Men being friends with the other male

[Mr. Truelove]

Two questions mostly directed to the male half of the swinging couples. Women, feel free to respond, your input is always valued.

How important is it that you like the other guy that you plan to swing with in the hetersexual manner, either in a MFM or in a MFMF? Does he have to be respectable? Is it up to the woman? Do you have any standards whatsoever?

Also, to the more experienced folk, is it uncommon that the guys would get along really well?

Personally I found it very important that the guy my wife would have would be someone that I respected, or at least someone I thought was "good enough" for my wife. Perhaps it was my protective nature, or something. But I felt that it was important.


Mr. Truelove

[Spoomonkey]

Good question! And one that is very important to me.

I don't have to feel like I am going to be best friends with the guy, but he does have to be someone who is willing and able to engage me in conversation.

Couples or singles - the same rules apply. We are attracted to people who we can both talk to - not always deep conversations, but you can pick up a lot about a persons character. Are they respectful or are they simply "uh-huh" types who see talk as a neccessary evil? Are they intelligent or are they neanderthals who are going to plow ahead without once utilizing the most powerful sex organ (their brain)?

I also need to feel like the guy who is going to be laying his hands on my wife is going to be someone I can trust her with. Mrs Spoo has a great sense of that herself, but it has to come across to me.

We've had single guys try to block me out (literally block me out!) when they are talking to Mrs Spoo - or they have only talked to Mrs Spoo once I have walked away - or they've decided based on some stupid thought or other that the best way to impress Mrs Spoo was to disrespect me with their "humor"; as if putting me down was some sort of afrodesiac (sp?).

And the best connections we have ever had have been with couples who we have a sense we might like out of the bedroom as well as in.

I talk a lot about the "one single guy" that we have enjoyed... This is a guy who has become one of my best friends. We e-mail often and talk on the phone occassionally.

So - yeah - I would say it is important...

I read your question to Mrs Spoo and she said it is "critical." If I don't like him, she won't like him. It is that simple.

Spoomonkey

PS - I like you a lot, Mr. Truelove

[VanHlebar]

Well for us, if it is a single guy, I need to at least be able to get along with the guy. Like Spoo said, we have had a number of single guys that for some reason think that by completely ignoring me is going to somehow quickly get them into MrsVan's bed. Hello, would just a simple "Hello mind if I do your wife?" really kill you?

I say that half joking b/c the number of single guys that will repeatedly ask MrsVan to meet alone after we have been upfront that we do not play alone that is gets quite old.

When it comes to couples, currently we have been lucky that the other guy has always been someone that I really like and really got along with well. I don't think I could turn my wife over to some guy that I didn't feel would treat her right, period. I don't necessarily have to be great friends with the guy, but I do need to at least be able to talk with him and carry on some kind of conversation with him. If not, then how can I get a feel if I can truely trust him with MrsVan?

-Van

[JustAskJulie]

It's very important to me as a female that my guy like, respect and approve of any male that I may potentially play with.

[pumpkins1970]

First things first, My wife's approval is paramount, then as long as he's(well they, as we only play with couples) are decent and can carry on conversation, then we go from there. We have to be able to be more than physically attracted to people too. If you don't like like who you play with, then how can you have any fun?

[WesternSwing]

We ask ourselves with any swing candidate "if it weren't for sex, would we be friends with this person/couple?" If the answer is "yes" then it's game-on. The key is that we would be friends with them/him/her. Although it is about sex, for us to get to that point there has to be more chemistry than just physical attraction. It doesn't mean we have to become friends, that is how we tend to gauge our candidates for playmates.

So, yes, there has to be attraction all the way around, even in a hetrosexual manner. I have to like a potential single male just like Mrs. WS does, and she has to like a potential single female as much as I do, even if the plan is to play solo with them. We insist that they are comfortable with both of us, also.

Maybe it is being protective, but most of all it is everyone being comfortable with the situation.

Mr. WS

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by VanHlebar

I say that half joking b/c the number of single guys that will repeatedly ask MrsVan to meet alone after we have been upfront that we do not play alone that is gets quite old.

Our first single guy we meet the second time at a club did this to us. We laid out the rule that I don't email privately and we play together. It looked like it was going to be nice relationship. He lived fairly close and Spoo even surprised me with a mid-week play visit from him. We told him when we'd be at the club again so we could meet and play there as well.

Then he did it Spoo went to get us more drinks and this guy leans over and whispers in my ear that he could email me privately some really hot stuff. I told him "again" that he had our joint email and that was the only one he was getting but he could email this "hot stuff" there and should mention it to Spoo to see if it was okay. He said he didn't want to mention it to Spoo because he knew he'd be angry. I told Spoo about the conversation as soon as he returned. The guy never said a word to him so it was very obvious he was trying to "back door" Spoo. We didn't play with him that night and once home we immediately emailed him and told him he wouldn't see us again. I didn't appreciate him trying to sneak around and it was insulting to me that he thought I would do that.

Anyway...all that to say it is very important that Spoo and the other man get along and that we can trust him. The single guy that Spoo referred too in his post is the best. I was even home sick one day and emailing Spoo back and forth...he was also emailing our single friend and told me I should send him an email from home. Before my email was ever responded too he shot Spoo and email and said I had sent him one. Now that is someone you can trust as Spoo says with your Pin number

Mrs Spoomonkey

[ohash01]

As the female, I don't think I'd be able to play with someone J. disliked. NOW...if there is someone I am really attracted to, I will give him a little nudge like saying "please...try to find something in him you like?" But when it comes down to it, if he says no, it's a no.

There have been guys that he just hasn't liked or has gotten a bad vibe from. There's one guy he really likes and thinks he could hang out with as guys (since they are both major computer/electronics nerds...haha). Plus, J. finds his wife to be very sexy. So that's a plus.

For us, it depends on how "easy" it is outside the bedroom. We're not big on the "forced" or "this is just for sex" feelings.

[justforfun 4744]

The wife and I have just had our first MFM threesome. I do agree that the final say goes to her. But she has put the initial contact in my court, saying she trusts me to decide whether or not they are going to be good playmates. I think it is very important to visit with the possible incoming playmate, to see if they are going to be respectful of your SO. A man can usually tell if another is one that can be trusted and will respect a couples wishes.

[WildMiCouple]

Mr Truelove, for us, Tammy always has the say first. She's the one that has to find the guy attractive and personable enough to get intimate with. If that happens, I've found that I usually get along well with the guy too. After all, she's gotta have good taste.....she married me Generally, if it's a guy I'd enjoy spending an afternoon with, I'm usually good to go. And that's generally something you can determine in the first 15 minutes you spend with them. Well.....unless they're on the shy side That's why we don't like the internet chatting. The face to face is where you can evaluate someone much better. You'll find the more people you meet, the sooner you'll be able to identify the ones that you'd be interested in. And Tammy's not about to be attracted to someone that I don't find respectable either. She'd catch that without me even mentioning it to her But I'll tell you.....she has surprised me a time or two on who she's found attractive

Originally Posted by Mrs Spoomonkey

The guy never said a word to him so it was very obvious he was trying to "back door" Spoo.

Well I certainly hope he planned on using protection That's all you need is someone sneaking around to backdoor you. You're making me jumpy, Mrs Spoo

Brett

[Chicup]

Do you think I'm going to let the love of my life have sex with a guy I don't like?

I let her pick'em for looks, but we both pick on personality. Same goes for her as well.

[pagan-lovers]

We are in this together and as such; it is very important we BOTH like anyone we are going to play with. Besides if you don't like someone, how much fun can that be. You will have to talk sooner or later.

[good times]

Originally Posted by VanHlebar

I say that half joking b/c the number of single guys that will repeatedly ask MrsVan to meet alone after we have been upfront that we do not play alone that is gets quite old.

We had this happen with the first single guy we played with. I can't count how many times Mrs. GT has been asked by single guys if they could meet her alone that we haven't even played with. At least twice at the club we went to Saturday night, that I know about, I don't keep track much any more it happens so often. Mrs. GT has gotten to where she stomps their dick (verbally, not litteraly) pretty hard when this happens and they persist, not because she wants to be perceived as a bitch, but because it is the only thing that seems to work with some of them. I think this is the main thing that has almost put us totally off of single guys.

To answer the original question, if I didn't like the guy, for any reason, we wouldn't be playing with him.

[ShellyM]

In response to the OP, Jay and I are each others "first base"....what I mean when I say this is, you have to go through him to get into my pants, and vice versa lol. Just today I was talking with a gent that Jay was not comfortable with, and so I told the man very tactfully and in a nice way that we would not be talking anymore. I have only the highest respect for my husband in that regard. Anyways, Jay would be willing to play with a man that is bi-curious, as long as he is respectful and does not push past Jay's comfort zone.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by VanHlebar

Well for us, if it is a single guy, I need to at least be able to get along with the guy. Like Spoo said, we have had a number of single guys that for some reason think that by completely ignoring me is going to somehow quickly get them into MrsVan's bed. Hello, would just a simple "Hello mind if I do your wife?" really kill you?

Van, you have absolutely NO IDEA how much we can relate to that lol. I can't imagine how a man thinks that he can just squeeze in past the husband, and same with squeezing in past the wife.

Originally Posted by VanHlebar

I say that half joking b/c the number of single guys that will repeatedly ask MrsVan to meet alone after we have been upfront that we do not play alone that is gets quite old.

This is why it says specifically in our profile that we do NOT play alone, but still they ask.