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IvoryTowers

What's the thrill of watching?

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I've only been on this board only a few weeks but I've noticed that a lot of the men (and some of the women) talk about how much their swinging and fantasy lives are driven by watching their partner with someone else. In fact, a number of men seem to be mainly interested in watching their wives with another man, rather than being with another woman themselves.

 

I kind of get the enjoyment of watching (I'm not a voyeur myself, but Mr. Ivory does love a view!). I've appreciated watching Mr. Ivory with other women mainly because I get to see him from angles I don't ever get when it's the two of us having sex.

 

But mostly for both of us, swinging is about sensation and touching/having sex with other people. In fact, Mr. Ivory has confessed that he rarely watches me because he's too busy concentrating on his new partner (which is fine by me as that's true both ways).

 

I'm not, by any means, suggesting there's anything wrong with being mainly focused on watching! But since it is so far outside what turns us on, and since it seems so widespread, I guess I'd like an explanation.

 

For those who get most or much of your enjoyment out of watching, can you explain why? I'd like to understand!

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My husband just loves to watch me. I don't know why but he has said that many times. I sometimes think he would rather watch me then participate. I am also interested in getting some feedback.

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We feel like IvoryTowers.

 

Watching is a small part of it for us. It's about being with another person and the physical and emotional contact you have. Your basic instincts. You don't want to watch, you want to be in the middle of the action.

 

Hell, if you want to watch, giver her a camera and you can stay home.:lol:

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Personally, we run hot and cold on watching each other, with the determining factor usually being the other playmates - sometimes for some unexplained reason we really want to watch each other with a particular partner, and other times it's not that high on the list.

 

Let me attempt to answer it first by asking you a question: If a non-swinger were to ask you to, can you explain exactly why the 'sensation and touching/having sex with other people' turns you on? Or could someone so motivated explain what is it about a woman's feet that turns some people on..?

 

It's possible that someone more intelligent and articulate than myself might post a more in-depth explanation.. but my first response is that everyone is wired with their own sexual schematic - and thankfully for Swingers, they are rarely unique! It may not help you much towards understanding, but IMHO the truth of the matter regarding why different things turn on different folks is if you don't get it from the start.. there's a real good chance you never will.

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It's possible that someone more intelligent and articulate than myself might post a more in-depth explanation.. but my first response is that everyone is wired with their own sexual schematic - and thankfully for Swingers, they are rarely unique!

 

That's pretty much it. People like what people like. There's no explaining it, just enjoying it. :)

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Mr. Ivory here. I think what we were trying to understand is why this is such a prevalent, seemingly male fantasy (though we know a *few* women like to watch). While it's true that kinks are sometimes inexplicable--why, for example, I get turned on by legs and butts but not feet--some do have underlying explanations. Maybe cuckolding is not prone to such analysis, but I suspect (at least for some folks) it is.

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I think that a lot of people that talk about loving to watch their partner don't necessarily want to do that at the exclusion of playing themselves. I often see that stressed during conversation because enjoying sex is an obvious thing to most people while enjoying the watching is less obvious and thus many people talk about how much they enjoy that. For me that is how it is: while I love to watch Katrina, I also love to participate. Either with her or with someone else. There have been a few times where I've sat with the other woman and we both watched Katrina and the other guy have fun together then went back to playing with each other while Katrina and the other guy continued on (or took a break).

 

There are some that prefer to watch rather than play, but I think the prevalence within swinging couples is playing and also watching (rather than watching and maybe playing).

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I asked a similar question when we first started swinging. I think there's an element of "compersion" involved - I like watching my wife have a good time, but it's not a major attraction to swinging for me. If I'm active with a playmate, I'll do less watching.

 

If I'm watching other folks play, it's just live porn or I'm hoping for an invitation to join.

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When we first thought about MFMs, I was convinced I would get turned on by watching my wife and another man. Turned out I didn't find that too exciting, but I got really turned on by being watched, especially when cumming. Different folks.

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I'm a male that enjoys watching her with other men. For me it started after we we married for about 5-6 years. we got married at 18 and I was her first. I wanted her to have a chance at exploring and we agreed on friend. I've been hooked ever since.

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Well, in our case, there's not much experience, yet. I've only seen her play with another woman just enough to know it was as beautiful as I had imagined.

 

I've tried to analyze why I'm attracted to the idea of watching her with another man. In my case, I think it's for multiple reasons. I'll try to map those out:

 

1) I grew to like the idea of seeing her be with another man, because so many of the hot female porn stars visually demonstrate their sexual prowess by using other men, either as posing props, or motion partners. Because all of my sexual energy is focused toward MY woman, I like letting HER hold the "Queen" status in every way in my world, including Fantasy Queen. Because I like seeing beautiful women being naughty with various men, I like the idea of HER showing off to me in that way. Just makes me think it'd put her even higher on a pedestal for also having the capacity to do the slut thing, even if only once.

 

2) I think she's particularly attractive. When we make love, we're obviously very close to each other and I can't enjoy just watching her like I could if she were with another man.

 

3) There's part of me that believes that, if she finds the right guy and plays with him, she'll really enjoy it and hopefully be appreciative. I'd just really like to watch her COMPLETELY enjoy herself with someone other than me, maybe just to see what differences there might be. The idea of her really liking it appeals to me in the sense that I would want it to demonstrate to us what an inseparable team we really are. That's how I feel about it.

 

4) My woman doesn't talk about sex much and says she doesn't think about it that much, either. I guess part of me hopes that her playing with another people, with my total support, would ignite her fires a little more and give her some thoughts to keep her a little closer to the sexual fires, so to speak.

 

Maybe that's wacked, but they're my reasons, as best I understand.

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Some thoughts from an inexperienced male researching the lifestyle:

 

For me I believe men are more voyeuristic then women; call it a Venus and Mars thing. Although I think everyone loves to watch to some degree or another I believe this visualization is more of a primal instinct in men. Women on the other hand, I believe, derive most of there pleasure from physical activity, touch, contact which is more closely related to their feelings or is more of a direct contributor to their feelings.

 

Men definitely enjoy a good view (whatever good means to them) and I'm sure women do as well. Watching for me is definitely part of the sexual experience, but I wouldn't say it gives me most of my sexual pleasure.

 

Having not experienced the lifestyle yet, I can see and agree with Socolais comment that "If I'm watching other folks play, it's just live porn or I'm hoping for an invitation to join." I can't see myself as a lurker, but I can see fondling my wife while we watch others play.;)

 

-Mike

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Many people enjoy watching porn so why not watch your spouse doing it instead of some person you never met? Seeing people do it is sexually stimulating. For us it’s kind of like watching porn but only with much much more emotional content.

 

Hugs and Hissessss,

Maria

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Although I have a nice size penis, I enjoy watching my wife take a larger size. It's enjoyable and exciting because I'm not jealsous about the action. Some men make sex all physical, and they're not for watching or even thinking about their wife with another man. They may feel the other man bested them. Its just a part of our sexuality. p.s. Sex is mostly mental.

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Some thoughts from an inexperienced male researching the lifestyle:

 

For me I believe men are more voyeuristic then women; call it a Venus and Mars thing. Although I think everyone loves to watch to some degree or another I believe this visualization is more of a primal instinct in men. Women on the other hand, I believe, derive most of there pleasure from physical activity, touch, contact which is more closely related to their feelings or is more of a direct contributor to their feelings.

 

Men definitely enjoy a good view (whatever good means to them) and I'm sure women do as well. Watching for me is definitely part of the sexual experience, but I wouldn't say it gives me most of my sexual pleasure.

 

Having not experienced the lifestyle yet, I can see and agree with Socolais comment that "If I'm watching other folks play, it's just live porn or I'm hoping for an invitation to join." I can't see myself as a lurker, but I can see fondling my wife while we watch others play.;)

 

-Mike

I think Mike has the best take on this issue in this thread so far, and if you consider how porn is marketed, I think that gives some clues.

 

In general, men are very visually-oriented. For example, from porn's European origins (sculpted pornographic statuettes, mosaics and paintings and other art from Greek and Roman times, for example), to Middle Ages and post-Renaissance porno painting, to early porno photography, and finally to the film medium, as well as the in-person can-can/burlesque/strip-club venue, the overall focus has been on picturing men being sexually-dominant with women (but -- and there's your big but -- occasionally, men).

 

That history tends to reflect men's choices.

 

Then, in the 1980s or 1990s, things became open enough in the Western world for some porn to be focused on what women want. Many women want porn, but some entrepeneurs realized that a lot of women have an emotional stake in sexual encounters, so those porn-producers aimed at that with at least a semi-realistic storyline, if not romance, in their porn to try to capture the female audience with targeted work.

 

Frankly, in general, I think most porn aimed at males is geared to the visceral, the visual. "Female" porn has a lot more emotional content. (I'm hedging my bets by saying "in general" because I know that there is not some universal like/dislike pattern for either males or females. Capisce?)

 

To transfer that to the issue at hand, considering the normal well-balanced (there's another caveat) swinging-couple, I think that the guy who enjoys watching his wife/gf with another guy does so because she is interested in the extracurricular activity (her pleasure), and he really enjoys seeing her pleasuring and being pleasured by another man (the visual thing). Those guys do not love their wives/gfs any less than the general populace, but they appreciate the sexuality of the woman they love. It might be genetic behavior or learned behavior for them, but I think it's tied to the generic male outlook.

 

Okay, that was just my take using what little I learned during my Psych 101 classes. And frankly, I napped through a lot of Psych 101.

 

Just some ideas...what are your thoughts?

 

Thrax

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Crazi here Red is my own personal Porn Star. I really like the way she looks when someone is doing just that right thing to her. But I don't just watch and I don't think I could just watch. I love to join in an play also. She loves the attention of several people at the same time. We have mostly met with single men since we started 2 months ago. the 2 times we where with couples it seemed a distraction to both of us. We want to see what the other was doing and why they where making so much noise. So we both like watching and lately we have gotten into putting show on in public areas in the clubs so we can be watched thats exciting as hell.

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OK, time for me to weigh in. Watching my sweet woman have fun with another man is stimulating but it can hold my attention for only a minute or two. The "real thing" is a thousand time better. Like the OP, I also wonder what reason might exist for such a large proportion of on-line profiles to contain expressions of a desire to sit on the edge of the bed and watch. So now I will return to reading and maybe learn.

 

~Michael

 

Post Script: After entering The Lifestyle, I lost interest in porn movies.

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I enjoy watching as well. I can't explain why but it turns me on. However , for the most part,I have to be involved while I am watching. I usually like to lend a hand or be close to her. I especially like kissing her while she is being pounded hard.

 

I enjoy the noises she makes, kind of like a wimper, while I am kissing her or while she is going down on one of us while the other one penetrates.

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When we started swinging, my wife was indifferent to the idea. She said that she didn't really care if she had other partners again. She went along because I wanted two things: to feel what it would be like to have other partners; and to give her a chance to have more varied sexual experiences. Right from the first night, she liked the lifestyle. She was surprised to discover that she liked two things in particular: having multiple partners at the same time and being watched by a lot of other guys while she was screwing. Clearly that was because she just likes to be the center of a lot of attention. It was not particularly surprising to me.

 

While she was indifferent to watching me, I liked to watch her with other guys. It was because she is very attractive in the "clean cut, girl next door, cute cheerleader" sense. And no matter how many guys she screwed, she was always going home with me! I was never jealous because I wanted her to have a good time, but in the end she was chosing me to go home with. Pure ego! In a sense, I was giving the finger to all of those other guys who thought they were such hot stuff.

 

I also liked to watch her because I could see things happening that I could never have seen while we were having intercourse. The look on her face while she was getting it from behind and nearing orgasm; the way her boobs shook when she was on her back with a guy pounding her; seeing the dick go in and out of her; the look of absolute ecstacy as that hard dick entered her for the first stroke and how the expression changed first to grimacing, then moaning, and finally screaming as she got higher and closer to the plateau; and the unbelievable look of surprise and astonishment as the guy got really hard and shot a load into her.

 

I wonder how anybody could not love to watch that?

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Swinging and exchanging partners with another couple for sex is a complex set of erotic activities that lead to the ultimate act of sexual intercourse with someone other than your own spouse or mate. Watching another man/woman fuck your spouse with his penis and her pussy interact is certainly an erotic activity that leads to the woman's vagina secret juices and the man to get excited so his penis gets erection and enhances his desire for intercourse with his new sex partner.

 

Do whatever gets you in a mood to fuck your partner for great sex. So watching your female spouse straddling and riding the guy with his penis embedded in her pussy is an exciting sight to behold. It is one of those activities that gets both the male and female in a mood for great and exciting sexual intercourse with another partner.

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I'm one of those women who thoroughly enjoys watching Dave go at it with another woman. It's like I finally get to see a birds eye view of what's going on instead of wondering. I'm usually the receiver and want to be the observer. I mean, I know he's a great lover, but to actually get to see it in action. It's kinda having an out of body experience. I get to look at it from all angles to see his motions, his expressions. It's the definite kink in me. The perverted side of me. I enjoy it.

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Mr. Sweet and I are pretty much like ya'll, in that we are more focused on what we're doing/what's being done to us than what the other of us was doing.

 

He has admitted, however, that he really does enjoy watching me with other women. He says he just finds it sexier. And practically speaking, if I'm playing with another woman/women, he's typically not doing much else at the time anyway. :hahaha:

 

=)

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I enjoy watching my man with others, but not to the point that it takes away from what I'm doing. It's more like I look over on occasion to see what's going on and it makes me happy to know that he's happy and that he's giving pleasure to someone else.

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I'm the male half of the couple and for me I too would most times rather watch the participate and even when I do join in its usually to heat things up or release sensations. for me part of the joy of watching her and another guy is of course just seeing her enjoying herself in the throws of hot sex. hearing her moan and say nasty things like fuck me and damn thats good really help also, but a really big part of it is seeing his reactions to what she is making him feel like. its kinda like getting a joy from knowing that she is mine, we are partners and yet she can blow his mind like she does and vice versa. add to that over 90% of our play has been with one guy (who was a mutual friend of ours. usually scary but for us that part added respect and trust) which has created a whole new sensation in mfm joys for us because his involvement at that moment usually means for us nothing can be bad. its actually to a point where our enjoyment comes from his pleasures just as much as our own. bottom line is that situation for us is one where all 3 of us want, enjoy, and get everything we want and more. I hope that sheds some light.

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while I have never seen my wife with another man YET =) I have been with a girl before that was a swinger. I enjoyed watching her get drilled by the man, its hard to explain why. hearing her moan in pleasure watching her eyes close as she was really getting into it. then seeing her look at me in complete lust whuile she was being serviced =) its a porn staring my wife. I do want to have sex as well, but I know that she is going home with me and I will getting all I can handle then, while thinking back on what happened before =) even if it happens just once, its one thing that you will never forget, I know I havent.

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It's like watching porn. And, although we didn't work out in the long run, I met a woman who felt the same way. When we visited a swingers club in the city, she spent her entire night looking for "engaged" couples, literally dragged me towards a woman who was giving me the eye (I hadn't noticed, because I'm kinda infatuated with her), then spent the next half hour watching us together while masturbating. Then I returned the favor as she enjoyed the attentions of my partner's husband.

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