discovered old friend on a swinger's site...

[kate_and_ray]

My husband and I are new to the lifestyle. While we haven't actually had our first experience, we have been actively searching. Our searches have led us to numerous swinger's sites and on more than one of these sites we have discovered one of my old friends from childhood, including high school. So it has been many years since I have had contact with her. My question is, how do I approach her if at all? Since we are newbies, it would be nice to know someone else in our area who might be a good source of information. We both have pics in our profiles, but I'm not sure she would recognize me. Any thoughts or insight would be greatly appreciated.

[LFM2]

I remember when we first started swinging I was almost paranoid (this is when we had 8540 rules, too!) about running into someone we knew in our other life.

I've read it on here plenty of times -- If you find someone you know on a swinger site, they're there for the same reason you are.

If she remembers you, tell her hi! You're both grown-ups, right?

To borrow a phrase from VegasLee: Keep it simple!

[good times]

I agree with LFM2, and we have had this happen too. We had someone contact us and once we saw their face pictures it turned out it was someone Mrs. GT had worked with 15 years earlier. She just emailed them back and said, "I think I recognize you, did you used to work for _____ about 15 years ago?" Sure enough, turns out it was, we ended up hooking up with them and having a great time.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by good times

"I think I recognize you, did you used to work for _____ about 15 years ago?" Sure enough, turns out it was, we ended up hooking up with them and having a great time.

That is probably the approach I would take if I wanted to establish contact with them. The worst that can happen then is that they say "no" (which may or may not be true).

[sweet_tna]

They're on the site for the same reason you are, so why not contact her? Best case scenario: You reconnect with an old acquaintance and have a wonderful time together. Worst case: Let old aquaintence be forgot . . .

Best of luck & let us know how it goes!

=)

[AdultSocials]

I have this crazy fear that one day my life as a professional consultant will collide with this side of my life. In reality - I know it is not a question of "if it happens" but "when it happens". I thought about it and realized that although the situation may be uncomfortable at first, they will probably be thinking the same thing that I am. At that point I will have no choice but to smile, say hello, and introduce my SO just like I would in any other situation.

[personal416]

Interesting topic.... I've actually scanned zipcodes of places I've worked or lived previously and have never seen anyone I know. Does that mean the circles I used to run in were too prudish?

[socolais]

Originally Posted by personal416

Interesting topic.... I've actually scanned zipcodes of places I've worked or lived previously and have never seen anyone I know. Does that mean the circles I used to run in were too prudish?

With so many of the photos on those sites being several years old (and quite a few even older), that approach stands a pretty good chance of identifying an old friend. They may have seen you first and hid so they wouldn't have to deal with a potentially uncomfortable situation. Or maybe they've moved too....

[lotsoffun201]

Actually, I had a similar experience seeing one of our best friends (couple) on several sites. We would never mention it to them since while we are good friends and our kids play together, they are not our type for playing. That is one reason why we don't post public pictures of us (face shots or shots of tattoos we have)

[JustAskJulie]

Just wondering if you ever decided to contact her? And if so, how it went.

[kate_and_ray]

Thanks for inquiring. I did send her mail within the swinger site, however she has not logged in for a while and has not seen the message yet. Thank you all for your advice on approaching this matter. In the email, I told her that I had seen her profile and wanted to say hi. That we were new to the lifestyle and I was glad to see someone I knew on the site and that we had been to a couple of out of area clubs that left a lot to be desired and were there any good ones in the area. I thought in the least it would be nice to know someone local that was an old friend and in the lifestyle. My concern about contacting her was that this is a small area and maybe she wouldn't want to be discovered. Seems unlikely though since her profile pic shows her and her SO's faces!

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by kate_and_ray

My concern about contacting her was that this is a small area and maybe she wouldn't want to be discovered. Seems unlikely though since her profile pic shows her and her SO's faces!

That's an understandable concern, small area or not. I think some people even though they put their faces out there don't really think that anyone they KNOW will ever see them... so it could still be a little freaky on her end. But, if she hasn't even logged in to get the message...

[personal416]

Yes... but keep in mind that most PM messages can be read without logging in. If you get email notification of the message that is waiting, it often contains the body of the message, although not necessarily in its entirety. I take advantage of this feature all the time on various forum sites so that I can read them on my PDA without surfing out to the site.

[rachan]

You never know who is in the lifestyle. Recently a new family moved into our neighborhood and a few days ago I saw her working in the yard and she was wearing a Swing Lifestyle tank top. I didn't stop but I think R is planning to go and meet her.
A