"So, how long have you been in the lifestyle?"

[SexyRedmondCpl]

After months of talking about it, Mike and I finally attended our first party. We went to one of the on-premise clubs in our area, and it was just a great experience.

The question that seemed to come up wtih every couple to whom we spoke was the, "how long have you been in the lifestyle? - Umm... fifteen minutes" We were just curious how people generally answer that one. I mean, if we attended a party in 1980 and then stayed vanilla until last night, can we say, "Oh... 27 years?" We tried to be as honest as possible, but just wonder how you all measure it.

~Lea

[prettylady]

Long enough to make one MAJOR error and one EXCELLENT choice.

Your friend,
Prettylady

or you can check out my "date joined" and see since about June of last year

[Darkblue]

nearly 3 years and still love it!!! made some mistakes but all in all its been good and its getting better...


Steve and Susanne

[Greg & Sheryl]

It's pretty easy for us to measure our tenure in the lifestyle because we've never taken a break. In your case, we would recommend the following statement: "We dabbled in the lifestyle back in 1980, but we didn't get back into it until this year."

[BiloxiCouple]

Since I figured out what women are good for

[SexyRedmondCpl]

Originally Posted by Greg & Sheryl

"We dabbled in the lifestyle back in 1980, but we didn't get back into it until this year."

Well, actually this past Saturday was our very first foray into the ls. I just thought that made for a funny example. If we'd have been in the ls in 1980, that would've made us both 6 I don't think that would have flown even in my native West Virginia

At this point, we'd have to respond, "Well, about two days. But loving it so far."

~Lea

[WesternSwing]

It's a common question, and if you said "15 minutes" to us we'd laugh our ass off with you. Good response. Very good response.

Mr. WS

[good times]

We have been in the lifestyle for five or six years, and that is what we tell people.

I have a feeling though that I might not understand your question exactly. My first thought is, "why wouldn't you just tell the truth?". The fact is, we will often ask or be asked this, but it really is just an effort to save time or make conversation. If you have really only been in the lifestyle for a short time, most veteran swingers will figure that out in a few minutes anyway.

I agree with WS though, if someone answered 15 minutes it would crack us up too.

[intuition897]

We tell them we've been into it since about 2003, but in truth, we started soft-swinging a while before that. We just consider the 'full-swap' thing an initiation of sorts for us. It's when things really started coming together for us and making sense. Suddenly we knew this was what we wanted to do.

But it is a good question because, now that we've effectively been out of it for about 3 years now (as in, haven't played with anyone), what do we say?? Someone actually called me on that. "So....what you're telling me is that you've only been swingers for a year??" Well...when you get right down to the nuts and bolts of it...yeah. Now it was a helluva steep learning curve that year, but it was essentially only a year that we had gotten in our playtime until the shit hit the fan (AKA Life Happened). I don't know, people. Does that makes us less than swingers? Because we sure still feel like it. We're just a little rusty is all.

[SexyRedmondCpl]

Thank you all for the feedback.

Originally Posted by good times

I have a feeling though that I might not understand your question exactly. My first thought is, "why wouldn't you just tell the truth?".

Ah... sorry about the ambiguity here. The question Lea and I were trying to get at, to put it into different terms, would be, "How do you measure your time in the ls?" For instance, we just had our first experience two days ago, but won't get the chance to play between now and the end of the year... so, in January, have we, "been in the lifestyle," for two months? Kinda feels dishonest to frame it that way, is all.

Originally Posted by good times

I agree with WS though, if someone answered 15 minutes it would crack us up too.

That actually was our response the first time we were asked. As I recall, it did get quite the laugh. It was a nice icebreaker, given how nervous we both were.

~Mike

[SexyRedmondCpl]

Originally Posted by intuition897

...Now that we've effectively been out of it for about 3 years now (as in, haven't played with anyone), what do we say?? ... "So....what you're telling me is that you've only been swingers for a year??" ...

Thanks, Intuition! That's exactly what we were getting at... In our roundabout sort of way

[socolais]

There's generally a correlation between "how long you've been doin this" and "how good ya are at doin it" and we all know there are way too many exceptions to the rule. So, "how long" is a tactful way to get a clue about "how good", "drama potential", "length of rule list", "comfort factor".....

If the mood is right, I'll answer with "number of playtimes" and maybe even talk about the house parties and ways we've swapped (the list is short so it's not like a "life story"). Just saying, "six months" would be something like a Microsoft answer - technically accurate and totally useless.

[Liutas]

It is a tough question. The Mrs. and I played with another couple about a year and a half ago. they were close friends for a long time. He still is and she, well, ehh, not so much. But that had nothing to do with us and nothing to do with this question. After that we started talking about the possiblilties of finding other couples we would like to play with. Holloween was our first party, we didn't hook up wuth anyone but we had a good time and made soem contacts. Been to a couple meet-n-greets, met some nice people but again, no hook-ups. We've been on one date with another couple, didn't play but had a great time and already have plans to see them again, with high hopes.

So what's our answer? Been swinging a year and a half? Dabbled a year and a hlaf ago and are getting back into it? It's a long explaination and there really is no short answer.

[good times]

Originally Posted by SexyRedmondCpl

Ah... sorry about the ambiguity here. The question Lea and I were trying to get at, to put it into different terms, would be, "How do you measure your time in the ls?" For instance, we just had our first experience two days ago, but won't get the chance to play between now and the end of the year... so, in January, have we, "been in the lifestyle," for two months? Kinda feels dishonest to frame it that way, is all.

Got it, thanks for clearing that up. While I don't think it would make much difference in your case, you could reply either, two months, or we have just played once before. Honestly, to us anyway, if you said two months we would have assumed you probably only played once or twice at most anyway.

Also, I pretty much agree with what socolais said, but would add that most of the more experienced swingers can pretty much recognize newbies without asking many questions. So if you are trying to make a good an impression as possible my suggestion would be to answer in whatever way seems to be the closest to the truth to you. That way it will probably jive pretty well with what the questioner is bound to eventually figure out on his own.

The reason for my comment about just telling the truth above is that it amazes me how often we meet folks that seem to feel it is necessary to lie about how long they have been swinging. I don't get that one.

[good times]

I wanted to ad that we started telling people how long we had been swinging in years about the time we lost count of how many times we had played. Before that it was something like, "we have full swapped about a dozen times or so."

Then again, we have never taken a break since we started, on purpose anyway.