He's teachable. Do you try to help your playmates be better at sex?

[SW_PA_Couple 4,019]

We occasionally become interested in a couple who appeal to us in several ways but either the man or the woman, when they are "put to the test", prove to be lacking in sexual technique. I loose interest quickly. But my wife has sometimes decided that a man is "teachable". Examples: the man who did not know how to kiss and the man who would crumple, after a half hour of increasingly desperate pelvic thrusting, into a fetal position despondent over the idea that we was not able to achieve an orgasm. She very seldom succeeds in turning an issue like this around. I have asked her why she even tries. She says she does not know.

 

So here is a question. In the context of swinging, are women more apt to try to change guys to their liking than guys are likely to make the effort to change women?

[Chicup 38]

I think women in general are more likely to try to teach the guy, but thats my bias on the subject because I am reluctant to do so, at least directly.

 

I might say 'You know what I REALLY like.'

But I wouldn't say 'Doing this would work better.'

[sexcupid 809]

I guess my mindset isn't exactly that the partners are teachable...but that expectation for the first meeting is honestly pretty low. Like 10 feet in the dirt low...okay...maybe only a foot. lol

 

Seriously though...I know from past experiences that nerves, alcohol, etc can really wreck a performance (plus some people are big talkers and may be putting too much pressure on themselves to perform to a high level) and I try to be cool about it and give that person the benefit of the doubt. So unless there is something that is a major turn off about the person, they are likely to get a 2nd or 3rd chance...after that its friend city.

[lustylearning 705]

Wow. Honestly, I haven't met many men in the lifestyle who are interested in learning or exploring. It's mostly a get while the gettin's good thing, without much thought to a second round. Even when there's a second, third, or fourth round... So, I guess it's just easier to move on.

[Alura 2,766]

Mrs. Alura once described a Mr. Playmate as "Teachable." We played with the couple for some time. Mrs. Playmate certainly agreed he'd learned a lot from her.

[sweet_tna 680]

I don't think I ever really looked at it from the perspective of whether a playmate was "teachable" or not. If the chemistry was there, and we had a good time (overall), I'll give 'em another go. If not, then the buck stops there.

 

Yeah, I'll give a little direction with a new partner if he's not instinctively hitting the right spot, or I want it faster/harder . . . But to me, that's just part of hooking up with someone new.

 

Mr. Sweet says that he's fine and dandy with most anything a lady does to him, so he sees no reason to change anything.

 

=)

[ViSexual 1,006]

Ok, looking at the original question on a non-sexual basis, don't girls seem to want to change their guys?

 

How many young women go for the 'outlaw' and want to change him into 'Mr. perfect?

 

And, most men marry who they want and hate it if their gal changes. I think it's just the nature of the genders and that's why she wants to try and teach him.

 

I sure hope this doesn't sound sexist..., it isn't meant to be.

[fun4Ds 1,097]

A man's thoughts You can polish a turd... but it's still a turd.

 

A woman's thoughts I want you to UNDERSTAND there's more to life than being a turd.

 

Conclusion: "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus."

 

Now as an analogy you might think I mean that men and women are from two separate places. But to me they're not. I believe after reading the book, my understanding is : I see this analogy in an orbital way. That's how I envision the meaning or understanding of what the book was meant to explain, perhaps, just to me personally.

 

In an orbital way the sun would represent understanding, or the center. While Mars (men) have one distance from the sun, Venus (women) have a greater distance or orbit. Their (woman's) orbit, encompasses ours (men) Now one could interpret that man knows more by being closer to the center (as many men do) but what I found was, in the center, there is "ID" find the center of one's self and you'll soon be looking outward. True understanding doesn't come from looking toward the center, although its a path that one should take. It comes from looking outward at the universe, which is ever expanding ! I think this is why women get frustrated with men. They have a greater orbit or understanding through emotions, intuitions, than men have. They want us to become greater than we are, they want us to expand, rather than collapse inward. They know, and its natural to them. You know what they say, find a great man and behind him is an even greater woman.

 

Is a man teachable, Michael ? It depends on which way he's going. Inward toward him self as an understanding, or out-wards to a greater enlightenment. Most women get that about a man, I think. I can see the frustrations, and appreciate a woman's patience.

 

Just my thoughts.....

 

As far as a swing situation, Mrsfun wouldn't have time to "teach" other men. Can you imagine the exhaustion from getting me to understand, anything. But, would try and communicate her feelings, desires, speaking "Venusian". She speaks and understands my primitive Martian language. But wouldn't waste time on a man who has no desire to learn about Venus and what direction it takes for true improvement.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,019]

. . . Is a man teachable, Michael ?

She started on me seventeen years ago. She is still working on it. Men are teachable. But I see you also appreciate my original question. Why bother teaching a guy with whom she is only going to have a few hours, at most, to realize any improvement?

[Chicup 38]

She started on me seventeen years ago. She is still working on it. Men are teachable. But I see you also appreciate my original question. Why bother teaching a guy with whom she is only going to have a few hours, at most, to realize any improvement?

 

Public service

[sweet_tna 680]

She started on me seventeen years ago. She is still working on it. Men are teachable. But I see you also appreciate my original question. Why bother teaching a guy with whom she is only going to have a few hours, at most, to realize any improvement?

 

From that standpoint . . . Yeah, some guys are teachable. I started on Mr. Sweet almost eighteen years ago. He's come a long way, Baby.

 

But would I invest that much time and effort on a playmate? Likely not.

 

=)

[The Fuse 1,012]

fun4Ds said:

In an orbital way the sun would represent understanding, or the center. While Mars (men) have one distance from the sun, Venus (women) have a greater distance or orbit. Their (woman's) orbit, encompasses ours (men)

 

I would only hang around and try to "teach" a playmate if I had more than a surface friendship with him, or wanted one. If it's a question of doing a few different things, or doing them faster, slower, lighter, etc., that's all fair game. But I feel like I'm stepping on toes if I really try to teach someone something I feel they should already know.

[JustAskJulie 2,588]

I think your wife is just patient and enjoys giving instruction. I'm with you, and would likely pass on trying again with someone if they didn't seem to do it right the first time. That said, the first time I will be attempting to give guidance on how I like it and if they ignore my guidance they won't get a second chance. It seems like lots of people when it comes to sex just do what they like. Even when given instruction they will alter their method for a moment or two then go back to what they want to do or how they are used to doing it.

[GPHTallCouple 69]

If his personality is a match to mine and he wants to try it again, I will give him another try. So many guys get performance anxiety or are used to how she does it versus how I do things.

 

When it comes to teachable or not, there have been several that I realize are not 'teachable'. I'd rather call it workable. I can't work with the bump on the log type that is the male equivalent to the lady that just lays there. Luckily, I've never had a guy curl up in fetal position and just give up.