of them as singles? Okay, here's a humdinger for you all. A little background information. We've been playing with a couple by the name of John and Jane. We've only played with them a couple of times, but we all enjoyed ourselves and had fun with each other. John and Jane were not married, but were a long-time "committed couple". We had a date to go out to the movies one night and hang out at their place when we got a message on the machine that they couldn't make it tonight. No big deal, we thought. They both had children from prior relationships, and things do come up. But we didn't hear from them afterwards. E-Mails sent to both of their accounts revealed that they had a fight over undisclosed reasons, and we currently not talking to each other. Both swore that neither we nor the Lifestyle had anything to do with it. Both also told us that this had happened before, and after a cool-down period, they get back together. While we tried to stay in contact with both of them, after a while John stopped answering our e-mails. Jane, on the other hand, kept in touch with us. Jane finally wrote us one day, about two months after this all started, telling us that it appears that although she still cares for him, it appeared over between each other, and that she thought it was time to move on. But she mentioned that she would still like to play with Amelia and I in a 3-way capacity (both Amelia and her are bi). I don't want to betray John, but he appears to have gone incommunicado on us. Jane's a fun person to be with, and fun to play with as well. What do you all think we should do?
	__________________ I find your ideas intriguing and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

06-12-2003, 07:46 AM	#2 (permalink)
naughty A Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 997 Location: windsor ontario Status: couple - female half	how long have they been broken up now?
	__________________ The proper response to "Good morning" is not "Prove it!"

06-12-2003, 07:55 AM	#3 (permalink)
OhioCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 6,619 Location: Ohio Status: Married Female	In my opinion, I think it depends on how you feel about playing with singles. I'm not really sure I follow your thinking about "betraying John" as it did not sound as though ya'll had that sort of long term ongoing friendship as you would have with mainstream friends. Being buddies and that sort of thing. I think as long as you are comfortable playing with singles and as long as you are realitively sure that she isn't using you as 'get back at John' tool, then why not?
	__________________ Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

06-12-2003, 08:14 AM	#4 (permalink)
Brit_Pair Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 3,635 Location: UK Status: Couple	So just to recap: he's chosen not to maintain an open line of communication with you, while she's still talking, and still into playing with you and Amelia. She thinks the relationship's over, and that it's time for her to move on. Fine. I don't see why you have to exclude her from your lives, social or play wise, or why you need feel any guilt over bringing her back into the fold. Nobody has acted with any impropriety, and a respectable span of 'cooling off' time has passed. If you and Amelia both want to play with her in a 3some, then go for it. Life's short, and the clock is ticking.
	Last edited by Brit_Pair; 06-12-2003 at 08:26 AM.

06-12-2003, 08:17 AM	#5 (permalink)
naughty A Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 997 Location: windsor ontario Status: couple - female half	Ok... I was trying to figure out how long they had been broken up...since it seems to me it is longer than the 2mos when she began contact with you again... If they have a history of breaking up and getting back together ... I would hesitate ... what's their usual "cool down period" been in the past? I guess that it depends on if there is the possibility that they MIGHT get back together again. Are either of them dating regular outside the lifestyle people? this might give an indication of how serious the break up is. Rather than give a date or waiting period... why don't you outline your concerns to Jane and tell her you are willing but don't want to create hard feelings between them if she and John decided to give it another go.
	__________________ The proper response to "Good morning" is not "Prove it!"

06-12-2003, 08:29 AM	#6 (permalink)
Botcpl Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 249 Location: 34 N 11.120 118 W 17.179 Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:Botcpl	If they've truely broken up, would it be okay for each of them to date? If they can date,can they play? We've know many couples that have split up, each and every one started dating again after a "certain" amount of time. Is there a real differance? P.

06-12-2003, 10:51 AM	#8 (permalink)
Alura Just a hick Okie Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 8,144 Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma Status: Widower	In our opinion there is no moral reason not to continue to play with Jane. You only need to assess the situation from the standpoint of whether or not you are willing to deal with the usual problems, if any in Jane's case, of playing with singles. Alura

06-12-2003, 11:19 AM	#9 (permalink)
Michcouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 845 Location: Michigan Status: couple	Well?? There's a old rule that says...."Never date a friend's former partner" Now I know that may not totally apply to your problem.

06-13-2003, 11:16 AM	#11 (permalink)
alabamafuntonig Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 1,357 Location: alabama Status: couple	me tarzan you jane I would play with Jane. If john does not want her no more what’s the difference, besides Jane may find another john and you already have a in with a new couple

06-14-2003, 01:56 AM	#13 (permalink)
Roxysbayou Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 1,376 Location: Louisiana Status: Married Female Swing Lifestyle Name:likethat	You just have to ask yourself what you will do if they would get back together after you have been with Jane without John. And what would John do if he found out? People can get really crazy when it comes to divorce. I personally wouldn't want to get in the middle of anything.
	__________________ I put the "grrrr" in swinger baby, yeah! --Austin Powers

06-14-2003, 05:05 AM	#14 (permalink)
Bob123 Has Left the Building Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 166 Location: ca Status: hermaphradite	I would stay friends with Jane and John (if he ever contacts you). I would not swing with Jane or John unless they get back together or for a long time.

06-14-2003, 06:33 AM	#15 (permalink)
Chris&Amelia Don't poke an eye out! Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 1,450 Location: Pennsylvania - The Poconos Status: The C of C&A Swing Lifestyle Name:PA_Panache	Thanks! Thanks everybody! You've given us a lot to think about. We're going to discuss it and let you know what we do. Thanks again!
	__________________ I find your ideas intriguing and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

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