My wife isn't interested in intercourse with other men...

[2chase3]

Hello all,

We would like to thank everyone for such a warm welcome. And we honestly feel we belong among such a friendly bunch.
Now for our delimma, To say honestly that we are swingers would be untrue.We have had only a few experiences which would even be considered full swap. and most of that would be same room with hand or oral stimulation from others partner. Notice the key word here is "couple".
See this is where our situation gets tricky. We both obviously enjoy the intimacy of another partner, but it usually leans toward a female partner.
So we are sorta in between a full swap and just a awkward threesome.
Dont get me wrong, my partner loves the excitement that comes along with meeting new couples but once things begin ,she leans toward joining myself and the other female, making a uncomfortable situation with the females husband.
So the activities usually consist of Him recieveing hand or oral stimulation but not much more.
We have discussed this at times and have come to the conclusion that she enjoys to watch me with other women more with the option to join.
I do enjoy watching her with a partner but once it goes Male she will freeze up once actual intercourse is involved.
So hopefully you can see our problem, We are not looking for just another female as we enjoy the companionship of another couple outside the bedroom.(besides I persoanlly have the opinion that a couple seeking a single female seems a bit selfish). But how do i pull the guy aside and say "well she is into everything but actual intercourse, If you need me ,i will be on the couch with your wife" Seems unfair right?
I keep telling myself its because we have not met the right couple yet.But reality seems to say otherwise. anyones views would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this and look forward to all sugestions.

[2chase3]

To clarify oral sex handjobs or sex talk is not a problem she performs like a pornstar. just the actual act of intercourse...I failed to mention I feel partially to blame as when it first began I would jokingly tease her about it figureing it was butterflys at first.now I feel i might have contributed to the unease of it.

[good times]

I don't see a problem as long as you tell the couples before hand. Now if we went into a room with a couple and started playing and then found out everyone but one of us is getting sex, we'd be pissed and would be gone before you know it.

[2chase3]

Exactly..We would definately discuss this before. But I would like to figure out a way possibly across this hurdle. Has any other couples been thru a stage like this?
We had thought possibly trying to befriend a couple much older than ourselves. Or is there a niche within a swinger society where we would feel not so one sided.
like I mentioned everything is a go right up till the actual deed.

BTW thank you for your response Good times.

[fun4Ds]

in our area there are a few groups on swinglifestyle.com for married couples with bi females.

since we normally play with couples our problem was a Little different from most. Mrs.fun wanted to explore her bi side. the problem was she didn't want to play with the male half, at least not in the beginning.here is where her line was, she wanted girl girl play and we found she wanted me there. but some how felt like if we were with a couple and she played then there was a sense of...now i owe you.that took away from her desires. i/we agree that is unfair to say the least but none the less this exploration was about her feelings/us. and even with couples we had already been with it was hard to explain her feelings with out offending the male half, the ones we talked to would have understandably felt cheated. it was hard to explain that this is something new, she wanted to try ff fmf play. what if she found it wasn't her cup of tea? how do ya explain. were new at this, can you understand our situation without coming off as we just want to play with your wife and not you at first?

lucky for us we found a group on Swing Lifestyle that have house parties that are more about the women.single bi women and couples with bi females only. actually they found us. its a pretty large group of 20 - 30 couples. and we found folks that truly understood what we were talking about. how we felt.

so your not alone hang in there. we could understand how you guys feel. if Mrs.fun wanted to play with you folks i could understand. there would be no pressure from me with your wife. i wouldn't feel cheated or left out.

[willyoats]

In 15 years we have had a half dozen or so couples who wanted to play but would not have intercourse. Some are still great friends that we see regularly. The key is that all of them were up front about their restrictions.

Be up front and honest, and then see what happens. If the other couple backs off, then it's too bad, but better than hard feelign is the play room.

[BiloxiCouple]

I agree with the part of telling the other couple about what you want. And I would make it far enough in advance that you don't waste their time.

Maybe you need to look at it from the other couple's perspective.

If I understood what you were saying - Then you and your SO want to fuck my wife and leave me with a hand/blow job e.g. Unless I have performance problems that would be hard pill to swallow. Being that I am not a big fan of a hand/blow job, I would be left sitting on the side of the playground with no ball to play with. So that would be selfish.

Or maybe you can work on why your SO freezes up. Maybe it's fixable.

Then there is the cuckold husband issue which may work for you if you can find a couple into that.

Find the Golden Unicorn for bedroom play and a couple for hanging out with. I think that is what ya'll really want at the moment.

[socolais]

We have a similar situation that's still in the early stages of discussion. My wife wants to get with another couple and it's unlikely I'll be involved in much action except possibly with my wife. I believe I wouldn't want to play like this all the time, but I'm looking forward to the encounter as a special time (mostly for her, but really for both of us).

If it were separate room play, I think I might feel left out. As a foursome with limited interaction, I still get to play part of the time and I can sit out for a little bit and sip a beer while I watch the fun. When my wife has fun and gets sexually excited, I'm expecting to feel the excitement too. She and I can take care of my needs later - and we all remember the night as a fun time.

We've talked about how she'd feel if the roles were reversed and she said she'd be ok with it as occasional fun, but "normal play" would be her preference.

We think we'll try this first at a house party and then if I'm feeling left out for some reason, there are plenty of other options for me just waiting to be had......

There's a party tonight, maybe I'll have a more experienced perspective on this subject tomorrow.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by 2chase3

Hello all,

We would like to thank everyone for such a warm welcome. And we honestly feel we belong among such a friendly bunch.
Now for our delimma, To say honestly that we are swingers would be untrue.We have had only a few experiences which would even be considered full swap. and most of that would be same room with hand or oral stimulation from others partner. Notice the key word here is "couple".
See this is where our situation gets tricky. We both obviously enjoy the intimacy of another partner, but it usually leans toward a female partner.
So we are sorta in between a full swap and just a awkward threesome.
Dont get me wrong, my partner loves the excitement that comes along with meeting new couples but once things begin ,she leans toward joining myself and the other female, making a uncomfortable situation with the females husband.
So the activities usually consist of Him recieveing hand or oral stimulation but not much more.
We have discussed this at times and have come to the conclusion that she enjoys to watch me with other women more with the option to join.
I do enjoy watching her with a partner but once it goes Male she will freeze up once actual intercourse is involved.
So hopefully you can see our problem, We are not looking for just another female as we enjoy the companionship of another couple outside the bedroom.(besides I persoanlly have the opinion that a couple seeking a single female seems a bit selfish). But how do i pull the guy aside and say "well she is into everything but actual intercourse, If you need me ,i will be on the couch with your wife" Seems unfair right?
I keep telling myself its because we have not met the right couple yet.But reality seems to say otherwise. anyones views would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this and look forward to all sugestions.

Okay, welcome to y'all. Number one, the single ladies in the lifestyle know the deal. They are almost all bisexual or at least bi-curious, and so they would really enjoy a FMF with a nice couple. If your wife does not want to have sex with other men its NOT being selfish to bring in just ladies.....now, if she was like me and is a dick girl....and you only wanted women....now THAT would be selfish in my opinion. But she has expressed the fact that she is not interested in another male. If I were you I'd stick to FMFs. Regarding couples. Our profile clearly states we both play or we don't play. Most couples we know are like that. Jay wants to play just like I want to play, and so if you were to ask us this the answer would be no thank you. You need to make SURE that you are honest from jump about the fact that you want an FMF and that the husband will get no more than hand or oral. From absolutely JUMP. It would really irritate me for us to meet up with y'all (because we don't get much play time to begin with) thinking that you are a full swap couple...or rather that we would both be getting action....then arrive there and are asked for an FMF. Not cool. So be honest from conversation number one. And have fun! Welcome again.

[des1re06]

I discussed this with hubby, and he stated it wouldn't be a problem for him/us.

Considering there are many men who love receiving oral (good oral that is), so we don't think it's an issue as long as you are up front with your rules.

I have been the "single" female for a couple, and it worked out just fine. I'm a bi female. So, you might want to put in your profile that you're interested in single females, and couples where the female is allowed to be a "single" female.

Your profile states you prefer to make friends first (just like us) and you're looking for "long term." Do you mean you're looking for a polyamory type relationship or long term swing partners? It's a good idea to specify, because some swingers will avoid you for that statement. You don't want to come across as clingy. We're swingers, therefore, we will not make a commitment to only play with you. Understand where I'm coming from?

Nice pic of your chest, but the profile looks very one-sided. I would think you were a male posing as a couple, if I was browsing profiles. Add more stuff about her. Bi-females and men are browsing the sites looking for attractive females. Just being totally honest with you.

Mrs. D

[ncmd_couple]

Reading the comments above, I too went to his profile on Swing Lifestyle and agree with MRs. D. Also, my lovely lady said "Nice chest but... is that it?"

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by 2chase3

To clarify oral sex handjobs or sex talk is not a problem she performs like a pornstar. just the actual act of intercourse...I failed to mention I feel partially to blame as when it first began I would jokingly tease her about it figureing it was butterflys at first.now I feel i might have contributed to the unease of it.

What exactly is it that makes her uneasy about intercourse with others? What makes the oral and handjobs okay, but the intercourse not okay? Maybe if the two of you really dig down and talk about her feelings, you can assure her and she'll eventually feel more at ease and comfortable with the idea.

[2chase3]

Want to thank everybody for their advice. went a little crazy on this board lately and have neglected my own post. I agree we do need to specify more on our profile, just been lazy the last few days, but please check back , As i will eventually get around to updating.

and you are right Ad does look one sided, to be honest when We joined I didnt hold much reservation on to expect much , and the pics, which we do have were taken by me spur of the moment, because I knew no pics and you can just about expect nothing. But it will be work in progress. We are not big on pictures but I do plan on adding some good pics of her for a more couple feel.

And I guess it would be more long term swing partner/partners. As they could be with whoever, but we would like to limit ours to a select few where a bestfriends type relationship could happen...for now anyway.


Thanks again for the warm welcome and taking the time to respond.

[ncmd_couple]

2chase3,

Taking pics can be a lot of fun!

[iapr]

As there are lots of people that are primarily into the F/F play you really shouldn't have much problem with that with f/f part. Where you are going to run into problems is if you insist on fucking the other couples female while the male half gets left of the sidelines untill he whines enough and then gets an obligatory and unethusiastic hummer. There are definately a lot of couples that would have a big issue with that and for good reason.

I am however a believer in the idea that you often get what you ask for. If you state up front in your profile that your female half is only about the women and will not fuck other men there will be couples that will be ok with that. As long as people know the entire score up front and what you will and will not be willing to do it is all fair.

If you as you are willing to just sit on the sidelines too and not expect to fuck the other wives while their husbands just sit and watch then you shouldn't have much trouble. There will be a few guys out there that will be happy to watch their wives get fucked and they get nothing you will just need to search out those couples if you still want in on the action.

It is all fair and it is all ok as long as everyone is up front and honest about what their wishes and expectations are. The second you try and scam something or try to pass yourselves off as something you are not then are vulnerable to a justified ass-whomping.