Do you judge couples by who they play with?

[Spoomonkey]

Do you judge couples by the couples they play with?

Last night - we were approached by a couple that we ultimately were not interested in because of personality, but at first, the wife seemed very nice, bubbly and had a beautiful face... The husband on the other hand was that slimey "steroetypical" swinger - he even looked a bit like Leisure Suit Larry.

The club we were at was one of the "pretty people" clubs - they strive to be elite and are not ashamed of that fact. While that attitude is uncomfortable for us, it is the nicest (facility-wise) club in the area and there are a lot more "positive options". So - while I try not to be shallow, I have to shamefully admit that I was...

My first thought was, "there is no way I am going to let anyone here see us with them."

The atmosphere of "junior-high-ism" had over taken me.

We did end up talking for a bit - and then making an escape. Ultimately, I was right about my first asessment of "Leisure Suit" and the wife quickly lost her charm as well when we all got under better lighting. They were not a couple we would have played with anyway...

But - I do sort of feel like a shit for my initial reaction. I was intimidated by the crowd - which is not as "down to earth" as the people we tend to enjoy. We fit in well, but still, I feel right into the shallow end of the pool.

My question is, though, was my reaction ultimately correct? Do people look at the people you play with and write you off by association? I suspect that it happens - and it is not really the most savory side of the lifestyle.

It might make for some good discussion.

What do you think?

Spoomonkey

[JustAskJulie]

Is your thought that the other kids in the pool would have seen you talking to "Larry" and his wife and thought... "ewww if they play with them they can't play with us."

I'm sure that people do think that for all types of reasons. I'll be honest there are people out there that I wouldn't touch with a 10 ft pole (or someone else's for that matter) and as a result probably wouldn't play with someone who I knew had played with them. Granted those cases are usually people that I know have absolutely no discretion on who they play with, when or how. If that makes me shallow, oh well.

[Pepper & Drew]

Online? Yes. We've looked at certifications of couples and if all the couples were people we wouldn't play with, chances are we wouldn't play with the couple whose profile we're looking at, either.

In person.....maybe. But because of looks. Moreso because of personality. As in, we know that couple A loves drama, etc, so if couple B spends a lot of time with them, we assume couple B loves drama as well.

I don't think I'd ever not play with someone because I was afraid that others may view me or not play with someone because I don't find someone they've played with attractive. We're friends with one couple who sometimes leaves the socials with a couple that we wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. We figure maybe she can crush cans with her hoo-hoo, or he can lick his eyebrows, or maybe they're good at hypnosis. Whatever. As long as we have a great time when we're with the couple we're friends with, I don't care who they party with.....well, except for maybe crack whores....

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Do you judge couples by the couples they play with?
My question is, though, was my reaction ultimately correct? Do people look at the people you play with and write you off by association? I suspect that it happens - and it is not really the most savory side of the lifestyle.

It might make for some good discussion.

What do you think?

Spoomonkey

I have to hang my head in shame next to you then lol. Now, of course personality matters alot, because Jay and I are not looking just to "get laid"....we have great sex at home. BUT I have to admit that I am very picky in the type of man I am looking for lol.
So, I'm hanging my head next to you.
Someone spank me, cause I'm a bad little girl.
lol

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Granted those cases are usually people that I know have absolutely no discretion on who they play with, when or how.

No - that doesn't make you shallow - you know something tangible about these people. You have some depth to base your decision on.

Discernment is not a shallow thing...

Spoomonkey

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

The husband on the other hand was that slimey "steroetypical" swinger - he even looked a bit like Leisure Suit Larry.

Spoo, I don't think your assessment was shallow at all! You got the sleezy, slimy vibe right off the bat. I don't think any of us are going there if we get that vibe. It's natural to seek those whom we're attracted to. You knew Mrs. Spoo wasn't going to be touching Larry with a 10-foot pole.

You had the feeling of not wanting to be associated with that couple. It sounds like this isn't your regular club, sounds like most of those people there didn't know you, yet. You were in first-impression mode. All of us want to make a good first impression when we're in a new setting. People make snap judgements in just a few minutes, we all know that - and we only get one chance to make a first impression.

If Mr. and Mrs. Sleezy attach real early when you first get there, you've got to shake them off (politely) or they might stick like glue all night. It's not shallow - you just wanted room to breathe, circulate, meet people and be sized up on your own merit. At least, that's how I see it.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by Pepper & Drew

We're friends with one couple who sometimes leaves the socials with a couple that we wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. We figure maybe she can crush cans with her hoo-hoo, or he can lick his eyebrows, or maybe they're good at hypnosis. Whatever.

LMBO!!!

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

If Mr. and Mrs. Sleezy attach real early when you first get there, you've got to shake them off (politely) or they might stick like glue all night. It's not shallow - you just wanted room to breathe, circulate, meet people and be sized up on your own merit. At least, that's how I see it.

Actually - you are right...

They actually did finally corner a couple - and that poor couple looked positively frightened. I think they eventually shook them by roping in another couple to kind of buffer the situation. So - we did dodge a bullet there...

But - I really struggle with being "not nice" - I don't like to do it. This thread is making me feel better. Thanks!

Funny story. When we were first talking to this couple, the wife had come to the bar because "its the only place where I can smoke."

Later she came up to me at the bar again and said, "we need to stop meeting like this."

I said, "its the only place I can smoke."

"You smoke?" She asked, delighted.

"Second hand," I replied with a grin.

She didn't talk to me the rest of the night...

Spoomonkey

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Later she came up to me at the bar again and said, "we need to stop meeting like this."

I said, "its the only place I can smoke."

"You smoke?" She asked, delighted.

"Second hand," I replied with a grin.

She didn't talk to me the rest of the night...

Spoomonkey

LOL!!!!!! I need to remember that line!

[rpu3]

Hmmm, sounds like my husband and I met the same couple last week. And we had the same "Leisure Suit Larry" reaction. We are relatively new to this, and perhaps it is shallow, but when my gut screamed "sleazy" to me, we moved along. However, they seemed to be everywhere - except the dance floor, so we got a lot of dancing in.


Anyway....we've never visited a swing club before. We attended the club for the first time two weeks ago. We liked the club a lot, and joined for a year. On this visit, we ran into some people we had seen online that are organizing a Black & White party at this club in August that we had been invited to a couple weeks prior to this visit.

The point? It was very clear that only certain people were welcome to the party (i.e., exclusive, invite only), and I was kind of suprised by the commentary about who was talking with whom. I mean, it was right out there with the "unsavory by association" mentality. Being new to clubs and this club in paticular, I'm not sure what to think yet.

I'd like to think that if we clicked with a couple or a single, and my gut isn't screaming "don't do it", we won't be judged for our choices and I wouldn't let what others might think about me dictate my behavior. But, in reality, I do want to fit in and be accepted, as well.

Sigh. Being a newbie sucks. Or I need to see another club to help figure things and future actions out. But, in response to your post - if we are attending the same club or same type of club - I'm guessing yes - you may very well be judged by who you hang with and your reaction was dead on.

R. (female half)

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by rpu3

But, in response to your post - if we are attending the same club or same type of club - I'm guessing yes - you may very well be judged by who you hang with and your reaction was dead on.

We are talking about the same club

Spoomonkey

[LOL_OMG]

Oooof, we nearly went there lastnite ourselves! *stomps feet*

Mrs

[The Fuse]

People are judged by the company they keep, at least somewhat. We try to form our opinions of people by talking to them ourselves and keeping an open mind. But if we know they are friendly with people we think are jerks, we certainly are more cautious.

There's a huge difference, though, between judging people on the looks of their (regular) playmates and judging people on the character of their playmates. One's not okay... one's a little more justified, to a point.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Do you judge couples by the couples they play with?

Yes, we do, but the situation you describe is different; you didn't play with this couple.

I think you are asking two questions, the other being: Would you talk with a couple that you would not want people at a "pretty peoples" club seeing you talk to if you feel it would influence their opinion of you?

The club we were at was one of the "pretty people" clubs - they strive to be elite and are not ashamed of that fact. While that attitude is uncomfortable for us, it is the nicest (facility-wise) club in the area and there are a lot more "positive options". So - while I try not to be shallow, I have to shamefully admit that I was...

My first thought was, "there is no way I am going to let anyone here see us with them."

If a club brought out a side of myself that I feel shameful about, I'd have to ask myself, is the club worth the "positive options" that it has to offer?

We did end up talking for a bit - and then making an escape.

Being approached by a couple and chatting awhile should never cause people to think it is anything more than an introduction, unless you demonstrate otherwise. You only talked "for a bit" and then parted. That's what happens at clubs. How could anyone judge you in a negative way for taking enough time to talk with a couple to see if you're interested? Only shallow people would think less of you for doing so.

But - I do sort of feel like a shit for my initial reaction. I was intimidated by the crowd - which is not as "down to earth" as the people we tend to enjoy.

Good looks and personality can get swingers an "in" with the beautiful people, but what you have to ask is, is that a club where you can still remain true to yourself? If you can - without feeling intimidated, and can continue to be as down to earth as you have always been with swingers at other clubs, I think you'll find yourself happiest.

LM

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

I think you are asking two questions, the other being: Would you talk with a couple that you would not want people at a "pretty peoples" club seeing you talk to if you feel it would influence their opinion of you?

Actually - I really wasn't worried about what people thought about us talking to them. I really was asking the question in a philosophical manner. Had we - for some reason - decided to wander back into the play area, would that have tainted people's future perceptions of us - and would it have limited those future options?

We'll always be nice and talk to people - that is just who we are.

Spoomonkey