female Partner doesn't orgasm with me

[ts4]

Interesting situation i find myself in after this weekend's play. Second time with a couple that we both are highly attracted to and it seems vise-versa.

Sex with the woman (i'm the guy of course) has been pretty intense for me but for some reason she doesn't seem to orgasm with me. Now were both new to the swinging scene and that could be just me looking to deep into this but it's a little disconerning when i asked here if i was satisfying her enough. The response i got back wasn't really what a man likes to hear especially when she says and i quote- *so far very satisfactory*. Well that's good at least your somewhat satisfied?

Don't know how to take this i guess. Now my wife can orgasm many many times before this and has expressed that i'm a very good lover but getting told your satisfactory is less than a boost to the ego. Has anyone else ran into this sort of situation?

[ohash01]

Was it "so far very satisfactory" or "So far...VERY satisfactory". Because those are different sentences. You used the word satisfying, so she felt the need to use a different version of the word. Maybe next time you should just ask her what she likes instead. But in terms of my personal translation of that...

Sentence 1 is it's okay...not earth-shaking...but I wasn't disgusted.

Sentence 2 is good...that means she's digging it. She's leaving room though, saying that down the road it may cool off a little and they may have to move on, but right now...nice work.

[VanHlebar]

I wouldn't get too worked up over this if it were me. Some ladies are more difficult to to orgasm than others. Add to that mix that you have only been with this woman sexually twice and well it can make it very difficult.

I have been with my wife for years and I didn't learn all her buttons over night or even in just the first two sessions. If your playmate tells you that she is having a good time, then take her word for it. I think many ladies here on the board will tell you that just because they don't have an orgasm with their respective playmate, doesn't mean they are not having a good time during that play session.

I think the fact that this was your second time with this particular couple should tell you all that you need to know. She likes you and is pleased by your performance or else there wouldn't have been any second time.

Relax, have fun and enjoy your experiences.

-Van

[havefuninsun]

Originally Posted by ts4

Interesting situation i find myself in after this weekend's play. Second time with a couple that we both are highly attracted to and it seems vise-versa.

Sex with the woman (i'm the guy of course) has been pretty intense for me but for some reason she doesn't seem to orgasm with me. Now were both new to the swinging scene and that could be just me looking to deep into this but it's a little disconerning when i asked here if i was satisfying her enough. The response i got back wasn't really what a man likes to hear especially when she says and i quote- *so far very satisfactory*. Well that's good at least your somewhat satisfied?

Don't know how to take this i guess. Now my wife can orgasm many many times before this and has expressed that i'm a very good lover but getting told your satisfactory is less than a boost to the ego. Has anyone else ran into this sort of situation?

I don't vaginally orgasm with play partners (so far). I think there are several reasons:

1. We've only had a few play dates so far
2. I still feel nervous (and excited!)
3. It's a brain thing for me as well as a physical thing

I've got to train my brain to stop thinking so much and stop holding back. I still have a TON of fun, and I hope my play partner doesn't think he's not doing something right. It's me, not him.

Just relax -- she'll also start relaxing and it will work out just fine.



(One of the things I love about swinging men is their attention to pleasing their woman. I admire you for asking the question and your quest to satisfy your play partner. How very cool is that!)

[ts4]

Well it comes down to the bottom line is my wife is severly turned on by the other man and she's orgasimed so many times i couldn't even sleep in the bed this last time.

Yes i am totally interested in making this an orgasmic experience for the other woman and to be honest it's kind of troubling since i've never had this happen before.

Oh well i guess you can't make everyone happy and i'm not a quitter so i'll keep on tryin!

I guess i'm just to freakin sensitive.

There is one possibility that i keep forgetting. We've played at our house the first couple of times so far since the other couple has an older son that comes and goes. Kind of hard to play at there place. We have younger children that are in bed and we play right down the hall from them. I do think she maybe a little scared to let loose because of the possiblity of waking up our kids.

[Cpl2share]

Ask, ask, ask.... You didn't give any details, but consider this: Many women cannot orgasm from penetration. Doesn't matter who is there. If she is not orgasming, it could be that you are not "doing the right things." Had one gf that could go all night with penetration and never orgasm, nibble her ear for two seconds after insertion and she blew apart. Some women only cum from the tongue. If you do not ask, she probably won't tell.

The only way to be a great lover is to use your mouth.
Ask the right question:
What do like?

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Cpl2share

The only way to be a great lover is to use your mouth.
Ask the right question:
What do like?

Yep...

Sometimes you just gotta.

I don't like to ask myself - it is a bit of a pride thing, but it is also one of those "do unto others" things since I really don't like to be asked. I prefer to be surprised But there are times when simply asking can solve a lot of issues.

Spoomonkey

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by ts4

There is one possibility that i keep forgetting. We've played at our house the first couple of times so far since the other couple has an older son that comes and goes. Kind of hard to play at there place. We have younger children that are in bed and we play right down the hall from them. I do think she maybe a little scared to let loose because of the possiblity of waking up our kids.

That may be a BIG issue, one that I'd definately ask them about. Ask them if they are comfortable playing in the house with your children. I know that for me, I don't have kids but I never felt comfortable playing at someone else's house where their kids were home, regardless of age (there's several good topics on here regarding this issue).

You said she doesn't seem to orgasm. What signs are you looking for? Are you expecting a lot of noise? Not all women are loud in bed to start with, and having the kids in the house is likely to squelch the noise out of anyone. It sounds like maybe your wife is a loud one in bed and you are expecting others to be the same. You can't gauge all women's sexual reactions against that of your wife as every woman is different. If you aren't sure she is orgasming then you may just need to ask her.

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

That may be a BIG issue, one that I'd definately ask them about. Ask them if they are comfortable playing in the house with your children. I know that for me, I don't have kids but I never felt comfortable playing at someone else's house where their kids were home, regardless of age (there's several good topics on here regarding this issue).

You said she doesn't seem to orgasm. What signs are you looking for? Are you expecting a lot of noise? Not all women are loud in bed to start with, and having the kids in the house is likely to squelch the noise out of anyone. It sounds like maybe your wife is a loud one in bed and you are expecting others to be the same. You can't gauge all women's sexual reactions against that of your wife as every woman is different. If you aren't sure she is orgasming then you may just need to ask her.

Having kids within earshot is enough to make me self-conscious about the noises I make. I do have kids and have had to keep it on the QT so as not to wake them. It's been so much better since they've gotten older, and it will be fan-freakin'-tastic when the last one is gone! They're moving out one-by-one, so it will happen one day!

Julie is also right about not every woman is a screamer. She might be orgasm in a quiet way. Some women do, and I can when I have to. I don't prefer it that way, but when kids are in earshot....

Also, please remember that a woman doesn't have to orgasm to have delicious, mind blowing, fantastic sex. There have been times that I've not orgasmed and yet, it still feels so great! There is no rule that says everyone has to orgasm, although that is a main goal for us.

Please, don't beat yourself up over this, but seriously, if you can, try to get away from the kids. Have them stay over night at a trusted friends or grandma's house and then see what happens. Rent a motel room for a night and hire a babysitter for the night. Good Luck!!

[cpl2doitwithu]

Originally Posted by havefuninsun

I don't vaginally orgasm with play partners (so far). I think there are several reasons:

1. We've only had a few play dates so far
2. I still feel nervous (and excited!)
3. It's a brain thing for me as well as a physical thing

I've got to train my brain to stop thinking so much and stop holding back. I still have a TON of fun, and I hope my play partner doesn't think he's not doing something right. It's me, not him.

Just relax -- she'll also start relaxing and it will work out just fine.



(One of the things I love about swinging men is their attention to pleasing their woman. I admire you for asking the question and your quest to satisfy your play partner. How very cool is that!)

Mrs. C is similar. She cannot orgasm with vaginal penetration alone. In fact it takes quite a bit to "get her there". Now, she really enjoys sex and all the fun we have together and with others. But, orgasms are something that happens only when she needs them.

It drove me nuts when we first got together also. She tried to tell me that she really enjoys everything and does not want to orgasm every time. But I was still trying my damnedest. We have sex about 10 times a week (more sometimes) But she only orgasms about twice a week. We have to work together and she'll tell me when she needs it. Now please understand, when she does.... it is quite a spectacle...eyes roll back... it may last a full minute or more... and she is totally wasted for a half hour or so.

This gives us a little problem sometime. I once overheard a cpl that we had just finished playing with.. she asked how was it for him, and he said it was wonderful for him, but he wasn't sure that he did much for my wife because he couldn't make her cum. I overheard this in one ear as Mrs.C was telling me in the other how much fun she had with him and how good he was!

This cpl has since become close friends and we laugh about it now, but this helped us understand what may have been happening in the past. My wife is an excellent lover and very energetic. She is a lot of fun for everyone, but guys, if she doesn't cum, it's no reflection on your performance.


I don't know how odd this all seems to everyone, but it is just us. We are really enjoying the lifestyle and the people we have met in our quest for FUN!!

G&M

[Mr. Truelove]

Kids nearby would even kill my mood for a play session.

That being said, if you eliminate that factor and it's still an issue just keep in mind that there are some women that are just tough to get to that point.

Mrs. Truelove is one of those women. Everything has to be just right for it to happen, and then sometimes it still won't. I think it's still good for her, but I know the feeling of not getting her there and it kind of sucks. I just keep trying. Practice makes perfect and practice is fun, so I'm okay with that.

If I had a play partner that was tough like that I would probably start asking if there is any certain buttons she likes pushed and try to mix that in.

I always have a fear in the back of my mind that my play partners won't tell me if I do something wrong (although I would gladly accept criticism) so I try to be very aware of what I am doing and the responce I am getting. It's hard though. I never knew women could be so diverse in their pleasures before getting into the lifestyle.

And this is just the beginning!

Mr. Truelove

[sexcupid]

Personally, I can be a tough nut to crack when it comes to having an orgasm. I'll probably end up giving our future play partners a complex. For me, I can have sex without an orgasm. Yes, it's nice when it happens...but as long as everything is feeling good...*sigh* facelick

Of course, when I do orgasm (especially from oral sex) the clit gets so sensitive, it tickles and I have been known to laugh uncontrollably. So even if I do have an orgasm, I'll probably give the poor guy a complex. Either way he'll probably walk away thinking, 'wtf?' Takes a confident man to get laughed at in bed....

Anyway, I agree that playing with kids in the house tends to put a damper on things...even small children that sleep thru the night and are not prone to waking up and asking who that man is that's on top of their mommy. *rotflmao* Once my ex- and I had kids, our playtime got MUCH quieter.

Also, a major factor for me lately is BCP. The hormones keep messing with my libido and ability to orgasm from penetration. It takes a good bit of effort to make me cum that way, and even then it doesn't always happen. So maybe she's on some medication that could interfere?

Of course, not to kick a man when he's down...but maybe something in your technique that's not quite doing it for her? We don't like to hurt your feelings by giving a running critique of your methods. Others advise to ask for specifics, do you like when I do that? something else you would prefer? lick or suck? bite? caress with a light touch, or a firmer grip? In a swing situation we know everyone's there to have a good time and be pleased, never hurts to ask if i like what your're doing. What does it for your wife or gf, may not do it for me...so use a general repetoire (positions, ect) and then ask the questions to tailor it to that person.

Mkay...that got a bit wordy...sorry.

Maria

[cubnamy1995]

We have small kids, and as much as we have wanted to play at times, we had to turn it down because of the kids. I too get nervous that my oldest will walk in and want to know who that man is thats wrestling naked with mommy.

Not passing judgement in any way, because there have been a couple of times that we were in such a bad way, we broke our own rule. But it was much less enjoyable for us because of the fear in the back of our minds. Fortunately for us, the other couple also had small kids, and weren't freaked out by it.

Thank the good Lord above for Grandparents. Every summer, our kids spend a month up in Virginia with their grandparents. You call it June, we call it "Fuck Everything That Moves Month"

[clutch]

1. Patience. (If your wife says your good, you can take that to the bank. Your swing partner sounds a little insecure and you can take it on as a personal project or challenge to bring her to an exploding universe orgasm.)

2. Talk to her; ask her what she likes. Does she even know? Does she have a fantasy. Get her into her fantasy with questions. Would she like her husband and you at the same time? You two and your wife?

You might already know some of these answers--so I'm not saying push her some way she isn't interested in going. While you're taking to her, touch her lightly everywhere except her tits and pussy.

3. In a noble, playful, fun way, refuse to come first. If by the tease touching, you can get her to the point where she's really wanting you to touch her pussy and tits, then maybe start giving her slight carresses to the spots.

Even then, watch and wait to see how she climaxes. Does it come suddenly fast and furious, or is it a long long build or what.

Even if you don't come the first time, it's okay, you know how to take her there again.

So trust your wife's assessment and know you're good, and patiently explore how to astound your fuck buddy.

[ts4]

This is why i love this place. You guys are the best.

Maybe it's just me but i don't ever recall her climaxing. I know instantly when my wife cum's and it's a rather an ego boost when i can make her cum and hold back for the longest time myself. In fact my wife has told me on several occassions to just make it a quickie since i can linger on for the longest time.

I talked to the other woman and she said she would let me know what pushes her button's. Hopefully i can *press* the right ones.



PS....If i think back on the first time we got together she did mention she wanted to squeel....I forgot about that so i must obviously be doing something right. I think?

Hehe, interesting stuff that's for sure.