Are they trying to have a threesome with me?

[mango84]

Hey everyone,

I'm in a little situation and I need some serious advice. I'm friends with this couple. We're kinda like a family. I sometimes call them mom and dad. I'm 23. They are 50 and 52 years old. Okay, it all started one night when we were sitting outside. The husband was upset because he cooked dinner and nobody wanted to eat. I can understand that. Then I called him something "little". Don't remember, but then he said, "I've been called many things, but little isn't one of them." Then is wife looked at me and said, "I know, he's not little at all!" I felt that that was information that they needed to keep to themselves. Then he talked about working on the roof and his wife said that she didn't want him to work on the roof because he might fall and she didn't want to switch to electronic devices. She then turned to me and said, "I prefer the real thing." The husband said, "Oh, she just doesn't want to go out and buy a vibrator." I thought that was very unusual for them. Then another day, they had added some curtains in the bedroom. This involved moving around some pictures. I noticed that one of the newly placed pictures above the bed was really high. I asked the husband why it was too high and he replied "There might be a reason for that picture being so high." He was saying that the picture is high so it doesn't get in the way of them having sex.

Soon after that, I told him that I didn't feel comfortable with the sex talk they were doing and that I felt it was a domestic issue. He agreed, but that didn't stop it. He told his wife about the "joke" he told me about the picture being too high. He said the picture is too high for no particular reason, it's just high. With that in mind, I was sitting near their bedroom (in the living room) and it is close enough to hear them speak and they know this. The husband asked the wife, "Do you wanna prove why the picture is so high tonight?" He had knee problems at the time and she replied, "Sure, but how's your knee?" "Oh, you don't need a knee for that." They said that right in front of me.

Just the other night, the three of us went in the jeep to go exploring. We took the kind of flash light that you have to shake in order to charge the battery. Well while she was shaking her flash light, the husband said, "What does that remind you of?" Then the wife said, "Oh, you're so funny." in a cute way.

Now this is the disturbing part. I got a phone call from the husband yesterday afternoon before I was to go back to school and he told me that the wife mentioned my name that she probably wasn't mad at me but she was mad at him. I haven't done anything and wondered why. First of all, his knee is bothering him again and with his knee hurting, he wasn't in the mood to have sex the previous night. Well she got mad at him and told him that she bet he would get in the mood if it was me (personally) there and not her. Later that day, I went to visit them, like I usually do when going back up school, and acted normal as if I hadn't heard anything. As I entered the house, the wife couldn't make eye contact with me. It was only when I said, I'm about to go that she was able to even look at or address me. I can't help feeling that they got together on this phone call idea to tell me that. Perhaps that is why she couldn't look at me. I don't know what the hell is going on. Please give me some advice!

[Ellyanne77]

My advice, go back to school and find a good looking guy(I am assuming you are female) your age. Study hard and enjoy this time in your life, it goes by quick. As for the couple, they obviously make you feel uncomfortable. Just distance yourself from the situation. If you are close to them then just tell them to chill out on all the sex talk.

[JustAskJulie]

I don't think there is anything in what you've relayed that says they want to have a threesome with you. Perhaps they just see you as a friend (regardless of age) and they just don't have a problem being open with their sexuality. The problem is that since you see them as parental figures the sex talk bothers you in the same way that it might if it really were your parents. Maybe she couldn't look you in the eye because she realized that you were bothered by their openness and she felt bad.

Accept the comment that if it was you his knee would be ok as a compliment, go back to school and smile. Don't worry about it.

[Cloud9Social]

Originally Posted by mango84

Now this is the disturbing part......

Like every thing she (he?) Wrote before this line wasn't disturbing? LOL

Sounds fishy to me

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by mango84

First of all, his knee is bothering him again and with his knee hurting, he wasn't in the mood to have sex the previous night. Well she got mad at him and told him that she bet he would get in the mood if it was me (personally) there and not her.

This is just a guess (of course), but this sounds like a wife who felt sexually rejected because her husband wasn't in the mood, and it occurred to her that maybe she's not hot enough to him, anymore. Using your name was just an example of somebody young and pretty. (She was hurt in the moment, feeling rejected, and mad.) Not mad at you; mad at him (marriage is complicated).

I didn't get the impression in anything you said that they're trying to get you into a threesome. It just sounds like some fairly common marital insecurity, and you're close enough to them (like family, you said) to pick up on it.

[mango84]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

This is just a guess (of course), but this sounds like a wife who felt sexually rejected because her husband wasn't in the mood, and it occurred to her that maybe she's not hot enough to him, anymore. Using your name was just an example of somebody young and pretty. (She was hurt in the moment, feeling rejected, and mad.) Not mad at you; mad at him (marriage is complicated).

I didn't get the impression in anything you said that they're trying to get you into a threesome. It just sounds like some fairly common marital insecurity, and you're close enough to them (like family, you said) to pick up on it.

Do you think I should bring up the fact that she used my name and talk with them as a group about it? Or would that make things worse?

[Tybee Swing]

Personally, if I were in your shoes, I'd just let it go. It sounds like you really care about them (almost like parents). You said something about having gone back to school....are you out of town now, from where they are? How much contact do you normally have with them when you're in school?

[mango84]

Well, I come home like every weekend. They are on the way home for me. I pass through their town. I usually stop by every weekend, but I'm thinking about taking a short break from them. I don't like the current situation and perhaps my absence would make them realize some things. There is kind of a past with them. In October 2006, the wife became very rude to me and I left them for approx. 8 months. No visits, pure avoidance. I think it was because she thought her husband was attracted to me. Some how we got back together and reconnected. Me and her husband are afraid that she might do it again. That is why he gave me the heads up with that phone call (her talking about me). I only see them on the weekends on my way home. I think I need to stay away for the next two weeks or so.

[fun4Ds]

[QUOTE=mango84;303069]

I don't like the current situation and perhaps my absence would make them realize some things.

Like what?

In October 2006, the wife became very rude to me and I left them for approx. 8 months. No visits, pure avoidance. I think it was because she thought her husband was attracted to me.

Mango, Im an older man, with many young women your age in my life. With a circle of friends(through our own adult children).Some even look at me as a father figure in some ways. Do I feel good having younger women around ? Yes, but i would never make sexual remarks or gestures towards them.. It sounds like he is testing you to me..And honestly his ways seem immature about it.I can clearly see where his wife would have problems (rightly so) with this situation.

Me and her husband are afraid that she might do it again. That is why he gave me the heads up with that phone call (her talking about me).

This part i don't like at all, (him calling you with a heads up). He is trying desperate measures to save you coming around. HE shouldn't be doing this, he should be having a good conversation with his wife.To be honest this is where i feel on (your part) you are adding to this problem.. you are talking behind the wifes back... honestly, if they were in a healthy relationship it should be (his wife) that is talking to you about how she feels in this situation. I think you seem mature enough here to have a sit down talk with the wife aka.( MOM) and talk about this just like you are here.

Mango,You stated that this is uncomfortable to you in a previous post. How do you feel about this situation. I'm taking this on your defense, But you have posted this on an adult swinging site. What are your feelings sexually about this situation? Do feelings exist in some way toward this couple? (As a couple) If not, this is your responsibility to keep things straight up. which means your going to have to sit down and be mature and talk with them like you say (as friends), and apply the No means No rule here.

I think I need to stay away for the next two weeks or so.

Avoiding problems in friendships or family for that matter. Usually doesn't help. You have tried that before, and things are still the same. Unless you want to stay away for ever.

[JustAskJulie]

Again, nothing about this situation says they want a threesome. If anything he may be attracted to you and she may know it and that may be causing issues. Fun4Ds has some great advice for you above.

[happycouple256]

why are u hanging around them so much, ur not close in age? not kin to them ?

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by mango84

Soon after that, I told him that I didn't feel comfortable with the sex talk they were doing and that I felt it was a domestic issue. He agreed, but that didn't stop it.

Hi mango ~

Welcome to the Board.

Some couples are comfortable with sexual talk in front of others. So I don't see this in itself as bad, however, you told him that you weren't comfortable with the "sex talk" and that didn't stop them from continuing it around you.

This is were I see a problem. You spoke up - which was the right thing to do - and they ignored your request.

I think the husband has found that talking sex in front of you makes him feel good and sexy and he probably fantasizes about you in a sexual way, but I think this is normal but most men/couples wouldn't reveal these type of thoughts because they know it isn't acceptable to most people. The problem that can happen when being so forthcoming is that fantasy can start moving towards reality...a reality that could turn out bad for all involved.

I think you've moved to that place already to a degree. You're uncomfortable and you've been placed in a position that puts a wedge between this couple - not because you've tried to do this or want to do this - but because this man is talking to you about things that he should be discussing only with his wife. They are having problems with all this "sex talk" which should be a sign to them that they haven't been smart in doing it in the first place. It's only causing problems for them and the relationship among the three of you.

If I was in your shoes, I'd have felt the "ick factor" in all this. To me that's the feeling that hits my gut and makes me squirm; a strong message that something isn't right. It usually comes with feelings of confusion and my mind battling with what has been and what is happening now - and the messages conflict. It's the hardest to deal with when this icky feeling comes up with people I've long known.

I don't think this couple wants to have a threesome with you.

I would do what you said, give some space to this relationship. Don't bring up the subject of sex talk unless they start talking that way again in front of you, then restate your discomfort with it and ask them to stop. I wouldn't try to place yourself in a position to be alone with him, at least not for a while until you feel he is going to hold to your request of no sex talk. If the talk - or any uncomfortable situation - continues around them or with them, maybe it's time to move away from being a regular part of their lives.

Good luck.

Keep us posted.

LM

[mango84]

Originally Posted by happycouple256

why are u hanging around them so much, ur not close in age? not kin to them ?

Me and the wife are almost completely identical. We like the same things, enjoy learning languages, traveling, and we are both science nerds. It is kinda hard to find someone to talk to like the way me and her talk. We are kinda on our own level in a way. No they aren't kin to me. I used to baby sit their daughters and even teach piano lessons.

[mango84]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

Hi mango ~

Welcome to the Board.

Some couples are comfortable with sexual talk in front of others. So I don't see this in itself as bad, however, you told him that you weren't comfortable with the "sex talk" and that didn't stop them from continuing it around you.

This is were I see a problem. You spoke up - which was the right thing to do - and they ignored your request.

I think the husband has found that talking sex in front of you makes him feel good and sexy and he probably fantasizes about you in a sexual way, but I think this is normal but most men/couples wouldn't reveal these type of thoughts because they know it isn't acceptable to most people. The problem that can happen when being so forthcoming is that fantasy can start moving towards reality...a reality that could turn out bad for all involved.

I think you've moved to that place already to a degree. You're uncomfortable and you've been placed in a position that puts a wedge between this couple - not because you've tried to do this or want to do this - but because this man is talking to you about things that he should be discussing only with his wife. They are having problems with all this "sex talk" which should be a sign to them that they haven't been smart in doing it in the first place. It's only causing problems for them and the relationship among the three of you.

If I was in your shoes, I'd have felt the "ick factor" in all this. To me that's the feeling that hits my gut and makes me squirm; a strong message that something isn't right. It usually comes with feelings of confusion and my mind battling with what has been and what is happening now - and the messages conflict. It's the hardest to deal with when this icky feeling comes up with people I've long known.

I don't think this couple wants to have a threesome with you.

I would do what you said, give some space to this relationship. Don't bring up the subject of sex talk unless they start talking that way again in front of you, then restate your discomfort with it and ask them to stop. I wouldn't try to place yourself in a position to be alone with him, at least not for a while until you feel he is going to hold to your request of no sex talk. If the talk - or any uncomfortable situation - continues around them or with them, maybe it's time to move away from being a regular part of their lives.

Good luck.

Keep us posted.

LM

Wow! Thanks!! This really opened up my eyes! I'm definitely gonna give them a good bit of space. I'm thinking a month (since I only come around the weekends on my way back to home) or maybe longer. Also, I now kinda realize why she would say something like, "I bet you would be in the mood if she (meaning ME personally) was here." This probably dealt with his fantasy thing. What do you think?? Thanks again!

[sweet_tna]

That sounds like a good idea, mango. Hopefully, since you and the wife normally get along so well, the space you give this couple will allow them to have a much needed conversation (or three) to sort things out.

Best of luck to you,

=)