What seperates fantasy from reality?

[ohhandahh]

I have read over and over on this site people saying things like "sounds Hot, but probably just a fantasy" or advice to "seperate fantasy from reality".
For experienced swingers, isnt a sexual fantasy something that really turns you on, the ultimate thrill experience you can imagine? If all are agreeable, no one is hurt and it isnt something that will get you arrested, why is it destine to be only a fantasy, thought about but not acted upon? You have already had sex with others and liked it. Why is doing something that will make it more thrilling, more excitable, more fun, something you would actually work to do instead of just think about?

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by ohhandahh

I have read over and over on this site people saying things like "sounds Hot, but probably just a fantasy" or advice to "seperate fantasy from reality".
For experienced swingers, isnt a sexual fantasy something that really turns you on, the ultimate thrill experience you can imagine? If all are agreeable, no one is hurt and it isnt something that will get you arrested, why is it destine to be only a fantasy, thought about but not acted upon? You have already had sex with others and liked it. Why is doing something that will make it more thrilling, more excitable, more fun, something you would actually work to do instead of just think about?

What is a fantasy? To me, anything that pops into my head and turns me on, even momentarily, is a fantasy. But there are two categories of fantasies: those that I would pursue in real life or may one day feel like pursuing, and those I would never pursue for a variety of reasons.

The latter category, "think about sometimes but don't go there", are those that might cause somebody pain or have other detrimental repercussions, might endanger myself or somebody else (or both), might be too risky or just plain stupid in some other regard. One example that comes to mind is having sex on the motorcycle, on the interstate, going 90 miles an hour. Sounds hot, but the outcome might be detrimental to myself and others. Another one might be thinking about how hot sex would be with a vanilla friend's sexy husband, but knowing it would seriously hurt her and endanger her marriage (and, I don't have a cheating bone in my body)! But if I just wanted to fantasize about the hot guy, there's no harm in that!

Swinging started as a fantasy that became reality for us, because it works in our marriage beautifully, nobody gets hurt, and it's all good.

[good times]

with what Tybee said, can't add a thing.

[flkeyscouple]

Dito with Good Times (which means with Tybee too!)

VERY WELL SAID, Tybee!!!!


Sarah

[ViSexual]

The only way I'd keep something (sexual) that I enjoy thinking about a fantasy, is if someone could be harmed.

This is most commonly the married, vanilla, women that I know. But, I've sure had fun with them in my mind!

[Additude]

I'm agreeing with the rest.

A fantasy is anything that isn't "yet" a reality.

But, can a fantasy be a fantasy the second time if it happens twice?

If you acted out a fantasy, could you call it a fantasy if you did it the second time

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by ohhandahh

Why is doing something that will make it more thrilling, more excitable, more fun, something you would actually work to do instead of just think about?

I agree with Tybee - and I'll give you another example.

Mrs Spoo and I both have a fantasy of her traveling (which she does with her job more so than I) and picking up a guy in the hotel bar, calling me and letting me listen to them have sex in her room.

Really hot fantasy!

It won't be a reality ever and here is why:

1. It has a lot of obvious dangers. Who is this guy she is picking up? What are his intentions? God forbid - could I end up listening helplessly to something terrible happening to my wife???

2. There are a few things that do stoke my jealousy. Being "left out" is one of those things. Yes, I enjoy watching her play - but I like to be the one to decide to "sit back." If I get "pushed out" I'm not likely to be very nice. We've had it happen - and nope, not pretty... Knowing this about myself, I know that this is the exact situation that could push the wrong buttons with me - and then she is far away and we can't deal with it as a couple.

3. Do I really have the power as a husband, if I need to stop things, to stop them that far away. Sure Mrs. Spoo would stop if I asked her to, but would "Mr. Stranger"?

So - this is one of those situations where the risks outweigh the rewards...

But - it's hot. No denying that for us...

And it is the perfect (for us) example of a fantasy that should never be "reality".

Spoomonkey

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

What is a fantasy? To me, anything that pops into my head and turns me on, even momentarily, is a fantasy. But there are two categories of fantasies: those that I would pursue in real life or may one day feel like pursuing, and those I would never pursue for a variety of reasons.

The latter category, "think about sometimes but don't go there", are those that might cause somebody pain or have other detrimental repercussions, might endanger myself or somebody else (or both), might be too risky or just plain stupid in some other regard. One example that comes to mind is having sex on the motorcycle, on the interstate, going 90 miles an hour. Sounds hot, but the outcome might be detrimental to myself and others. Another one might be thinking about how hot sex would be with a vanilla friend's sexy husband, but knowing it would seriously hurt her and endanger her marriage (and, I don't have a cheating bone in my body)! But if I just wanted to fantasize about the hot guy, there's no harm in that!

Swinging started as a fantasy that became reality for us, because it works in our marriage beautifully, nobody gets hurt, and it's all good.

Dito Wow!! Tybee said it all very well.

[ohhandahh]

You all make very good points. I guess I should have written "and no one gets hurt" into my question. Thought that would be assumed. Hadnt thought about a Harley at 90 mph but have other fantasies such as Sooo's, wife away and doing it while I listen. Fantasy, but someone could get hurt. Doing it at noon in town square may be a hot idea, but a On the other hand, 2 am, maybe...? I was thinking more in the terms of wives fantasy of being a gangbanged or three guys at once, a vaginal dp, anal sex, playing a role, doing it in some place, doing it with men you have never met or seen, picked for you by your husband to pleasure your most intimate fantasy, a simulated "rape" that you would know was coming and wasnt real and you could enjoy the fantasy thrill, things of that nature. Like in the thread 'Your Wildest Fantasy'. Sexy things that I hear some say is is Hot but probably just a fantasy. Was wondering if the opportunity hasnt come, the s.o. doesnt go for it, inhibition....?

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by ohhandahh

I was thinking more in the terms of wives fantasy of being a gangbanged or three guys at once, a vaginal dp, anal sex, playing a role, doing it in some place, doing it with men you have never met or seen, picked for you by your husband to pleasure your most intimate fantasy, a simulated "rape" that you would know was coming and wasnt real and you could enjoy the fantasy thrill, things of that nature. Like in the thread 'Your Wildest Fantasy'. Sexy things that I hear some say is is Hot but probably just a fantasy. Was wondering if the opportunity hasnt come, the s.o. doesnt go for it, inhibition....?

Yes some of these fantasies have come up in conversation with Spoo and I...some we've done and just didn't like them enough to add to our "swinging bag of tricks" so to speak. Some we have thought through "realisticly" and determined that one of us wouldn't be comfortable with a particular fantasy if it did become reality.

There are many reason why some fantasies remain fantasy and it will be different for everyone.

Mrs Spoomonkey

Originally Posted by ohhandahh

You all make very good points. I guess I should have written "and no one gets hurt" into my question. Thought that would be assumed. Hadnt thought about a Harley at 90 mph but have other fantasies such as Sooo's, wife away and doing it while I listen. Fantasy, but someone could get hurt. Doing it at noon in town square may be a hot idea, but a On the other hand, 2 am, maybe...? I was thinking more in the terms of wives fantasy of being a gangbanged or three guys at once, a vaginal dp, anal sex, playing a role, doing it in some place, doing it with men you have never met or seen, picked for you by your husband to pleasure your most intimate fantasy, a simulated "rape" that you would know was coming and wasnt real and you could enjoy the fantasy thrill, things of that nature. Like in the thread 'Your Wildest Fantasy'. Sexy things that I hear some say is is Hot but probably just a fantasy. Was wondering if the opportunity hasnt come, the s.o. doesnt go for it, inhibition....?

There is one fantasy that MrVan and I talk about alot but the dangers that could be involved are a little scary for me to handle at this point. We have talked about going to a local "vanilla" club and me picking up a guy to bring home and have sex with. The thing is that the guy does not know that MrVan is watching and that MrVan would be in the house watching us have sex. The scary part for me would be getting into a vehicle with a total stranger and wondering whether or not I would actually make it to my house. The other thought is now this guy would know where I live and that would bother me also.

Although this fantasy would be hot and I would love to be able to pick up a guy at a club and bring him home to have sex, I am not sure if I could do it just for the safety issues.

All the fantasies that I have that I just "fantasize" only about are those that are of risk to myself or to MrVan. I have another fantasy of having a MFM or having sex with one of MrVan's friends but I could not do it because 1) MrVan would not agree to it, 2) I would never want to ruin the friendship that they have. So that fantasy will remain a fantasy only.

MrsVan

[ohash01]

I agree with most of the previous posters...with one addendum.

Sometimes a fantasy is something that can be JUST yours. I love J. to pieces. I tell him the large majority of my naughty Ashleigh fantasies. But some of the twisted things that go through my little head are just better kept all to myself.

We've gone through the gamut of "possible/probably/likely" fantasies together and talked about them...acted some of them out...starting thinking about how to make some others happen.

I don't know. My whole life I've been very private with a lot of my thoughts. All women need to keep a few secrets inside...it makes us mysterious